Friday, January 2, 2015
Narcissistic Parent As You Mature
This video is very valid. I noticed my own abuse quadrupled when I hit my teens. She was out to destroy me at every measure. I was talking to an old high school class mate on Facebook, I had not seen in 25 years but we were close acquaintances. She said to me, "I remember how withdrawn you were in high school". I told her, how abused I was and it was true. Why didn't any teachers or school administrators help me? It was obvious my classmates were noticing something was very wrong back then. What gets me is as some share their memories, is how happy they are compared to my own. They are allowed to see friends, to celebrate being young to date and more. Me, none of the above. While my classmates were seeing friends and having some of the happiest times of their lives, I lived under the oppressive hand of the narcissists. I didn't realize how far beyond the pale things were for me at that time not knowing what normal was. One thing, many young people in their high teens and early 20s, are betrayed by narcs, who denote even one youthful setback as an excuse to abuse, destroy and crush. The years after high school or college graduation can be very delicate ones in determining the future of an individual and if a narcissist is in the mix, they can steer a young person who needs support, confidence and love to a pathway of destruction. This happened to me. I know I think of the time I was student teaching and how they seemed hell-bent on destroying me at any cost, and how this boded for my future. I hope God has a hot place in hell assigned for both of them based on that one alone. I know now my mother wanted me to fail and has enjoyed it, her entire life.
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My passion growing up was, and is, art - visual and musical. My wife, the same. I've been a janitor my entire adult life. Not complaining, it gave me a lot of time alone cleaning offices and restrooms to pray and listen to sermons on my walkman. But I don't believe for a moment I was born to be a janitor. My wife is an outstanding oil painter, and jewelry maker. She's bounced from job to job to job her entire adult life. And none of them involve art, believe you me. Not asking for pity, just illustrating the point you make concerning life among the wolves affecting our livelihood. Speaking of high school, I'd venture to say there isn't one soul I attended school with who would remember me, save for the few I did dope with.
ReplyDeleteBTW, your ability to write is better than the vast majority of college educated folk I've corresponded with. If you wrote a book, I'd buy it.
Yes you know I got to be an art teacher for 3 and half short years before my last grind as a residential counselor...
ReplyDeletehttp://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2013/07/my-life-as-residential-counselor-1994.html
I understand ending up in jobs you don't expect to. You are right being a janitor has benefits in you can clean alone and be left in relative peace. I hope your job keeps going well.
One of my life regrets was trying to become an art teacher [well I was an alternative school one for some time] but I did love the field. No doubt of that. I just didn't have the self awareness to know how tough things would be for an Aspie and only an inkling of how bad the health would affect me. Art saved me until I came to know God, it was something bright, happy and joyful for me. I don't regret that part. I think in essence it kept me alive during my teen years and early 20s. It still remains a joy and an appreciation. I even took photos for fun even as recently as 6 days ago before the leg infection came and on a warmer day. I definitely know how your wife feels. The way the work world was run came as a shock to me. Yes Naïve Aspie....just the whole focus being on a WEEDING out process. Life as a game of musical chairs with the chairs in short supply. I think this worsened with time. Life among the wolves I think does take a toll on many artistic sensitive souls. We can find joys they will never have but they do take a horrible toll on so many. I wrote a song with husband this afternoon to cheer myself up. It is hard to make a living, especially for those who don't want to commit evil against others to scramble their way up the top pushing others off. Maybe more would remember you then you think. I was an extreme wall-flower, I was surprised some did remember me. I was able to come to a new understanding of high school in my discussions with old classmates.
Thanks, you know what I would be very interesting in writing a book. I am doing a graphic novel now but it isn't sold, this is more a personal project but I did try to publish a written book after my 400lb weight gain. I sent letters to big publishers even. That book may be more marketable now since I got diagnosed with lipedema, but it's a bit dated. I have chapters from 1999 stashed away into emails since computers kept switching over. This blog isn't edited at all, but my husband is an would be in-house editor for any projects.
Peep, there are so many people who need to hear what you have to say. Young women everywhere are being emotionally, much less spiritually crushed by the ideals and false morality spewing out of the belly of the corporate, psychopathic beast. The emphasis on physical appearance, that idolatrous greek ideal, is great for the what, five to ten percent (I'm being generous) who don't have issues with their bodies, looks, etc.
ReplyDeleteIt's so bad now that a huge percentage of young girls/young women view themselves as nothing more than objects. It's sick man.
I've read commentary, articles, even passages out of psychological books about the effects of this gas lighting on women and our culture in general. I say women, but young men today are more body conscious than any generation I'm familiar with as well. Anyway, the body of work you've produced (I've been reading your stuff for two years) addresses these issues as well, and in most cases better, than anything I've read anywhere else. Plus your perspective, the perspective of a survivor of severe familial narc abuse, gives you insights the so-called experts will never have irrespective of their education and scholastic achievements.
I pray I'm not being too presumptuous...if I am, tell me to shut up!
Yes I agree, they are being crushed. Honestly it is a cage being built around women. I have had a saying since my 20s, "escape the beauty prison". I once drew my cartoon character burning make up and nail polish and high heels in a trash can. This is how I felt a long time ago. Us Aspies tend to live in the mind. We find the external appearances rather boring. Add this to my health and extreme weight history and yes I've had quite a different mindset develop in this area.
ReplyDeleteThis world wants the idolatrous Greek Ideal and have you noticed how all the models and the standards are being exactly alike? Kind of like the Greek statues.
Feminsm [well first wave did face some real injustices] helped the focus on the body thing grow. I have to think a new article out about this but feminism helped turn women into market "pieces" commodities, and even got them to embrace being turned into objects. Notice how much of that world too is about looks.
When I was watching modern music videos on Lucky Otter's website, her son was exposing as bad I nearly puked my guts out. I have been removed from a lot of mainstream music, but sometimes I will go see what the cultural creeps are up to, and it's gotten so so so bad, I was horrified, my jaw was dropping. The portrayal of women was so sick, the feminists of the 60s would have been puking their guts out, maybe they would have changed their minds if they had seen what this world became.
They are doing this to the men too. This is why they are pushing the whole "metrosexual" thing. One thing I have noted is how men are being feminized. Hey have them boo-hooing over the beauty prison and standards like the women. The powers that be make more money that way and get control of them too. Men who are worried about nail manicures and flat stomachs, aren't going to be worried about deeper issues.
Yes growing up in the crazed narc environment where looks were everything, after all the narc is always looking in their mirror and wanting others to shine back at them, it helped expose the whole house of mirrors to me. Most of the experts are too invested in the system and conforming to call it out. One advantage of being an "outcast", you get cast out beyond the concrete walls and you get to look inside from outside. It's a whole other perspective.
Escaping the beauty prison saved me.
I can't even watch a college football game (high school is no different - hell, I bet grade school is no different) without watching a group of scantily clad, perfectly manicured women gyrating, writhing and wiggling all over the place, with the same movement you'll find on hip-hop music videos. And if I'm hanging with a bunch of "dudes" (which I never do, but there have been times I've been trapped in a situation like that), they'll be hooting and hollering as if they're in a strip club. Peep, I am not a prude, trust me, but this behavior makes me want to puke my guts out. I could go on a rant that would make me sound like an old uncle, so I wont, but things have changed dramatically in just 30 years.
ReplyDelete"The narc is always looking in their mirror and wanting others to shine back at them" - this is exactly what is happening. In order to get approval, I must (speaking as a 20 year old cheerleader at KU) appear as sexually deviant as possible. I must act as objectified as I can for that supply of "approval". I wish this twisted mindset was limited only to cheerleaders and drill team.
Yeah, it used to be guys worked out to pick up chicks. Now they work out to look "good" for the simple sake of looking good. Ugggggggggg...never thought I'd see the day.
In my opinion, we haven't changed, speaking of rank human nature without God, one iota since the day Cain butchered his own brother - the ultimate narc story IMHO - we're no better off morally speaking than the Chaldeans, Assyrians, Romans or Greeks. We've just managed in the last thousand years or so to mask our idolatry in more humanistic terms. I say this in response to your comment about world conformed women all pretty much look alike, dress alike, talk alike, act alike - like, well, Greek statuettes. My daughter-in-law is a beautiful 23 year old who was blessed with good genes. I do like her BTW, she's also intelligent and good hearted. But every time I'm out in public, I see a dozen or more of her roaming around. I'm not kidding!
Is feminism a failure? I'm off topic, but with the Bill Cosby horror in the news these days, with rape victims waiting up to 40 years to come out of hiding, I'd have to say resoundingly NO. And it seems all it has gotten us indeed is the morphing of women into market place commodities.
You're in my prayers Sis', you and your husband.....
Ah the cheerleaders got worse and worse, I know what you are talking about. I am glad you stand up against that immodesty. Even the high school ones now make it all about sex appeal. Also some women watch games with their men, you think they want to watch their men looking at those women. They are making things worse and worse to get attention, LOOK AT ME. The narcissistic code is taking over. The young women have been led to throw self respect in the trash can for attention.
DeleteYes the mystery cults of paganism of Rome is alive today and then some. There's a reason one of the Satanic nasty videos criticized on that other blog has Gaga or Katy Perry--I can't tell them apart, gyrating around with Egyptian symbols and sets. It is like Greek statuettes. You are right that people are dressing and looking more alike. It kind of disturbs me as an aging woman. Even the 80s had different looks and "sub-cultures". I will pray for your DIL, she is probably just following fashion even if a good hearted person, but the pressure to look a certain way is intense.
Did you see this article I wrote on Feminism? It's a few months old, I think you would find it of interest.
http://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2014/08/not-fan-of-feminism.html
Oh thanks for your prayers too. :)
DeletePuberty opens the gates of hell with the N sibling as well. As a kid, you could be easily mocked and dismissed, but the moment you start to blossom, you are competition and a threat. Let the hate begin!
ReplyDelete