Saturday, June 11, 2016

How to Be Happy

How to be Happy in life from the Whatdowhentheplanetdies blog.
This is a great article. I love it. It sums up many issues. This is an issue I have thought about "How to be happy in life". Some of the things I've written here are about finding more happiness even in a round about way. More happiness will come avoiding narcissists and achievement queens! Let me quote some paragraphs from this article and then comment!
FIRST, you seniors (especially ones with fibromyalgia, ouch) have the hardest time being happy.You are often in physical pain from arthritis, bad feet, all problems of getting old physically, plus cancer killing you & the deaths of wives, relatives, old friends, your work-death, & your retirement-money’s death, often broke, ALONE,(see: Wall St. & “bloated govt.”) and you are now living in an inferior environment, w/expensive food, more cancer, a bleak scary future, and, maybe worst of all, you have found out this truism:
Oh she is so right, no one talks about how old age really is, and even how for many in your late 40s and 50s, things slow down and it isn't just for the chronically ill set where they notice they are more tired. Pain is hard, aging is hard. Many people do end up poor, and one thing I remember is when I was young how the view of the future was more brighter.
There is no wonderful, or find-able, reason for life.You are not happy, (maybe you never were) and time has run out, to transform magically into a happy person. Despite all the psychiatrists, psychologists, and wisdom of the Chabad, you never got over your child-hood, or teen-age traumas (especially if they were extreme) and now, it’s clear that you never will.You spent all that insurance, or cash, on shrinks, and you now realize that therapy was all just to make every shrink a living. You could have had a very expensive wonderful vacation with all the insurance( and cash) and been happier on vacation.
LOL this one made me laugh, thinking of all the counselors many abused and depressed people have run to. While I wish I could get another counselor, I arrived at the point knowing counselors couldn't do much for me. They weren't going to wave a magic wand or get me a new body or buckets of money. The co-pay for me if I had it to begin with would mean more being spent on fun. For some of those spending real money on shrinks, unless you are in crisis mode, maybe a vacation would be more helpful. I too agree with the blogger, go on a nice vacation. Get away!
That is true. WHY did you search all your life, for the secret of life? Here is the reason: every single piece of literature mostly religious, or psychiatic, and all your  relatives and every single piece of publication,, has written that there is a magical “secret of life” that you just have to to discover.– – and then you’ll be happy. If you are very smart, intellectual, it is even worse because  you are more apt to spend  a lot of time, in philosophy and religion, searching for that secret  of life everyone assures you is there .Religions tend to be the worst of all, telling you that if you’re good, wonderful to everyone, kind to everyone, worked hard, etc., that will make you happy.– as well as  repairing the world.
I hit the road myself on the finding the "secret of life" even as a religious seeker in my pre-Christian days and it was a dead end road.  Before I was a Christian in my case, I read and studied about every religion on the planet. Even Christianity has been overtaken by the "secret of life" people who teach that if you are a "holy enough Christian" or if you "find your purpose" a la Rick Warren you will be automatically happy. Church has become white bread and white picket fence land where everyone is busy bragging about how much God has blessed them as the poor and ill slink out the back door. This goes even beyond the prosperity gospel  that treats God like their own ATM machine.

For my fellow Christians, stay away from those who teach, that life on this earth will be "made great" if you "do everything right". My faith nearly got turned into a cinder if I had not read the Bible and read parts where it says people should mourn when a baby is born because life is so hard, or the warnings about having tribulation, or knowing apostles and others being put to the stake were not having "the best life now" who knows where I'd be now.  The competitive capitalism model is not going to bring true Christian joy.
I met Christians who promised me if I got rid of "curses", if I removed every area of unholiness in my life, that my life would vastly change and improve. It all exhausted me. I got tired. At this point just let me rest and pray to God, and just exist. No more fixing projects. Everything was about becoming perfect and finding the "perfect" recipe to "fix my life". Some of this stuff was connected to weight loss and getting a good body too. Didn't Jesus say something about those who lose their life will find it?

Matt 16:25 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.
For those so focused on seeing this life as a contest, they have lost the plot. For those who expect perfection in this lifetime and a fairy tales of fulfilled dreams, that's not how this world works.

In this world even for American Christianity it's all about having the most wonderful life and if you don't have a good and happy life, you're a failure and also a failure supposedly as a Christian. This is really bad in organized religion and applies to other religions too. The New Age movement, Hinduism, Buddhism etc. When I was in the UU church, all these New Agers would tell me that if I thought happier thoughts, I would be happy and wealthier. A few times I would sit around telling myself "Think Happy! Think Happy!" It never worked. Now being bombarded with Facebook memes that tell us we will have great lives if we have great attitudes is wearing.  There is this idea that if you find the "secret" [there is even that one book called THE SECRET] that you will be able to fix your life. Many are told rituals will save the day and doing good deeds and works will bring instant happiness too. Of course believing in salvation by grace I do not believe that but was there too myself. God doesn't care if you have a nice house, and a good resume either.
luck requires that you be born into certain circumstances, family, economics, era, country, continent, social and physical that greatly ensure that you’re more likely to be happy. Theologians say “Nay, nay,, nay!” But it is a fact. Being a rickshaw driver, in China, unable to get out of that particular grueling life, and only able to find brief respite by smoking opium in an opium den designates you as “unlucky”. It has nothing to do with KARMA, as it has never been proved that you’re unhappy now, because you are a very bad evil person in your past lives. There’s no proof. No one has ever come back from death, and said “I’m being punished because I was Hitler in a past lifetime.”
Karma is only a justification, for why you’re being punished now. Forget it! Like above, “there’s no proof of karma..
I always said of Karma it is a teaching that serves the elite, because they can pat the poor on the head, throw them a penny and say, they are working off past evil deeds in their suffering and that their wealth is from their enlightened status. We see even a bit of that in the false churches. God will bless you if you do what is "right". Many are "happy" in doing evil. It's true. The teaching of karma in my opinion is a tool of oppression. The Oligarchy loves it, as they eat, pray and love their way across the land, they can tell themselves they are 'spiritually blessed" because they are "good people" and the poor are "bad people".
"Don’t fall for that  old motto that says “the poor are able to be happy also.or, even more happy than the rich.” I can tell you from experience,  it’s very very miserable being poor. That’s why nobody wants to be that way! if certain religious clerics, or people, have convinced themselves that they’re all so happy with it, let them have it. Very few people are still happy being extremely poor, in the way of the world. Even a very loving affectionate family often cannot make up for it.. It is better to have a loving, affectionate family if you’re poor,but extreme poverty still makes your loving affectionate family miserable also.
Yes poverty is often glamorized, when the reality is most of it worldwide is brutal and does not bring forth higher ideals but ignorance, starvation and suffering. They've done studies in America that a certain amount of money is needed for happiness. Too poor and your every thought is on survival, and with a little stability happiness is far more possible. 75,000 dollars in America now is what scientists have said is the amount of money where an America will have no financial barriers to happiness.
"here is another necessity of life, that is a sure component of being happy;you  really have to be PHYSICALLY and MENTALLY, and EMOTIONALLY WELL. And that also requires luck.if you are extremely physically disabled, it is very difficult, in this world to be extremely happy.  Some people say that they are,  but I know for certainty, knowing a lot of the disabled community, that it really is a bitch, and a lifetime hazard to happiness.  human beings were made to be physically, mentally and emotionally well, as the world is hard, competitive, and ruthless itself.disabled people are more likely to be very poor, as nobody wants to hire them, and it’s really hard to make a living."
Yes ever hear the saying "Lose your health and you lose everything?" Many disabled too who are chronically ill for decades it takes a toll on their lives. This too is based on the roulette wheel. I'm not going to say ill health is God's will because disease and illness came into the world via sin. This doesn't mean sick people sinned themselves but it is a fact of the natural world. Those with physical, mental or emotional disorders definitely have a full plate. No one chooses these things either. These things are hard enough in themselves to deal with but with the ruthless crowd using stigma to marginalize everyone in those categories, this world is not always a happy place for people. It is really the marginalization and stigma that brings the most unhappiness beyond dealing with the physical realities of disabilities or lack of money. There's more abuse too in telling sick and poor people, that they gotta be happy and "satisfied" with their lot and not make any waves. Too many want to sweep you under the carpet  The whole message is "Don't talk about what is really going on, you bad "negative" complainer!" Who can be happy anyhow if everyone's focus is on fixing you or telling you that you must fulfill long lists of expectations to be acceptable?
"one way to  accomplish happiness, even with some of those worst characteristics above, is to NOT THINK. Yes,  we are advocating that you not think! DO NOT EXAMINE LIFE. Because the more you think about it, and study it, the more unhappy you get! very intelligent, or/and sensitive humans (especially artists,) are some of the unhappiest people. Being more intelligent, and REALIZING HOW HARD IT IS, TO CHANGE BAD CIRCUMSTANCES, AND HOW UNFAIR LIFE IS, —AND THE INABILITY TO CHANGE or CONTROL LIFE—CAN MAKE YOU VERY UNHAPPY. You are too smart to be fooled by dumb clap-trap about “you can control your life; You can control happiness, no matter your problems”. “Call our psychics, & find happiness!” “find happiness in God”!!!"
LOL Thinkers in this world are more prone to unhappiness. Being an angst filled artist type personality is NOT easy. It's true artists tend to be the most depressed people. The good side is you can dig in deep and pull out great art but to be a good artist you have to let yourself feel, and this can be the painful side  Sensitive feeling people are definitely in for it. Often it's easier for certain personalities to kind of stay above the fray while others get right into looking at things. Reality is a hard pill for many to swallow. The "dumb clap-trap" has driven many mad! It's all lies and it doesn't work in the real world! Many people too out of fear and conformity choose believing in all the delusions. It's easier to believe in lies to go along to get along rather then actually examining anything and THINKING about it.
"There are ways to consider, “HOW MUCH CONTROL have you got over your life?” or how much have you EVER HAD? IT’s time to realize, how LITTLE CONTROL we have had,and have, over our life circumstances.
NO, YOU DON’T HAVE THAT MUCH CONTROL OVER LIFE!! go watch the old HBO SERIES, “SIX FEET UNDER”, and observe how much control, any of these characters had over their deaths, OR LIFE. Most of these people tried to control life, and failed.Much of of our life is already decided for us. You can TRY, but, please, be realistic. You have much LESS CONTROL than we are blamed for."
Its true, we don't have as much control as they tell us. Americans especially have had their butts whipped with the "up my your bootstraps" ethos and "you choose your destiny" platitudes. These are upper middle class and beyond philosophical stirrings, because if you can buy it, maybe you can change something. It's interesting in some cultures, they explore ideas of fate. I don't see the bible telling human beings that they "control" their lives, but a lot of false preachers do teach this. In America, our lives are seen as the outcome of choices but this is a lie. How many things happen to people where they had no choice in the matter. People don't choose illnesses, they don't chose to be laid off from jobs or to be sent off to war. There are indeed many things outside our control. Telling people you controlled it all, and the bad outcomes are your fault, is definitely the foundation of much severe angst. It's a delusion that must be let go of. Self-blame just leads to the depression pit.
there are even people who say, BLACK PEOPLE who stick together, ARE HAPPIER. (TRUE.)–And if you noticed, your Hispanic neighbors may be  happier, with their families.White people get dumped, often, alone,old,  sick or poor, unlike the fore mentioned 2 races.When black or Hispanic folks hang together, supportive, the white person, alone, is unhappier. With this statistic looming, have white people in the U.S.A. FORGOTTEN how to be supportive families? And DUMP very disabled or old, ect., family members? It appears very possible.
She's right about this, there will be exceptions in every category, but at least in the inner city, they can admit to each other the system is broken and unjust. They are not shamed for being poor and told that it's all their fault. Their relatives and others admit and KNOW the system is broken. The extended family and other ties are more strong despite the other challenges. While they face racism and other challenges, they have support among each other.  In food pantry lines, I have noticed black people who have friends and family with them supporting them talking and laughing with one another, while the white people are all solitary, despondent and depressed. Something definitely has gone wrong in mainstream America. To be poor and white now means being ALONE.

 Outside of some rural and Appalachian circles, there's no community for poor white people, you are an instant outcast. If you tell the more well-off whites the system is broken, and why can't you get a job, they get angry and blame you. The system has rewarded them so you are at fault. They will shame you for "complaining about the world", well why not? The world has been a great place for THEM. Your economic failure is supposedly your own doing.   This may be one reason white death rates have soared among the poor and are more stable in the inner city. How many broken down and poor white Generation Xers were thrown away by successful families? Many of us gaze upon other cultures and envy the family support and different mentalities. There's many a time that I have wished I was born into other cultures even within America. Maybe we need more people breaking away who reclaim their dignity and happiness even being poor who question this whole system and "self-reliance" as something that just been used to beat people.
 "DON’T BE POOR, if you can help it.
ACCEPT your self the way you are. Mostly that is out of control except for the few things that you can doesn’t help make you happier, to hate yourself for what you can’t do or can’t be.
ACCEPT THAT THE WORLD IS OUT OF YOUR CONTROL, and most or at least many of things in life are completely out of your control. It does not help to be a control – freak. SORRY! It’s just reality!"
This is great advice. There are a few things we can change, but yes accepting ourselves is part of the quotient. ACONs were never taught this self-acceptance, and many of us buy a lot of unhappiness never feeling satisfied with who we are, and feeling like we always have to impress others, or "be more".  For us ACON's who break away this can be intense learning process.  Even with this community I am now living in, I know my values do not match theirs. They have become self satisfied and focused on certain things due to their affluence. With people always being told they are not enough just being who they are, this is a recipe for depression unlike no other, so yes, this is good advice. Unlike control freak narcissists, a happier more stable person will admit, they cannot control everything in the world! People are being abused being told everything is under their control! It sets them up for more unhappiness as they scurry around or keeping hitting their head on the brick wall to change things and themselves.
PICK  FRIENDS who  accept  you the way you are. Stay away from people who overly judge you, or berate you for your problems, and tell you “you could make a lot more money if you just shaped up, got over ALL those problems, and got a really good job.”– – like it’s very easy, now, to just go out, in the United States,  and get a very good job. Ha ha. Even the experts can’t do it.oh, and, you’re supposed to “just get over those  little problems, it’s so easy!”
Yes pick friends who have unconditional friendship and love to offer, not people who will put you through the hoops. Avoid Project Friends, "Fix-Its" and Achievement Queens. Stay away from people [relatives or friends] who treat you better when you have more money and worse when you have less or are always focusing on how you can improve yourself. Stay away from the judgers and anyone who sees you as "charity project".  The economy is run like the Lotto, so why are people treating each other like all these things are guaranteed and based on "choices"? 
STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP, for not being happy. Most of the planet people are not happy, because it is a very hard world, for the majority of its inhabitants, are not very happy. It is also a fallacy that most Americans are happy. Drug addiction and alcoholism in the United States is rampant, (says one very good workbook on depression,,)  because nobody in this society is supposed to express not positive, painful feelings. According to Americanism,, you are always supposed to be HAPPY. NO UNHAPPINESS! NO NEGATIVE FEELINGS! What are you supposed to do with them? Americanism requires that you drug a lot, and/or drink a lot, and hide all of your negative feelings. It doesn’t really help, it just makes you an addict.(the above statement that it might be better to be a drunk, or be a druggie, iis really up to you..)
Happiness is being run like a contest now. Facebook shows this where everyone wants to show off having exciting, great and the happiest lives. Leaving the contest sounds like the way out.  It's true, most people in this world have very hard lives. Read history and many people suffered from the middle ages to the age of pioneers and beyond. The ideals of American culture are based on delusions, many of the world's people face hardships beyond measure. There's a reason there is more happiness elsewhere in the world even in poor places. This country has become one sicko fest of constant competition.  It's true people are drugging and drinking often to squelch emotions especially in a society that tells people that talking about reality or showing any "negative" emotions is bad, so it's easier to tie one on, and laugh in the bar and then go home and cry at home behind closed doors. Who wants to hang around fake people who can never express one emotion or inner thought? That's a lonely place.
THERE  ARE a few things, in your life, probably even very tiny ones, that you can control. Some of them can make you happy sometimes. For example, those of us who worship at the shrine of SpongeBob Square pants, are made very happy by him.:) even if only for a few minutes a day. There are also those of us who are made happy by fashion, writing, artwork, drawing, painting, sewing, and trying to knit. (Yes, I am trying it’s not as easy as you think.  SEE above: don’t expect yourself to be perfect.–this includes very difficult knitting. However, it is fun.) Maybe you like TREES! If you are an Oregon native you very likely like trees!– – and you try to do what you can to watch out for them.
Yes it is the little stuff where one can be happy, hobbies, art, nature, writing and more. Do what makes you happy outside of people's judgments. Many people have forgotten how to enjoy life. Fun is now ignored as an imperative. One thing I notice about all the people yelling at me for not being happy enough, most were workaholics, invested in impressing others. Are they happy? Some had no hobbies. Liking trees is a good thing too. Find what makes YOU happy too not what others will tell you what will bring happiness. The people telling me to do all these certain things to be happy made me more unhappy.

BE KIND TO OTHER is not only good for them, it makes you feel like a worthwhile person. It doesn’t mean you have to be Rockefeller or have your own huge charity. Just do what you can! Especially personally!

Being kind to others too, is a good thing as well. Try and make others happy and bring happiness to yourself!



  1. I must say that I much preferred the old tv series of ROOTS much more than the new version. I just watched the whole thing (the new one), and while it has more history and is more accurate, its missing the concept of family. In the old one, the feelings were more real than all the blood and gore of the "accurate" version.

    Knowledge doesn't make me happier. Neither does more money spent on a film. Maybe the research put into it has value, and I'm just too stodgy. I don't know.

    Yes, drugging and drinking is what people are using to create "connection". We are living in an age now where independence and separateness is celebrated and vulnerability and connection is gone. You show how tough you are. Since everything is to create a feeling, of happiness, of worthiness, we have some backhanded ways of creating it. But none of it is real.

    We can show our kindness to others and see how they react to it, and that way for sure we will find real people.

    1. This may be embarrassing to admit but I never have seen the original Roots, I should check it out. Well I had to sneak watch "What's Happening" when I was a kid so maybe that will explain why I never saw the old tv series and just never saw it being rerun, I did watch some of the new one, and it did seem there was too much concentration on the gore and violence. Yes I have read it is more "historically accurate" or something like that. I can watch old 70s shows and even then people seem closer and there's more emotions in the dialogue and more.

      Yes drinking and drugging are the ways to connect. Some who don't drink at some offices are forever pariahs. Everything is about being your own person now [but a conforming achievement kind or queen now] and "self-reliance" and being "loners" who always win. So yeah community and connection has fallen apart and vulnerability is down by the way side. Everyone's too afraid of each other, and if they aren't scared rabbits hiding in the hole, they have gone feral and do fake nice and then pounce. I agree show kindness to others and if they don't like us for being nice move on to the next. Look for people who are real and who will talk. Happiness lies in true connections, not all the fake stuff.

  2. I knew three out of four grandparents and they had hard times. For real hard times. One still called rabbits "Hoover Hogs" named after the sitting president when the depression kicked in. They wore dresses made of flour sacks and one was telling me he couldn't get paid from his job on a Friday and randomly threw a rock at a pigeon and by chance hit it in the head and killed it or they would have gone hungry that night. They would walk the train tracks to find coal that fell off the locomotives to heat their homes with. With all that they came out as the nicest people you would ever want to meet. They were not selfish. Not racist, not any of the negative things their kids (my parents) ended up being. They were relative Boy Scouts compared to their money grubbing, racist, hard headed pig, fruit of their loins. My grandparents were the sole reason me and my sister turned out OK. To this day I cannot see how those delightful people gave birth to the trashy people that came from them.

    1. Is it possible at all your Momster was adopted as a "bad seed"? Back then they kept adoptions under their hat, it was the way things were done though not a great thing with the secrets. They sound like they were great people. Maybe the adversity built character. The children of the great depression perhaps formed the most narcissistic generation of all time [over-protection] with the baby boomers. [yes I know I am generalizing but yes something went far more awry with your parents. Abuse from outsiders could be possible, like a child molester uncle or other bad influences, of course in New York Times magazine I read an article with seemingly normal parents who weren't abusive or narcs who ended up with diagnosed psychopathic children. I am sure they were a great influence on you. My mother actually used to mock me for being "old fashioned" before I went NC. You live in "Hooter town", my choice of old country church--that church was still the best among all I have gone too, have funny views etc. In my 30s, I was friends with mostly people from the so called Silent Generation, the one before Baby Boomers. They seemed to understand me in a way their younger children did not. Now if you befriend older people there is some pain that come with it, they age and die but I know why I was attracted to them, their values system was completely different. They remembered the early hard times, they didn't judge me for being poor. Yes its hard to imagine how such great people gave birth to such rotten souls.

  3. How To Be Happy:
    Help yourself to a super sized serving of Fukitall. It's free, it works, it's guaranteed or your fuks will be returned at no charge or obligation to you.

  4. LOL TW. We can't carry the weight of the world on our shoulders night and day can we?

  5. I wish. We still owned the house my mother was born in until my mother inherited it. You can read about it in the Guinness book of world records in the part where they show the quickest sale of a house relative to it changing hands in a will. She took legal possession of it and already had a buyer for it. I am kind of joking and kind of not. I doubt if it took her more than a week to close on it. Her mother told of her daughter (my mother) almost dying of a kidney infection as an infant but they came up with sulpha drugs for bacterial infections and she responded to treatment and lived. DANG! Inches from a clean get away. My grandmother talked about already having a dress picked out to bury her in and the doctor started giving her the antibiotics that saved her. I mean that story doesn't preclude adoption but I probably would have heard about it. I know my grandmother signed for my mother to get married at the age of 17. My sister and I speculate that they just wanted to get rid of her but that's our selective perception. In family lore she was always a handful.

  6. She passed "Handful" status by her 5th birthday.

    1. LOL I agree

      I'm curious Q did she kiss up to your grandparents like act really nice? Or did they all fight all the time?

    2. As a child I don't know. She talked of breakfast in the morning and her lining up boxes of cereal as a barricade and leering out at her parents. As she closed in on my grandmothers failing years at the end she kissed ass pretty hard. Her father was an alcoholic that would leave for days at a time and I heard that from some of the old farmers in town when I was a kid. They would find out who I was and start telling me stories of them going to Harry Hines with my grandfather (which was the main place that served liquor by the drink back then) and they would laugh about one wife or another combing the bars until they found them and made them go home. But that's really not bad when you compare it to my mother. If neglect is an excuse to act out I would have been like Hitler. My sister told of my mother visiting her fathers grave ( he died in 56 and I never knew him)and weeping for hours at a time. But when she drove my father down like a dog I was just supposed to get over it...... Cya wouldn't want to Bya

    3. Maybe as a child she was hell on wheels but played nice and sweet to get her way. They probably wanted to believe their daughter was not a sociopath so it was easier to go along. You always hear about those people who deny what is in front of their eyes. The whole optimism bias? That's too bad her father died so young and was an alcoholic, that probably grew her power even more with your grandmother probably thinking that's the "family" I have for many years. Neglect or that is not an excuse for her to become what she did. Wow he died very young. Odd she mourned her father so much [could have been an act] and treated yours so horribly.

  7. It was probably an act. But I can't guess who she was playing to if the only one there was my sister who was 7 years older than me. At my great grandmothers funeral which would be my moms grandmothers she had a hysterical fit and went to calculated extremes of explaining her motives behind it that I thought was strange back then and I was 14. She got hysterical and was telling my grandmother how nothing got to her but seeing her mother cry blah blah blah That's the only up shot of being raised by a sociopath and that is my BS detector formed early and has a low threshold. The plot containing each and every relative mentioned in this comment belongs to my ex wife so I don't have to worry about any of it anymore. And good riddance is what I say.