Friday, June 10, 2016
Life Lately and Dealing with Mean People
I'm housebound due to heat this weekend but I plan to work more on my comic, which I am finally seeing the end in sight. I plan to make turkey enchiladas for dinner, hoping to add vegetables so they are not too carb rich, thankfully I have a lot of zucchini. I did get out a little bit and took pictures last weekend as you saw.
This next week is supposedly Aunt Scapegoat's funeral. I don't plan to go. The mean people of my family will meet and fake some pious grieving and say a few nice things about her they never said to her face and will "move on" with life.
I would have no money to go even if I wanted to. We paid the bills including the last part of the IRS Offer in Compromise off, so I have only 10 dollars left on me. The near end of the tax saga comes as a great relief after years of worry. It is having a giant boulder taken off our heads.
Even if I got a friend to drive me the 200 and something miles down there, one needs to be able to feed oneself and give a friend some gas money, so it wouldn't happen anyhow. I even wrestled sending flowers but then thought why would I send flowers to people I am no contact with? That seems kind of silly.
It stands out to me now how my brother wanted me to go to her funeral and the rest, and this is an aunt too who refused to write me or call me even as I tried for years. One needs to let go of false guilt. I remind myself, "They do not care." Guilt can be the tool that mean people use to keep you in control. Funerals are perfect hoovering material. Watch out for that. The person who is gone, is gone, and you won't be seeing them but your narcissists.
We learned our building managers are leaving. They treated us decent. They fixed things. I'm worried about the new ones. I hope they are not mean. These building managers stood out being so nice.
I'm learning to deal with mean people in new ways. This can be hard. As I wrote earlier, this is a new stage of no contact, and it can make you feel off kilter? I am telling myself who can be trusted and who cannot. I met this woman who was mean the other day. I had this one woman act really friendly to me one day and then super-cold the next. Maybe she wanted something, like a volunteer and then when she learned the true state of my health and knew I couldn't deliver, she dropped me like a hot potato. Being on disability, some seem to think there's someone with a lot of free time to volunteer! Well maybe 10 years ago and the housebound thing got in the way even then.
She was very friendly one day and on a second meeting and then the next it was "freeze-out" time. We never became "friends", this was someone I met a disability seminar but I found myself thinking "What went wrong?" There was never any argument, never any harsh words. I was polite and friendly and did not talk about my problems. Sometimes it seems people are just getting weirder. I was kind of shocked that she is allowed to treat people this way.
I was kind of tested as I walked into a room with husband and I and my husband were talking to someone else, and she wouldn't say a word to me. I said "Hello" with her right in front of my face, and this was totally ignored. I told myself "Don't beg! and keep your mouth shut!" The me of yesterday would have gone up and said "What's wrong?" and usually at that point, a person like that would put me down, and list all my faults and it would provide an avenue for them to hurt me.
I think people who treat others like that are terrible people so I told myself "Keep your mouth shut and don't give in." At this point you want nothing more to do with her or as a little as possible anyway. I think she was in shock, that I said nothing, no begging, and she just walked away. I plan to never to talk to her again or if there is contact via a community event or venue, I will say as little as possible and walk away. I feel "hard and cold" but I can't do what I used to do anymore. It opened me to mean people and being abused. I was trained to put up with and accept weird and abusive behavior and this is something I am changing. As soon as someone makes me feel like that I am done. At least now I will waste far shorter periods of time on people like this.
The other day, I and my husband were at a mobile food pantry, waiting on a hot day. Yes it's the same one where the guy closed the door in my face. The church secretary as I stood by a door while on my walker while waiting outside on a very warm day in line for a few seconds came out and shouted at me, "Get away from the door!" like I was a piece of trash. I shouted back, "I was just resting and do I look like I am in great shape being on a walker?" Anyhow she went back inside and I and my husband were standing and talking for a short period of time and we walked over to this cement "bench" that is near the door, and we walked by a cement planter to sit down and she came back flying out the door and shouted at us, "Don't touch that planter" in a really vicious tone of voice. I then at that point said, "We didn't even touch it, and we were just sitting down!" She said something else about us touching the planter, and I then asked her "Why she was bothering us?" I had told my husband how she talked to me while I stood by the door no one was trying to get through and he stood up for me and even threatened an EEOC complaint on her based on my disabilities. This shut her up and she left.
I don't think I am imagining the abuse we are going through. One guy at a different time then as we were lined up, shut the door in our face as I was on a walker trying to get through the door. I smell some fat bigotry and a strong whiff of stinking classism. These wealthy white people think that we don't deserve their help and probably think if I could "lose weight" I could go get a job. Some in the community know I have the rare disease of Lipedema, but it seems my leg wrappings would tell them more is wrong then just "being fat". We even have seen others cut in line and they say nothing to them though other folks have expressed their outrage. Sometimes I think mean people just try and abuse whoever they think they can get away abusing. Hopefully now we will be left alone. I see that with the poor, they do take a lot of grief from people, some are so broken down, they don't stand up for themselves. It is a shame.
Life in America really is getting worse on so many more levels. People ARE getting meaner it is not my imagination. I think of myself even standing in front of that door, I was minding my own business. What kind of woman screams at some old tired fat woman on a walker? She got up from her desk just to come bawl me out. I would have moved if asked nicely. These are supposed to be Christians too?
I'm working on not letting any mean people in any longer and standing up for myself. It's not an easy process but one that needs to be done.