I'm housebound due to heat this weekend but I plan to work more on my comic, which I am finally seeing the end in sight. I plan to make turkey enchiladas for dinner, hoping to add vegetables so they are not too carb rich, thankfully I have a lot of zucchini. I did get out a little bit and took pictures last weekend as you saw.
This next week is supposedly Aunt Scapegoat's funeral. I don't plan to go. The mean people of my family will meet and fake some pious grieving and say a few nice things about her they never said to her face and will "move on" with life.
I would have no money to go even if I wanted to. We paid the bills including the last part of the IRS Offer in Compromise off, so I have only 10 dollars left on me. The near end of the tax saga comes as a great relief after years of worry. It is having a giant boulder taken off our heads.
Even if I got a friend to drive me the 200 and something miles down there, one needs to be able to feed oneself and give a friend some gas money, so it wouldn't happen anyhow. I even wrestled sending flowers but then thought why would I send flowers to people I am no contact with? That seems kind of silly.
It stands out to me now how my brother wanted me to go to her funeral and the rest, and this is an aunt too who refused to write me or call me even as I tried for years. One needs to let go of false guilt. I remind myself, "They do not care." Guilt can be the tool that mean people use to keep you in control. Funerals are perfect hoovering material. Watch out for that. The person who is gone, is gone, and you won't be seeing them but your narcissists.
We learned our building managers are leaving. They treated us decent. They fixed things. I'm worried about the new ones. I hope they are not mean. These building managers stood out being so nice.
I'm learning to deal with mean people in new ways. This can be hard. As I wrote earlier, this is a new stage of no contact, and it can make you feel off kilter? I am telling myself who can be trusted and who cannot. I met this woman who was mean the other day. I had this one woman act really friendly to me one day and then super-cold the next. Maybe she wanted something, like a volunteer and then when she learned the true state of my health and knew I couldn't deliver, she dropped me like a hot potato. Being on disability, some seem to think there's someone with a lot of free time to volunteer! Well maybe 10 years ago and the housebound thing got in the way even then.
She was very friendly one day and on a second meeting and then the next it was "freeze-out" time. We never became "friends", this was someone I met a disability seminar but I found myself thinking "What went wrong?" There was never any argument, never any harsh words. I was polite and friendly and did not talk about my problems. Sometimes it seems people are just getting weirder. I was kind of shocked that she is allowed to treat people this way.
I was kind of tested as I walked into a room with husband and I and my husband were talking to someone else, and she wouldn't say a word to me. I said "Hello" with her right in front of my face, and this was totally ignored. I told myself "Don't beg! and keep your mouth shut!" The me of yesterday would have gone up and said "What's wrong?" and usually at that point, a person like that would put me down, and list all my faults and it would provide an avenue for them to hurt me.
I think people who treat others like that are terrible people so I told myself "Keep your mouth shut and don't give in." At this point you want nothing more to do with her or as a little as possible anyway. I think she was in shock, that I said nothing, no begging, and she just walked away. I plan to never to talk to her again or if there is contact via a community event or venue, I will say as little as possible and walk away. I feel "hard and cold" but I can't do what I used to do anymore. It opened me to mean people and being abused. I was trained to put up with and accept weird and abusive behavior and this is something I am changing. As soon as someone makes me feel like that I am done. At least now I will waste far shorter periods of time on people like this.
The other day, I and my husband were at a mobile food pantry, waiting on a hot day. Yes it's the same one where the guy closed the door in my face. The church secretary as I stood by a door while on my walker while waiting outside on a very warm day in line for a few seconds came out and shouted at me, "Get away from the door!" like I was a piece of trash. I shouted back, "I was just resting and do I look like I am in great shape being on a walker?" Anyhow she went back inside and I and my husband were standing and talking for a short period of time and we walked over to this cement "bench" that is near the door, and we walked by a cement planter to sit down and she came back flying out the door and shouted at us, "Don't touch that planter" in a really vicious tone of voice. I then at that point said, "We didn't even touch it, and we were just sitting down!" She said something else about us touching the planter, and I then asked her "Why she was bothering us?" I had told my husband how she talked to me while I stood by the door no one was trying to get through and he stood up for me and even threatened an EEOC complaint on her based on my disabilities. This shut her up and she left.
I don't think I am imagining the abuse we are going through. One guy at a different time then as we were lined up, shut the door in our face as I was on a walker trying to get through the door. I smell some fat bigotry and a strong whiff of stinking classism. These wealthy white people think that we don't deserve their help and probably think if I could "lose weight" I could go get a job. Some in the community know I have the rare disease of Lipedema, but it seems my leg wrappings would tell them more is wrong then just "being fat". We even have seen others cut in line and they say nothing to them though other folks have expressed their outrage. Sometimes I think mean people just try and abuse whoever they think they can get away abusing. Hopefully now we will be left alone. I see that with the poor, they do take a lot of grief from people, some are so broken down, they don't stand up for themselves. It is a shame.
Life in America really is getting worse on so many more levels. People ARE getting meaner it is not my imagination. I think of myself even standing in front of that door, I was minding my own business. What kind of woman screams at some old tired fat woman on a walker? She got up from her desk just to come bawl me out. I would have moved if asked nicely. These are supposed to be Christians too?
I'm working on not letting any mean people in any longer and standing up for myself. It's not an easy process but one that needs to be done.
Ok, about the planter, in my opinion, that's classic controlling narc, there. I'm sure she was not working there to take care of the planters and stuff. And if they were that worried about it, they wouldn't have put it there to begin with, just being controlling.
ReplyDeleteIts great, how far you gone. I know doing all this stuff isn't easy, but it gets easier all the time. If we let them, they would impose a lot of rules, and they are just hoping for us to fail. They don't want to be pleased with us anyway.
Yeah that is nit picky narc territory. I get the feeling because I got tired and weak that day too, it is when a predator chose to came out. Sometimes whenever I am sick they come nipping at one's heels. I had to train myself to hide illness LONG ago especially being a severely fat woman. It was an 80 degree day that day, I was on cusp of being housebound but wanting to help husband get the mobile food together. Thanks for saying it is great how far I've gone. Yes it is not easy. Their rules are made up anyway. I don't think she cares about that stupid cement planter like it was her child or something.
DeleteI'm sorry people think they can away with this stuff. My sister use to be really obese, and I had people who thought were my friends say the meanest things about her (she is a tad autistic, so u would think they would be more sympathetic) about how she looked. People can be so ugly INSIDE. I've been thumbing thru ur blog(brought here by googling scapegoats, which I was). Ur a brilliant woman. I hope to be brought up to ur level of self-awareness one day. And, even though I don't know what u look like, i know u are lovely and have helped me by learning of ur own trials. God bless
ReplyDeletethanks unknown you are sweet. I am glad my blog could help you too. Sorry your sister went through that too, yes people can be so ugly inside. Thanks so much. :)
DeleteI can always envision what my mother would do in those situations, that is probably toss the planter cemented to the ground or not. That is why every single narc was tiny compared to mother, narcs were scared of her.
ReplyDeleteI have a couple of 1930's jugs that I'm so proud of, and I remember when I got them at a flea market and I told my mother about them. I set them on the thanksgiving table and repeated how old they were. Mother told me in the kindiest kind way she could that they would be smashed if I didn't shut up about them. I knew then to keep quiet. ha ha I mean its funny that she wanted to warn me. Not sure why that is.
Anyway, enjoy working on your comic this weekend, glad you have something during the hot times.
LOL she probably would toss the planter? I'm curious what would happen next? Would she talk her way out of it, or get her way then.
DeleteThat's mean your mother threatened to smash your antique jugs. Yeah that is not right. She probably felt the jugs were getting more attention then her and was jealous of them. :P
Thanks regarding the comic.
She didn't like to be told what to do. She felt she owed it to the person and would teach them a lesson. She wouldn't always get away with it, but never would apologize, and insist she was right. No one would tackle her on it, they would stay away and never even attempt to draw her into a dispute again. The only thing the other person could do would be to call her on it, and that was not done.
DeleteWow, yeah they can get away with so much more right? Sadly too many cowards give narcs a lot of power.
DeleteDear Peeps and Friends, i think people are getting colder. All's peepull seem to do anymore is play games on their phones, and if they talk, it's b.s. with only a few select buddies. i used to want to be included, but the older (if not wiser) the less i care to interact. i am becoming more of a loner - and that's not really healthy. Christians are supposed to be people oriented, but it's hard because it's few and far between that i am fortunate enough to stumble upon the tail end of a conversation that's remotely interesting. Most times the talk is tv focused - yawn!
ReplyDeleteYou mentioned "volunteers." Yeah, the last time was some years ago - and this one was asking some really NOSEY questions at a homeless person. Ugh, finished what i was doing, then got the heck out of there.
Sue, I think they are getting colder too, it's scary, so closed down. Yes the addiction to the phones is getting worse too. People don't even look up from them now and that is getting worse too. It's hard as a Christian you are right because we are supposed to be reaching out to people but if no one wants to talk to you it's tough. The majority of my social life is on line now. yes boring conversations and even mild topics seem to offend now, it's scary even trying to think of safe topics to talk about. Glad you got away from the person being nosey with a homeless person.
DeleteIt sure does feel weird when you start to change your responses, Peep. Nonetheless, Good on ya!
ReplyDeleteThe actions of the "church" secretary were beyond rude to cruel, IMO. I would write a letter of complaint to who ever is the head person/pastor etc. of that congregation relating exactly what happened (specific date, time, events, name of the secretary) and cc it to your State advocates from the Office of Disabilities or what ever state agency provides oversight services where you are residing. When a person is seeking assistance at a Food Bank they are not there by choice; they're there by necessity. Often they are dealing with some type of disability whether it's physically obvious or not. Her behavior was completely unacceptable. A written complaint may result in sanctions up to the possibility of loosing their non-profit status etc. as a result of this kind of behavior. You're getting active in your local disability community (which is great btw) but the first person you advocate for is yourself. *You model the behavior you hope others with disabilities will follow.* At least that's the way I see it-lead by example. Chances are better than good others have also been treated in a similar fashion by this biatch, Peep. Nasty people are typically Equal Opportunity Nasty Fistulated Hemmoridal Anus Abusers. {Aka assholes ;-) }
Sometimes it's not just about us as individuals but about a Principle (moral, ethical, legal etc.) I'm a firm believer (and doer) when it comes to calling people out when they act like Unprofessional (and cruel) Jerks. Everyone has bad days-but this behavior appears to exceed a "bad day." There have been problems similar to your's previously. It helps me to know I can and will channel my disgust/outrage in a manner that is productive for me and hopefully, will benefit others as well.
I know it sounds, well, very inadequate, but I am so sorry you and Mr. Peep were treated so horribly, Peep. It's hard enough being poor-none of us signed up for poverty. It's not like we aspired to such a challenging life. I often wonder if people who have never lost everything due to circumstances beyond their control, been hungry, homeless or essentially homeless etc. could even survive a month in the same conditions as those below the official poverty line (which is BS but I won't get on my soapbox about that right now.) Being poor requires a great deal of resourcefulness, daily choices that impact one's life immediately and are in reality, faux "choices" between awful and terrible and unrelenting stress. Many, many working people as well are receiving some form of assistance and are barely one (inadequate at best) paycheck away from economic crash-n-burn. Their (yours, mine, others etc.) hold on even the lowest rung of the economic ladder is tenuous at best.
I wish also I could send you some of our cold temps! I'm still trying to figure out if we're having a very late Spring or an early Fall, but either way, sunny and 70 would be lovely. sigh. BTW, you do have air conditioning in your apt., right? If not, we'll figure that out as well. You absolutely need AC due to your health. It's a medical necessity.
So what do you (and anyone else) think about this course of action? Do you feel it's an option worth exploring? I'm sorry for the length of this comment-I need a good editor like Mr. Peep!
TW
Thanks TW it did feel weird but it's better to be doing so.
DeleteI and my husband did complain to the mobile food pantry supervisor. My husband brought up an EEOC complaint to both. We are considering talking to the church pastor to make a complaint too. There were other people watching her bawl me out so this was done rather publically, they saw me talk back to her. That is a good idea to write a letter. It's true she probably has treated others very poorly as well. LOL about them being fistulas equal opportunity cabrons. :P
I agree about calling her out too. We know the pastor though we do not attend that church and I think it will be a good idea to talk to him. We have that other incident of having a door shut in our face too. The mobile food pantry is the only one that provides fresh fruit and vegetables, so slinking off and never choosing to return is not really an option either.
It's true being poor is hard. I know no one would choose this. It is constant challenges worry and stress. And then on top of it, you don't have the relief people can seek via vacations or "getting away". Hobby and fun activities can be curtailed via poverty. While this community has many resources the only reason we have been here so long, heart wise, it's hard living here.
It does hurt to be disrespected like that. I will talk to my husband about writing a letter. He witnessed most of the antics too as well and was a target as well.
Some of the people I know would never survive what we have. I agree about the poverty lines being a joke. What is sad in America, is now people work all the time and ARE POOR where working hard does not even give one a decent apartment and ability to feed one's self. That should be illegal. Of course now we have two Oligarchy candidates, both of who do not care about the poor or the disappearing middle class. More for wars for the 1 percent. I think people are waking up more to the system being fixed.
I believe the entire job system needs changed how people are hired and fired.
I wish I could have some of your cold temps. I It's so hot here, and I can tell it's going to be a hot summer. Last summer was better but this one is not going to be a cool one. I have to have air conditioning to stay alive. It's one reason I have stuck to paying more expensive rent. When I looked for cheaper apartments most did not have any AC. It is a definite necessity.
I will look into the option of talking to the pastor or a letter. I think now we will talk to the pastor about the two events but if there is a THIRD event, then definitely a letter would be written. I will talk to Mr. Peep. Thanks TW.
The only reason I suggest a letter is because if it hasn't been written, it hasn't been said. I wouldn't keep it simply at the local level-there'd be some "cc's" on the bottom of that letter ;-) So you're gonna go with the "Three Strikes"' concept, eh? I I bet that biatch abuses at least 3 people at the food program each time it's held. I guarantee you she wouldn't DARE treat the pastor or affluent congregants in that manner at all, Peep. Petty little tyrant.
ReplyDeleteTo be sure I also write to immediate supervisors and CEOs/Personnel Managers when I am given great service as well. People who do their job very competently should be recognized, IMO. In other words, I can be your best advocate or your worst nightmare-it all depends on how you decide to treat me consistently.
Like I said everyone has a bad day: Others ensure everyone else does as well.
TW
I talked to husband about letter yesterday, we are going to write one. We fear this happening again to us or someone else. I also may even say something about the set up where the disabled need more accommodation. We discussed one food pantry where they treat us well in comparison to this one.
DeleteI agree a letter is better even on the legal front. I was thinking about this, if we go and talk to the pastor only he may pooh-pooh it all and say "Oh people were tired that day" blah blah. I think a letter is a good idea. I agree she has to be abusing other. Nope she wouldn't treat the affluent that way. This town is getting harder to deal with. While life was far from perfect in my old one, the people were friendlier, here there is so much meanness. this place is known for "snobbishness" and have seen others complaining about it. Writing on behalf of great service is a good idea too, I try to thank waitresses and waiters and medical staff too who do their jobs well.
ReplyDelete