The Aunt Never Sent The Pictures and More

                                          [picture source]

The Aunt Never Sent the Pictures.

Why should I be surprised?

I am not so bothered by the refusal to send the pictures, but the lie of, "I have the box right here on my lap ready to send out" from weeks ago. She kept putting me off and off.

I have more to write on her later, she affected my childhood quite a bit.

Today she hung up on me after I told her, "I am done."

She won herself having her story told on this blog, anonymously of course.

Fellow scapegoats can understand this destruction of the soul that cuts through the entire family via narcissists. Dismissed, ignored, some do it double-faced like this aunt and Aunt Denial, and others do it more direct.

As I said it could be NC with almost the entire family the way this is going. The me of today can't tolerate their disrespect, lies and wickedness.

What gets me is none of them seem to have any attachment. I have noted that having any attachment, feeling of nostalgia or feelings in general makes you an outliner in their crowd.

I got two more "corporate" birthday cards from Spider and Mini-Me. One said on it, "Whatever Makes You Happy" on the front. She used to say that to me in a sarcastic fashion so I knew what the card meant. The keeping up of appearances counts for everything. She can tell everyone,  "I sent her a card!"

They are just bad people, that's all.

Post script: The cousin called me up yelling at me, for leaving message on the answering machine--"Don't talk to my Mom that way anymore, you need to stay buddies and pals", and wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise and hanging up on me. "You can keep in touch or not." That sounds rather flippant. She sounds like another defender of narcs. Well I am not. I just let her hang up on me and let it go. I said my piece. I never cussed her mother out or even said one insult word, just "Why?" and "I do not like being treated like trash". What kind of "buddy" treats you this way or makes excuses for your abusers?

I do think they are keeping a huge secret from me. It is either the adoption thing or something else. I am treated so oddly. Even my husband has told me he is deeply concerned over the strangeness of the treatment. He says "None of it makes sense" and the way they treat me is absolutely horrible. He says one thing he has noticed is how none of them ever can admit a mistake and they always say they are right no matter what. What you feel and say doesn't even reach them. They treat me like I am absolutely nothing.

I know everyone in any contact with my mother has been poisoned against me. The depths of the poisoning are extreme beyond what I even have discussed on this board. My suspicions I am adopted are even stronger. They are hiding something else if not that from me. I have known something has been hidden for years. I used to tell therapists "Something is wrong, I can't lay my finger on".

She labeled me the throwaway and tossed me over board. She convinced others, that I was not worthy of even the most basic attention, notice, love, or decent treatment. For years I lapped up the crumbs of whatever I could get. I owe nothing to these people anymore. No loyalty, nothing.

I feel in a strange place lately. I find myself thinking "Can I get a new improved life?" "Can I be happy where I wake up smiling?" I have brief glimpses of light on the horizon. Sometimes I smile and think of what things could be. I pray to God for financial security, and to survive and for one day to belong somewhere. My days are more peaceful being NC, but I have to admit, none of this easy, you overthrow the old order. I have left Jim Jones narc land, and the brainwashed cult members are pissed. You take out the trash and see the empty can sitting there and think "Now what?"

Thank God I have my husband and my friends.  So many years in narc darkness, so old now coming out into the light. So many years being told and shown by these people I was nothing. Closed doors, closed minds from hell, where one could scream and shout and nothing new could enter in. The days of cast down eyes, and listening to their self-elevating babble and excuses are over. The prisons they tried to lock me in were so extreme.

I have to be done with them. I'm walking away from MORE of them. My mother took my father's family away too.