Thursday, August 7, 2014

Be Positive or Else!

I tend towards melancholy. I have had problems with depression in my life. Even if I get too sick and worn out, the physical will mix with the emotional into one big stew.  Did I cause my infection by crying or is the crying the result of an impending infection?  Is it kidney stones or simple fatigue? Is it lazinesss, despair or a body that is just extremely exhausted from the heat and housework? Sometimes it's hard to know.

 I think Aspies are more serious and see the world so differently that even what is joy to me gets lost in the translation. I get thrilled about my stamp collection and grabbing on to little bits of knowledge. Sitting and having a think fest and exploring new theories in my mind is "fun". Small talk and pool side intrigues are not but serious in depth conversations with good friends are. Us, Aspies are not understood by most. Every now and then you meet a rare neurotypical who sees your goodness and you befriend them, but often in the world being an Aspie means being surrounded by a crowd of chattering, smiling neurotypicals who to be blunt have too many rules for me to follow as I get lost in their conservations that never make sense to me. One of those rules is "Be Positive or Else!"

When stress gets high for me or depression comes to call, this rule drives me crazy. You see it all around you. You are told to make a gratitude list, to be positive, to be a happy person, that will attract people, and well to be frank all this stuff wears me out. The subtext message is "Shut up!" if you have any problems or anything DEEP to share.

 I also wonder about the people who feel this push to make constant gratitude lists and while some are well-meaning, are they trying to convince themselves of how great their lives are? Why don't they have something more fun to do then write a list of how great their lives are? Doesn't that take the fun out of it all? Have our lives become something to be analyzed for how great and wonderful they are?  What if you know that in the history of the world, many have suffered even worse and would find all this navel gazing to be extremely narcissistic?

That's what it is isn't it? Navel gazing, Bragging. My narcissistic sister told me I need to refriend her on Facebook so I could watch her children in their "celebration of life". What a strange way to phrase it. So life is a celebration? Something worries me inside that those are children not being prepared for how life really is. Disney World lies and no preparation for the true reality of the USA economy.

 I always considered bucket lists to be an annoying trait of the brainwashed upper middle class who see life in general as one "big to do list" who want to impress others with their accomplishments. Whether they actually enjoy any of the things on their lists is beside the point. The point is to get the list done and then say "Look at me, I am special, I could afford to do all these great and wonderful things!" "I am better then you!"

 Lately I think a certain social website, is making me more depressed. While I have a few friends and others who talk about serious subjects or just do a straight sharing of their lives, for many it seems to be a brag fest, that never ends. One of the ways that people brag now, is "Look How Happy I Am, You Sad Sacks!"

I think the author above is right about how America has gone down the tubes due to their collective delusions. Forcing everyone to be happy, means problems get ignored. It means things get worse. It means silencing people. It means one culture that is all about appearances as it gets gutted from within. It means anyone who is a person on the fringes is ignored. It dumbs everything down. It kills emotion, innovation and caring. It is shallow narcissism where emotions are deadened down. The cheapening of emotions and life. The killing of poetry and love.

Statements like the below are the empty-minded nonsense you hear among upper class circles that can supposedly "buy" their way out of anything. It sounds good on the surface, "go do" such and such, but what if the money isn't there?

Every health board I am on, in the world, you see the positivity police out in full froth. So your body is swelling up, you are dying of infections or in and out of the hospital or bedbound? "Quit yer complaining, you negative ingrate!"  A few of these types will write posts on health boards about how "the negativity" is bringing them down and how people need to be more positive. My sister in law got thrown out of a cancer support meeting for crying and being "too negative" about having breast cancer. How sick is that?

The New Agers can tell me things like the picture below. As if  one's thinking is an automatic entrance to getting things done you want done. They used to call that witchcraft in the old days,

So attitude is everything? That's a bit limited too.

 People with money for tropical vacations somehow still have time to go on Facebook and kick those who are already down and get out the "You are too negative!" baseball bat.  They seem to get some kind of glee. Of course part of me is asking, why aren't these women out on a boat somewhere or living the extraordinary lives they brag about constantly to take time to kick around the "negative" people who irritate them so much. Do I want rich woman telling me I am a failure for not finding the "Eat, Pray, Love" life? What if I don't believe in their world outlooks?

I believe this is a way the powers that be keep control. Keep the serfs smiling even if you are dying of cancer or are sitting in the gutter. I suppose as they do their evil across the world, it's easier to have smiling victims rather noisy complaining ones. Tell everyone that there is no economic collapse, or wars or health problems that will kill but that what ever problems they are face are all their fault, and due to their lack of a good attitude or a "positive mind", then they don't have to be called on the carpet for anything. See how that works? In other words, if you suffer, it's your own fault!

It is kind of disgusting to see this stuff constantly in the health world. I know the narcissistic Baby Boomer culture has everyone thinking they will live forever or that all medical problems are perfectly solvable as long as one does all the "right" behavior but it simply is not true. It is not reality. I tire of the people who live in shallow illusions but also who want to force them on me.

I am in the mode where I do not want to sell myself or impress anyone. Whether I am happy or not is my business not yours. I should not have to prove myself as a perpetual perky cheerleader to be loved. I am not a person in a commercial with a huge smile on my face, selling the perfect attributes of myself the product.

Our culture really scares me more and more, it really does. I think I was born in the wrong time and place. My emotions don't fit. Sorry I am failing to be a thin smiling Stepford wife with my 2.5 children in my glorious suburban McMansion who is "celebrating life" and fulfilling my bucket list.


  1. Sometimes I just want to shove my Mcfoot in peoples mouths.

  2. I've never believed in the power of positive thinking. Besides, it steals authenticity. I feel and share my pain with those I trust its scary at times, Its honest. I don't want some airy headed person around me preaching at me to be happy. We are bush people. The simple life. And simplicity requires authenticity.

    I'm upbeat and happy at times, but never forced on me. My husband is somehow able to handle the emotional woman that I am and its ok, he tells me he wouldn't want it any other way.

    Btw, by feeling my pain and allowing it I got down to the truth about my nfoo and I wouldn't have it any other way.

  3. I don't believe in it either, even religiously. I think it makes everyone be fake. Cults force everyone to wear a fake smile as they bow before their leaders. To me it is turning all of society into a cult. That is cool you are bush people. I would live more remote with better health though in my case, small town living is preferable, where one can get to the woods within acouple miles. I am upbeat and happy at times too and think I feel happiness more sometimes then even the "we must be happy at all times crew". They usually are listing off their achievements or adding up the numbers of success to really enjoy anything. Mine called me "the still water that runs deep" and says he likes that about me. I think feeling and admitting pain leads to more truth telling. The positive thinking stuff is related to more delusion.

  4. When I try to be happy when I'm not I find it more of a burden. Its too hard. And I can't. My ex-husband expected me to be happy all the time. I still remember the times he used to pick on me about it. And I used to take it, I had no cat claws.

    But my new hubby, and we do have our fights, for the first time I'm validated about my feelings, it pushed me out. When I first awakened to my nfoo, it was kind of like giving birth, didn't happen all at once. He would look at me and expect me to say more, like I could at the time. I was just a shell. In the first time of my life I had to "communicate". It was like giving birth lol.

    He was not allowing me to fake anything. It was because of him I was able to awaken. And those happy times I have now are intoxicating, but I have to take the bad with the good. So yes you are right, it is the truth.

    Yep, bush people we are. We don't live off the land though. We have bills and stuff, not like on tv, lol.