Sunday, February 15, 2015

"I would be begging for help if it were me!"

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This is an old email from my mother.  [2007 or so] I was looking at some old emails the other day and noticed a few emails from her. She wrote me more before my husband's career imploded, after that I didn't even get the emails of her long litany of travels--never to see me or friends I had never heard of.  She sure loved Disney World.  Thousands of dollars spent on Mickey and pals in the brainwashing mouse factory.

Her tone in all the emails is snippy and critical. I never noticed it before but I did notice my years of being afraid in writing her back of writing the wrong thing and how I would review my responses. I don't know how I was supposed to afford travel to Pittsburgh.

 I would get this unwanted "fat advice" from her all the time. "You should get weight loss surgery!", "You need to join this program!" It usually involved money I did not have. Here she probably saw someone mention some weight loss program on TV.  I live many states away from Pennsylvania. It was all about making me acceptable in her eyes.

I suppose she saw this as actually "helping me", but it did not. Her focus on my weight over the years, was a severe part of my abuse. The irony thing was all the medical neglect and abuse that led to my weight getting so out of control in the first place. I still think "What if I had gotten my lipedema diagnosed when it first began?"

What is so stupid is I was begging for help all over the place. By 2007, I had my thyroid and PCOS diagnosis and had lost the 160lbs down from near 700lbs but was still in the 500s.


  1. This letter was written by a woman who did not have lipedema or never heard of it! If she was aware of that disease, she would have told you about it years ago. Unfortunately, she did not and told you to get into a weight loss program like some cruel kids who want to make fun of you.

    1. Her body was nothing like mine, so she had absolutely no understanding. I paid big time for her complete obtuseness and hatred. Yes it was more of the same, told to get into weight loss programs that never worked. What is funny is I went to a hospital weight loss program in Chicago before. [the one where they told me I was lying about what I ate] She didn't know me enough to know.

  2. I just saw this. Incredible. Your mother sounds EXACTLY like mine--the tone, wording, everything. Criticism under the guise of "help." With mine it's always "positive thinking:" "If you were not so negative, things would come more easily to you." "If you were more pleasant to be around, you would be able to make the connections to help you advance in a career." That's the sort of "help" my family provides me (and you). And then people say to me when I'm having financal problems or need emotional support, "why don't you ask your FAMILY for help?" They assume because theirs will help them and give them love, that the same holds true for people like us. Sheesh. They just can't or won't believe there are some parents who actually HATE THEIR CHILDREN. I get so tired of it. That's why I tell no one my problems anymore except on my blog. --Lucky Otter

  3. This inspired me to write this:
    Thank you.