Sunday, February 15, 2015
"I would be begging for help if it were me!"
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This is an old email from my mother. [2007 or so] I was looking at some old emails the other day and noticed a few emails from her. She wrote me more before my husband's career imploded, after that I didn't even get the emails of her long litany of travels--never to see me or friends I had never heard of. She sure loved Disney World. Thousands of dollars spent on Mickey and pals in the brainwashing mouse factory.
Her tone in all the emails is snippy and critical. I never noticed it before but I did notice my years of being afraid in writing her back of writing the wrong thing and how I would review my responses. I don't know how I was supposed to afford travel to Pittsburgh.
I would get this unwanted "fat advice" from her all the time. "You should get weight loss surgery!", "You need to join this program!" It usually involved money I did not have. Here she probably saw someone mention some weight loss program on TV. I live many states away from Pennsylvania. It was all about making me acceptable in her eyes.
I suppose she saw this as actually "helping me", but it did not. Her focus on my weight over the years, was a severe part of my abuse. The irony thing was all the medical neglect and abuse that led to my weight getting so out of control in the first place. I still think "What if I had gotten my lipedema diagnosed when it first began?"
What is so stupid is I was begging for help all over the place. By 2007, I had my thyroid and PCOS diagnosis and had lost the 160lbs down from near 700lbs but was still in the 500s.