Sunday, February 15, 2015
This is a trap many emotional abuse survivors fall into. It gets you worrying about what others will think and that people pleasing trap where so much pain can be.
I was praying with a friend yesterday, we prayed to God to erase the damage from the rejection inside. It is a hole inside that many abuse survivors speak of, where the narcissists set us up to think if we just become "better people" we will be loved and accepted. We want to FIX the problem! We want to feel safe. For me with Queen Spider this entailed modeling my moods according to hers, always watching out for when she was angry or pleased. It was the same with my father. When this is taken to the world as an adult, it does not work well.
This is something I am deprogramming from now. There is a difference between wanting to do right by people and the training that can come from a narcissistic parent or family system in teaching someone to always be afraid, compliant and walking on eggshells. Sad to say some of us take this out in the world and it actually can make a person more likely to be abused in other situations. In many ways this is a personal trait that is formed that can bring more abuse. The codependent movement touched the edges of it where they warned of people quashing down their own needs to please a lover or parent.
One thing about my NC [no contact], I know it is giving me a place in my life for more positive and good people while it is changing the dynamics of relationships from years ago. It isn't an easy process but I am seeing and feeling the change. It changes how you feel about yourself and how you relate to other people.
I have been short on time but am planning to write articles on CPTSD, facets of emotional abuse, what I learned in counseling in my 20s that at least helped me with some facets of what I went through, and of course continuing other articles about obesity and life.