Thursday, February 5, 2015

The Smear Campaign

My smear campaigns were immense. Mine went around even making up lies about my health. I realized what the years of smear campaigns had done, and know they lied behind me losing the family and them having no mercy for my disabilities or other challenges.

 Gail Meyers points out how the narcissistic mother will tell you especially the scapegoat how no one likes you, mine did that to me by a very young age and boasted about how well loved she was. Everything was about keeping that phony plastic false face. My narcissistic mother used to go down the lists of people she did not approve of. They will use smear campaigns to play cover up and to discredit and isolate the abused child. Smear campaigns are used constantly against scapegoats.

She is right in dysfunctional family, that everything is spoken to third parties, nothing is ever addressed directly. Smear campaigns destroy reputations. My reputation was destroyed beyond repair by my sociopathic toxic mother. She set up things where I was not even able to defend myself because she had convinced them of so many lies about me. Titus 3:10 seems to be a biblical command for no contact.

Meyers is right about how the fake concern fools people. Many narcissistic mothers can make themselves look like martyrs very easily to outsiders. They will focus on the scapegoats being "unstable" or "mentally ill". One insidious way that my narcissistic mother worked on me for literally decades as I responded with emotion to the abuse, was to make me look crazy to other people. This kept any from listening to me or taking me serious. As the years went by they ignored me more and more and turned their backs on me. My mother taught the family to disrespect me for being disabled.

My mother followed these techniques in scapegoating my brother's ex-wife. She would martyr herself and as my brother's ex wife cried and argued, she would turn her emotions against her, and point to her and get others to see her as "crazy". These techniques were done to me. The sad and frustrating thing to me was how my mother set me up not to believed or listened to by others. This comment by a cousin of mine shows how effective she was in turning others against me.

" ******, stop accusing me of being brainwashed by other relatives. That is your paranoia. From what you've told me, I understand that your mom and siblings treat you with disrespect, but if you think I'm being coached to interact with you a certain way, you're incredibly mistaken."

In this conversation I had questioned a cousin who had made a full 360 degree turn after talking to my mother. Notice he states I am paranoid but admits that I am treated with disrespect by my mother and siblings which in essence is a contradiction. These were the kind of mind games I was encountered with all the time via my relatives. There was always something wrong with me while my mother was perfect. One thing I have noticed looking back is how I was always told my perspective, feelings and viewpoint were always wrong while my mother always treated like she was the right one. Even here he couches his admittance of my mother and siblings disrespect saying, "from what you've told me,". He basically invalidated me as well.

This invalidation never ended.

The video concludes with good advice, that if people don't believe you, it is better to move on. Flying monkeys are not changeable and you will hurt yourself trying to change the mind of those the narcissist controls.


  1. Bet hedging is a common response among these folks -- look at the statement you quoted above: "From what you told me...", "But if you think..." The qualifying words ("From," "But") are inserted to take the fingerprints off the gun (so to speak). In my reading of that statement, they really didn't admit to anything -- just (sort of) acknowledged that you had an issue, but chose not to deal with it, all the same.

  2. They all wrote and talked to me like the Stasi were watching with multiple caveats and always defenses for the worse abuses. Notice he doesn't say it is disgusting to have both siblings and mother disrespecting you, it's normal order of business.. It was pretty sick. Can't have Queen Spider find out an ill word was spoken of her or even one mildly critical. They never admitted to anything. I still remember Aunt Denial's "I am sorry you feel that way about your family". They all spoke the same, it's kind of creepy like "one mind of the beast". Thanks for pointing out their hedging. My brother did this constantly too.

  3. This is a great video,and my God, this sounds exactly like my mother! Like yours she has turned the entire family against me. She lives in a townhouse with my half sister, and told me once she wouldn't allow me to visit because my sister didn't want me to, but my sister doesn't even know me! I know this can be explained by one of two things: my sister is my mother's biggest flying monkey (even though she was abandoned by my mother at age 7) and has been thoroughly brainwashed against me. The other thing it could be is my mother did not want me in her home so blamed it on my sister.
    I remember another thing that happened: once she sent an email to my father telling him what a loser I was, how "crazy"I was (I got that too), and how I would never change and never take responsibility for my circumstances. I found out about this because she accidentally SENT IT TO ME! When I confronted her with this, she just emailed me back, "oh, well, it's probably a good thing you saw that." No denial, but also no apology or evidence of shame. Just gaslighting by subtly implying I DESERVED to read hateful things about myself.
    So tellme how do I still struggle with guilt about "hurting"these people with my "truth telling" blog? But that's how they have us programmed.--Lucky Otter

    1. I didn't realize Otter your mother turned your whole family against you too. Sorry to hear that. So the sister is a stranger to you too. Is she one she gave up for adoption? That is horrible about the email. I know rejection came via my family from my mother calling me a "loser" too. Dontcha know I was supposed to make 6 figures too even as an Aspie and this body. Yes she may have sent you the letter on purpose. I don't think you are hurting them. I worry about my safety in my blog being found but don't worry about "hurting" them. Remember the narcs don't have certain feelings. They will get angry and see people writing about them as enemies, but "hurt" don't know about that one.

  4. This short story is a great example of the whole N-family "fun" with smear campaigns, etc.