Wednesday, May 25, 2016
How to Spot a Hidden Narcissist
I'm working on some new social connections and have focused on the disability community as of late to do so and other avenues. I've lowered the pressure on myself to "make friends" which is not always easy for Aspies and just enjoying activities for their own sake but have met some new friendly people. A lot of my time is spent with husband so in that I am not "lonely" but feel some new connections would add to both our lives.
In my old town, I was fortunate there, I encountered only a few narcissists but was not close to them so I was not hurt. Most of my friends there were older people, people from an anti-war group I was in, and co-op bookstore and church folks. Being burned by some narcissists one wants to avoid them. One big important red flag mentioned on my blog before, is the question..."Do they ever show vulnerability?" The narrator is right that they rely on feeling special instead of depending on people.
This video mentions that and I think it is good way to ferret out narcissists. Narcissists never want admit mistakes, or any sad or vulnerable feelings. Now some people may be shy and take time to open up to these things but one thing to be noticed about narcissists is how they always desire the "power" position. This ties into a second red flag to be warned of, we need to avoid people who do nothing but criticize, criticism of others to me is a sign of a narcissist that in putting others down, it is to build themselves up.
The warning about being put on pedestals is a good thing too. Some of us would refer to this as the love-bombing stage. This happened to me with the catfisher and spy. I should have listened to my intuition that told me she was saying overly loving things when she did not know me very well yet. We don't want to be put on a pedestal because usually later they will knock you off hard, and tell you that you are the worse person on the planet.
Mirroring is another red flag to watch out for.
"if someone is going to feel special by putting you down, ...that's going to erode your self esteem".