Sunday, May 22, 2016
My Mother's Second Daughter
I had an old school chum on Facebook I thought had no more contact with my sister and mother. I thought wrong.
Yesterday I kicked her to the curb on Facebook, unfriended and blocked her immediately. She probably was serving as a spy too. She was an old friend of my sister and I hung out with her too on occasion in high school. I believed wrongly her contact with my sister and mother had become very minimal since this was someone I knew in the 1980s and early 1990s. I should have remembered Queen Spiders never leave loose ends.
My sister never posted on her Facebook wall even when I was in contact with her. However my sister's daughter the one who refused to befriend me on Facebook befriended her which gave me a clue something was off. For the old school chum, let's call her Betsy for now, that's not her real name of course.
One of my friend's on Facebook showed me a public post where my mother wrote Betsy, on her facebook wall. Since I had my mother blocked long ago, I did not see this before. This friend wanted me to know that the Betsy was not a safe person for me to be friends with on Facebook. I am glad I saw this though it was painful.
My mother wrote in 2015: "You Haven't Changed a Bit, Oh, you are now my second daughter."
Betsy: "AWESOME, [name of my mother] I've moved up!"
I had some memories return and one of those was that my parents both loved Betsy. Betsy was one of those sunny type personalities. My parents loved her so much that in high school, they would refer to her as their "second daughter". Now consider that, since there was two girls in my family.
Betsy would come bouncing into the room and joke and call my mother and father, her parents. She would joke about being their daughter. They would hug her, laugh at her jokes and tell her what a great person she was. My mother used to put me down and say "Why can't you be more like Betsy? She is friendly and happy unlike you!" My father would even fawn over her, saying "Betsy is a great person, I love to have her around!" They always had presents and gag gifts for each other. Betsy never saw my parents yell or cuss each other out, they put on the best face for her. My mother would sneer, mumble and complain even in front of a very rich college friend, but when it came to my sister's friends, they were her instant best buddies.
Betsy is a person of low moral character. I always found her dating life weird, she married a man who was 65 years old when she was in her late twenties. Even my mother and sister behind her back later made snide comments about her choosing such old men at a young age. She was infertile but seemed to be wanting to look for a Daddy figure. Maybe a sugar daddy? Anyhow her first husband got older and poorer and she cheated to get a second one, in that she had her replacement so quickly she never had to live on her own as she got divorced and moved in with her ex-husband's replacement who was closer in age to her, but still 13-14 years older. This stuff was weird, but who spends time analyzing friendly school acquaintances online. I didn't have the time.
I believe Betsy is a narcissist too. I have no doubt of this now. You think about someone who writes and supports a sociopath doing a "daughter discard". That is not normal either. These are some sickos. Betsy ironically was close to her own mother who died around 6 years ago. Her wall was full of memorials to loving mothers. Her father died young, but perhaps when it came to my parents, she found like dark soulmates to be at one with. Betsy has never wanted for a job or a dollar just like my mother. She loves to bowl, and is very popular and has the nickname of "Cooter" among other friends.
This exchanged bothered me greatly. I was shaking with anger, and had to talk myself out of more kiss-off letters to various people though I told this one a few things as I walked out the door. No one who has ever known my mother in the last 50 years or met her in a room even once is a safe person and that makes me sad. The plate is being wiped completely clean. When I pondered this situation more, I used to get very depressed when Betsy visited. Today I understand why. I used to think she is so nice, why do you feel so bad around her? Well there's a reason I felt so bad. She had no problem sabotaging me behind the scenes at my mother's direction even many years later. She was a two faced traitor.
I have realized some of the depths of my abuse, and it's hard working my way out out of some of these things. Undoing these decades of damage is tough. I had no chance being smashed down behind the scenes. Remember this was done in public so imagine what would be done behind the scenes. Socially I feel more uneasy then I did even as a teenager. No contact has changed my personality and it has continued even three years later. The other day, I had the fleeting thought that someone new did not like me, because they were not talking to me in front of a group of people, and geared myself saying, "You must not care anymore if people don't like you!" "It is a trap you must escape!".
My mother has been doing anything and anything to crush me behind the scenes, and did it with everyone she came in contact with. I used to think "Oh I am being paranoid!" to think anyone she had talked to had been poisoned against me but it's true, absolutely true. She talked everyone else into sharing her opinion of me that I meant nothing and was nothing. Her ways of turning me into "nothing" to others were never-ending.
The years of being devalued and invalidated have taken a massive toll, and I know my mother got so many to join in with her, it is disgusting. Remember Smakintosh's video Familial Sabotage of the Narcissistic Parent? In my case, not one family member, not one family friend, not one school chum or anyone who has ever met my parents or mother was left untouched. I have had over 40 relationships affected, where my mother's side was overtly chosen. Some condemned me for no contact and some relationships were poisoned far earlier. Yes I know that is a lot of people. If I didn't know how narcissists and sociopaths operated, there is no way I could have coped with so many betrayals.
This "second daughter" comment, is more evidence that I did not come out of Queen Spider's womb.
I really was surrounded by evil people.