Sunday, November 13, 2016

Low Contact is NOT WORTH IT

I have been warning people on message boards, do not take what seems to be the "easier" less complicated path of low contact. Low contact still allows abuse to come into your life. Even with rare meetings and only a few family events a year, it allows the drip, drip, drip of slow poison into your life. I know some are forced into low contact via legal means such as when someone shares legal court custody of children with a narcissist. However outside of these circumstances always look to no contact as the end goal to achieve to get toxic people out of your life. I was low contact for a long time before I even knew what it was. And the contact allowed too much damage and ruined reputation to seep into my life. Recovery from severe scapegoating over DECADES takes time, there was simple too much damage that came in. Even "grey-rocking" it for decades where one teaches themselves to hide emotions, and represses themselves and their emotions to deal with narcissists, is not a good idea. I still struggle with getting "frozen" around people wondering if I have to shut down all emotions to survive. It is not a good feeling. That is a tool that needs to be used only when one is forced into contact with a narcissist such as like a boss at a job, you need to pay your bills until you can get another one.


  1. Very good advice as we're approaching that "most wonderful time of the year." The holidays are when we're the most susceptible to being pressured to participate. Old wounds are reopened as offending relatives act out their predictable routines. Don't volunteer for cyclic abuse, as if it were some masochistic Wheel of the Year!LOL

    1. Yeah, the holidays can be the worse. I dread them. I've been away long enough and NC where that is water under the bridge but hearing about all the family gatherings and more it gets exhausting. I plan to eat at a restaurant community dinner for the poor on Thanksgiving and Christmas which I don't celebrate I lay low on but am usually housebound on anyhow, so it's wash. Many people sign up for the masochistic wheel of the year visiting people who treat them like crap out of obligation. I think of how I dragged myself to my mother house [100 miles is a lot of time and energy for someone of my health] and visit with people who can't even stand me. They'd screw up invites on their end not really wanting me there on purpose too.