Sunday, October 30, 2011

I was a Fat Goth



Growing-up for goths

"Punks grow out of it and ravers stop raving. Why do goths just carry on? Sociologists can explain"

Dr Paul Hodkinson, deputy head of Surrey University's sociology department and an expert in youth music subcultures, has been re-interviewing a group of goths he first studied in the late 1990s to find out. "They were teenagers and in their early 20s then, and I thought it would be interesting to go back because a number of people do stay involved in the goth scene," he explains.

Though many people who belong to youth subcultures such as punk and rave tend to drift away in their 20s, Hodkinson says it's more likely that older goths will want to remain involved in the scene, even though it may become harder to combine with the responsibilities that come with age.

To outsiders, it's the visual markers of being a goth – long, dyed-black hair, black clothes, pale faces contrasted with dark, dramatic eye make-up –that stand out.



Years ago, I was a goth, my favorite bands of all time was Sisters of Mercy, and Mission UK and even industrial bands like Skinny Puppy. I wore nothing but black for at least a three year period of time and probably a life long interest in Victoriana got started around this time. Some of my outfits were interesting such as the one with black boots and a long black dress with row of buttons down the front with a cinched waist. While I never did the white face thing, and my sad budget precluded really taking the Propaganda magazine thing too far, I was into it enough to be called GOTH by others.

Today there would be far more clothing choices but back then, I wanted to gag at the clothing offered in your typical Lane Bryant and wanted some "cool" clothes. Silver jewelry formed the icing on the cake. In many ways, I was the sterotypical art student. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time, and shake that young girl, and say: "Hey don't give in to the manufactured rebellion and quit listening to that clinical depression causing music!" Go grow a garden or something! One sad thing about our society, is the many traps they have waiting for every variety of person to lead you to negative places.

Today given my religious viewpoints, I have given up goth-dom. I am no longer a goth. At my age it would be beyond silly though I guess there are still some 40 something goths out there. The idea makes me kind of laugh,   I imagine a bunch of even more wrinkled up Robert Smith's sitting around. He looked like he aged out of it even by the 1990s.

Though my husband likes to joke, "Yes you still are, thats why you dress like its 1890". Ok you won't find me wearing a brightly colored sweater with a Christmas tree on the front of it, or pink sweats anytime soon but I found this Guardian article odd, because here in America, I do not see a bunch of old goths walking around.

I believe a fascination with dark things isn't so positive anymore. I wonder how many young fat girls become goths as a way to seek an identity or to be different or to even depart or speak against a world that condemns them? I definitely was one of them. In other words, if you are not acceptable in the mainstream world, why wouldn't you feel enticed to join a sub-culture where being an outcast is not such a bad thing?

I've seen this picture, webwide. I bleeped out the curse word on her shirt. I can understand this girl to a point because I was her, though I was too shy to cuss people out I didn't know and my dress style was very different, free of tattoos and more Victorian.  What's with the odd anchor? The angry stance while one can understand given what young fat people go through  probably doesn't help her make friends and influence people.


One wonders about all these subcultures. I noticed webwide there were jokes about fat goths, the  lithe supposedly being only ones allowed to apply. I remember that, being fat and a goth especially in the 80's was kind of strange even when I was into it. Guess some of the goths don't want the fat people around even still. The ideal was lithe-thin, heroin addict looking dark circled eyes types, not big, fat and burly. Andrew Eldritch didn't date fat girls.

Update: I am a goth again, I escaped the fundies, the goth me was the real me. Elder Goths Unite!

9 comments:

  1. " Leave me alone. I just want cof-faay!" :-)

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  2. Is there a correlation between lower income families, obesity and goth? Like there is say in Juggalo culture. Mainly overweight lower income white kids.

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  3. Is there a correlation between lower income families, obesity and goth? Like there is say in Juggalo culture. Mainly overweight lower income white kids.

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    1. Most goths at least when I was into it were thin, this was the late 80s, I don't even remember seeing other fat goths and remember this being an issue for me but being more midsized in younger years before the giant weight gain, it felt different.
      I grew up upper middle class....[poor now]

      I agree about Juggalo culture...noticed that too.

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  4. youropinionisntfactAugust 15, 2020 at 9:36 AM

    Personally, my goth phase began when I discovered Christianity does not hold up to logic in many cases, yet most people will reject you for expressing that. I also think judgement calls like finding people expressing themselves through non traditional dress in their 40s "silly" is a little too endemic in the american 'religious' scene.

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    1. I went goth during my first deconversion. I am in my second deconversion now--3-4 years ago. I think if you want to dress goth while older go for it. I consider myself an Elder Goth, though I cannot afford as many goth outfits or accourtements as I'd like.

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  5. I'm a music nerd. I loved--still love--many goth, New Wave, and New Romantic bands. My favorite band along those lines was Joy Division. I still love them. Sisters of Mercy too. What was/is your favorite song by SoM? Mine is "I Was Wrong".

    You make good points about the counterculture. I was a very angry teenager (for good reason) with no way to express the anger and no ability to mask and feign perky happiness or even stoic acceptance of my situation. The music made me feel less alone. My only high school friend and I were the only "not normals" in our town, which ended up being a good thing, because once I went to college in a town with a "scene", I realized that counterculture social rules, gender roles, who was devalued/valued, and what was considered of prime importance mirrored the dominant culture at large in its superficiality.

    It's still sad that there are no countercultures in this era. I don't know what I would have done as a teenager today even in terms of current music, where indie and goth music has been replaced by hipster crap, and New Wave and post punk bands that--along with good soul/R&B and rock and roll based in Beatlesque pop, folk and blues--made up part of the Top 40 in 1983 have been wholly replaced by venal, monosyllabic, assaultive, tuneless crap that as you mentioned all sounds the same--like shit!

    Fortysomething goth-listening high five!

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    1. I'm in my early 50s but will join in the high five :P I love Joy Division too and definitely New Wave and New Romantic. I liked New Order a lot too and the Cure. The Mission UK was one of my top favorite bands. I listen to some European goth/dark wave like Blutengel even the songs in German.
      My favorite SoM song is Driven like the Snow, Floodland was my favorite album. I wish he would make another. LOL
      Yeah I was angry teenager too, I listened to music like Ministry, and Skinny Puppy too, Nine Inch Nails later in my 20s. I had no way to express anger like you so it came through the music. I did not want the bubble gum pop music either and top 40 bored me stiff.
      I had to wait until early college to discover decent music, kind of stuck with brother's taste in heavy metal when I was in high school. I had no friends so what did I know. The millionaire ex friend, had this extensive music collection to the max, and that's how I discovered everything beyond bands like U2 which I was really into, and Queensryche my first concert.
      LOL I probably was the only goth in even my college town. [Midwest, medium sized, but there were some punks down at one good club downtown there] I used to go to one club in a big city known for goth and punk music to see bands. I was always going to concerts in college.

      So I discovered the counterculture itn college, I would marry someone VERY counterculture. If I told people his book titles he's written some would be surprised. I had another foot in normal world while even a fundie. LOL war protesting and still going to buy alternative magazines and zines on punk rock.
      I find it weird how there is no counterculture now. Young people don't seem to rebel. I wrote an article about millenials about a year ago asking why don't young people rebel anymore? One online guy I knew said it was from expansion of police state and our draconian society, at least when I was young, you could explore things and there was some creativity.

      I watch MTV sometimes for the recent videos, and the music sucks so bad, even the lyrics are shit. I notice no one questions society not like bands we had when I was young. I am sure some musicians ARE, but it's all corporation crap, made by committee. All the voices sound fake too and the notes, I'm pretty deaf but can hear enough to know it's crap. LOL

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    2. Oh that is one thing, I did lose a LOT of hearing and became very hearing impaired. I can still hear some music, but I know I have lost many layers and notes. I do still listen to all my old music, [have to do so on headphones and with lyrics closed captioned.]

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