Friday, October 21, 2016
Should I Consider Pain Killers?
I have to clean this weekend and my body in pain will protest. I didn't even want to make dinner last night but had to. No choice in the matter. When you feel like smashing the dishes into the trashcan instead of washing them that is not a good sign. Disabled people can fail to clean, there's a million movements to keep one apartment clean and my body only wants to do some of them. I see all the undone tasks and it's torture. Wanting to cry over undone dishes, is not a good development.
When I do other activities like going on the bus to art class and appointment and having a friend visit for few days, all energy is put one direction, other things SLIDE. My body hurts a lot. Sometimes I think I may have to ask the doctor for pain killers just to function. Some shout "You will become an addict", I avoided pain killers fearing I would never poop again. I may need them now to keep the apartment clean and to function.
What is scary about my body is the more I exercise, is the more it breaks down, it's not supposed to work that way but it does. I tell doctors this and they tell me I need to go rest, and I am more active then most people my size. You will see me fade as a day goes through hunching over my walker, groaning and moaning near the days end. My doctors have told me many people my size are completely bed bound or housebound from not being able to walk. They smile at me and say things like, "You are doing well, keep at it." Maybe this is from their shock that I am still alive. It's like living in hell knowing no matter how perfectly I eat or move around nothing burns off. The body gives me endless middle fingers for telling it to do anything. I am having one of those days I plan to spend in bed. I will get up to shower and to do one bout of dishes, maybe wrap and move around for a few hours but the majority will be here in bed. The "collapses" are coming more frequently.
I have wondered though, what if I had the pain killers and could do more? Yes I fear addiction. I am the kind of woman who won't even take Tylenol unless I am dying. I tough out migraines with nothing. I got Codeine for my dental surgery and it's the only painkiller I've taken in 5-6 years outside the Bentyl for IBS from some years ago. Codeine I seem to tolerate well though it makes me sleep more. The doctors may say no anyhow.
I can END my PAIN too, if I do a Flexitouch session and stay in bed for many hours. I am not in pain now after being in bed except the usual low level ache, that is always present.
Last night though I felt like I could barely walk myself. Every step felt like torture. I had gone to my art class and been on the bus both ways there, with waiting time. I walked around the art center. I had cooked dinner the night before and served husband lunch before I left. I collapsed into bed for the afternoon and got up and made dinner, and then did the dishes, I did not want to do.
I used to be able to block out pain. Doctors have marveled at my ability to block out kidney stone pain, I didn't tell them about the time I suspected I literally passed out and even the mammogram woman, said something weird to me last November saying, "You are used to a lot of pain, I have never seen a woman this stoic, getting a mammogram exam." as she squished my boobies. On the pain meter, she didn't realize that was barely nothing.
It gets sad, when people see us both limping around. He has a bad case of gout, and can't walk. When your caretaker can't walk and your car is temporarily broken down--it is the battery, life gets scary. I am worried about my husband. Last weekend I was at the veggie stand--limping after a friend's visit gathering up the vegetables to buy and he was unable to walk and limped in to pay and one healthy chipper lady said to me, "Are you two going to make it?"
I may be asking doctors for pain killers to be used on worse days. Maybe there is one that is not addictive. The war on drugs has made too much weirdness when it comes to pain killers. I don't look forward to being treated like a drug addict if I do go on some. I have put it off as long as I can too. They may say "No", so it will be a moot point. I also fear pain killers lower metabolism, so that kept me off them too this long. Any Lipedema peple please chime in on this one. If you are on pain killers chime in on this one. Maybe I should research natural ways to relieve pain too.
Now trolls don't tell me to "lose weight". Your magic spell isn't working for me. My food has been reduced via involuntary means, I have been doing more, from necessity and exercise is no help to me either. So in advance go bugger off.