"Shirley [not her real name] is so needy I avoided her!"
I said to this person, "Who told you Shirley was needy?"
"I know who it was, it was the would be narcissist I walked away from. She put down that woman for years. Why do you believe everything that person tells you?. Everyone else was always a loser, a failure, a hoarder, needy, wrong and bad according to that person. They are STILL doing it to their favored targets from what I can tell too!"
"When this narcissist told me about Shirley I thought her husband had died 10 or 20 years ago, she was so offended by her outpourings of grief. She would tell me things like "She won't move on". I suppose human emotions offend the personality disordered. Well I looked up Shirley online, and found out her husband had died only 18 months before, before I heard these complaints. What kind of person disses another for having natural grief and losing a husband they had a home and two children with?"
Oh I was angry I laid it out. The person I talked to conceded that it was good to hear other viewpoints, but I was still bothered. They may read what I have written here. I don't care. There's nothing to lose. If Shirley is still getting it years later, so am I. Some of us need to stick up for the underdog. Why not me?
I wish I had added too, "What's wrong with being needy?" Some people do face loneliness. When people reject them it just adds to the cycle.
My gosh what a creep. I think what she means by "needy" is that this narc is unable to understand what human emotions are. Therefore emotionally unavailable, and morally bankrupt to say the least, I hope she is reading this.
ReplyDeleteI hate when I hear people put down for being "weak" or "vulnerable". "needy" seems to be the new put down word for LONELY. I have felt lonely as far as real life goes outside of my marriage but only talk about it here, because I don't want more knives put in my back. There is the thing of feeling alone around people too, who have no emotions or put down people around them. The original narc I remember told me over and over what a horrible person that "Shirley" was and even then I asked "What's so wrong with her?" If my husband died, I don't even know if I could survive, maybe he was all she had except a father who they failed to turn against her. Why continue to pummel the woman?
DeleteMy mother used to insult people at her office and elsewhere for being "needy". Aunt Scapegoat got it for years for being poor and "not doing anything" with her life. Even that day she was at my mother's house, my mother went on about what a failure she was. I still wanted to tell the family about that one but even when I told a few cousins somethings no one listened and no one cared. I told my brother and he said something about "Why didn't you say something before" but in his actions still chose her. I hope they all find this blog. It is the WICKED who put down the hurting.
DeleteOh, I hate the words "needy." Abusive narc men usually claim that traditional women are "needy, insecure, and too desperate to get married." I'm glad you ran for the hills when somebody talked that way about an obvious victim of a narc or two. The statement about a "needy" woman who "needs a lot of help" is a major red flag.
ReplyDeleteA widow does not need "help" to become a narc. She could always join a bereavement support group or talk to supportive friends. I don't see anything wrong with needing a spouse or other people in your nice. God said this throughout the Bible.
The idea that a person could do everything on their won and could go alone all the time is an idea from Calvinistic churches, Protestant Reformation movements, and from brain-dead malignant narcs. There is nothing wrong with expressing your emotions and telling people off for abusing you and others. Normal people would apologize and try to patch things up with your. Psychopath, malignant narcs do not have emotion, empty and real soul. Most are already dead soul-wise. They would not apologize and make peace with people they don't care.
The word "needy" was used to attack women who have been trying to be a loving wife and a mother. Any men who attack wife materials are psychotic malignant narcs. These men are available in the market but women are not taking them. They are bad husband materials who call wife materials bad names and mock happily married couple who are very close.
Narcs don't like seeing people being close to others. They could not and would not continue being nice to people after their initial contacts wears out. They chose to be a monsters. When they hear that God aranges married and people need each other, they get mad.
I remember when I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior, my godmother who was there told me that we need others, and spouses need each other. She laughed at those who claimed they don't need others. She showed me several bible verses that said that we need others. I don't remember the exact chapters. I will pray for Shirley. Hope she will find a true friend who will not talk behind her back that way. I'm glad you got rid of that toxic narc ex-friend.
I hate the word "needy" too.
DeleteYou are right about the abusive men who speak out against women, who are "needy". Such people hate those who have feelings. I even said to this person visiting, I have researched narcissism, and speak out against this stuff and will not tolerate it in my life. The narc needs to quit trashing people and to quit trashing me. I am hoping and praying she wakes up and realizes what this person is about. I have warned her. Some narcs have put their cruelty under pretending to "care" and a veneer of church religiosity.
One thing scares me, is how people like this use expressing any emotional need or vulnerability, these narcs, into going on the attack, and they do get others to ostracize someone and they do it masterfully.
Narcs don't get close. They will do anything to destroy close relationships too. I was not allowed one in the family by my mother and she would turn her attention to anyone that gave me notice. They do choose to be monsters.
I am glad you became born again and you had a godly godmother who told you that people need others and spouses need others. Yes the bible says we need others. People who pound on the grieving or broken hearted show their wickedness. I will pray for "Shirley" too. I have met her several times but she still lives in the same area. I hope she finds true friends too. I am glad I got rid of the toxic narc ex-friend too. One person she used to put down moved away, that one probably escaped, a lot of trouble. She had a loving family who still loved her despite her troubles.
The bible says to help widows not abuse them. I agree the idea that a person can do everything by themselves is a lie. Americans have run with that one. If you are not independent or self sufficient, things that often take good health and MONEY, you are supposedly a piece of crap.
I am tired of being alone outside of my husband here. It is hurting both of us. Moving hasn't been possible yet. I am not sure what to do. The culture here is not a very friendly one. It's ALL competition.
I am expressing my emotions now. I figure why be silent. I am already thought of a certain way, the eggshells bought me nothing but repression.
The ex narc friend never attempted an apology, or to make things right. I got phony smiling lets take a break crap, and got the exact same from the catfish.
I even wrote in one last email lets talk things out but then realized it was impossible. Even my mother was given an email where I told her if she was willing to talk for real, a door was open. She never took it, she never has apologized to me in my entire life.
I agree about them not having emotions or souls. You learn fast how they do not care. I think of the years investing in people I know I cried over but never shed one tear over the demise of our relationship.
They never try to make peace. Nope, no way no how. In essence they are cowards. They never can admit they are wrong or sorry or that they were wrong in hurting someone.
From what I could tell this woman was a loving gentle person, and I saw others go on the attack. I have noticed women who are emotional or feeling seem to be on the chopping block in this sick society. The feminists won't talk about that one as they push women to be "hard as nails" and "strong" and "independent".