How to Spot a Sociopath
They ought to teach kids stuff like this in school. A few Health teachers ought to print this one out.
"Sociopaths are great at charming people, because they know how to get what they want. Charming people know how to make people feel special, to ask people the right questions about themselves, and to generally be perceived as fun, likable, and interesting. Truly charming people possess the ability to charm almost anyone, from little kids to old ladies. If the person is incredibly charming at first glance, while his or her later behavior scares or confuses you, then you may have a sociopath on your hands."
I definitely was reading about some of the narcissists I left behind.
Queen Spider of Darkness
Maybe some screening for sociopaths, could be mild disagreements, gauge how they react. Do they get whacked out and start insulting you or as the catfish did, start doing passive aggressive insults? Or always tell you they are right? There's no ability to agree to disagree.
ReplyDeleteI think some want to cause arguments and get jollies just messing with people.
I know what you mean about animal abuse, they will show horrific pictures on Facebook of abused animals, all cut up, I think some of those people were psycho, some of the pictures almost made me faint.
I've met the charming kinds, my mother was. Yes we were all told they crushed people due to their low self esteem and self hatred, but how wrong was that? they all love themselves too much and enjoy crushing people. I never saw the self loathing in narcs I was always told to feel sorry for.
Yes, sociopath narcs are "super nice" people when they meet us. They could fool us with their charms and super niceness at first, and then bedazzle us when they turned around and showed us their masks.
ReplyDeleteI remember one person told me that I did not accept their shortcomings or weaknesses when he started to be abusive toward me. A youth pastor who abused me charmed me and was super nice at first. After he knew me better during a summer trip with the youth group, he did not like me. He was very angry when I cried in fear that I would have to pay %50 to %100 for an eyeglass repair. He yelled at me in front of other teen-agers, and told several people that I was being selfish for crying over a broken eyeglass frame. I remember not liking him after that incident. However, he still joke around and charmed people. Even though he was funny and charming, he hated my guts. He also disliked my friends or those who wanted to befriend me. He did not like my adopted brother and his best friend.
Wow, a sociopath used animal to gaslight and bedazzle us. They are psycho. It sounds like Ted Bundy talking to you out of his grave. :O I've seen movies where some kidnappers or criminals place gun next to a beloved person's head in order to manipulate others to give them what they wanted. I hate it when people do something like that, so I never gave some information or others an opportunity to use others as a tool or hostage to manipulate me. A sociopath who use children, animals, or vulnerable as hostages or somebody they could use to manipulate the opposing party is beyond evil.
My adopted narc mother and her like-minded narc friends also charmed people at first. When they got to know each other better, narc sociopaths usually take off their masks first. When we saw them as monsters, we walk away from them in order to protect ourselves from further abuses. They could complain to others who care of listen or those who received funds or a job from a narc. I hope people who have low self-esteem and feel self-hatred when learned about malignant covert narcissim. They could leave their abusers and work on their lives.
I'm glad you post this article. thank you very much for finding it.
That's hitting the nail on the head right there. I can see that eyeglasses scenario like a scene playing in my head, like I've seen that happen before. And that youth pastor had superior power over you, and made you look bad, and it shows me that I'm in silence most of the time, not wanting to share things about myself. Anything can and will be used against you by a MN, and no wonder I walk around keeping silly little secrets, that really are nothing to talk about, really, but I do that. Its just how I live. It looks like I adapted that as a means of survival. Sorry you were treated that way by that youth pastor. That guy had malintent an the others thought it was ok. And I happen to know the word "selfish" is not allowed in psycology, its just not right. Although narcs are selfish, but they don't know about them. It is all kept hidden. I didn't know what was going on all my life and even that was because of the attempts made to protect the creeps.
DeleteAnd speaking of that youth pastor, how much charm does it take to overlord someone, and keep everyone else spellbound and loving them. When they see that happen. Such is a case of crossing boundaries that MN had no business. What a freak, taking that role and being accepted anyway. And no one questioned the pastors behaviour, that's just more sick really.
Yes the sociopaths are really nice, and they mirror us. The catfish claiming to have Lipedema and weighing 700lbs, acted super nice and like she "cared". Even if she really was 700lbs she was a complete and utter fake though I wonder if that was a lie too. They will get you to talk about your problems and share their problems so they can "get information" and then later lord power over you. With the religious ones like youth pastors walk out. I noticed the last pastor was friendly but it was a fake friendliness, he did not like us and his actions spoke more. He was very charming. I visited one other church where the pastor was so friendly and charming and everyone in awe of him, I could not stay, I wanted to throw up. I noticed when my husband was talking to him, he kept tuning him out and turning away and I was angry.
DeleteThey will mirror to get you to open up but its all based on lies. Even Aunt Confused, I wonder if she is a sociopath, she would do the nicey nice stuff but it was all fake, and she would always betray. When I went NC with her she had "reported" on me to my NM.
One thing with the charming types, you are there to kiss their butts as far as they are concerned, if you have a problem or get hurt, or break your glasses, they want you to shut up and go away. Their narc supply is getting interrupted. I noticed with the sociopathic catfish, when I cried a few times about being poor, and she had told me horrific stories of abuse and medical tales that put mine to shame, she would tell me I was a "complainer" and "negative". They love that game too. They will complain more and cry if they break a nail or tell you horror stories that can give you nightmares, but if you say one thing they don't like off they go! I am noticing on message boards on FB and more if you disagree on one point, the charmers, get pissed and toss someone out pretty fast. No disagreements are allowed in pod person land. Same for that charming pastor, he had members of the church not one I attended but visited sign a covenant they were not allowed to disagree with him or gossip. Talk about power from above.
Its funny they will tell us we don't accept them, but how do you accept people who always are power struggling. They wouldn't admit a weakness if they could. They always beat their problems or overcome them and 'feel no fear' or angst. One thing anxiety around narcs can piss them off, that is when you see the devil come out.
A lot of real charming people hate my guts. I notice the popular crowd does not like serious Aspies. I fail at the required bootlicking and asskissing.
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I worked with teen criminals. Some diagnosed as sociopaths. I always considered Queen Hitler time as training for my future career. One thing about me, is I always got screwed ignoring any inner voice, even with the catfish, I found myself thinking "is she fake?" early on but she wiggled in, using my health and severe obesity. One thing I remember about even the sociopathic teens is how charming they were. They were WELL LIKED, they had some workers wrapped around their fingers even the ones who knew what they were. One sociopathic girl, actually told me once, probably trying to manipulate, "I know you see through me, you are too smart". She was buttering me up I guess. Be careful of people who are TOO FLATTERING. I gotta remember that one. If one is hungry for love or attention, some of my failings with all this housebound crap and social isolation, the predators come out to FEED.
DeleteMy sociopathic mother charms most people. She smiles, laughs at their jokes. They see an entirely different person. She can do no wrong. She has lots of "friends", they don't know her that well but shallow relationships are just fine with narcs.
Most criminals and other types use charm. Oddly I escaped some really bad times in Chicago, because of my learning to read the criminal sociopath/narc set. I guess learning to read their middle class protoges has been interesting. Everyone thinks the rapist, and criminal comes with their teeth bared, screaming and cussing to screw you over, no most slide over, and start kissing your butt. Big crap-eating smiles. Robbers set you up wanting to help or asking for a match. Rapists, want to talk about the weather before they try and attack you on the subway stand. When I had to go to the soup kitchen, this smiling slippery type wanted to go in front of me. I failed prison politics letting him do it, but I was tired, but I knew inside he was one of those slippery smiling criminals. I don't plan to go back to that soup kitchen, I think I'd go eat bark off the trees first....but it was a meal to take us to the next one and getting some money for groceries.
I knew young my mother was screwing over people and getting away with it. People were afraid of her, but she looked so friendly. They only looked at the outside.
I can see the eye glass scenario too. I know when bad things happened to me, others got angry like that. Get sick, even they get pissed. This may sound crazy but I learned to hide even asthma attacks and would overload the Benadryl to keep the panic showing too from severe respiratory problems in front of my family. It is a RELIEF to not have to bother with this anymore.
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DeleteI am going more silent too though if its something important I am speaking out too more. I have learned the hard way too many people are not to be trusted. I have made boundary rules to hide as much poverty as possible and to not discuss any problems. Problem is I am not getting to know anyone and it's all happy acquaintances, so I guess that is the back draw of it all.
It sucks we have to be this way doesn't it Joan. I have had too many knives in my back in a short time. I was on some Lipedema board today, they are all busy backstabbing the liberal crap out of each other. I don't even understand the details and ins and outs or who did what and don't even care anymore. I am reading those boards now more then posting, I already got shafted so many times just for being a human. It is scary. I think the Bible is right about people turning more wicked and cruel in the last days.
Yeah they use everything and anything against you. And if they don't have something they will MAKE IT UP.
So yeah why share with people? For me it seems to have just earned me some uber-predators, Mrs. Curses--she knows where this blog is, and I don't care if she sees what I write, and Lipedemic Catfish, and others. I used to believe that if people shared problems with you, it was an equal relationship and safe. In these cases they shared WORSE problems then I had, and it still wasn't safe.
Some of those youth pastor types are like mega-narcs. Churches are attracting the narcs in spades. They dont have to work that hard, they can putter around an office online all week and download a sermon off the Internet or some work sheets or buy a kick ball if they are the youth pastor. It's easy gigs for the inwardly lazy. [yes there are some hardworking normal non-narc pastors but many narcs look for easy gigs]
Yeah narcs keep secrets, I sometimes hate being made into this secretive person because of these predators. I had my butt fried for being the let it hang out type. Aspie bluntness now earning one hatred. The deluded don't want any truths told. There's a lot of cowards now too bowing before the sociopaths of the world and always kissing their asses.
Sure these narcs and sociopaths can act like complete jerks, and they never are called out but if one of us breaks a glasses and gets upset or trips or disagrees, all hell breaks lose. It really is sick.
My mother was able to walk around in a relative covert style. How she was never able to read, but it looks like she wrote the book on how to be an MN, its staggering. She knew everything about everyone around us, it was like she would have to keep notes. I don't know how I could keep such bad stuff. Lots of people love gossip, I learned to hate it. And when those gossip circles would start, even with people I know now, I will get away. That is deadly territory.
DeleteIts hard to stay open. Now, I am finding out that openness is essential in relationships. I have to work hard on that one.
Yeah, they will make it up when needed. My mother did that with one neighbour who sold out to get away. I think that Catfish had no Lipedemia, it was just a way of connecting to you, so she could make you believe it, to obtain info on you. They work so weird. They are always on the take. They can spin things their way at any moment, we have no way to deal with this.
And they will make you look like the bad guy everytime. The SIL did that to me, had everyone on her side, and I was a sitting duck for that one. I keep telling myself, 'never again', but it happens anyway. Even though I grew up in it, I don't operate in the narc realm, can't seem to fight back. So when they go in for the attack, my mind is not on some kind of a battle, I don't live that way. We would have to function like them to win, and I would not even begin to be able to do that. I get tired at the point they are just getting heated up.
I can't tell which secrets to keep. I just keep everything I can a secret, its easier. This is just too much of a game for them. They will try to turn us into vegetables if given a chance. When I found out that the ultimate goal is commit soul murder, I was astounded. I was not wrong to keep secrets. I think its important to remember, that I'm not playing a game, I'm trying to survive. And that MN's are not just annoying, they are downright dangerous.
My mother never read books either, very rare, some Harlequins in the 80s and then nothing. It boggled my mind how someone who never read could control people and keep long lists of information on them without one being left untouched for me to have. So yeah your mother and mine were twins on that.
DeleteGossip is a bad deal. Try and avoid it. I would defend people that narcs always were trashing but it wore me out and I sinned too sitting there and listening to it all. I should have put a stop to it, even if unlike their enablers I would defend the people. It's hard to know what is real information about people and what isn't. Nowadays unless I have seen it for myself it's put on hiatus. I wondered if Aunt Scapegoat was really ever a hoarder and asked a cousin, and he said she was, and he saw the hoard but who knows. It's hard to know what is true when so many are lying.
Its better to clear out. Gossip is bad for Christians. I know people want to know what is going on and be warned, etc and get information, but I heard so many lies, that now, I guess I have to depend on what I see and hear immediately and nothing else. [LOL its like the news, how much of that is lies?]
I have to come out of the Aspie fog on some stuff. If someone tells me next time someone else said something I have to go and ask them. I can't take what I am being told for granted. Too many wicked people use that one, putting words in people's mouths.
Yeah get away from the gossips.
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DeleteI find it hard to be open. I used to be too open of a person but then it brought me some joys, when I was not dealing with narcs. One could get closer to people. This is one way narcs have made society worse. Everyone having to watch their backs not to get stabbed in them. It's not an open and friendly society anymore. You are right for good relationshops openness is a necessity. I am wondering now in wanting to meet new people how open can I be? I am trying to figure that out too. I wonder too how did my picker get more broken when I moved here, was it the loneliness? The losing people especially when some friends died that made me more vulnerable? The going no contact? Having a blog with controversial opinions on it? My life never got so flooded with mean people as it I am wondering about a lot of stuff lately.
I wonder if catfish really was overweight or had Lipedema. I sometimes think it could be someone taking on another identity. It was a way to "mirror" me and gain information.
I know its beyond me to get how and why they work the way they do. Some of these people preying on me what did they get but some jollies, there was no seeming reward in it. I guess screwing people over is it's own reward for some.
I think maybe someone like me isn't allowed to have nice normal equal friendships in real life. Online I am okay but maybe in real life, the body and Aspergers is too much for most, so I only get the "projects". You certainly can't walk around like you "need friends". I am happily married most time is spent with him and I want it to be. So how needy am I or a PIA? I don't think very much. Even if Aspies complain or ruminate too much, and I worked on that with some, is that reason to HATE someone? They seem to have no attachement. Its scary.
I can't operate in the narc realm either. They dedicate so much time just to destroying others. I always lose with them too. Even being able to tell my side of the story here and other places, they are still chosen, I don't get why that is. They are hard and cold.
Yeah keeping secrets isn't always the easiest way to go. Are people surprised that our blogs are anonymous? It's the only way to be safe. No one I befriend will ever learn about this blog again and even with a few I waited for some years to tell them. Any vulnerability is seen as a place to attack now. I miss being able to be me, and open too. I hate the secret keeping and hate all the games. Yes like you I am just trying to survive. I never had anyone to talk to in the family, they used to complain I was "too quiet" well why wouldn't be? What was there to talk about?
think its important to remember, that I'm not playing a game, I'm trying to survive. And that MN's are not just annoying, they are downright dangerous.
Just thinking back now at a time when I was fidgeting in a lunchroom at work, many years ago, and there was this narc gossiping about another woman. She said she got drunk so bad her chair fell over, to a bunch of people. Everyone thought it was funny. Maybe it was? I'm just putting myself in the shoes of that woman being gossiped about, to a bunch of people, seemed very hurtful and intended that way. But that woman she was gossiping about loved that gossiper, and gave her high status, I don't know if she was clueless about the malicious intent of that woman towards her, but regarded her highly. But she treated me like scum. And didn't give me any high regards, and the more hurtful a person can be, it seems, that the more they are loved. Just like we used to do when we were children, they do it as adults, to the narcs. All playing a game of kiss the narc butt.
ReplyDeleteAs far as openness in a relationship goes, I know lots of times he does not know what is going on with me, and I'm choking, trying to tell him. Explaining myself over and over again, never getting to the heart of the matter. And I know that I have to be ok to be vulnerable. That is the hard part. I'm still working on trust, and I flub that one over and over again. But its ok. We worked out a lot, just by my trying. If you are intending to want to, and putting the effort in, it pays off.
But I'm never open in public. I guess what you can try is a tiny bit of vulnerability with people. Just try to share a small vulnerability, like 'I'm afraid of bees', or something like that, and watch how the other person responds to that. I know we don't want to spend months and then finding out later they were never worth our time.
But with God, gossip is wrong. He tells us this as a way of protecting us, not wrong for no reason, but it is very deadly, dangerous stuff. But we can get stuck in situations, where it might not be possible to escape, like I was in that lunchroom. And I didn't know what to do, and that narc had high regards from everyone. Even she liked men to be flirting with her, and she complained when they didn't. I remember once she got jealous when a man and I were discussing something very technical at work, she didn't know anything about, and she said, 'aren't I your favorite lady?' I mean no kidding and she was engaged to be married, but had to had all the men circling her.
So its scary out there.
I feel sorry for the woman who fell out of the chair, yeah that sounds like mean girl stuff. I wonder if some cowardly people butter up the narcs to make sure the jokes don't turn too malicious, but then sounds like she's already being dissed. I don't get how that works where narcs get so much undying respect. It's like the meaner they are the more bootlicking they get.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to figure that out too why the meanest people seem the most loved and popular. It boggles my mind. I meet these nice people who never would hurt a fly and they tell me they are alone, or they have no other friends, or that their families ditched them.
It's like school, remember how the mean girls and the bullies seemed to "be in charge" ? Everyone like them too or acted like they did, and even if they were feared, and "hated" behind the scenes, it's like they got all the respect.
Every now and then there was a kindly leader sort but usually that only happened with a narc vacuum.
I hope things can work out between you and your husband. Does he open up to you? I hope you
both can build that trust, hey if the people are trying that means something.
I think one could test small stuff too. I know one thing I am going to look for, is to ask myself "Are they ever vulnerable?" If they get angry at me for having any fear that is one red flag to me to RUN.
I know I don't want to waste time with people like that too. Investing so much time stinks. The one who went funny after many years, that was hard. It was so long in duration.
Agree gossip is wrong too. It is better avoided. Yes sometimes being in bad situations it's scary. The gossipers are always criticizing. I am more careful now if I hear someone getting dogged out. It scares me how the ones who are best at it are so popular. I've seen the flirty ones too, even being married, they are always going at it, and leading men in the room by the nose. I almost want to puke when I used to see men falling over each other to engage a narcish woman.
I agree it is scary out there. Wish things were easier too.