Monday, September 5, 2016

Facebook Drives Me Crazy

I believe Facebook is an information gatherer and miner and what some of the "conspiracy" people warn of.  It is a surveillance tool. Maybe I've been put on some lists for questioning the status quo already.  I guess I don't care but I would probably tell anyone still off Facebook, just avoid the place.

 I joined Facebook despite these reservations because being hearing impaired, it is the easiest place to "talk" to people via PM and find them there. Having a lot of long distance friends is another thing that motivated me to be there too. I can still talk on the phone but it's getting harder to do, and I lose a lot of what people say. Real communication for me is written. When people talk to me on the phone, I have to concentrate to get every word. On the phone depending on the voice, I can miss a lot. Some people are better then others, but some I am only getting half the sentence and it puts me at a disadvantage.  I know even with one catfish, she often had the verbal upper hand on me, because sometimes she could say one sentence to me and I was only getting three or four words. Sometimes when you try to tell people, "I can't hear." they think if you try harder, you'll hear them. My hearing aids help but only can take things so far.

Facebook is not an easy place for me. I don't fit any one demographic. If people want a yes person they aren't going to find it in me. I piss off conservatives and liberals with different varying viewpoints. Some probably get confused by a pro-union born again Christian who can't stand Hillary or Trump.

I lost Facebook friends before for having the "wrong" political viewpoints. One person unfriended me just for me being a Christian and her being an atheist. Her old account seems to be abandoned. That's one thing people will do when they want to "ghost" people, they go get a new account.  One guy kicked me to the curb because I wrote I was against the NDAA and not happy Obama had signed it some years back. I don't get people who kick others to the curb for not passing ideological tests. I see these people who surround themselves ONLY with people who agree with them on everything.  They seem to live in safe worlds where people are there to back them up. The people left as my friends on Facebook are the people who can be friends with people who don't agree with them on every little thing. Everyone else already left in a huff!

Facebook seems to be influencing people to conform more. There's something about that place, where it would be easier to be in a demographic where your opinions line up with those of others. It's a far easier world for a Democrat who matches the norm of what all that entails or a mainstream "Republican" Christian who along with millions of others loves Chik-Fil-a, and thinks Reagan was a great president. Facebook is being used to "mold" people and their opinions and outlooks. I've written enough about how the be positive stuff on Facebook is shoved down everyone's throat.  Being an outliner, I have felt the pressures. It definitely has advanced "group think" using technology. 

Heavy Facebook Use Can Make You Jealous and Depressed

One thing that can be bad about Facebook and I was talking about this to a commenter on this blog, is Facebook can make you feel bad about yourself. It can bring forth envy and jealousy. I get the feeling that most people whose lives did not go so good, probably stay away from Facebook. One does not see homeless people on Facebook putting up pictures of their cardboard beds on the sidewalk.  What should I post a picture of on this housebound day? A picture of my CPAP machine? A picture of some scrambled eggs I may eat for dinner or lunch? A picture of me doing bills where I promised each 10 dollars a month to keep out of collections? How about scrubbing the kitchen floor later? I did the bathroom one with an old rug scrubber yesterday. There is part of me that almost wants to do this to take the piss. Maybe I should. LOL  I will take one boring housebound day and photograph mundane crap and see if anyone gets the joke. 

This commerical annoys me. When I watch those idiots all photographing their food to probably post on Facebook or Instagram, I find myself thinking JUST EAT YOUR FOOD JUST LIVE YOUR LIFE! One thing to notice about this commercial, notice how the family is not talking to each other in depth but more busy focusing on what will be focused on social media. Appearances have been made into EVERYTHING.

I like to cook, I made some gourmet stuff, that probably could be a shiny example on social media if I took the time to photograph it. I made rice noodles with chili sesame oil, vegetables and chicken just the other day but I wanted this meal for me and my husband. I didn't feel like sharing it with the world! Something is wrong with this, where people photograph every meal, in this commercial a boring potroast, isn't this the height of narcissism to have people think everyone wants to see every meal you eat, like those muk-bang people?

Anyhow back to the ENVY. It's a sin I struggle with.  Facebook often makes me feel even more like a "failure" or "jealous" and like I am "not enough".  Does it do this to you? Even if I remind myself these people on Facebook are all presenting their best sides, hiding divorces, drug problems, and even worse,  still Facebook can be a negative experience.

 I have not attain certain things in life the majority of late 40 somethings have managed. I'm an "outsider" to societal norms.  Facebook lays this burden on me pretty heavy.  Because of my Aspergers and serious physical problems I fell way behind at around age 20 and never caught up. I missed developmental adult milestones. Facebook for me is a reminder of those milestones I missed out on.  Stunted by Aspergers, super-fatness, my life did not take the normal trajectory. When one is in their thirties there is some slack given for being a would be late-bloomer, start approaching 50 and well, you're a "wash-out" to regular society. I have to work on myself day and night as people know on this blog to erase the words "failure" and "loser" that shout through my mind as an inheritance from my abusive toxic family. I tell myself "Don't compare yourself to others, they are not dealing with what you are dealing with. They had loving families, their lungs worked, they were not short of breathe the last two days, their bodies worked, of course their lives will be very different."

 Many things on Facebook can trigger me. I doubt I am the only one this happens to. I fear that place for anyone with challenges.  I see people with pictures of loving family reunions where the people all love and like each other but inside, I wonder about people who post endless pictures of them smiling next to family and friends. It is like they are putting themselves on display for a life contest. Everyone's hugging and smiling and looking at the camera instead of EACH OTHER. Have you noticed this? If you are having a real fun or loving visit while invite outsiders in for a view all the time? I know some simply want the memories but even there a line can be crossed.

Classmates who seemed to have blessed idealized lives from high school graduation on populate my Facebook feed. I wasn't super close to anyone in high school but allowed around 11-12 acquaintances on as Facebook friends. Some are very nice people but they have never faced milk crates or boarding houses or too many ramen noodles. They all married young, had 2-5 children and those children are all in their 20s now, and successful. The one high school classmate who was scared away from being my friend by my raging father, went on to get a doctorate degree, happily married by the early 90s and had 7 children. Her loving family even of origin embraces her in endless public photos. All my other classmates save for one gay one, and a divorced one all seemed to marry by age 21. Everyone is securely employed and they are dentists, system analysts, attorneys and other professionals.  My childhood best friend from the Washington DC suburb I lived in until I was 13, became a high paid attorney, same for a next door neighbors daughter who became an accountant and married a high paid accountant husband. A few had secure factory and tech jobs they never got laid off from.  Knowing demographics, surely some ended up poor. I guess they aren't on Facebook. It's impossible that every classmate of mine ended up wealthy especially since the economic collapse of 2008.

Most are grandmothers and grandfathers showing off their cadres of grandchildren in lavish green gardens, fishing on boats, planting flowers in their huge suburban yards. People taking vacations, to places I could only dream of. Kentucky, Maine, vacation homes, Mackinaw Island and overseas. I guess the broke people aren't going anywhere and not posting on Facebook either. Isn't Facebook a comparison game? If one thinks about the materialism and consumerism, of "Keeping up with the Joneses". In the old days people only saw the new car in their drive-way or new gazebo in their yard, now one sees on Facebook the entire LIFESTYLE they feel they have to attain to be equal. If anything Facebook has promoted this. It's laid the pressure on for conformity that way to acquire, succeed and "show off".

I told my husband one day, I want my life to be for us, and don't want to share all parts of my life. Yeah I know maybe I am being a hypocrite since I blather on about life and personal aspects of it on this blog, and maybe even I have gotten caught up in the sharing society to an extent but there's something creepy to me about all this, where people are showing off their lives to each other like "presentations". Life contests, whose got the best life, whose the most loved?   They aren't talking about anything real in a lot of the cases but doing a "life presentation". 

I had one local guy who I inadvertently offended with one non-politically correct opinion refuse to befriend me on Facebook, he had 4,000 "friends", that told me, I probably wanted to stay far away from him anyway. I think when someone crosses a certain number rubicon, they are collecting friends like trophies to signal their "worth". No one on this earth has 4,000 actual "friends" it would be impossible.

Even the family stuff seems to present children and relatives like trophies, all lined up. I wrote about the narcissists treating children like possessions and "trophies" and acquisition signals, of "worth". I see this all over Facebook. Parents constantly post on little Johnny's good grades. One narc ex-wife of a cousin, even slapped up her straight A student's entire report card. Children who present well are pictured all over the place. I don't mind memories of children and have a few friends who shows them and their kids doing fun stuff and taking trips, but that's more for memories then the show off stuff that concerns me. When they post report cards, something has gone off.

Facebook did wake me up to my family, in some ways. I wrote about how my mother would have pictures taken of her standing next to various relatives, who were all thin. There she was smiling showing off relatives as trophies. I noticed Aunt Scapegoat never appeared in ONE photo standing next to anyone in the family, they always relegated her to some table alone. Pictures can expose a lot about people. When I examined my photos, I saw the mean looks my family gave me and realized when I took a photo of any relative, they never smiled. My mother's Facebook account, had endless memes of "I love my grandchildren" and "I love my daughter" [my sister]. It was all shallow. Family as possession, family as trophy. My sister never posted activities with her children but only achievements, her son becoming an eagle scout, her children getting Catholic school medals from the bishop and more so.  Breeding bringing worth, children counted same as stocks and bonds.

Everything becomes about status in an appearance oriented culture think about that.

I often have the thought lately, I wish I could have a real world social life instead of a virtual one. I used to blame the online world dominating the real life one, due to my being disabled but now this many years in, I see the virtual social world becoming more important to everyone. Real life socializing has gone down the tubes. I notice very few people talk to one another in public, everyone's staring at their phones or on Facebook. Meeting people has gotten far harder. While I care about online friends I have met and consider them REAL FRIENDS, I usually take them off Facebook into email at least for a more real conversation. These developments worry me. Facebook while making meeting up with people easier, and keeping contact with long distant people a far more simpler prospect seems to be breaking down social connections in everyday life. I miss even just the way conversation used to be.

So I have serious concerns about Facebook. I won't end my account because there are friends I do want to keep contact with there and I have the whole deafness and PM thing to take into account but I think I am going to be lower my participation. I have to for the sake for my sanity.


  1. It reminds me of that movie" The Giver" about a dystopian society that squelches independent thought at the whim of "The Elders" It's a a lot like the book 1984 with slogans about how the "elders wanted sameness." They used terms like "precision of language" if they heard someone say something they didn't want to hear. They acted like they had done away with murder at the same time they routinely euthanized babies and the elderly that were not living up to their potential. They called it "releasing some one to elsewhere" They medicated away real emotions by taking these daily injections of an unknown anti depressant. They slowly eroded everyone's freedom in the name of a free living society.

    1. Wow what a movie, sounds like they want to enact some of the dystopian plans they are always presenting in movies. Euthanization a la Logan's Run. The medicating and repression of real emotions is happening now. I definitely have to watch that one. "precision" of language would definitely be the attitude of the technocrats we have now!

  2. Do you have three or four friends on Facebook that you like to talk to by PM? If you think they'd enjoy each other, why not make a Facebook page just for a few of you apart from your personal pages? You can make it private or secret (secret means it is not searchable). I participate in two of them and it's much more fluid than PMs; that is, if you don't mind everyone in the group seeing what you're saying.

    Personally, I post very little to my own page. And certainly never my meals. :) Most of my conversation is out of the "public" eye.

    1. Good idea. I am focusing on private PMs there most of the time now. Glad you have your own private page. I use custom groups a lot to hide things. LOL about the meals. I have posted some cooking, in the past even here, but some of that is getting out of hand. My good camera broke and it's driving me nuts because I can't take as good pictures as before. Hopefully I can replace it off ebay.

  3. Dear Peeps, fakebook creeps me out. Too many people know your business there.
    Meanwhile, in blog-land, the readers are fewer - because people who read are fewer than the nosey fake.y majority. That's why I like blogs - communication in smaller privacy-respecting groups

    1. Yeah facebook creeps me out more and more too. I met the catfish there, in a health related group. I know my being hearing impaired, I like PMing friends but I am going to limit more involvement there. I feel more comfortable communicating on blogs too. So understand what you mean.

  4. What I found amusing and revealing about fb -
    When I was off for awhile, I was actually afraid that perhaps I'd offended some aquantances by not liking/responding to their achievements,manicures, cat photos, whatever! Low and behold, it was as if I'd never left, or more accurately, had never been there. All that manic, compulsive communicating is for naught, if you'd hoped to hear "Hi! Are you still with us?" Lol

    1. It will be interesting to notice for me too. I agree the juggernaut moves on. While I value some close online friends [we write letters etc like old timey pen pals] I know the endless "shallow" stuff isn't cutting it for me, so you're right they'd probably wouldn't even notice me leaving. Its like so many are focused on "self displays" they don't keep track whose really there. With everyone clamoring to be seen does anyone see each other?

  5. If I may add, the moral of the story is, nobody
    REALLY cares or is aware of your opinions or involvement in their lives. With, or without you, the fb juggernaut moves on!

    1. Agree.

      Kind of like my narc family. Being gone this long, I realized I was never really "part of their lives".

      Its a lot of time invested in something that is a constant rotating circle that goes no where.