Friday, April 17, 2015
A Feeling of Relief over the Scorched Earth
Ever since I went NC from the entire family this week and unfriended the last of them on Facebook, I have had a feeling of major relief. This has surprised me to the degree it has been.
It is like I threw off a two-ton weight off my back. I realized even trying to deal with the ones I thought were "nicer" was just re-opening wounds over and over and giving the main narcs an ability to abuse me by proxy. I realized this over the last year especially. Their calls, emails and even rare messages on Facebook bothered me.
I don't have to try anymore or bang my head against the wall.
I don't have to worry about sending cards out anymore that are just ignored.
I don't have to worry about phone calls.
I don't have to feel guilt over not having money or health to visit people who never come my direction.
I don't have to cry over not being visited or loved or accepted or seen.
I don't have to worry about proving myself anymore to people who never would accept me.
I don't have to worry about sticking to a false fantasy of a family that was never there for me.
My modus operanti now is to remove all narcs from my life. If people don't like me or put me down or I feel I have to "prove" myself to them, I am done. I am applying this to daily life. Achievement queens and put-downers, I am done with. No more being the scapegoat, or ignored or devalued in any group.
I just want to live in peace. I have had more peace being NC, but now the peace will be more complete.