This may be bad, but I have told a few people simply, "I do not have a family", when they have asked about my family. I know it kind of implies they are all dead. Hopefully God will not see this as a sin but I really do not have a family in the way that it counts. It is easier to tell people this rather then get into long explanations about how my mother is a sociopath and turned every member against me. Some church members I told them I am estranged due to religious differences.
It is easier for me to just let people think that my family is all deceased. That can happen if someone is old enough and if there were no siblings, and people age and die. When one is without a family, they realize how family is such an important part of people's lives, where even the unmarried and childless who are aged, will still have nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles and parents who still go to dinners with them and visit them. One friend told me, "You really never had a family." and they are correct.
I know, its like the shame has to continue. We must always be ashamed of ourselves, our families, our mothers. I hope its not so bad to be a blurter, I'm a blurter, I've told some people about it, in the beginning, hoping for someone in the outside world to know what this is.
ReplyDeleteBut I've changed that stance now, I'm more quiet about it. But its like they are deceased, they never existed. My nieces are both married, and I've seen them about 5 times in my life. Who in the real world can connect to that?
Glad you relate Joan. Yes I have to be careful of being a blurter too. Aspie and all, you have to learn the social codes. Sometimes with good people if you are more vulnerable and tell them things, and talk things out it helps you be closer, but one has to be cautious and learn who to tell what. I agree it is like they are deceased and not even there. I have relatives I have only seen a few times too. I am a stranger without not meaning to be.
ReplyDeleteSocial codes - more high maintenance b.s. Like real people have nothing else better to do than deal with such nauseating fakery.
ReplyDeleteI hate the endless social codes. They make my brain hurt. I know I say the wrong thing to neurotypicals all the time even being too open or too closed. Even this blog would offend a lot of NTs because they would see it as airing 'dirty laundry" even without any names on it. I am "out" as an Aspie on my social website so everyone knows.
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I feel like it"s really no one's business and told people the same thing or else I"d mention my late DH. Any mention of "late" has the desired effect (for me any way) of shutting down that avenue of discussion ;)
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I understand with your late DH. I think it is just better to tell them I have no family rather then worrying about explaining it all. I know some friends here asked "Where is your family?" A few who were closer I told the truth to, others I kind of implied there isn't one. One person said both me and my husband are like orphans in the world. His parents are both deceased and he has only one living relative he is in phone contact with.
DeleteWe're estranged! Is a good answer, and any further questions is a solid indication that the one asking is a nosey jerk.
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