"We Can't Find Any Adoption Records."
This brought serious tears. I sent out the adoption petition and within 4 days of me mailing it, the court called and told me, "We looked for adoption records going back to 1956, we could not find any adoption records." Now remember the court would not tell me if there were any records or not, so I had to send the petition in to find out ANYTHING. The lady on the phone was nice. She had heard of Lipedema and said, "Maybe it came through the male line?". Well there was no sign of it there. I was greatly disappointed.
I think it is sad, that the family never would answer my questions. No one would show me one early picture to end my wondering. I've never seen a picture of me prior to the 8 month old or so one. My empty baby photo album compared to my brother and sister's full ones still stands in stark reminder. By an early age, I would ask, "Where are all my pictures?" and would cry and never get any response. I still think something is fishy, with my family, I believe the court did it's best but know now I will never get the answers I so desired. One friend says I should call "Exploited and Missing Children" to see if some funny business happened, but 46 years later, that is too much time. One therapist theorized, my mother had an affair or even my father could have but I was taken into the family. Chances are I will never know and I have to accept that. While we may delve into the past to find out what happened, there is only a point you can take things.I can't beat my head on the wall wondering anymore. I hate feeling like she "wins" all the time. Missing out on important medical information is a blow too. Remember my thinking about wanting answers has been for my whole life. I never had the guts to go digging for anything before.
Part of me is nauseous even thinking I could be biologically related to any of them. No one is diabetic. No one looks like me. My brother is the closest but all these thin people it simply makes no sense. One thing I will say, if she has early baby pictures or birth pictures in her possession or that aunt does who refused them, they are unworthy of me ever speaking to them again for that alone. Her refusing to answer sincere and polite questions upon my Lipedema diagnosis, is one of the worse things she ever did. Please don't tell me to ask any for DNA, the controlled minions never would sign up. I plan to never speak to any of them ever again. At this point I think my best emotional option is to move forward. A happier future rests in letting this stuff go. It was important for me to know and I tried my best but can't let it eat me alive. There is a great loss in not finding a birth family that looks like me and may act like human beings.