The Life and Times of a 500 Pound Woman.
I don't know if my mother truly qualifies as a narcissist. She can be generous. However, when it comes to listening to what's going on with anyone else, she closes her ears. She rides my son mercilessly about things like learning to drive and finishing college. I've tried to tell her that he has agoraphobia and is working on things at the pace he can, but she just freaks out and then when I tell her I can't deal with talking about it, she tells me she doesn't know why I'm being so defensive. I end up being caught between my mother and my son (who hates her, and I understand why.) It's very distressing.
Hey generosity doesn't cancel out being a narcissist. Mine would even buy me nice gifts, for some time that confused and fooled me as the abuse, back stabbings and put downs continued. Sorry yours closes her ears, yes I would protect your son as much as you can to keep him from hearing those sort of things. I suppose you don't have to worry about her turning him against you. Narcissists do not have empathy to deal with people's physical or other challenges. I hope things go better for your son. This world is too fast paced for many. Being Aspie even driving and managing in modern society was harder. I learned in my 30s I deal with smaller towns far easier and am better off with a more simple life. Your son may find it easier to manage if he lived in a smaller town or rural area or pursued a simpler lifestyle.
My wife and I nicknamed one of the narcs in our circle "the Gifter". "When it comes to listening to what's going on with anyone else, she closes her ears." Just speaking from experience, what cued me into the wolf nature of the folk dressed in sheepskins was the complete indifference they had toward my inner life; dreams, ambitions (unless they could exploit them of course), FEELINGS....
Sounds like an appropriate nickname. They have total indifference to any feelings, inner life or dreams. One thing I noticed about Mini-Me and Queen Spider is they seemed to lack an inner life or dreams. They never shared any. Nostalgia, tears, missing someone, taking an interest in what is going on with someone else, any emotions. All gone. The wolfs are shells in many ways too.
Oh yeah. My daddy was like a machine. The man could work 16 hour days 7 days a week on 4 hours sleep. I can't even think straight going a day or two on 4 hours. My biological mother died at a very young age (I was 6 years old) of cancer. I have not once, ever, nada, seen him cry about it. I saw his father cry talking about it, and he's the toughest SOB I've ever known in my life (WW2 vet). The only thing daddy (sorry for the sarcasm) could say about my mother was it was the cigarettes that killed her, the woman smoked like a chimney stack. Direct quote. And I'm not joking. That's the depth of conversation we had about her. The N-laws are a little different in that they fake sentimentality, and emotion, and they're damn good at it. But I've learned to hear what they say with my brain instead of my heart, and figure 90 percent of it is garbage you find on Facebook, those mimes and things like that; platitudes and cliches. Empty. Was that you that posted the video of the sharks having a self help meeting? That clip comes to mind when thinking about their fake empathy.
That is sad you had a father like that. Sorry you lost your mother so young. yes that is like a machine. I have relatives like that, no emotions what so ever. Glad his father had a few emotions, your father didn't seem to care much just commenting on her smoking. That is sad, that is the depth of conversation. Yes there are the narcs who fake emotion. My mother doesn't bother except around outside friends but some of those can be more dangerous where they have sugar-poison coating what they are doing. A smile on the face while they have the dagger hidden behind their backs. Yes I've seen the platitudes on facebook, some of that stuff gets nauseating. I think I did put up that cartoon. Fake empathy can be worse in some ways then the ones who don't bother.
Dear Peeps, bread at the hardware store, so true.