Saturday, December 27, 2014
Righteous Anger From Narcissistic Abuse
Our anger has a reason to exist. We don't need the preaching of false forgiveness for the unrepentant wicked. We don't want the anger to destroy us and need to avoid revenge, but our anger has a reason because it is a natural reaction to insanity. Ollie says some interesting things here, like telling ourselves "Get over it". He is right that some of us took abuse for decades. I took it for over 40 years, with the exception of this no contact and the few years of my first no contact. Getting over it in one year isn't always going to happen. He is right about that.
"Your anger now is coming from a place of knowledge of what happened to you and a place of righteousness because you were the victim, and you were the abused. Led to believe through decades of abuse that you were the problem. You have every right to that anger."
"That anger's righteous."
I was made to feel like I was the problem my whole life, and now I realize I was not. I have been able to forgive myself even knowing that my abuse for my severe medical problems and Aspergers was beyond the pale. That disgusting woman had me even blaming myself for being sick for far too many years. A kind nurse before I went NC, asked me "Why do you blame yourself for being sick?" I know why.
Ollie stresses how the narcissists beat into our heads that everything was our fault and that we were pieces of garbage. He admits even after 5-6 years of NC in his case, he still has to remind himself he isn't the problem. He is right we have to get over the decades of their training.
"The more you find out the more pissed off you get"
That comment made me laugh, because the more I have remembered and more I have assessed what happened to me. I am pissed. I think feeling the anger [making sure to handle it maturely and wisely] is part of the healing process. He is right we can put a name on it and identify it.
"I wasn't the problem, these people were deliberate abusers"
These are the things we have to remind ourselves of, as we work through being ACONs and being NC from our abusers.