Thursday, December 4, 2014

The Adoption Saga

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Am I Adopted?

Open adoption is the best. Sadly I was not born in an open adoption state. The one I live in now I could just call up the court and get whatever information I want since I am over 18. Sadly this is not where I was born, and I am stuck with a place where a court petition is required to unseal adoption records.

After some weeks, I figured out the right court, and place to call. No one will tell me even if I AM adopted or not and I have to pay 80 bucks, and fill out the forms. I talked to the senior court clerk yesterday who told me, they can't even tell me if my birth certificate is amended and I have to do the paperwork for the petition to unseal adoption records to find out if there are ANY adoption records. If I am not adopted whatsoever, I may be eligible to get a refund. This is what happens when you have a family that does nothing but keep secrets and the mistress of lies and withholding for a "mother".

At least I have a claim to have them opened with medical reasons being the top reason. There are still medical problems such as with my kidneys, the doctors have not figured out. Even with the Lipedema being so severe, I need answers.

It could go either way, I will find out I am not adopted, and will feel utter disgust or I will find out I am adopted and will go seeking more answers. Then there could be the decision of seeking DNA tests, but if you have relatives all owned and controlled by narcissists, that is a very difficult thing to obtain. I suppose you can tell which way I hope things turn out. I hope I am adopted and I can find more answers.  Of course if a parent cheated or something else more insidious happened, then I may hit yet another dead end.

It was always weird to be super-fat in the land of the skinny-minnies. There's a few fat mid-sized level relatives but no one who ever reached my size or state of poor health. In all my research of the severely obese on this blog, the majority always had some sort of family history of severe obesity. However in my family, the majority were extraordinarily thin even for average people. Imagine a fat Aspie in the land of skinny model types.

There is no way I share any DNA with size zero first cousins. I look at a friend I have who is 400lbs, and two sisters are near her weight and two other sisters are in the high 200s and 300s. Her cousins are large too as show in family photos. One can tell she came out of that family genetically. Her face looks like theirs. I always have felt this feeling of not belonging like I was an add on.

I won't forget that my mother even refused to answer when I confronted her with the lipedema diagnosis. You know you are dealing with one sick individual when you ask a basic question about your origins and they say nothing or play turn the tables. Two cousins were shocked to hear about her response. It made no sense.

 One friend is worried I will find out I am her biological daughter and about my emotional reaction. I'm ready for anything but I am praying for answers and the truth.

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