They see one person, we get another. They see the nice superficial surface. Of course even then there's many family enablers who have seen the mask drop and realize what the narcissist or sociopath is. These sorts don't want to rock the boat and will use you as a shield instead of being a target in their cowardice.
Dear Peeps and Friends, while reading narc-blogs, got me to thinking that if a family member is railroaded like this, and even half the town thinks the narc-target is a nut-job/luzer...can the same process happen in the literary world. Have people, from centuries ago, been slandered? Is King James 1 a victim of slander? Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteSure, that happens all the time in the king and queen of the mountain games, where they push someone off or black ball them. I think people from centuries ago have been slandered defintely.
DeleteMy adopted narc mother was "nice" to people too. She had a rules that my siblings and I did not embarrass her; otherwise, she would go home with us in tow. When one of us spoke up, my adopted narc mother would tell the "non-offending" siblings that we had to go home because one of us was being a "bad" boy or girl. In that way, the "non-offending" siblings got mad at those who spoke up. It was her way of triangulating me and my adopted siblings that eventually led us not to have close relationships.
ReplyDeleteI remember talking with an older woman who told me that her sons did not keep in touch with her and her husband divorced her for "abusing" his sons. She claimed that she believed in spanking and her husband did not. She also believed that her husband divorced her because they disagreed on how they should raise their children. I remember feeling awkward when she told me that her sons cut her off but we kept on talking. I had to find ways to make her feel better by talking about her job and something she did that year.
She admitted that one son went NC and one went LC at that time. And her husband wanted to go through marital counseling until she accepted his decision to divorce her. I remember telling her that I thought her husband sounded manipulative or something like that, and I thought she could stop going to counseling for that reason. She told me that although she had no hope for the marriage, she had to go to counseling in order to meet the court's requirement for their divorce.
The last time I saw her, she showed me her empathy when I refused to move to a homeless shelter that a false Christian friend wanted to refer me to. I remember her telling a false Christian that I did not want to hear her arguing why I should be at the homeless shelter and why I should stomach the fact that so-called Christian couples refused to help me. I remember cutting that false Christian out of my life and that the self-admitted "abusive mother" defended my choice. It was sometime in 1997. I remember being freaked out that I called my local friend after I came home.
Well, the "self-admitted" abusive mother did not see me again since she parted ways with the false Christian. I remember having some hints of suspicions and feeling awkward talking with an abusive mother. Since we talked about her sons not contacting her, she did not mention them again.
Yes both my parents were "nice" too and would play the social polite game. We had the pressures not to embarrass too. I remember the triangulation too. My mother would tell family friends, I was a "bad awful girl" who was fat and lazy and would tell them how wonderful my sister was. One family we were friends with for years and years, their son decided he was in love with my sister but she blew him off.
DeleteI am glad that mother helped you. Maybe she had a smear campaign done against her. I have heard of ACONs losing their children to other narcs. I try to be careful not to jump to conclusions about that one since some narcs have their children walk away but some are scapegoats losing the children to smear campaigns from other narcs.