Monday, August 1, 2016
"Make Better Choices and Other Directionless Directives"
Make Better Choices and Other Directionless Directives
This week I keep running across sayings, posters and quotes that I find frustrating because they are all sayings and directives that I believed in and strived towards for so many years. The problem was that in reality I was spinning my wheels and not really making any progress with moving forward and away from my struggles, depressions, and oppression. Today I see some of these sayings as “directionless directives”. They sound great, ideal in fact, but they didn’t actually HELP me.
They motivated me and inspired hope in me for about twenty minutes or even a few days before the familiar feeling of personal failure set in once again. I thought I was the only one who could not achieve the decisions these little sayings were meant to inspire.
"What about this one; “Your life is a result of the choices that you make. If you don’t like your life it’s time to start making better choices.” I have a real issue with this one; I tried to “make better choices” for at least 20 years before I finally started to dig into WHY I made the sometimes disastrous choices that I made. The answers were not about “just change and presto all will be well”. The answers were in facing how I arrived at such a broken place.
It is so simple for people to spout off all these “oh so easy answers” to all of life’s problems but the HOW part of it is not so easy. And when I start talking about the “how part” many people run for the hills. There is a huge fear of facing the pain that facing the truth brings and I think that fear goes hand in hand with the fear of taking the action that comes right after the clarity and seeing the truth.
I am so glad that I realized that I am worth the effort that it took to overcome the belief system that had been set in place for me by abusers. I didn’t know that I was worth it at first, but I kept going forward long enough to find out and today I know that I am worth every tiny, huge or medium effort that I put into my life.
Before I could make better choices and before these little posters and quotes were actually uplifting instead of a reminder of “my weakness” I had to find out how I got to where I was. I had to understand and VALIDATE what had happened to me in the first place and the damage that it caused. I had to face the truth about the origins of the broken and I had to do the work to repair it. I had to fight for me before I could stand up for me. The solution was in changing the false messages that I believed about myself back to the truth. THEN I made better choices.
There was an order in this process of healing; and I didn’t start at the end. The solution was not in these deceptively easy sounding directionless directives.
So true, I find those "directionless directives" harmful as well!