Thursday, September 22, 2016

The Co-Housing Life



Co-housing always sounded like a better way of living to me. I sometimes do worry about government enforcing cohousing on people and some Mao-ist communes coming into vogue. There are Christian websites that warn against communitarianism..

However a truly spontaneous group sounds great to me. This style of life appeals to me greatly. Modern American life especially for the elderly and disabled can be a very lonely place. If you have no family, also the isolation can be extreme. I fear for my unmarried disabled single friends as that can get even more isolating. Some may be able to get paid care-givers but a lot of life is spent very isolated.

Sadly for too many life becomes a series of acquaintances, that you see at various groups you may attend, or people you see out around your town. You are not really having people as part of your life, to be given to or to give to and serve. 

What bugs me about co-housing is it seems to be only something offered to the upper middle class and wealthier people. While I am sure some intentional communities would take healthy and young people with few assets who can dedicate their labors, when it comes to co-housing unless you have money, you aren't let in. It's something I wish was more open to other kind of people.

I believe these people are trying to reclaim what happened in neighborhoods 50 years ago. When people had families who were THERE and present in their lives and neighbors they actually KNEW and talked to. All the moving Americans have been forced to do, has ruined social ties and ruined community.

 Some people want lives with community in them. I have not been able to find community again in my life. That church I left here had none, it was basically a lecture society for the pastor.  I had community for a short time in my rural church in my old town and via an informal artists co-op and coffee shop. At both places we had shared meals. Here I have not been able to find that same world, and those communities I was in, in my old town ended.

I have talked to my husband about my desire to live in a co-housing community but now it seems poor people and especially disabled people are blocked out of them. It is still something where I look up the websites and dream about it.

 It was something I dreamed about but was not able to bring to fruition. My husband jokes about not being made to live with a 1,000 brother and sisters. I'm not sure he is into this style of life like me but he has admitted we are too socially isolated as well. He would definitely refuse to ever live in an intentional community, I don't want that either.  We need the privacy of our own dwelling space. I am too Aspie for a ton of roommates who share immediate living space with me. One has to be young and healthy too for most intentional communities.  Disabled people who can't do stairs, that's not happening.

Most co-housing places are limited to larger communities and more prevalent in some states then others. I know where the ones are in my state but two are in one wealthy large city area, and another is in another large city.

I would also need one where I would not be forced to adhere to a specific ideology. That is one issue, most of the co-housing intentional world is extremely leftist, not always Christian friendly though I am sure exceptions exist. There are Christian intentional communities, but there you have to be careful of cults, and some are of beliefs that differ from my own. People are social animals. While even being Aspie, I know a life full of more face to face relationships would be better for me, emotionally and physically. I believe more people are realizing something is wrong with modern American life and how socially disconnected it is and are trying to fix this. I still think about how could I fix this aspect of my life?

Senior Co-Housing 

Senior Co-housing book 

Co-housing Directory

Intentional Community Directory 

12 comments:

  1. Kinda reminds me of living in tribes. There people don't go hungry, there is always someone who can pick up the slack. They do this in certain African tribes, they don't accept outsiders, and the Masai people are the most isolated on earth.

    But everyone in such a community will have to be trusted. No one is perfect, but narcissism has to go, that is the one rule. It is about community living, people have to be community minded. I personally like the idea, but like you said, it can turn into control.

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    1. Hi Joan, I read something once that Eskimos or some other tribal people would plan to get rid of a narcissist or sociopath since they were a danger to tribal cohesion. I wonder if there was a weeding out of narcs and sociopaths in tribes, surely that type of living wouldn't reward the narc or sociopath and their antics would be discovered. It is true everyone would have to be trusted.

      I wonder if modern co-housing or intentional communities are mindful of narcissists or sociopaths. They could destroy an entire community just one. An intentional community of long standing would collapse from one narc. I like the idea too as long as it doesn't go into control freak land.

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  2. Co housing and other idealistic schemes tend to attract a lot of nice but naive people who then attract narcissists, opportunists etc. So idealists need to learn to be realistic and a bit hard-headed as well as kind. You have to build in controls from the start. Professional help to set up financial controls and money checking systems is essential. Writing by-laws sounds boring but having by-laws setting out basic rules is invaluable in case of disputes which will happen sooner or later. Having lawyers check out by-laws for compliance with the law is important because if an internal by-law contradicts the law, it may be useless in case of dispute.

    With proper structure, co-housing can work well and greatly improve members's lives. In Canada we have some housing co-ops which are for all income levels. We as a group have learned a lot over the years about how to make such organisations work.

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    1. I agree, nice naive people could get taken advatage of, I agree about being realistic and hard headed while kind. People who are narcs and sociopaths need weeded out and I agree about financial controls and money checking systems. By laws are definitely a necessity. I am glad to hear of co-housing for all income levels in Canada. I have read about some in Europe but glad to hear it is there. I wish your group all the success it can have. I remain interested in that way of life.

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  3. Would the Manson family be co-housing at it's worst?

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    1. More technically a commune at it's worse. Co-housing they could lock Charlie out to play his guitar in the commons area. Thus the warning against cults.

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  4. Whats the commandant about co-housing with my neighbors wife?

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    1. Don't do it. This kind of co-housing has private quarters for couples. :p

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  5. Hi, this is Vicky who you sometimes see on Lissettes' blog. My family and I are trying to build an intentional community for Autistics, their families, and suporters in Pueblo Colorado. Our plan is for an AUtistic community within an already existing community. We already have 3 humble homes within a block of each other. My dream is huge, hundreds of homes huge.We have plans to support each other, grow much of our food, create autistic jobs and live in "Autistic Space. We already have the most loved and spoiled egg layers in our back" yard, a nice garden, and are researching so that we can get bees in the spring. We assume that most of us will be on the poor side, but with sharing resources and company can still be very rich in the most important ways. If you want more info, let me know.

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    1. Hi Vicky, I hope your dream takes off. I once knew someone who was interested in an autistic commune, but don't think they ever got one started. I am glad you got something started and hope it works out well. :)

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    2. Oh don't take this wrong but I wish you were anywhere but Colorado, I have a very bad time with high altitudes. I'd even want to visit an autistic intentional community, one day. I was in Colorado at 15 and could not breath.

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  6. http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/09/millennial-housing-communal-living-middle-ages/501467/

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