Monday, March 15, 2021

The Covid Isolation of an Ex-Scapegoat Aspie in Dystopian Times


The isolation of Covid19 is getting to me. If not for my husband I would have already gone mad, in a spiral of complete loneliness.  My life was isolated before, this has firebombed any idea of a social life or social connections. How many single people are ready to lose it, after a year of solitary confinement and just seeing blank masked faces at the grocery store? Many including me are not doing well because there's no one to talk to in person anymore and it feels like all the good things in life have been taken away. Fun's been cancelled. Line up for your card and food rations--hmmm maybe those days are coming.  I was struggling enough in 2019 when those two Lipedema friends died, and from going deaf, and this has just felt like too many losses.

Is anyone else questioning how Covid is being handled? I wore/wear the masks and followed all the "rules". I am now am upset over the possibility of an experimental vaccine being forced on people or being under vaccine passports. The more I researched the vaccine and it's health impacts, the more upset I got. While I got mad at right wingers, and regret a few things, most of the left's blind marching towards an experimental vaccine is freaking me the hell out. Safe vaccines are good to me. If it is safe, tested and true, great! I believe vaccines have saved millions of this lives. This type of vaccine still troubles me. 

Remember when investigative journalism still existed? I guess I am old enough. Those on the left better not make the mistake of silencing other voices. I went to go listen to a Dr. Tenpenny video, she explains how the mRNA vaccines work and the troubles with them. As I read studies, and literature from the companies themselves, she didn't say anything wrong about these vaccines.

To many liberals, she's just a "anti-vaxx" "nutter", but according to my research she didn't say anything wrong about the vaccines and in how they work. And that's what bugs me. Some of us who have no problem with vaccines--I got a flu shot and tetanus shot last year will be labeled "antivaxxer" crazies because we don't want to be guinea pigs.

 I did hours of amateur google "research", and just got more upset, it was enough to know there's problems here.  I went to Google and did "mRNA" studies, doing a search where I wiped out results from 2019 on to clear up the field and noticed the scientists were pointing out the risks of extreme immunological reactions even as late as 2018. If anyone is interested, I'll send you the links.  I want to know what is going on, and the dangers. My personal risks are not small.

I am facing something "new" too. Some weird labs are cropping up, and they are in shock I am still creating tons of kidney stones even while on a very strong medicine. I am being sent to a nephrologist. This came out of the blue and is something another doctor wanted. I am researching now as to what could be the problem and it's probably something complex.  I have holes in my science knowledge and education, but I am more used to reading some scientific writings as related to the medical field more than an average person. I read Pub Med for years. 

 Some early animals studies went very bad. Google ferrets and mRNA research.  It seems all people with common sense would be thinking, "I don't want to be an experiment!" This could be the biggest medical experiment ever done on humanity.  The right went so extreme with the Capitol insurrection and Trump's craziness, that the left is being led by the nose into supporting the system at all costs. I remember when leftists questioned the mainstream. Do we have to prove we believe in science by being human petri dishes, putting our immune systems perhaps at risk for the new "gene therapy"? I believe the majority of people believe the Covid vaccines are like the vaccines of old. They are not. Maybe China and other countries have traditional vaccines, but this would bear some looking into.

This week, I was on a Zoom, and one of my acquaintances, got the first dose of a Covid vaccine and has been very sick in bed for 10 days. I don't know if they will end up hospitalized or what will happen but they sound like they are in dire trouble. Worried voices among my group all fluttered in anxiety. What worries me is at least several people on my Zoom groups have listed horrifying flu symptoms or worse, feeling like they were on fire, spiking high fevers, extreme fatigue. These were the things they were telling groups of 15 plus people, what was going on behind closed doors? How many will remain silent or minimize things out of embarrasment that they lined up? With everyone so seperated now, are the side effects even being reported or known to the point they should be?

These were healthy people. What's supposed to happen to someone like me? What's going to happen to these people long term? It doesn't take much indepth looking to find the people in nursing homes who supposedly died after the vaccine or other older people. Sure some will die via statistics, just by the numbers game but what I have seen seems beyond that.  I live in a body that is an autoimmune nightmare. I wake up daily sometimes to my skin on fire, my forehead burning, my mouth full of sores, the pain and fatigue I face is hard to describe. People see a fat woman and think I can fix everything just by putting down the cakes and cookies, I wish! People don't know what they are playing with, they are playing with fire. Maybe I am a worry wart for thinking it could go bad, but didn't we get in trouble with Covid19 in the first place because people said it wouldn't be a problem?

I've kept my mouth shut, fearing shunning, fearing ostracization for not going with the program.  I don't want to interfere. There's a worry about people getting Covid too. I attempted a subtle warning..."I don't trust the mRNA new tech and have to talk to my doctor" and Zoom rooms fell silent as if I committed a huge taboo. Some people probably will give me a break. A few already have. They will know that with my health history, there's too much dangers. I am worried however for other people too. What will happen to children if they give these vaccines to them one day? I am older, what about younger people who would be betting against their entire lives?

One thing creeping me out is how some people getting the new vaccines are stating, "it's my immune system being reprogrammed" as if their illness was a good sign. Sorry but if you feel sick your body is under attack. While vaccines can affect people negatively, all the historical vaccines that worked never made people sick. Is this article trying to tell us bad side effects are good? Give me a break! My flu shot was like drinking a glass a water in how much it affected me, not at all!  I have asked questions like, How will the spike proteins turn off when it comes to other tissues? How do we know what will happen long term? We don't. Maybe I'm one of those people who ask too many questions but this is the time and place to ask them.

It's weird how way too many on the left have been led to be blind conformists to the capitalist system and now enablers of pharmaceutical companies that while some have brought us medicines that have saved lives or keep us alive, there's been problems too. Think of words like baby powder or medicines that have been taken off the market for having side effects, black box warnings and all. All I got to say is I hope there's no dire effects long terms from all these millions of vaccines being distributed, but I am really worried about it. There is nothing democratic or freedom loving about virtue signaling or leaving everything up to experts who are definitely not free of money influences and other angles without examining things for yourself.  The people who were minding the store failed when it came to Covid19 itself, so will we see failure and disaster here? Us natural pessimists are shaking in our boots a bit. 

This is creating some angst. I was OPEN to taking the vaccines, but being the personality I am, and from all the crap I have gone through, I don't just accept things at face value. If you choose to get a vaccine, given the horrors of Covid, I understand, but please make sure you do a lot of research and examination and know what you are getting into. In my case, entire countries are telling people with my medical problems such as having anaphylactic shock not to get the vaccine. I am not sure why the USA is not delivering these warnings. Maybe they are being given in other states.

Yesterday I told my husband, there's a point I am going to have to return to living life, Covid or no Covid, because living like this seeing no people isn't going to be tolerable much longer. My time on this earth is probably limited as it is. Do I want to live or be in a cage night and day? 

I outran the Grim Reaper all these years for this? We haven't even gone on a short day trip in more than a year. I haven't gone more than 15 miles from my apartment either. We haven't seen one close friend in a year and half. I have seen doctors, and nurses and masked UU church members outside dropping things off or picking things up, and that's it. I have been in 6 stores and medical places since this crap all started. I may go to a thrift store this week since I need some things but that comes even with trepidation too. One lady at a group I belong wants to meet in person next month. Should I take the risk? Since it's for a meal people would have to take off masks for a short period of time. All these things are going through my head.  Some are vaccinated but probably some are not. The vaccines don't make people immune anyhow. Another group wants to have an outside meeting in masks, I may go and do that but yes the worry is there. 

My dreams are strange, rendered abnormal from lack of people and new places and things to do. Reality TV is forming more of my reality, when I find myself talking about people I will never meet online from Whitney Thore to the ladies of Sister Wives. It's scary how I eagerly anticipate these shows. I was watching 1000lb sisters last week and will post on it too.

My mind is being affected via lack of stimuli. While I have done some art work and done a lot of zooms, it's not the same as conversation in person. Even with my bad hearing I managed some. 
My husband keeps me going overall. He does put a smile on my face often during the day too. He keeps busy with some work [he is partially unemployed but there's some to do] and we have worked on projects together. We did form our own little caccoon. I do live in terror of him catching Covid and something happening to him but we did come together more as the world imploded. 

 While I have my husband, it's strange not to have conversations with people anymore. Some may say "Well you have Zoom....." but there a formalized exchange is about on par with what most people may face at work, you are not going to open up. When thirty people can hear your words at once, it's not the same as having private conversations. Some of my organizations definitely have added intellectual interest to my life, some activities with me writing and doing a few lectures for them, fun activities and needed stimuli, but it's not the same as real social interaction. The transcriber phone did work to fix the not being able to hear anyone. CART services and some captioning were offered on a few groups as well. 

I find myself if this is affecting me, isn't it affecting others and what is going to happen to all the kids? Life was already socially disconnected to the max for too many. All the young ACONs now forced to spend every waking hour with their narcissist parents are going to have it far worse. How many kids are going to develop personality disorders, anxiety, PTSD? I worry the younger generations undergoing this are going to be suppressed to be even more compliant and beaten down. That scares me for the future.

I've noticed most people go inward and don't talk about things when things go bad. Being a sharer, outside of my closely connected husband, I feel even more weird. One online friend is willing to talk to me, about some of the crazy stuff, so that's helped. We even talk about what we are going to make for dinner. I need some of that type of conversation. She questions the system like me and that helps. However with a lot of people now I feel uneasy. I lost all these friends from my religious deconversion and being so against Trump, some I would have stayed friends with but they were done with me. Now being in liberal circles, where I thinking more thoughts that have to remain "unspoken" else I could be shunned, there is this feeling of total repression.

I suppose the normal neurotypical reaction to tragedy, is the stiff upper lip face.  Life goes to hell and you go on. The pressure to not show emotions is even more. How is an autistic with a boatload of PTSD/CPTSD supposed to process all this?  I have learned the world's rules of never showing weakness, the hard way as shown on this blog. Showing feelings invited all the abusers in. Age taught me to emote less. It kind of sucks though. I worry I am becoming too closed down. Too many words measured by teaspoon. Inside feeling more and more alone, knowing too many emotions and thoughts are deemed "non-acceptable" by the world at large. The narcissists leave me alone now but it's like living in a repression box.

I notice sometimes even in one friendly group as some of the wealthier, academic types who have been given a place to speak, that they come from such a place of privilege, it is awe-inspiring. Their words are given weight. They hold a respect. They have a trust in this world. I do not. Am I crazy or am I just a realist? Science has brought us some good things but it can be corrupted too.

I think about my life time of invalidation and "independent thinking" that has cost me too high of a price in too many places. I pissed off the Christians and never fit in there. I am always in this place of not being able to "be me". Some people in these groups have given me compliments, "you are very intelligent", maybe those few would listen, but I feel the pressure. Does this make sense? I think what if I told some people how I really feel about the vaccines? Would they still talk to me? Would I face shunnings? How about the fact I believe this Covid stuff is being used? I believe the virus is real, don't get me wrong, but that fact is not escaping my attention and I wrote about it here. 

I regret some political stuff, and I still hate Trump but I feel so manipulated, I am on the verge of throwing all politics into the trashcan for life. I was so active but the same players always win. The world as a chessboard with every demographic at their propaganda beck and call. There feels like a uselessness to it all. I am burned out. There are regrets too that I "got too political", though I don't regret some unpairings there, when some had no independence of thought or supported full authoritarianism. I have every possiblity of getting in trouble with liberals as with conservatives so maybe I put myself out on an ice floe. Centrist Democrats considered me as an unrepentant radical too more times then not. Cancel culture bugs me, I can't stand the racists and other jerks either, but censorship sucks.

Biden is fortunately far more boring than Trump, and I've been ignoring politics lately, but why did he bomb Syria?  The centrist Democrats now are fighting about stimulus money or cutting the money or eligibility down.  We were able to pay our taxes, but a lot of our stimulus money has been used to purchase a specialist for my husband who has no medical insurance.

I am tired of hearing about variants and lock downs and unlock downs and feel like I am being gaslighted about a plague that just won't end. Does anyone remember when they promised it would be two weeks to flatten the curve?  I still wear my mask, but they've ruined everyone's lives. How many years will we all lose from this nonsense? Will I finally go see some people in masks while outside and then return home fearing "I caught it?". I think being ruled by fear is a path to misery too but it's like everything's been ruined. People are changing too, even more closed down quiet. The single and alone are suffering immensely, I've talked to a few and the ones with families around them are the extreme socially privileged.

I don't trust "vaccines" that don't work. Aka... no permanent immunity.

I don't trust being told masks still need to be worn by everyone vaccinated or unvaccinated. What use is the vaccine then? Seriously. Full blown risks with none of the pay-off?

I don't trust all the talk about how asymptomatics. That alone upped the fear factor by 100 with this stupid virus. You couldn't see evidence of illness in front of your face.

I don't trust the talk about how people will need boosters or a new vacc every 6 months. 

I don't like that I saw censorship being done in front of my face. Anyone even talking about side effects is being silenced and sequestered and to me that is a giant red flag.  

The elites are growing too powerful. They seemed to have benefited from a virus that serves their totalitarian needs on a platter on every score.  One reddit board banned me for a week for expressing worries about the Covid Vaccine "side effects" board getting taken down and censored.

I've shut down otherwise, "no one wants to hear it". I make jokes to husband saying: "The world is burning and collapsing but you must pay your bills!" Add in another rant for 10 minutes about us being forced to live like we are all like the kids in Flowers in the Attic. I probably would offend most people with my humor, but at this point what does it matter?

I know everyone's so burdened what is the use of adding on my load? Some friends are sticking by me even while facing troubles of their own,  but a few friends have been disappearing. People I used to talk to weekly on Facebook, are gone. A few are left but I wonder how many are withdrawing into extreme depression, homelessness or no more internet from personal economic collapse. The world has grown into such a scary place, people are freaked out and it is showing. While I enjoy aspects of social media, people are very supportive of my art work, and belong to and even admin groups like one deconversion one, there's this weird feeling with some of it. You miss real world interaction. I have dreams of returning to the real world but find myself worried they want a world where everything is virtual and private conversation becomes very rare.

With Covid, I am not adapting. The "new normal" sucks. I was too way hard on those I called "Covidiots" because too much BS is continuing and a lot just doesn't make any sense. I got caught up in the fervor. Now I am looking around saying what the hell is going on? This definitely has taught me a lesson about taking political hard lines when our politics is so deeply manipulated from the top. The antimaskers will still annoy me, but now I will leave them alone. I'm tired of all the fear too. 

 I am questioning some aspects of the lockdowns as they seem to have failed. I question there being a new variant every week. I question them monkeying indepth with the human immune system with their "new gene therapy". Has this vaccine been stopped in America yet?

My choice now is withdrawing more from politics and news. To free my brain from their constant trauma programming. I am scared to return to "real life" but living without any people or activities is no life. If I go too long never talking to anyone in person there's going to be some severe side effects especially given my history.

There's risk to everything. Unlike some, I think the virus is real, but it's definitely being USED. I also realize as someone whose almost died of allergies before multiple times with all these health problems, I have to take care of myself. Society is turning totalitarian. I worried for months about it coming from the right but there's aspects of it coming from both sides.

The DNC could step in for it's brief interval and then we could get a stronger more charismatic fascist that will outgun Trump. The pendelum will keep swinging. The technocrat future seems to dream of nothing but control and misery. 

It's scary to have viewpoints you know won't be accepted. I was on the Covid true believer bus, I still am wearing the masks and believe the virus is real still, but it's like religion, don't believe everything you are told. 



  2. I just noticed the ten-penny video you put a link to has been taken down (supposedly violated terms of services on You Tube). I did watch some of the video from anonymous above.
    My understanding is that it can reduce symptoms at the very least, and keep you out of the ICU.
    I have been interviewing all my neighbors who have received the shot (about 20 people) and talking to friends (about 20 too). Only two had bad side effects of the people I talked to which included fever and chills, headache and extreme fatigue, but one of them had contracted Covid the year before getting the shot.
    None of my neighbors had side effects except a little fatigue after 24 hours. Not even the sore arm. My understanding is that it effects people differently. If you don't feel that it is a good idea for you, I think that is okay too.
    I think it is good to talk to people who have some of the same conditions that you do, and ask how they tolerated the vaccine?
    BTW, Covid itself can cause blood clots. We know of someone who had to go to the hospital 4 times after getting Covid and all of it was over blood clots (someone in their twenties without heart disease and without coronary artery disease). The immune system is effected by the disease of Covid too including hair falling out, teeth falling out, Covid-induced Crohn's. Most of these long-haulers get over it in a year, but it is still scary.
    Anyway, I wouldn't worry about being judged over whether you get the shot or not.
    I think what is happening on the political front is that many people aren't posting political posts for a number of reasons: the consternation and division they can create, and fatigue over the division. I think many are tired of the two party system too.
    Just some thoughts ...
    Count me as one of your friends ...

  3. Hi I am glad you watched the Ten Penny video, there's some other doctor videos I've watched. I may put up a list of links here for people. The "vaccines" supposedly reduce symptoms but do not stop transmission. That's the claim anyway. One thing I am noticing is people throwing the masks off, who have been vaccinated. Yeah some don't get bad effects and some do. Between the people who have posted on FB and other groups I am in, I know about 15 who have gotten it, 5-6 had bad side effects and two seemed to be sick for over a week. Thanks for understanding that I do not think it is a good idea for me. That's terrible your friend suffering blood clots from Covid.

    I am burned out on politics to the max, I think many are joining my number. I am done with the DNC but I was on the edge of that before all this happened. The two party system has failed and both are marching us to more totalitarianism and the dystopian future is happening NOW.

    Thanks, Lise, you are one of my friends too :)

    1. :-)
      You and me both (on getting sick of politics and the two party system)!
      Cool to know you. We think alike on a lot of issues!

    2. Cool to know you too Lise. I am done with both parties to the max. Glad to meet someone who thinks alike :)

  4. Hi Peep - I don't know if you can tell who your anonymous commenters are but I'm one of your long time fans and one of your art patrons. :) Anyway, I have lots o˜f thoughts about your concerns about the vaccine. My first is that, I agree with you that given your complicated and dire health situation, you should be extremely careful and concerned about anything anybody proposes injecting into your body, including a vaccine, especially one with such a short history of available data on its safety. And I agree that there is a huge pressure and social/governmental push to get "shots in arms" and it's a pressure that pretty much doesn't give a crap about someone like you. Because that kind of public health push is not about any one particular person's well being, it's a public health society wide goal, a numbers game. Basically, there will be fewer deaths overall if lots of people get vaccinated, but who dies will likely be different, and some of the people who die in the everyone-gets-vaccinated scenario will be those who have a bad reaction to the vaccine. So for that person, vaccination of everyone is clearly BAD but for many more people who are going to benefit from the stopped spread, that is, all those who don't die from COVID as a result of its stopped spread, vaccination for all is good. I guess what I'm saying is, public health doesn't (and shouldn't) care about individuals, it should care about the greater good. But that doesn't mean they should lie, mislead or obfuscate about it, but they often do. Like early on when authorities said that masks should only be used by medical personnel because they were of no use to other people. Which is of course, class A bullshit. I mean, if they're of no use, then why for God's sake would you want medical people wasting their time with them? And that was a really classic public health lie told to try to keep masks available for the medical people who were most at risk, during a mask shortage. They could just have told the truth, but they didn't trust the public to give enough of a shit about medical personnel and maybe people aren't trustworthy that way. Anyway, the unreliability of pubic health info means that someone with unusual risks has to be unusually careful and know that public health does not have your interests at heart.

  5. continuing...But I also disagree with some things you are saying. Flu shots do not give permanent immunity - you have to get one every year - but they do work. Just like other shots that you probably got that have boosters (meaning they don't work permanently) like tetanus. Permanent immunity is better than temporary, but that doesn't mean temporary immunity isn't real or useful. Also mRNA vaccines are not the same as gene therapy. In gene therapy, the treatment alters the patient's own genes, their own DNA, the DNA in their cells, the DNA that they will keep making forever and ever as their cells replicate through their lives. I definitely wouldn't want experimental gene therapy. Much better to take one's chances with COVID. But these mRNA vaccines are not gene therapy. The vaccine is mRNA. mRNA is what your genes, your DNA makes and then the cells use mRNA as instructions to make proteins. In this case, the mRNA you get injected into you are instructions for making the spike protein of COVID. The vaccine mRNA, like all mRNA, is very temporary in cells. It gets used to make proteins and then it's destroyed. It's like getting the self-destructing intermediate instructions injected into you. So your cells destroy that mRNA but your cells also take the spike protein made using the mRNA instructions and stick it on your own body's cells where your immune system sees it and mounts an attack on it - which is why some people get COVID symptoms, that's the attack. And that's how your immune system is prepped for a real invasion. But your own genes, your own DNA remains untouched. I get that you are rightly suspicious of all consensus authority knowledge. But I think some of the info you have is misinformation, so I wanted to chime in.

  6. and last one, promise!
    I've had the first shot of the vaccine and I'm eager to get the second. But my health is fine. If I were you I'd be VERY leery of getting the vaccine, given your health history. I'm not saying you shouldn't. I'm just saying it's a crapshoot and there is NO ONE who knows how it would affect you. Zero data. There are lots of data out there now on the general safety of the vaccine for most people. But none of us are MOST people and the more unusual your health history, the less useful the current data are. Oh I also wanted to say, you asked why there haven't been mRNA vaccines before which is a critical and obvious question that no one else seems to be asking. At least part of the answer is that the technology to make an mRNA vaccine is relatively new so there couldn't be older vaccines out there with it, because people couldn't create such a thing until recently. But injecting mRNA into people is also an entirely new way of vaccinating people. So my guess is that it wouldn't be considered a risky investment - and making vaccines is a huge long term investment - because if it weren't a pandemic, I think governments would be very leery of approving it. As in, why try something entirely new, if you don't have to? But in this case, it's been more like, do whatever you can do quickly and let's see how it goes because people are dying so quickly all around the world. It's the public health cost benefit analysis, which, again, doesn't care about individuals. And really doesn't even care about long term effects. People are dying of COVID now and that's what matters. All of which is to say, I think you have some misinformation, but I think fundamentally you're right, at least for your own decision. It is new and that means it higher risk. And it is not sensible to trust the idea that it's safe for you just because, so far, the data suggest it's safe for most. That said, getting a vaccine is almost fundamentally an altruistic thing - though it's posed as a self-serving thing, again, public health misinformation. Because if everyone else gets the vaccines/takes the risks, and you're one of few who doesn't, you benefit from decreased disease in community while taking no vaccine risk. So yeah, in a rational, no bullshit world, someone like you would be told, it's a crapshoot whether you take it or not. If you can decrease your risk to very low without it, you might want to do that, until the disease is not prevalent. But if the disease continues to circulate, you have to weigh unknown risk to yourself against possible benefit of seeing other humans. Sorry so long and glad you're still writing here -

  7. HI anon, thanks for writing in. I am glad to hear from one of my art patrons too. :)

    I looked into the vaccines heavily. I may do a post of all the links I found, not conspiracy websites either but ones from tbe source, where one of the pharm companies refers to the mRNA vaccines as an "operating system". I also have a article from 2017 where one pharm company basically says mRNA failed for treatment of rare genetic diseases and they decided to focus on using it in vaccines. I also have saved animal studies too, where animals got liver disease and ADE from mRNA vaccines. I did extended research. I actually have been upset that I did not get to looking into things until only a couple weeks ago, and well the horse left the barn when it came to many friends. So it's too late to warn people of stuff I found out. I do consider the vacc a personal choice, I know with Covid, some have to measure their risk, how much they are out and about, do they have to deal with the public etc etc.

    One thing I am not an antivaxxer and have taken a flu shot, TB, tetanus. I have no problem with safe and effective vaccines, but do not consider mRNA among their lot [not at this time]

    With Covid having millions take this risk for a virus that only kills so many too makes no sense to me. I have known 9-10 people who had Covid, [online but some locals and most shook it off like a severe cold, one had heart palpitations] One did end up in the hospital on oxygen. The statistics seem funny to me. Did you know the guy who invented PCR came out and said that test was being misused to even diagnose Covid? [I have to find that link but it's in my files.

    I believe the virus is real unlike some who deny it. I know that sounds weird but many anti-maskers do believe the virus is a hoax. I believe the virus is real but being used for things like "the great reset" and worry abut other agendas with this vaccine.

    The VAERS on the vaccine is intense, some estimate only 10 percent or less of adverse events are reported.

    I am glad you understand with my extreme health history I need to be careful. I believe I would be dead within a week if my immune system was busy making spike proteins instead of fighting off cellulitis in my bad leg. I can see that going very very badly. I wrote here about the autoimmune and other situations. I've suffered enough healthwise, I am not going to sign up for more, or that kind of risk.


  8. I am scared for people. Like what if things go bad. In some groups I am in, so many have gotten the vaccine, I have wondered what would happen if there are severe unforetold events.

    I think there's too much pressure on people. I do think Covid is a risk, but now I am questioning the wisdom of shutting down society, and what's been done to children, see my new post today. Why do they want to give a risky vaccine to children, when they have little to almost no risk from Covid? I question the reaction where they have shut down the economy, taken away people's businesses and jobs. I am not sure if you saw this old post but remember it is part of my thinking here.

    There's too much about this virus serving the agendas of the powers that be. I even think about how much I had to switch everything online and to Amazon to buy things.[I am probably just as guilty there]

    When people make decisions out of fear and duress, it can go very bad, ie: you have to take this vaccine to see your friends again, or keep your job, etc. I feel like we are being manipulated. I even gallows-humor joked to my husband some Captain Tripps from Stephan King's the Stand-- like virus would have better than this one. I keep thinking this is the pandemic that has served the needs of too many of the ultra powerful which makes me question all these manipulations. Are they even telling us the truth?

    I fear the "vaccines" [well they are not traditional vaccines] itself harming people. I may post more on this later, but that scares me for all my friends and others who have taken them. if it goes really bad, it's not going to be good. I see these vaccines as all the risk and little good, especially for Covid which was brushed off just like a cold or flu for the majority of people I know who had it. [pre-vaccine]. I don't want anyone to die of anything but should we shut down and destroy our society and give up freedoms for Covid? They are now wanting to institute vaccine passports. I warned about this today...

  9. Seeing this was kind of weird...

    It's true they have to think of public health before with vaccines for measles etc. I can understand those issues. We do have to try and stop deadly diseases, but something is nefarious about this whole Covid thing. Something stinks and I don't like it. I don't believe it is a hoax but it is being used too much. All the social engineering with it alone has been horrible. If the powers that be cared about public health, we would have health care available to all via Medicare4all. I do not think this about health. Remember I am the person whose been married to someone whose had no health insurance for over 10 years. He uses a local free clinic. We have spent stimulus money for him to see a specialist we waited on for some time. So far nothing severe is wrong which is coming as a relief. However even in his case I worry about these vaccines given his serious vein disorders.
    I think they screwed up with the no masks thing too and that was definitely a major error of Fauci. one thing bothering me too is why didn't they allow for good PPE at this stage of the game for all people where they would be wearing KN95 instead of loose gaiters and bandanas? Something is wrong with that picture too. I wear KN95 and they are 5 bucks a pop so that is no small expense. There's too many holes in how this played out. Sometimes I worry the vaccine was the real focus and shutting down and societal control instead of actually fighting SARS2 and controlling it. Just look at how it was ALLOWED to spread. I know I am kind of a person who does not trust the system. When I see built in failures from the top, it is time to ask questions. LOL should I trust the fools who allowed our lives to be destroyed this way with their rapidly made vaccine? It's supposed to take years to make a decent vaccine. I think millions are taking a huge risk being guinea pigs, I really do and I've had nightmares on how this could all pan out. It's hard for me to understand. Maybe some did think the risk was worth it.

    I don't mind flu shots and took one last year and yes they need boosters. I suppose what I am saying, here, mRNA tech disturbs me. I would be willing to take an old tech vaccine for Covid if it was safe and effective. In fact I plan to research if there is an old tech vaccine in another country and if there is, if I can get access to it. [I would have to weigh risks there too as to their newness.]



  10. Some scientists have warned the mRNA can affect genes and DNA by reverse transcription. [I have more links to dig out in my files on that too]

    The studies that scared me the most was how animals reacted to mRNA vaccines.
    I also have worries about proteins being made too. I found some articles warning about the proteins being turned into prions in the body too.

    The idea of a spike protein in every cell scares me. That doesn't sound good whatsoever and I kept wrapping my brain around it and it just sounded awful. Think about this the whole body will be given over to defense against Covid but what about other viruses and problems. [thinking of my extreme health stuff too]

    In some research extreme immunological things happened to the animals.

    Some legitimate scientists and others are trying to get the word out. Some have warned about ADE where the vaccines would create more dangerous viruses. Others are warning about the limits and dangers of mRNA vaccines:

    There are other doctors warning people too.

    I am willing to examine anything as misinformation and welcome all new evidence of course.

    I know people are in the position of making decisions based on their personal risk and health. I am glad you understand why I have my concerns. I hope you are against the vaccine passports where they want to take away people's bodily autonomy. I hope people do stay healthy who have taken these vaccines. I have my worries but hoping everything works out and they "work" so no one catches severe Covid. I know the position I am in, is a rough one. Many people who are choosing not to get the vaccines or even to be late adaptors to see how things pan out, may be facing shunning. I think if they try to force these vaccines, we will lose important freedom. I do not think they should be allowed to be given to children either who are very very low risk from Covid, and consider that criminal. Children are not giving informed consent. I also think putting people under duress is a recipe for disaster. Thanks for understanding my concerns, I am also glad you admit some of the risks, and that people are taking somewhat of a gamble too. Thanks for your visit. I was planning to write this one virologist blogger to grill him more on mRNA, and tell him you can't write off everyone as a crazy "anti-vaxxer" when many people who have gotten all the traditional vaccines have deep concerns about what is happening here.

    Oh I am still doing art work. :) Hope you are enjoying yours too.