Going No Contact Cured Severe Anxiety

Many of my life long severe anxiety problems eased up after no contact. They have gotten so much better. I have been shocked and amazed at this amazing cure of "generalized anxiety disorder" and gut-busting panic attacks, that left me shaking for decades.

Therapists with severe anxiety patients should dig deep and find out if they are being abused or victims of past abuse. COPD can trigger anxiety in me but even that is more controlled, I can keep myself together more. I got sick last week trying to pick up a heavy turkey while walking in an Aldis to put on my walker that I was buying  for later in the month.  We may still go to this community dinner for Thanksgiving and save the turkey for later, but they were on sale and a deal I didn't want to pass up.  Picking it up put me in respiratory distress. Later,  I was able to calm myself down and get my breathing together. This was medical melding with the mental, but it is nice for anxiety to be rare. My husband told me, "Don't pick up any heavy items, they are too much for you, come get me!"

One thing those narcissists do to us, is mess us up, life becomes the hamster wheel. Over these last three years, I have been able to CALM DOWN a lot more. Like even when I was taking the bus, I'd wait and would tell myself, everything will be okay. Even if you are poor, you are still a good person. I would enjoy the scenery and took pictures of the sky, while sitting and waiting. I want life to be peaceful, laid back, free of BS and drama.

This may be the biggest gift of all when it came to being no contact. It sliced down the worry. It allowed for peace and calm and times of thinking. I think it has helped my art work too. Yes that sounds weird. Some people talk of being in the "flow", there are times of painting, where you are there painting an object, seeing the inward colors, and it can be an interesting passage of time. Such moments are found in peaceful times. A lot of my art was fueled by stress and anxiety but a new art may emerge now. I have noticed the paintings may even go a bit brighter. The art therapist in me finds this kind of intriguing.

When I talked to that cousin, some of the anxiety sneaked back. He reminded me of the old anxious me, and while that cousin is not one of the most evil ones but simply influenced by them, the being triggered and "feeling afraid" feelings came back. I sat down and really thought this out, "Why is just talking to him making me feel so afraid?"  Sometimes people or groups of people are just bad for us. We know we are not liked, and hate and despised.  The years of back stabbing and games have taken a toll. Even the "nicer ones" are trained to see as a "the problem", "over-emotional" or "crazy" and there's no breaking through this after decades of them being told this.

It is a big deal for me to have decades, yes literally decades of severe panic attacks and anxiety disorders reduced so much. This doesn't mean I may never have a panic attack again because Aspergers alone can bring anxiety troubles, but they've been reduced to the extreme. I don't feel afraid as much as I did all the time. That was worth the walking away.

Therapists need to really look at the anxiety and abuse equations. What is happening to their patients? Where is the anxiety really coming from? Probably for many victims of panic attacks, and crippling anxiety disorders, there's some narcissists and sociopaths lurking around. I struggled with OCD as a child, to the extent it was probably one of the most severe cases in the world, when I moved out from the parents, my hours of checking things was over. I suppose it's like this for the other anxiety problems, cut off the poison and healing can begin. 

If you struggle with depression, anxiety and other problems, pay attention not only to any possible chemical and physiological problems, pay attention to your environment too. Who are you allowing in?

This Ad Was Banned in England

Irresponsible Ad Was Banned

It is awful, in America we get even worse ads, they don't take them down. A thin woman has her hair mussed and has frumpier clothes put on to look "fatter" while the "thin dieter" wears tailored clothing and looks ready for a job interview. How is processed food is supposed to make people lose weight. Someone once gave us Nutrasystem food, and it was so gross and tasteless, I wondered if people would just give up eating all together instead of eating that stuff. It was expensive too judging from what they told me they paid for it.

Meijer Puts Smaller and Plus Sizes Together

Its a good trend. I'm surprised no one else thought of doing this. Maybe they were able to get their manufacturers to make a wide range of sizes! Well it's a better development.

Cussed Out for Not Voting for Clinton

Language warning in the above, the nearly empty campaign room and the people puking out in the snow, says it all.  It's America the morning after.

They are barfing up "member berries" at each other. That I suppose was South Park's predictive programming smack at "false nostalgia" on the right. It is true the right wing, believes in past glory days. The 1950s were perfect supposedly and everyone lived like Leave It to Beaver, or so they tell us.

Yesterday I had some crazy commenter cuss me out for "Allowing Trump to win" and that I do not care about rape victims. Being a victim twice of attempted rape, one an attempted rape at the age of 13 by someone 3 years older and one another attack on an abandoned subway stand, their comments were even more insulting.  I have referred to both events on this blog already. I DID NOT VOTE FOR TRUMP and in fact webwide, have posted against him, probably even more so then Clinton.  I took down their posts, but I wonder how insane things are going to get now.

 I suppose such American ideals of being allowed to disagree or choosing the candidate according to their OWN CONSCIENCE has been thrown out the window. I respect people's right to choose who they did according to their own conscience. We basically got handed a pile of crap and people had to sift through it. I told all my friends, whatever choice you make, it is yours to make. I knew people who couldn't even make up their minds. Some voted for Clinton to understandably protect entitlement programs, others voted for Trump, out of desperation of seeing their fortunes fall and hoping and praying some change would be better then none. I didn't vote for either.

It shocks me kind of that now we have protests in the streets on behalf of Clinton, but no one could get off the couch on behalf of Bernie Sanders who while he had some faults, at least seemed to care a bit, in making a some real changes. He at least had some real populism to him.

Facebook is going nuts. I'm kind of scared to go over there. I have one friend who unfriended everyone in her life who ever voted for Trump. I hate Trump too, but Clinton was not that great of a candidate with her Goldman Sachs ties. My family before I went no contact, was having the left/right divide between the Tea Party narcissists and others. They already have gone to battle. I told my husband if things keep getting this bad, "What's going to happen to those of us who believed they both sucked?"

I want to puke too watching every past IFB church member except for 1 or 2, all coming out quite stridently for Trump. Of course they are posting the usual "my taxes!" and insulting every poor and disabled person, as they include complaints about the "free sh*t" army. I almost got in 4 arguments but decided to back off, and not get into that circus.  The rude attitudes and utter hatred towards those less fortunate then them, made me sick to my stomach. The Religious political Right is poison, and many have drank the Kool-Aid quite freely. It's one reason I don't go to church.

 The DNC may have had a chance with Bernie Sanders. Clinton didn't wow anyone. Even life-long Democrats I knew told me Clinton was "too owned" by corporate masters and "too pro-war" for them to do a hold their nose vote. I believe the elections are selections anyhow. They already know whose going in. Technically Clinton got the popular vote.

They got so many ways to "cook" the books, so here's my response to the nasty person who cussed me out yesterday for "allowing a rapist to win". I posted several articles against Trump right on this blog. I could not in my own conscience vote for Clinton. 

One thing I have protested for years is the NDAA.  Beyond my war protesting which by the way in this society brings RISK, as I and my war protesting friends were photographed at least once by a man with a telephoto lense in a closed green van. In a small conservative town, these activities did not come without risk and many were angry at us so people who want to "judge" me on my political decisions, the first thing I will ask, is have you ever put yourself on the line for anything?

Clinton supported it. If a politician supports NDAA and I know about it, I will not give them a vote. I don't care who it is. That's my personal reason. A local Congressman will never get a vote from me for supporting NDAA.  Anyhow I don't owe anyone an explanation for my voting decisions and other's don't as well. This was a crappy election where people were "making do" with the crappy choices we were handed. I won't judge anyone for their reasons. That's the ideal of democracy. People make their choices.

I am concerned now, of the growing protests and ire. It makes one even ask if the system will survive with people at each other's throats.  I believe the powers that be want this divide, and well people are marching lock step into the trap. Narcissists try to FORCE others to vote the way they want or lambast them for making sincere decisions. Sociopath vs. Sociopath. We didn't get much of a "choice". Politics seems an end road to perdition.

Low Contact is NOT WORTH IT

I have been warning people on message boards, do not take what seems to be the "easier" less complicated path of low contact. Low contact still allows abuse to come into your life. Even with rare meetings and only a few family events a year, it allows the drip, drip, drip of slow poison into your life. I know some are forced into low contact via legal means such as when someone shares legal court custody of children with a narcissist. However outside of these circumstances always look to no contact as the end goal to achieve to get toxic people out of your life. I was low contact for a long time before I even knew what it was. And the contact allowed too much damage and ruined reputation to seep into my life. Recovery from severe scapegoating over DECADES takes time, there was simple too much damage that came in. Even "grey-rocking" it for decades where one teaches themselves to hide emotions, and represses themselves and their emotions to deal with narcissists, is not a good idea. I still struggle with getting "frozen" around people wondering if I have to shut down all emotions to survive. It is not a good feeling. That is a tool that needs to be used only when one is forced into contact with a narcissist such as like a boss at a job, you need to pay your bills until you can get another one.

Cake

Here's the latest painting. The painting teacher, cut a cake up and we painted it from life. It was interesting to use gel medium for a thicker paint effect and I definitely need to buy some of that to use on paintings. I didn't eat any of the cake either. Painting it is safer for diabetes.

The Democratic Party Deserved to Die

 The Democratic Party Deserved to Die

"They said they were facing an economic apocalypse, we offered “retraining” and complained about their white privilege. Is it any wonder we lost? One after another, the dispatches came back from the provinces. The coal mines are gone, the steel mills are closed, the drugs are rampant, the towns are decimated and everywhere you look depression, despair, fear. In the face of Trump’s willingness to boldly proclaim without facts or evidence that he would bring the good times back, we offered a tepid gallows logic. Well, those jobs are actually gone for good, we knowingly told them. And we offered a fantastical non-solution. We will retrain you for good jobs! Never mind that these “good jobs” didn’t exist in East Kentucky or Cleveland. And as a final insult, we lectured a struggling people watching their kids die of drug overdoses about their white privilege. Can you blame them for calling bullshit? All Trump could offer was white nationalism as protection against competing with black and brown people. It wasn’t a very compelling case, but it was vastly superior to a candidate who enthusiastically backed NAFTA, seems most at ease in a room of Goldman Sachs bankers and was almost certain to do nothing for these towns other than maybe setting up a local chapter of Rednecks Who Code. We bet that Trump’s manifest awfulness would be enough to let us eke out a win. We were dead wrong. Here’s my version of the Democratic Party autopsy because, make no mistake, the old ways of the Democratic party must die.

Hillary Clinton’s shortcomings were obvious from the beginning to anyone who bothered to open their eyes."

The thing that kept Democratic party going for decades, was at least trying to look out for the little guy [you know the working class, and others] and when that got kicked to the curb, and they became more like Republicans then they became toast. Both parties more and more merged together in supporting the same agendas. Ask yourself why Obama continued ALL of Bush's wars?

 This may shock a few but I was a diehard Democrat for years until around 2001. Then I realized the party wasn't speaking for me anymore and there were other things I didn't agree with. When I became a Christian, that alone made the Democratic party no longer work for me. I still hated the Republican party but where was I going to go? I started at that point voting for as many independents and third party people as I could vote for, but none of them ever won. Sometimes the only thing I voted for that passed would be local measures like millages and other matters.

 The Libertarians while excellent on civil liberties and standing up against the police state disappointed me with their worship of Ayn Rand and strain of throw the disabled in the gutter, and their unicorn myths of free markets and banker worship. The Constitutionalists while excellent on ending the Fed and questioning the United Nations seemed gung-ho for false Dominionism and Theocracy and Old Testament edicts. Of course there too the disabled and the poor were not seen in good ways. The Green party while wanting to fix economic issues was more liberal, but at least didn't want to throw the poor in the gutter. Voting got really complicated for me and I probably have ended up with the strangest ballots in the history of America with blanks all over as I tried to vote for the most independent minded ones.

The Democratic party lost touch with the heartland of America.  I read some of the Wikileaks emails, even with random search words of my own and it was all globalism, overtly-antiChristian stuff--remember I am not a Dominionist, and out of touch technocrats to the max. They simply didn't care about average America Joe and Jane.  Bernie Sanders did somewhat because he did talk about the economic suffering of the average America but he was shoved aside for the mega-corporate choice. In fact while reading those emails, I was shocked reading how out of touch they all were with their gloating globalism and lust for empire, and simply not caring about the plights of everyday Americans.  Hillary's lust for war with Syria, I believe also scared the crap out of millions of Americans, because they knew Russia was pushing back. They imagined millions of mushroom clouds across the landscape. This got Trump voted in too.

Throwing a few social agenda crumbs, wasn't enough either when regular people saw their fortunes massively fall. Remember I do not support Trump and did not vote for him. Hillary was so awful though, what was there to vote for. I and my husband had discussions, where I told him, "She never talks about the economy, in her wealthy world, the status quo is just great. Democratic politicians kept talking about how great the economy was." I thought they were delusional. I voted for one local Christian Democrat woman, she seemed to care about the economy and freedom issues being more independent minded, I chose her for parting from the herd. Hillary didn't.

 I hate the Republican party. Tea Partiers make me puke. I don't have the hopes and dreams of Republican party. It's not God's party to me but the party of throw the poor in the gutter, destroy worker's rights, destroy disability and make more money for mega-corporations and the 1 percent. I left my last church over their blind Republicanism and overt praise for war. Yes that pastor preached constantly "Those who don't work, won't eat". I saw smug middle class and above people with the exception of one or two nice ones, who looked down at people like me.  

Trump will bring more of the regressive policies, that started this nation down the downward spiral, with Reagan. Why haven't people learned their lesson yet? The guy is against the raising of the minimum wage. Maybe he will end those horrible free trade deals and TPP, but there's far too much crazy horrible baggage to go with it.  His racist, misogynist and blundering ways scare many. Trump still supports the wars, and the police state. He has called for more law and order. In the nation that locks up the most people in the world, is that something we need more of? How about some freedom for once? We now have a guy who was a reality TV actor who owned casinos that had strip clubs in them.
 
I agreed with a few things Trump said about economy but with the whole picture could NOT support him. He got elected making false promises about the economy while Hillary Clinton acted like everything was just fine, and what a great "recovery" and probably two thirds of the country said, "What Recovery?" and went to vote for Trump.

I believe Trump feigned populist talk, and pretended to care about the poor and suffering of America to get elected. This talk got him elected even with the policies on paper outside a few rescinding of trade deals which will just take us back into more poverty and oppression. It's the same bait and switch game. The bankers want to keep their power, the globalists want the parade to continue. I believe they may even be taking things back to a bit of nationalism to get some war machines humming.

Anyhow this is a scary time in America. The main two parties have failed us. They were designed to, I suppose.