The Sickening

 

 Everyone seems to be getting sick and going to the hospital constantly. There's times I worry about almost all my friends dying off. Some of us as we have aged have already lost too many. One long time friend is really sick, and now has third stage kidney failure and broke her leg. She had started falling a lot since she got the vaxx and the latest fall smashed up her leg. This is a long distance friendship so I am worried and too far away as usual.

  Another friend is going to the hospital constantly for blood clots, I don't have all the details, but she said her leg had gone numb and she had to go into the ER. I'm chronically ill but everyone I know is going to the hospital a lot more than me. One thing scares me--what if they normalize all this ill health? They are working on it and too many baked brains have nodded along.  Already you see them normalizing "sudden adult death" syndrome. Give me a break!. People who still have critical thinking left, know what is causing it.

Check out the page "Died Suddenly" on Facebook. This board has now grown to almost 250,000 people and is rapidly growing every day. Read the stories there, there's horrible cancers spreading like wildfire, endless cases of myocarditis, autoimmune disorders, strokes and heart attacks. Some people report knowing several coworkers, family members and friends who died. Many are heartbroken. People need to start suing bosses, companies and other organizations who are mandating this poison. 

These are real people, you can look at the profiles and figure out who is fake or not. It will shock me forever how they managed to cover all this up. I still see people making excuses trying to claim it's rare. Bullshit! You don't get nearly a quarter million people talking about all the people who have died or gotten sick if nothing is happening. Sometimes I get so angry, I feel like punching a wall. Why hasn't the dam broken yet? Surely it's time but it never happens. There's too many drooling zombies. I try not to think about the kids, they've given it, to keep myself from crying. Speaking of the kids, the UK took the shots off the market for kids 11 and under, because they are supposed to mess up a boy's developing. They are still being given in the USA.


How can these people even ones fully barricaded from alternative news read about celebs who have new "rare diseases", who have cancelled tours, and so  many deaths and think nothing is going on? Seriously what's wrong with these people?

 I gave my list of the people sickened by the vaxx who I know on this article. Why is this acceptable? Sometimes it feels like the world has gone mad. Then I see friends on social media writing next to happy balloons, "Yeah I got my Omnicron booster today!". Oh you mean the one they tested on only 8 mice with and didn't even bother with human trials? Anyone with half a brain knows the vaxxes have failed for what they were promised but they keeping pushing them and people keep lining up, even a few I know who had Covid 3 and 4 times. 

Sometimes I fear the spike proteins and/or graphene being shed are harming me. It seems every time I am out in public, I feel fatigued and my Meniere's goes nuts. My Meniere's was stable for years and years before the last year, and the ringing never ends. There was a gradual hearing loss, but it was slow. Now the last of the hearing is being wiped away and it scares me. There's no help out there. There's no one to talk to. I probably should have been in a hospital or rehab for some health problems I am suffering from now, but they screwed the world over with Covid and clot shots.  Someone like me is forgotten about. Fortunately I can still get the basics, and some specialists have helped keep me alive but if you think health care is anywhere it used to be, don't kid yourself. I'm petrified. My body has been swelling up worse. A friend of mine went into a hospital in a big city, the one with the numb leg along with some chest pain, and was kept there waiting from 9pm to 4:30am. I think she left and went to a small hospital closer to home. She already is wheelchair bound so probably thought it was best to leave. 

And who is there to talk to about my angst in rejoining society? Some friends believe it's a hoax but understand my risks are higher to just say screw it and return to normal. The others would tell me I am a dirty unvaxxed who deserves what I get. Three years of this and I am pissed. I wish I had money and energy to sue some of the monsters. If I am ever denied services, or participation in something due to my status, I already planned to do this. I fortunately live in a "red" area, where the state is more purple but it's Republican dominated and maybe this is a good thing as I wasn't banned from restaurants like people were in Chicago. 

 I do think if I had signed up for the depopulation program, that my hearing would have been wiped away completely to stone cold deafness and would have died. Some believe that the shots are just poison and graphene/nano and don't have spike proteins and that mRNA is a con. I don't know, but whatever is in it is harming too many people I know. 

Socially outside of a few friends and time with my husband things just died away. I have no community life left.  The isolation is extreme with no end in sight. I have had discussions about "where to go" [even staying within the same county or region] because I don't see much of a future here. I need to be around people who don't support this.

 It's heartbreaking because I do have many people I care about who fell for all this and don't see through it. I kept peace but it formed a chasm between us. I'm too cut off to know if any are waking up or not. Some definitely have not.

 Husband says I need to prioritize health care and the half a dozen specialists I see and moving away from that kind of medical care is not a good idea. There's a lot more medical resources in richer areas. We visited one regional small town I have an artist friend in, and it's more than obvious, the very small towns are suffering and sliding into the economic abyss. There's still some art programs there and other things I am associated with, but there was so many closed businesses, it was scary. I don't really want to move anyway. I just want to have a life back. 

I worry about my transcribing phone failing out in the country anyway. He has work here too so I just drop it. I sometimes get in weird conversations when I'm out in our surrounding rural areas. They see through the bullshit and talking to people like that is a relief. It reminds me of my former small town. 

 I understand but I wonder if my life is just going to grow more isolated outside of the 2-3 friends.  It's made me nostalgic for other times and places and sad about "how life turned out". I don't think any of this would have happened if society hadn't been taken over by status obsessed narcissists. People used to be more discerning and not such blind followers.

I do see a few groups and locals on Zoom but it's not the same. I feel "stuck" not sure if I should rejoin community life or not. My husband wants me to wait. The pressures are worse on someone like me who is already on a daily nebulizer. Some days I think I'm the smart one avoiding the long term effects of a "novel virus" and other days I think I'm the dumb one who could be a "sucker" for the "plandemic". Maybe medical PTSD from my past made me a coward. I'm feeling my age now too. Even with bad disabilities I always felt like a more youthful person but once I got well into the 50s, that changed.

My health has not been in good shape lately and I still worry about what to do. I can't get any straight answers. Some people around me believe Covid is over. Some believe it was a hoax--and I wrote about that too earlier, my evidence for and against that. I never could make my mind up. It drove me crazy. So I've been in this weird holding pattern. Some have bordered on being frustrated with me that I'm not going anywhere.  I turned down eating in a restaurant with one friend some weeks ago. Just felt too afraid too. If they didn't fool me about the clot shots, maybe the powers that be wiggled in my brain anyway.

Inside I do have negative feelings I can't help about people able to live their lives with on worries given this angst. This feels like lost time to me and I'm getting old and all these years are being frittered away where I should be having some good memories. At least there's time I enjoy with my husband and the few friends. I see some chronically ill disabled people like me expressing some of the same thoughts on various social media. What are people like us supposed to do? The healthy take on the gamble of repeated cases of "Covid", but what if we don't feel like gambling? Even then I still worry about the long term effects and what about those macque monkeys who got Lewy bodies in their brains from Covid. Who is lying? Whose not? I don't know. They ruined our lives. 

I told off some guy on Twitter today, think he was some public health sort from Canada. He wanted me to talk to some pro-vaxx consortium, I said "I'll ask them why they keep pushing a failed product. And deal directly with their blind spots and credentialism that keep them doubling down on what has failed!" There's time I don't hold back. I'm tired of the BS. He blocked me. I'm tired of the pompous, overstuffed simpering "experts" like this. In real life, I continue going along to get along, avoiding this topic, staying friendly with the mostly vaxxed people who believe in all this, but their illogic frustrates me constantly. 

By the way my past fundamentalist preachers were right about Canada being more "godless", they are pushing disabled people in Canada now into doing MAID [basically euthansia]to save the state money. There's one disabled man with a Twitter account who is considering MAID. He's got a bad back and is in a wheelchair but seems healthier than me, which gives me some strange feelings. I've noticed Canada is even more vaxx oppressive and draconian in their Covid crack-downs. I consider the place a hell-hole now considering what they are doing to their disabled. I wrote him and told him not to help the eugenicists. 

I've noticed people just disappearing still. Maybe people are checking out. Maybe they are bugging out or running away to rural areas. With good health they have more capability to go off the grid.  People have dropped out of groups and more. The social fabric has unraveled even more so.

Lately, outside of my arts based and online based autistic groups, I do think why bother? I'll never feel right hanging out in a room of vaxxed up people. I keep thinking, "Why do they find all of this madness acceptable?" I'm the kind of personality where I worry one day I will get fed up, and start shouting at some of them as people around me get sick.  However I and husband were talking the other day [have to do it with transcription constantly I am so deaf] and we said "Whatever happened to so and so?" Another person disappeared for a year from a group we are in. People are no longer showing up. Probably some have lost heart. I feel like trying to replicate some former experiences on Zoom is now a waste of time in the never ending pandemic. It's like I'm clinging on to a former life that no longer exists.

The worse thing about all this? Outside of very awake few friends, there's no talking about anything. The rest don't seem to care about the constant waves of illness or negative changes to our lives. 

There's some places I may be taking a break from. I get depressed too hearing about people's vacations  and having lives. Life became so family based which sucks for those without families. It's like dead small talk, the world is burning and you want to tell me about your trip to Italy while genocide is going on?

The art and writing groups and anything that is activity based are far better. Art and writing are good escapes. 

How are people around you doing? Are you noticing extreme illness or anything I have? Did you go rejoin regular life? Are you stuck in a holding pattern? Are you scared of losing friends like me? I do still dread what is coming.