I have a TWITTER account now.

 https://twitter.com/fivehundredpou1

I have been focused on Covid matters a lot but there's things I'm sharing in the religion and ACON world too. Come talk to me there and I will maybe follow you too. 

The Descent into Totalitarianism?

[meme from a reddit board]
 

Remember when I posted this article?

The Social Engineering of Covid19

Why does it seem some of the worse things I imagined are coming true? 

 Some people are noticing that a technocratic cage is being built for us all.

"But more and more people are latching on to the fact that something is not quite right in all this, that we have been “played” for some hidden purpose.

While they might still disagree over the exact origins or severity of Covid, they are coming together in the realisation that it has been used as an excuse to usher in a new type of society – the New Normal that the authorities have been going on about since the very start.

What kind of world is it that they want to force us into?

Some significant clues come from reading and analysing the words of Klaus Schwab, head of the World Economic Forum (WEF) in Switzerland, whose annual Davos conferences have for decades been bringing together business leaders and politicians from all around the globe.

Schwab has long been promoting something called the Fourth Industrial Revolution, which is basically a digital society where absolutely everything, and everyone, is connected to the internet (“inclusivity”)."

I remain very worried about those who took the vaccines, and this has grown worse since I started my list of Covid links. Another friend said a family member had seizures which they never had before after getting a vaccine. Check out those links, there's a lot of worrisome trends, women's periods being changed, miscarriages, people losing hearing, blood clots--the J and J vaccine was paused recently, diabetic nightmares and other severe medical problems and deaths. Why are they wanting to force these "vaccines" on young healthy people and children who have little to no risk from Covid? I am not anti-vaccine, I'm anti-stuff that doesn't work, doesn't bring immunity and seems to be creating more problems than it's solving! They are claiming some people are so immune-compromised the Covid vaccines won't work.  They also are reporting vaccinated people are getting Covid and serious cases too. 

Another frightening thing is watching the people on line make excuses for the worse Covid vaccine outcomes, "oh your hearts beating 200 beats a minute, oh that's just for the first week"..."oh you can't feel your face or your legs, it's just your immune system working with the vaccine." I mentioned the several people who talked about how sick they got who I personally know, including one lady who was bedridden for two weeks. It was scary for me to watch formerly healthy people get so sick.

As for trust in the medical establishment while there are good doctors and medicines, any long time readers of this blog can figure out why I do not have it. Imagine it's 1998, and you have a team of doctors at a Center for Advanced Medicine who can't figure out what is wrong, make bigoted assumptions and extend your suffering for years. I've told some doctors, "No" before, one or two wanted to do experimental treatments on me before, including one who wanted to put me on a drug akin to speed to get weight off, ignoring my history of heart and anxiety problems. 

So my worry about the vaccines continues. I don't want to upset people with these anxieties but they remain. I have cried over these worries. These are people I worry about. Many accepted that I have serious problems complicating the issue. They had the right to make their own medical decisions. I know things are a gamble all over. I care about a lot of people, who I want to stay healthy.

With the encroaching totalitarianism, I made my own mistakes, I trusted the left too much, I got caught up in the Trump resisting, ignoring too many of the problems on the other side and "othering" of conservatives. I believe some conservatives are right about things going on and agree now with their questioning of some developments. While I still remain upset that endless failures here on the right led the virus to be spread to the most remote corners of the country, this doesn't mean ignoring everything they have to say. My disaffection from the left has grown. This does not mean I want to become a Republican.

 Even with my reluctance I voted for Biden.  I feel bad about using terms like Covidiot, because people on the other side, were right about the destruction of small business and economic disasters. They had a point about our disappearing freedoms and how full control has been taken over our lives.

Ignoring people's concerns even about the masks is not fair. I called some of them selfish but I still suffer myself from the masks, and get short of breath all the time in them and it makes trying to do anything depressing and aggravating. Even when I wear one for an hour-2 hours in a medical establishment, I have to slow down my walking and have had a few panicked moments. Being forced to move slow all the time when wearing them just to get enough air, I believe is harming my own health, and I know if I had to wear one for hours a day instead of just 1-2 for medical appointments or for short times to go into stores, it would cause me real problems. My chest hurts from the masks more often then not. The hotter it is outside, the worse it is. People who blow this all off, aren't being fair either. 

I forgot about how in world history, "Divide and Conquer" works very well. Propaganda has been so perfected now beyond Goebbels and friends, they got a trap set for every demographic. Seeing all the censorship including of the vaccine side effects board I mentioned before, has been a giant red flag to me. Also when there is a topic you have been made "scared" to talk about, that means something. Your inner fears of worry are there. 

It's scary as hell where most liberals have gone.  The system supporters and bootlickers are running the show.  Because of the craziness of Trump and extreme things like Qanon and the would be insurrection, most liberals are on a quest to prove how "rational" and "scientific" they are, while forgetting that corruption can come through the back door. It's a game of "Look over there, at those nuts!" while bringing in the inexcusable. I am old enough to remember the days of Ralph Nader and more, we didn't blindly trust pharmaceutical companies or the experts. Pharmaceutical companies have done some good, I take some of their medicines everyday, but blind trust there does not keep them accountable. Remember all those lawsuits about baby powder? Do those ring a bell? True science allows questioning. This "science" is something else

Have you noticed how any one questioning the system now because of the damn Qanons is labeled a "nutter"?  Even on my blog here, I got called "stupid" by a commenter for daring to question the Covid narrative. That's what worries me, when a country now shuts down any questioning and blindly trusts in the experts and silences all dissenters, we have a problem. 

I will say this the propaganda has worked. It worries me now that any of us who question corruption in the system now are all labeled crazy. Why have liberals ignored the great money-clean outs here, the destruction of the middle class, untold millions of small businesses and far more? What about people's mental health? What about people who have gone without medical care for other conditions because of Covid? Everyone's lives got shut down, now into the second year, with no signs of it being let up, and this is deemed acceptable? Why? While a few outliners, I linked to, on my Covid links list question the descent into totalitarianism, most of the left has signed up. 

Life for someone who is upper middle class, who has a vast family, huge home, plenty of work out and hobby space, good job that provides benefits, decent income, yard with private space, thousands of dollars of expendable income for advanced technology, ability to visit various state parks/vacations, close local social relationships with friendly relatives and local friends, are not going to be living this pandemic the same way as everyone else.  True suffering and isolation will be there for the single person who lives in a city where they know very few people, or someone like myself who is high risk and lives in a small apartment with no private outdoor space. 

 However I have a husband, what about the elderly and other people who live alone and have seen all human contact shut off from them? It seems no one cares about them.  Everything's about Covid. People have forgotten other diseases and problems like cancer and other medical and mental health problems exist. 

The lockdowns have helped with a great money clean-out, destruction of the middle class and closing of businesses, authoritarianism, and far more. I am noticing no one cares about people's mental health either or that our lives were simply shut down. No one cares that businesses and jobs are never coming back. 

With Covid, I have some major questions.

1. What happened to regular flus and colds and why don't people get them anymore?

2. How accurate are PCR tests? The inventor of the tests questioned their use for viruses.

3. Why are they ignoring and censoring the side effects from the vaccines? Why are entire boards being taken down--I have seen this with my own eyes? Why are endless individuals being silenced even in just talking to others who have had bad side effects? Why are everyday people talking about the extreme effects of these vaccines being silenced? I can provide more links here than the ones I have provided already. Remember I hang out on health boards. 

4. Why aren't people demanding vaccines that work, and bring total immunity and are traditional in nature?  What good is a vaccine if you still have to isolate and remain masked up? Why did they go with experimental mRNA that needs boosters, does not make anyone immune and subverts the human immune system? Why did they focus on vaccines that mean one becomes dependent? Who decided that experimenting on millions of people was "worth it" for a virus that had a survival rate in the 90s for most people? Yes Covid can be serious and has killed people, but what if something goes wrong with the experiments on millions?

5. Why did the animal tests for early mRNA go so wrong? Why didn't they explain what they changed to make them safe since then? I did go ask on the virologist board how they fixed the "immunological" problems in the animal tests, I never got an email back, one guy attempted to answer me on comments but never really gave much of a response.

6. Why are people accepting illness as a price of a vaccine which is equal in severity to the amount of illness they would get from most cases of Covid?

7. Why do we seem to be on a time line that is going to make Children of Men and Handmaid's Tale a reality? 

8. Why does it seem like they are going to make us live like this forever? Where our lives will be digital prisons hooked to the internet like the Matrix where we will no longer be able to see people in person?
After all if the "vaccines" fail to quell the spread and don't provide immunity, are we going to be imprisoned like this forever?

8. Are you noticing yet this pandemic doesn't seem to be ending? It's been a year and a half.

9. Why was a real short term lock down never attempted? It's something I've thought about. Other nations managed it. 

10. Have you ever heard of a virus that is so versatile that brings every symptom you have ever heard of in one's body? From blood clots, to brain fogs with a different variant every other minute? 

11. Have you ever heard of a virus that supposedly spreads through the asymptomatic? How come they never figured out whose permanently asymptomatic and why? That's kind of strange to me. 

11. Have you ever heard of a virus that supposedly does not allow for long term or forever immunity to be built up against it after having it? I thought one you have a certain type of cold you can't get it again. What's with that? They never explained it. Even there one can find endless contradictions.

12. Have you heard of the Great Reset? Before you start up about "the crazy conspiracy theorists", well they called the people conspiracy theorists who said there would be things like vaccine passports years ago.

13. Have you noticed how radically all our lives have been changed in a year and half's time?

14. Why should Fauci and other's be trusted? Do you know of any of Fauci's record?

15.  Isn't there a point we should return to living our lives despite the dangers? I say this even as a person who is very high risk and knows what it is like to almost suffocate from lungs gone rogue. Do you want to live in a world that is masked up and closed down forever? Covid very well could be endemic now. 

16.  Why hasn't the virus burned out? It was odd that some scientists said it was, and then we heard about "Variants". Even the Spanish Flu lasted only a couple years. I think Covid is endemic now which seems to be a nightmare of other failures. 

17.  What is the end game with the plans here? The war on Covid reminds me of the war on terror and the war on drugs, never meant to end.  Is this why they gave us vaccines that don't really work and have more risks then true help? An Orwellian nightmare using fear, and distress for control. Real remedies are ignored but the focus on an invisible enemy is there too. The virus continually mutates, a wily villain that is always a step ahead of us all. Meanwhile say goodbye to having a life or even being able to have a real conversation with a human being in person again outside of who lives in your own household. Say goodbye to more freedoms we held dear. 

Covid Links: Be Informed

Covid19 Related Links

Become an informed citizen. Here's my collection of Covid links, read and study for yourself. Check back on this list sometimes, I am adding new links and updates as I find new information and articles.

COVID-19 Test kits (382200) exports by country | 2018 (archive.org)

Search Results from the VAERS Database (medalerts.org)

Moderna boss: mRNA jabs are "rewriting the Genetic Code" we call it "information therapy" (Ted 2017) - YouTube

Regulations.gov

Should Everyone Get Vaccinated? — Yeadon, Wittkowski & Bridle comment (dryburgh.com)

Dryburgh.com -

Urgent Open Letter from Doctors and Scientists to the European Medicines Agency regarding COVID-19 Vaccine Safety Concerns | by Doctors for Covid Ethics | Mar, 2021 | Medium

Antibody-dependent enhancement and SARS-CoV-2 vaccines and therapies | Nature Microbiology

Don't miss this one. I even screen shot it in case it disappears. "MODERNA HITS SAFETY PROBLEMS" is part of the title and yes this refers to mRNA technology. [ 2017 ]

Moderna hits safety problems in bold bid to reinvent medicine (statnews.com)

What are they trying to do to us? | winter oak

Reading scientific studies is interesting, I did advanced searches to see what the proposed problems were with a date range from 2007-2018, preCovid. 

SARS vaccine linked to liver damage in ferret study | CIDRAP (umn.edu)

Evaluation of the mRNA-1273 Vaccine against SARS-CoV-2 in Nonhuman Primates (nih.gov)

mRNA vaccines — a new era in vaccinology (pedsfirst.com)

"Potential safety concerns that are likely to be evaluated in future preclinical and clinical studies include local and systemic inflammation, the biodistribution and persistence of expressed immunogen, stimulation of auto-reactive antibodies and potential toxic effects of any non-native nucleotides and delivery system components. A possible concern could be that some mRNA-based vaccine platforms54,166induce potent type I interferon responses, which have been associated not only with inflammation but also potentially with autoimmunity167,168. Thus, identification of individuals at an increased risk of autoimmune reactions before mRNA vaccination may allow reasonable precautions to be taken"

mRNA vaccines go into humans | VIROLOGY RESEARCH SERVICES

"The third is its high immunogenicity, which while potentially advantageous in vaccine settings, can be problematic if we don’t know how to control it. Accustomed to RNA virus invasions, cells have evolved an arsenal of sensors to detect different flavours of mRNA that don’t quite look like cellular. "

Immunization with SARS Coronavirus Vaccines Leads to Pulmonary Immunopathology on Challenge with the SARS Virus (plos.org)

White Paper on Experimental Vaccines for Covid-19* (americasfrontlinedoctors.com)

What will the vaccine manufactured spike proteins do?

The SARS-CoV-2 spike protein disrupts the cooperative function of human cardiac pericytes - endothelial cells through CD147 receptor-mediated signalling: a potential non-infective mechanism of COVID-19 microvascular disease | bioRxiv

https://www.modernatix.com/mrna-technology/mrna-platform-enabling-drug-discovery-development

(3) Dr Naomi Wolf (@naomirwolf) / Twitter

COVID-19 RNA Based Vaccines and the Risk of Prion Disease (scivisionpub.com)

I believe only KN95 masks work for any real SARS2:

Effectiveness of Surgical and Cotton Masks in Blocking SARS–CoV-2: A Controlled Comparison in 4 Patients | Annals of Internal Medicine (acpjournals.org)

Breakthrough Cases of COVID-19 Impact the Fully Vaccinated (baynews9.com)

AstraZeneca's head of R&D for oncology dies at 61 (yahoo.com)

What's causing N.B.'s mystery neurological disease? Worried residents want answers | CBC News

Make Americans Free Again | The New Normal: Citizens In Charge

Could Spike Protein in Moderna, Pfizer Vaccines Cause Blood Clots, Brain Inflammation and Heart Attacks? • Children's Health Defense

Professor Dolores Cahill: Why People Will Start DYING A Few Months After The First mRNA Vaccination (bitchute.com)

Doctors Around The World Issue Dire WARNING: DO NOT GET THE COVID VACCINE! (theresistance.video)

Horror: Nashville Nurse Gets Bells Palsy From Vaccine! – NewsWars

The stories of side effects on this board, some long term are scary. It is very heavily censored in general.

CovidVaccinated (reddit.com)

All the removed posts off Covid Vaccinated: there's a lot.

r/covidvaccinated (reveddit.com)

Suspicions grow that nanoparticles in Pfizer’s COVID-19 vaccine trigger rare allergic reactions | Science | AAAS (sciencemag.org)

UK issues anaphylaxis warning on Pfizer vaccine after adverse reactions | Reuters

FDA releases draft of “vaccine” side-effects, and it’s a doozy – non veni pacem

CNN - Breaking News, Latest News and Videos

COVID19 PCR Tests Are Scientifically Meaningless | Principia Scientific Intl. (principia-scientific.com)

WHO: labs should be wary of false positives from cycle thresholds - The Sentinel (sentinelksmo.org)

(1) Investigative journalist Harry Vox warns against coming lockdowns & quarantines...in 2014 - YouTube

Why are people with history of severe allergies [like me] not being warned in the United States but in other countries?

Pfizer COVID-19 Vaccine Should Not Be Taken by Those With Significant Allergies, U.K. Regulators Warn – PJ Media

Log In | Prezi

Pro-vacc website. I read the "other side" on most issues I examine. His lengthy comment sections are valuable, with dissenters...See quote below...

Antivaccine nonsense Archives - RESPECTFUL INSOLENCE

I worry myself about how they are censoring anyone who is asking any questions, and wrongly labeling them anti-vaxxers when these are people who took regular vaccines but question experimental ones. Here is one sample comment:

The "Disinformation Dozen" vs. public health - RESPECTFUL INSOLENCE
"Cjones1says:

March 29, 2021 at 12:30 am

I’ve read here and there that a significant number of medical professionals are hesitant in getting the mRNA vaccines. I don’t know if they are concerned whether there may be cascading effects from manipulating polypeptides and glycols, but there are doctors online concerned about a antibody enhancement something or other that causes an severe autoimmune response. There is data from Europe concerning the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines which notes thousands of deaths and around a hundred thousand serious complications.

I thought there was a lot of misinformation concerning therapeutic solutions involving the prophylactic and early protection offered by Zinc ionophores such as HCQ as well as Ivermectin. A recent American Journal of Medicine reaffirmed the effectiveness of HCQ.

A recent University of Oxford study mentioned success in preventing 90% of serious complications from Covid 19/SARS2 using Asthma/COPD inhalers containing Budesonide.

Back in March of 2020, MIT published an article based on the autopsies of Covid 19/SARS2 that reported hypercoagulation in internal organs and at IV/catheter sites. They suggested a study using the clot busting tPA. Mt. Sinai used tPA in a study, but found it had to be supplemented by Heparin or similar compounds. Previous ARDS studies pre-Covid 19/SARS2 found that Aspirin >320 mg effective in healing. I thought to myself the old fashioned advice of taking 2 Aspirin and calling the doctor in the morning may be apt in Covid 19/SARS2 treatment.

Effective therapeutics should be as available as flu medicines and cold remedies in our drug and grocery stores in battling Covid 19/SARS2.

There are horror stories concerning vaccines for sure, yet good ones have saved millions of lives – as have therapeutics. Time will tell about the increasing dangers from vaccines currently available. The paranoid anti-vaxxers should not always be ignored because they are trying to fulfill important public watchdog duties. With age, we have witnessed several alarming scares concerning Alar and other foods or substances that were later proven unfounded. HCQ has been used widely for 65 years and the alarmists may have cost hundreds of thousands of deaths due to Covid 19/SARS2 because of the political hubbub mounted against its use."

I've seen dozens of posts like this, and worse symptoms too:

Shortness of breath after 2nd Pfizer shot : CovidVaccinated (reddit.com)


Penny for your thoughts: We'll Have Herd (Social) Immunity from Covid-19 By April of This Year (77% Drop In Six Weeks) John Hopkins Professor (pennyforyourthoughts2.blogspot.com)

What Is the Role of RNA in the Body? (with pictures) (infobloom.com)

Pfizer withdraws vaccine application in India (dw.com)

Vaccines and Related Biological Products Advisory Committee December 17, 2020 Meeting Briefing Document - FDA

https://www.fda.gov/media/144434/download

Florida prohibits vaccine passports, citing 'freedom' (yahoo.com)

Vaccine Passports to Hell by Jeff Crouere (townhall.com)

COVID Vaccine Passports Threaten Fundamental Rights of Citizens Who Opt-Out (sociable.co)

https://kdvr.com/news/dicks-sporting-goods-park-vaccine-site-shut-down-after-patients-experience-adverse-reactions-to-vaccine/

Some women report heavier and more painful PERIODS since getting the COVID-19 vaccine | Daily Mail Online

An early coronavirus vaccine rollout? Be careful what you wish for… | The Spectator Australia

The vaccine will kill you - Pfizer ex-VP — The Most Beautiful World

https://www.centerforhealthsecurity.org/our-work/pubs_archive/pubs-pdfs/2017/spars-pandemic-scenario.pdf

Breaking Study Sheds More Light on Whether an RNA Vaccine Can Permanently Alter DNA – Science with Dr. Doug

Could mRNA Vaccines Permanently Alter DNA? Recent Science Suggests They Might. • Children's Health Defense

18 Reasons I Won't Be Getting a Covid Vaccine (deconstructingconventional.com)

I know people personally who got the J and J vaccine, it's being withdrawn for side effects.

https://apnews.com/article/us-pause-j-and-j-vaccine-blood-clot-reports-2dde2aacf486bab59844ef907a28cbce

Reports on OpenVaers get's scarier and scarier [they estimate only 10 percent or less of cases get reported to VAERS]

https://www.openvaers.com/covid-data

I found some of these studies when looking into the vaccines. Everyday I wake up with sad emotions that I didn't get time to warn enough people. Everyone has to make their own health choices, but I still believe things could go very badly.

They just withdrew the J and J vaccine from the market. I read VAERs and people who have gotten other vaccines on hearing loss boards, and ones on shingles, talking about hearing loss, shingles attacks, and more from the vaccines. Our media has failed us. There's a few investigative journalists like Naomi Wolf speaking out but they have been marginalized. 

https://themostbeautifulworld.com/blog/vaccine-studies

The horror stories are piling up. We are hearing about bad reactions to the vaccines from more people we know.

https://t.me/s/covid_vaccine_injuries

https://twitter.com/PaulMitchell_AB/status/1382398347093237762

All the censorship of the side effects is a giant red flag!:

Vaccine side effect !SUPER THREAD! - Ruqqus

Frontline Workers Testimonies & VAERs Reports_26MAR2021.pdf - Google Drive

Covid-19 Vaccine side effects - Page 2 – Patient: Dizziness – VeDA Forum (vestibular.org)

https://old.reddit.com/r/CovidVaccinated/comments/mt8aqm/waking_up_in_the_middle_of_the_night_with_my/

https://www.reddit.com/r/CovidVaccinated/comments/mtmio7/strange_bruising_for_2_weeks/

https://tessa.substack.com/p/soul-in-2020

https://tessa.substack.com/p/pandemic-panopticon

https://tessa.substack.com/p/digital-slavery

http://www.luterra.com/blog/?p=1252

Analysis of SARS-CoV-2 spike glycosylation reveals shedding of a vaccine candidate | bioRxiv (archive.is)

Frontline Workers Testimonies & VAERs Reports 26 MAR 2021 : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive

Canadian Doctor Defies Gag Order and Tells the Public How the Moderna COVID Injections Killed and Permanently Disabled Indigenous People in His Community - Vaccine Impact

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1uS4krGJX-7sa8fuRlH7mhod-Xa5ZBsXU/view

No Jab For Me

If you have any links to add, please post them below. I will be adding to the links as news about adverse reactions to the vaccine and others pile up.

https://ambassadorlove.wordpress.com/2021/05/02/the-covid-vaxxed-must-be-quarantined-expert-consensus/amp/?__twitter_impression=true

https://www.salk.edu/news-release/the-novel-coronavirus-spike-protein-plays-additional-key-role-in-illness/

Reflections On Pfizer And The Pandemic - Reporting For Beauty (substack.com)

https://www.bitchute.com/video/Juw4mI0Nmgr0/

View of Worse Than the Disease? Reviewing Some Possible Unintended Consequences of the mRNA Vaccines Against COVID-19 (ijvtpr.com)

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33440640/

https://old.reddit.com/r/NoNewNormal/comments/nnsina/alarming_comments_from_leading_medical_researcher/

https://libertyblock.com/creepiest-case-of-my-10-year-ems-career/

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/covid-vaccine-pfizer-shot-uk-warning-people-with-history-of-significant-allergic-reactions/

Should you get vaccinated? (trialsitenews.com)

https://www.centerforhealthsecurity.org/our-work/Center-projects/completed-projects/spars-pandemic-scenario.html

Blog — RW Malone MD, LLC

The Loss of Liberty: It's about Control

 Maybe I am nuts but I posted this meme on my Facebook. Guess someone needs to speak out. Why are they pushing "passports" for a "vaccine" [aka gene therapy] that doesn't really bring immunity or protect anyone from getting Covid and where they can still spread it? Why do they want to push these "vaccines" they don't know the long term effects on kids who are very very low risk from Covid19?

I know too many people who have gotten the vaccines, and the horse was out of the barn, before I knew enough to say anything. Just about everyone reads the word "vaccine" and thinks the mRNA "gene therapy" protects them the same way and it doesn't.

 Hmm during my conspiracy days, we used to warn about some of this crap, guess some conspiracies were true. This even reminds me of a bible prophecy about how one won't be allowed to buy or sell. One thing people may have figured out about me already, I don't follow the crowd. On this one, they are wrong.

This is the destruction of freedom on every layer.  By the way one of my elderly friends got one of "vaccines", and got so sick on the first dose, she ended up calling 911, and fortunately is rethinking the second dose. These stories are becoming personal not just ancedotes online.  Some could say this is letting a crisis never go to waste. 

and see this one too:

The Covid Isolation of an Ex-Scapegoat Aspie in Dystopian Times

 

The isolation of Covid19 is getting to me. If not for my husband I would have already gone mad, in a spiral of complete loneliness.  My life was isolated before, this has firebombed any idea of a social life or social connections. How many single people are ready to lose it, after a year of solitary confinement and just seeing blank masked faces at the grocery store? Many including me are not doing well because there's no one to talk to in person anymore and it feels like all the good things in life have been taken away. Fun's been cancelled. Line up for your card and food rations--hmmm maybe those days are coming.  I was struggling enough in 2019 when those two Lipedema friends died, and from going deaf, and this has just felt like too many losses.

Is anyone else questioning how Covid is being handled? I wore/wear the masks and followed all the "rules". I am now am upset over the possibility of an experimental vaccine being forced on people or being under vaccine passports. The more I researched the vaccine and it's health impacts, the more upset I got. While I got mad at right wingers, and regret a few things, most of the left's blind marching towards an experimental vaccine is freaking me the hell out. Safe vaccines are good to me. If it is safe, tested and true, great! I believe vaccines have saved millions of this lives. This type of vaccine still troubles me. 

Remember when investigative journalism still existed? I guess I am old enough. Those on the left better not make the mistake of silencing other voices. I went to go listen to a Dr. Tenpenny video, she explains how the mRNA vaccines work and the troubles with them. As I read studies, and literature from the companies themselves, she didn't say anything wrong about these vaccines.

To many liberals, she's just a "anti-vaxx" "nutter", but according to my research she didn't say anything wrong about the vaccines and in how they work. And that's what bugs me. Some of us who have no problem with vaccines--I got a flu shot and tetanus shot last year will be labeled "antivaxxer" crazies because we don't want to be guinea pigs.

 I did hours of amateur google "research", and just got more upset, it was enough to know there's problems here.  I went to Google and did "mRNA" studies, doing a search where I wiped out results from 2019 on to clear up the field and noticed the scientists were pointing out the risks of extreme immunological reactions even as late as 2018. If anyone is interested, I'll send you the links.  I want to know what is going on, and the dangers. My personal risks are not small.

I am facing something "new" too. Some weird labs are cropping up, and they are in shock I am still creating tons of kidney stones even while on a very strong medicine. I am being sent to a nephrologist. This came out of the blue and is something another doctor wanted. I am researching now as to what could be the problem and it's probably something complex.  I have holes in my science knowledge and education, but I am more used to reading some scientific writings as related to the medical field more than an average person. I read Pub Med for years. 

 Some early animals studies went very bad. Google ferrets and mRNA research.  It seems all people with common sense would be thinking, "I don't want to be an experiment!" This could be the biggest medical experiment ever done on humanity.  The right went so extreme with the Capitol insurrection and Trump's craziness, that the left is being led by the nose into supporting the system at all costs. I remember when leftists questioned the mainstream. Do we have to prove we believe in science by being human petri dishes, putting our immune systems perhaps at risk for the new "gene therapy"? I believe the majority of people believe the Covid vaccines are like the vaccines of old. They are not. Maybe China and other countries have traditional vaccines, but this would bear some looking into.

This week, I found out one of my acquaintances, got the first dose of a Covid vaccine and has been very sick in bed for 10 days. I don't know if they will end up hospitalized or what will happen but they sound like they are in dire trouble. Worried voices all fluttered in anxiety. What worries me is at least several people on my Zoom groups have listed horrifying flu symptoms or worse, feeling like they were on fire, spiking high fevers, extreme fatigue. These were the things they were telling groups of 15 plus people, what was going on behind closed doors? How many will remain silent or minimize things out of embarrassment that they lined up? With everyone so separated now, are the side effects even being reported or known to the point they should be?

These were healthy people. What's supposed to happen to someone like me? What's going to happen to these people long term? It doesn't take much indepth looking to find the people in nursing homes who supposedly died after the vaccine or other older people. Sure some will die via statistics, just by the numbers game but what I have seen seems beyond that.  I live in a body that is an autoimmune nightmare. I wake up daily sometimes to my skin on fire, my forehead burning, my mouth full of sores, the pain and fatigue I face is hard to describe. People see a fat woman and think I can fix everything just by putting down the cakes and cookies, I wish! People don't know what they are playing with, they are playing with fire. Maybe I am a worry wart for thinking it could go bad, but didn't we get in trouble with Covid19 in the first place because people said it wouldn't be a problem?

I've kept my mouth shut, fearing shunning, fearing ostracization for not going with the program.  I don't want to interfere. There's a worry about people getting Covid too. I attempted a subtle warning..."I don't trust the mRNA new tech and have to talk to my doctor" and Zoom rooms fell silent as if I committed a huge taboo. Some people probably will give me a break. A few already have. They will know that with my health history, there's too much dangers. I am worried however for other people too. What will happen to children if they give these vaccines to them one day? I am older, what about younger people who would be betting against their entire lives?

One thing creeping me out is how some people getting the new vaccines are stating, "it's my immune system being reprogrammed" as if their illness was a good sign. Sorry but if you feel sick your body is under attack. While vaccines can affect people negatively, all the historical vaccines that worked never made people sick. Is this article trying to tell us bad side effects are good? Give me a break! My flu shot was like drinking a glass a water in how much it affected me, not at all!  I have asked questions like, How will the spike proteins turn off when it comes to other tissues? How do we know what will happen long term? We don't. Maybe I'm one of those people who ask too many questions but this is the time and place to ask them.

It's weird how way too many on the left have been led to be blind conformists to the capitalist system and now enablers of pharmaceutical companies that while some have brought us medicines that have saved lives or keep us alive, there's been problems too. Think of words like baby powder or medicines that have been taken off the market for having side effects, black box warnings and all. All I got to say is I hope there's no dire effects long terms from all these millions of vaccines being distributed, but I am really worried about it. There is nothing democratic or freedom loving about virtue signaling or leaving everything up to experts who are definitely not free of money influences and other angles without examining things for yourself.  The people who were minding the store failed when it came to Covid19 itself, so will we see failure and disaster here? Us natural pessimists are shaking in our boots a bit. 

This is creating some angst. I don't just accept things at face value. If you choose to get a vaccine, given the horrors of Covid, I understand the motive, but please make sure you do a lot of research and examination and know what you are getting into. In my case, entire countries are telling people with my medical problems such as having anaphylactic shock not to get the vaccine. I am not sure why the USA is not delivering these warnings. Maybe they are being given in other states.

Yesterday I told my husband, there's a point I am going to have to return to living life, Covid or no Covid, because living like this seeing no people isn't going to be tolerable much longer. My time on this earth is probably limited as it is. Do I want to live or be in a cage night and day? 

I outran the Grim Reaper all these years for this? We haven't even gone on a short day trip in more than a year. I haven't gone more than 15 miles from my apartment either. We haven't seen one close friend in a year and half. I have seen doctors, and nurses and masked UU church members outside dropping things off or picking things up, and that's it. I have been in 6 stores and medical places since this crap all started. I may go to a thrift store this week since I need some things but that comes even with trepidation too. One lady at a group I belong wants to meet in person next month. Should I take the risk? Since it's for a meal people would have to take off masks for a short period of time. All these things are going through my head.  Some are vaccinated but probably some are not. The vaccines don't make people immune anyhow. Another group wants to have an outside meeting in masks, I may go and do that but yes the worry is there. 

My dreams are strange, rendered abnormal from lack of people and new places and things to do. Reality TV is forming more of my reality, when I find myself talking about people I will never meet online from Whitney Thore to the ladies of Sister Wives. It's scary how I eagerly anticipate these shows. I was watching 1000lb sisters last week and will post on it too.

My mind is being affected via lack of stimuli. While I have done some art work and done a lot of zooms, it's not the same as conversation in person. Even with my bad hearing I managed some. 
My husband keeps me going overall. He does put a smile on my face often during the day too. He keeps busy with some work [he is partially unemployed but there's some to do] and we have worked on projects together. We did form our own little caccoon. I do live in terror of him catching Covid and something happening to him but we did come together more as the world imploded. 

 While I have my husband, it's strange not to have conversations with people anymore. Some may say "Well you have Zoom....." but there a formalized exchange is about on par with what most people may face at work, you are not going to open up. When thirty people can hear your words at once, it's not the same as having private conversations. Some of my organizations definitely have added intellectual interest to my life, some activities with me writing and doing a few lectures for them, fun activities and needed stimuli, but it's not the same as real social interaction. The transcriber phone did work to fix the not being able to hear anyone. CART services and some captioning were offered on a few groups as well. 

I find myself if this is affecting me, isn't it affecting others and what is going to happen to all the kids? Life was already socially disconnected to the max for too many. All the young ACONs now forced to spend every waking hour with their narcissist parents are going to have it far worse. How many kids are going to develop personality disorders, anxiety, PTSD? I worry the younger generations undergoing this are going to be suppressed to be even more compliant and beaten down. That scares me for the future.

I've noticed most people go inward and don't talk about things when things go bad. Being a sharer, outside of my closely connected husband, I feel even more weird. One online friend is willing to talk to me, about some of the crazy stuff, so that's helped. We even talk about what we are going to make for dinner. I need some of that type of conversation. She questions the system like me and that helps. However with a lot of people now I feel uneasy. I lost all these friends from my religious deconversion and being so against Trump, some I would have stayed friends with but they were done with me. Now being in liberal circles, where I thinking more thoughts that have to remain "unspoken" else I could be shunned, there is this feeling of total repression.

I suppose the normal neurotypical reaction to tragedy, is the stiff upper lip face.  Life goes to hell and you go on. The pressure to not show emotions is even more. How is an autistic with a boatload of PTSD/CPTSD supposed to process all this?  I have learned the world's rules of never showing weakness, the hard way as shown on this blog. Showing feelings invited all the abusers in. Age taught me to emote less. It kind of sucks though. I worry I am becoming too closed down. Too many words measured by teaspoon. Inside feeling more and more alone, knowing too many emotions and thoughts are deemed "non-acceptable" by the world at large. The narcissists leave me alone now but it's like living in a repression box.

I notice sometimes even in one friendly group as some of the wealthier, academic types who have been given a place to speak, that they come from such a place of privilege, it is awe-inspiring. Their words are given weight. They hold a respect. They have a trust in this world. I do not. Am I crazy or am I just a realist? Science has brought us some good things but it can be corrupted too.

I think about my life time of invalidation and "independent thinking" that has cost me too high of a price in too many places. I pissed off the Christians and never fit in there. I am always in this place of not being able to "be me". Some people in these groups have given me compliments, "you are very intelligent", maybe those few would listen, but I feel the pressure. Does this make sense? I think what if I told some people how I really feel about the vaccines? Would they still talk to me? Would I face shunnings? How about the fact I believe this Covid stuff is being used? I believe the virus is real, don't get me wrong, but that fact is not escaping my attention and I wrote about it here. 

I regret some political stuff, and I still hate Trump but I feel so manipulated, I am on the verge of throwing all politics into the trashcan for life. I was so active but the same players always win. The world as a chessboard with every demographic at their propaganda beck and call. There feels like a uselessness to it all. I am burned out. There are regrets too that I "got too political", though I don't regret some unpairings there, when some had no independence of thought or supported full authoritarianism. I have every possiblity of getting in trouble with liberals as with conservatives so maybe I put myself out on an ice floe. Centrist Democrats considered me as an unrepentant radical too more times then not. Cancel culture bugs me, I can't stand the racists and other jerks either, but censorship sucks.

Biden is fortunately far more boring than Trump, and I've been ignoring politics lately, but why did he bomb Syria?  The centrist Democrats now are fighting about stimulus money or cutting the money or eligibility down.  We were able to pay our taxes, but a lot of our stimulus money has been used to purchase a specialist for my husband who has no medical insurance.

I am tired of hearing about variants and lock downs and unlock downs and feel like I am being gaslighted about a plague that just won't end. Does anyone remember when they promised it would be two weeks to flatten the curve?  I still wear my mask, but they've ruined everyone's lives. How many years will we all lose from this nonsense? Will I finally go see some people in masks while outside and then return home fearing "I caught it?". I think being ruled by fear is a path to misery too but it's like everything's been ruined. People are changing too, even more closed down quiet. The single and alone are suffering immensely, I've talked to a few and the ones with families around them are the extreme socially privileged.

I don't trust "vaccines" that don't work. Aka... no permanent immunity.

I don't trust being told masks still need to be worn by everyone vaccinated or unvaccinated. What use is the vaccine then? Seriously. Full blown risks with none of the pay-off?

I don't trust all the talk about how asymptomatics. That alone upped the fear factor by 100 with this stupid virus. You couldn't see evidence of illness in front of your face.

I don't trust the talk about how people will need boosters or a new vacc every 6 months. 

I don't like that I saw censorship being done in front of my face. Anyone even talking about side effects is being silenced and sequestered and to me that is a giant red flag.  

The elites are growing too powerful. They seemed to have benefited from a virus that serves their totalitarian needs on a platter on every score.  One reddit board banned me for a week for expressing worries about the Covid Vaccine "side effects" board getting taken down and censored.

I've shut down otherwise, "no one wants to hear it". I make jokes to husband saying: "The world is burning and collapsing but you must pay your bills!" Add in another rant for 10 minutes about us being forced to live like we are all like the kids in Flowers in the Attic. I probably would offend most people with my humor, but at this point what does it matter?

I know everyone's so burdened what is the use of adding on my load? Some friends are sticking by me even while facing troubles of their own,  but a few friends have been disappearing. People I used to talk to weekly on Facebook, are gone. A few are left but I wonder how many are withdrawing into extreme depression, homelessness or no more internet from personal economic collapse. The world has grown into such a scary place, people are freaked out and it is showing. While I enjoy aspects of social media, people are very supportive of my art work, and belong to and even admin groups like one deconversion one, there's this weird feeling with some of it. You miss real world interaction. I have dreams of returning to the real world but find myself worried they want a world where everything is virtual and private conversation becomes very rare.

With Covid, I am not adapting. The "new normal" sucks. I was too way hard on those I called "Covidiots" because too much BS is continuing and a lot just doesn't make any sense. I got caught up in the fervor. Now I am looking around saying what the hell is going on? This definitely has taught me a lesson about taking political hard lines when our politics is so deeply manipulated from the top. The antimaskers will still annoy me, but now I will leave them alone. I'm tired of all the fear too. 

 I am questioning some aspects of the lockdowns as they seem to have failed. I question there being a new variant every week. I question them monkeying indepth with the human immune system with their "new gene therapy". Has this vaccine been stopped in America yet?

My choice now is withdrawing more from politics and news. To free my brain from their constant trauma programming. I am scared to return to "real life" but living without any people or activities is no life. If I go too long never talking to anyone in person there's going to be some severe side effects especially given my history.

There's risk to everything. Unlike some, I think the virus is real, but it's definitely being USED. I also realize as someone whose almost died of allergies before multiple times with all these health problems, I have to take care of myself. Society is turning totalitarian. I worried for months about it coming from the right but there's aspects of it coming from both sides.

The DNC could step in for it's brief interval and then we could get a stronger more charismatic fascist that will outgun Trump. The pendelum will keep swinging. The technocrat future seems to dream of nothing but control and misery. 

It's scary to have viewpoints you know won't be accepted. I was on the Covid true believer bus, I still am wearing the masks and believe the virus is real still, but it's like religion, don't believe everything you are told. 

Censorship and Worries about the Vaccine.

pro-vacc video, gives explanation of mRNA

I have major worries about the Covid vaccines. I am not an anti-vaxxer and had a tetantus shot 6 months ago and a flu shot last year. 

Some countries warned people who have had severe allergies and anaphylactic shock that they should not take the vaccines. America from what I can tell has not given such warnings. I've had anaphylactic shock, body wide hives, face swelling up, with severe asthma. Multiple reactions have happened to me over my life. For years I carried an emergency bottle of Benadryl on my person at all times. It's saved me from hidden potatoes in food and also once from a teeny tiny crumb of goat cheese-- I was trying it for the first time. Cipro gave me body wide hives and severe asthma as late as the mid 2010s. 

I am not a scientist but know enough about the immune system to know experimental messing with it could bring great risks. The more I studied mRNA, the more my concerns grew. Remember I am the woman, whose lungs, ears, skin, endocrine system and body are trashed from an immune system already gone rogue. UCTD gives me a chance of going into full blown lupus. I have an autoimmune disease--dermatomyositis that affects my skin too but one day will affect my muscles. Add to that CFS.  I have personal predictions about where this all could go for everyone but they are not good. How come no mRNA never worked on any other disease before? How did they fix these problems the ferrets in early studies faced?  Do people realize these vaccines are still experimental? I know so many people who have gotten it. Some did admit they had severe symptoms at the start though no one I knew ended up hospitalized.

I'm not up on the roster yet in my state but when you see an entire non-conspiracy board on Facebook disappear where real people were posting pictures of their Covid cards and talking about extreme health effects and severe allergic reactions to the vaccines it makes you wonder. One large board with over 100,000 members literally disappeared in front of my eyes as I was reading it! The board's name appears on this side effects roster. 

 Some of the health side affects were immediate and very severe.  By statistics, some people will have strokes or other health problems who happened to get the vaccine the day, but these problems seem well beyond that. I was there to gather information nothing else, not even sure which vaccine to take. I won't say much more on the subject, don't want this blog taken down, but my worries are severe. Just so you know some liberals not just conspiracy people are starting to question things. Robert F Kennedy Jr. and Naomi Klein are among their number. I won't tell people what to do. I am still in examination but make sure to do your research.