I
saw the comments on all the articles about this guy and I have
determined this country is screwed. We have some people now who hate
the young and who have absolutely no empathy and they seem almost proud
of crushing younger people without jobs and no or little money under their heels. This guy's parents denied him FOOD. Think
about that. They were so eager to get him out, they wouldn't even let
him make a piece of toast.
Many of these articles are used by the powers that be, "Look at this lazy mooch" to get the older rich people to vote for more Republicans, but it's getting sickening. He seems like he may have undiagnosed mental health or other problems that are not being addressed and that are worsening with age too. In this country, homelessness and more punishment seems to be the answer to everything.
He could have some severe depression and mental illness. This probably includes a lot of learned helplessness, anxiety and depression at the hands of sabotaging possibly narcissistic parents who'd rather spend thousands on a lawyer instead of anything to help him. One thing happening too is schools are failing to prepare young people. If your parent's are well-off suburbanites, who had a far easier ride, you aren't going to learn what it takes to survive being a low income person.
This population is divided in two spheres, the haves and have nots, and there's some age deferential here too, and the wealthier [usually older haves] have absolutely no empathy for the poor [mostly younger] people. The outrage I have seen expressed towards this guy, has been frightening. Failure to launch in a world where they have made rent and just staying alive cost too much is a reality.
They really believe making this guy homeless is a SOLUTION. Well don't kid yourself, they don't care if you or I are homeless either.
I noticed his car is broken down too, so how does he get to any would be job? I doubt the wealthy suburban parents live on the bus line. I think he should gamble on the social workers and homeless shelter, it may suck but would be better then living with people who hate you so much, they've made you a public spectacle. He could get his severe depression treated too, where he could have hope in life. When I have seen him in videos he seems "off". Something really is not right. They should have spent the thousands in court for lawyer to evict him on mental health treatments or some kind of training program or help for him to get a job or to apply for disability if it is needed.
There's many young people suffering now, where they are called "losers" by cruel parents and it's destroyed their life. The same thing happened to me when I was young and sent my life down a bad road, and I had semi-professional jobs and a bachelors degree. That year where I had to move in during student teaching and right after college, stuck with me. It was pure misery as I was called a burden and a bum, even working in my case and paying some rent. In my opinion parents who do this to young people don't deserve to ever had a child. Their neglect and short-sightedness can send many a life off on the wrong path.
Honestly he needs to cut and run from his so called "family", and find some people who will give him a place in life, but this is going to take him standing up for himself too and not giving up, and getting help for a would be medical/mental conditions and try and get his own life.
He seems to have internalized their abuse, that is why he still supports their abusive conservative Tea Party politics. Look up Stockholm Syndrome. When someone is told they are a bum over and over, sometimes they become a bum.
They are failures as parents and whatever problems he has, he needs to address. Mommy and Daddy aren't going to help him and don't care, and he needs to face facts. They aren't family either. They want him gone and he needs to get gone. Something is very wrong with a society that seems to want to eat it's young, and don't care if they can make a living and almost seem to have a celebratory attitude towards their "failures" as they kick the stool out from underneath them.
Many of these articles are used by the powers that be, "Look at this lazy mooch" to get the older rich people to vote for more Republicans, but it's getting sickening. He seems like he may have undiagnosed mental health or other problems that are not being addressed and that are worsening with age too. In this country, homelessness and more punishment seems to be the answer to everything.
He could have some severe depression and mental illness. This probably includes a lot of learned helplessness, anxiety and depression at the hands of sabotaging possibly narcissistic parents who'd rather spend thousands on a lawyer instead of anything to help him. One thing happening too is schools are failing to prepare young people. If your parent's are well-off suburbanites, who had a far easier ride, you aren't going to learn what it takes to survive being a low income person.
This population is divided in two spheres, the haves and have nots, and there's some age deferential here too, and the wealthier [usually older haves] have absolutely no empathy for the poor [mostly younger] people. The outrage I have seen expressed towards this guy, has been frightening. Failure to launch in a world where they have made rent and just staying alive cost too much is a reality.
They really believe making this guy homeless is a SOLUTION. Well don't kid yourself, they don't care if you or I are homeless either.
I noticed his car is broken down too, so how does he get to any would be job? I doubt the wealthy suburban parents live on the bus line. I think he should gamble on the social workers and homeless shelter, it may suck but would be better then living with people who hate you so much, they've made you a public spectacle. He could get his severe depression treated too, where he could have hope in life. When I have seen him in videos he seems "off". Something really is not right. They should have spent the thousands in court for lawyer to evict him on mental health treatments or some kind of training program or help for him to get a job or to apply for disability if it is needed.
There's many young people suffering now, where they are called "losers" by cruel parents and it's destroyed their life. The same thing happened to me when I was young and sent my life down a bad road, and I had semi-professional jobs and a bachelors degree. That year where I had to move in during student teaching and right after college, stuck with me. It was pure misery as I was called a burden and a bum, even working in my case and paying some rent. In my opinion parents who do this to young people don't deserve to ever had a child. Their neglect and short-sightedness can send many a life off on the wrong path.
Honestly he needs to cut and run from his so called "family", and find some people who will give him a place in life, but this is going to take him standing up for himself too and not giving up, and getting help for a would be medical/mental conditions and try and get his own life.
He seems to have internalized their abuse, that is why he still supports their abusive conservative Tea Party politics. Look up Stockholm Syndrome. When someone is told they are a bum over and over, sometimes they become a bum.
They are failures as parents and whatever problems he has, he needs to address. Mommy and Daddy aren't going to help him and don't care, and he needs to face facts. They aren't family either. They want him gone and he needs to get gone. Something is very wrong with a society that seems to want to eat it's young, and don't care if they can make a living and almost seem to have a celebratory attitude towards their "failures" as they kick the stool out from underneath them.
This man needs to move at least 1,000 miles away from his narc parents and connect with older adults who would help him. I don't think he had experiences living with relatives or foster parents who gave him love during his childhood, so he does not know what it is like to receive love. His parents probably took him in as their guardians or foster parent.
ReplyDeleteHis parents failed to refer him to job training programs, community college, jobs, vocations schools, and programs for young adults while he was in his late teens and early twenties. Many things are wrong with the picture. I bet his parents failed to guide him when he was a teenager and early twenty-something and then wanted to kick him out after years of dealing with post-Great Recession issues. He might be depressed after years of dealing with verbal and emotional abuse from his parents.
The judge who ruled in his parents' favor is an abuser too for not guiding a young man who needs it. I hope somebody is reaching out to him and warn him that his parents and the judge are narcs. He needs to move away and take legal actions to protect his name. Maybe he could change his name legally before he looks for a job or applies for the disability income.
I think he needs to move at least 1,000 miles away from them too. His parents don't care about him they just want him gone. The media made a big deal of them offering him 1100 dollars to get out, but whose going to rent an apt to a man with no stable income? Even a boarding house rental room situation will expect a man to have some type of income.
DeleteHe obviously had no training, no job skills or education that would lead to employment. I see this too often with some young people, their high schools give them no preparation, there's no job skills no career training. They definitely failed him. When I was young, my Aspergers was causing me massive problems and in my case I could get jobs but it was very hard. This man's affect is so "off" that I think whatever is wrong with him has hurt employment possibilities and others. He almost seems untrained in just basic survival. One sees that all the time on the reddit board raised by narcissists. They attest how narcissists don't teach basic life skills. I lived this myself. My 30s was spent catching up even on how to cook or function as an adult.
I think the judge is incompetent, not to even attempt to help the young man or offer him answers beyond going to the street. He could have gotten him psychological testing or the help of social workers. The judge seemed to want to kiss up to narc angry parents more then to help the young man. At 32 years of age, badgering the man and calling him a loser is not going to fix his problems whatever they may be.
I think he needs to move away too and should change his name legally, then he won't have this embarrassment. His passivity is a great barrier, I did see this in Aunt Scapegoat, where they take everything life hands them, and don't fight back. Narc parents can instill that in young people but he has to come out of it to have any hope or someone on the outside needs to offer him real help and guidance so he can step up and learn what he needs to, to take care of himself.
I have a "bum" son hes 24 never did well at school was horrifically bullyed and has had severe mental health problems all his life, nobody has been willing to even give him a chance at a job , I love him to bits , he can be damned hard work sometimes but the rest of the family are of the just kick the scrounging shit out. Not happening , i know i will end up one of those weird old ladies who live with an adult son, but hey we have the same nerdy taste in tv and movies , we will get by
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a loving mother. You see your son as family and someone you love, not someone to kick out. As someone who is childless I hate seeing these people who shouldn't even been given a dog to take care of, being given a son, they see as someone to throw away. I hope your son can have things improve but you have empathy for his mental health problems and the outcomes of bullying. Protect him from the rest of your family. You are a real mother.
DeleteI remember facing possible homelessness, around 9-10 years ago, right after husband's job lay-offs, my emergency plan was to go into subsidized housing, based on my disability income and having us live there. [There was discussion even of him going to live with his sister to look for jobs and me go into housing so he could be free of caretaking but we did not want to be separated] I still remember the day my mother said to me, "Don't think you can come here!" and "Don't move to my town you are an embarrassment". I knew then how I was really viewed. My years in the ghetto before had informed me I really had no family outside of my husband. There's no feeling like that, dealing with extreme poverty, and knowing there's no one to help you. It changed me in ways I can't even explain that will be life long.
I am glad your son has a real mother who loves him.
His parents are not narcs, his parents did not care if he lived there, he just had to get a job. But he didnt.
ReplyDeleteso a job for some guy with a tattered work history, most likely severe mental health problems, and no stable housing is just supposed to pop up? I hate how people act like jobs can just be plucked off a tree. You don't know how that works.
DeleteI find it hard to sympathize with the son in this case or the parents, partly because it seems like there's a lot of missing information. The son does seem "off" in interviews. I read one interview in USA Today where he said he was a father and "That's why I'm not the CEO of a big company," he added. "That's why I'm living with my parents still." Which makes no sense to me and suggests he doesn't have a good grip on reality. He does seem combative and arrogant. I can see how he would have trouble getting a job but based on his CEO comment I also assumed he was unwilling to consider a min wage type job to help out. He does look healthy and capable, though I know a lot of deficits are hard to detect, but the way he looks makes it hard to understand why he lived with his parents for 8 years without contributing in any way. I imagine he'd have told reporters if he cooked and cleaned and did the lawn and other things to contribute. And when he says they stopped feeding him, it sounds like they stopped shopping and cooking for him, which seems reasonable to me for someone that's capable of giving interviews and representing himself in a court of law the way he did. I guess I found it hard to tell if one or two or all three of them were really deeply psychologically ill in some way that led to this or if one or more of them are just run of the mill jerks and that's how things ended up like this.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that occurred to me, this guy has a national audience, and can't ask for a job? If I ever got on a national audience, I would say look my husband has excellent writing skills don't leave him in the gig employment gulag. His throwing that in the bin not to even ask for a job or place for himself, tells me he is not in touch with reality. I do think there is a level of "being a jerk" to think homelessness is going to solve whatever problem this guy has. I even wondered if he is more severe on the autistic spectrum, or has some kind of schizoaffective disorder etc, he is so out of touch with his own reality. I can see why he's not getting hired either, there's a point where mental illness leads to a total inability to get any work. I barely could when young, but could cloak the Aspergers to a degree to pull it off. The parents could be psychologically ill too, but they seem at least functional in that they support their life style etc. It disturbs me that someone so ill, is basically a whipping boy for the "millennials suck and are all losers and entitled" game as they destroy the economy for the young and average person. I find myself thinking, "Hmm they chose one who can't/won't even fight back"....probably on purpose.
DeleteAlso I don't see his situation as having much connection to yours in that, it's not clear that his parents are cruel like yours are/were, and you've worked very hard in your life for your education and at jobs, and that does not seem to be the case for him.
ReplyDeleteThat's true. I wonder at the passivity. He reminds me of my Aunt Scapegoat in the extreme passivity, he waits for others to do for him. I don't know if "survival" will force him out of it. He may be so ill, he one day will be living in a cardboard box in the streets which sadly have become the new asylums of America.
DeleteI'm just saying not everything you disagree with is narcissistic.
ReplyDeleteHow do I put this bluntly...people who want to throw their own son out of their house, a son who has definite problems they refuse to help with, if they are not narcissists they are acting like them and showing narcissistic traits. Kind, loving and empathetic people do not hire lawyers to make a family member homeless and see that as a "solution". How can I state this more plain? They may not be narcissists in the clinical sense but they are definitely acting like assholes.
DeleteOk but at what point are parents allowed to say, "I'm done"? They cared for him for 30 yrs! If he is unable to care for himself then arrangements need to be made. At some point the parents will die and then what will he do
ReplyDeleteNever...if they give up on their own son, they should have never created him in the first place. He obviously has disabilities. You surely don't expect a disabled woman, to be of the Social Darwinist school that a family should "throw" one of it's own members away. They haven't been making arrangements for him.It's true plans for him to survive free of the parents should be made, but they just seem out to punish him.
Deleteoh this just breaks my heart. Who are these parents going to turn to when they are in their 80's and 90's? If they have Alzheimers or Dementia or a stroke? Do they think complete strangers will want to take care of them? He did say that he won't allow his parents to have visitation with his child, which is why the went the legal route. There must have been serious abuse that he is ashamed to speak about. The guy looks traumatized to me. I also wondered if he was using crack due to his demeanor on an interview I saw him do. How come the Adult Protective Services of that county can't help him get SSI or SSD benefits? I find it strange in a county that gives hotel rooms to the homeless that they wouldn't do that for him.
ReplyDeleteI had something similar happen to me. My parents own multiple homes and I was temporarily staying in one when I was around the age of this guy. They made my life hell - could not have friends over, couldn't cook or use the phone. My parents had neighbors and two relatives spying on me which I learned later. I found incident reports that they were writing on me. At first I thought they were funny but soon realized my mother was initiating altercations to get me to react. She would violently wake me up before sunrise in the morning. Every single day. I was not allowed to sleep. After a few weeks of this , I could barely function. My mother sicced my 6 foot 5 inch tall younger drunk brother on me who beat the living tar out of me and choked me,trying to kill me. It was terrifying. I had no idea they were giving this house to him and his girlfriend the when they got married. I was the one who was forced to do free child care for younger siblings so my abusive narc mother could run around and party. I spent a lot of my teenage years taking care of my siblings and parents. It was a nightmare. But when it came time for me to go to college my narc bitch of a mother told me, There's no money for your college education and don't bother applying for any scholar ships or loans because we have too many assets.
There was plenty of money for a sister's education, elaborate wedding and renovations on two of their houses, though. When I did go to college my father refused to put any numbers on my financial aid application. The day I went to college they could care less and were more interested in new lamps they had bought for one of their houses.
As of today I have no contact with my parents, they destroyed any relationship. It is really difficult to explain to people why I don't have any foundation. Making a living has been nearly impossible at times. I had some contact with siblings through cards in the mail, but for the brother who tried to kill me, I am still so afraid of him- all my siblings protect the narc. Too sad. But I survive.
It's odd they already took the video down. It was hard to find a closed captioned one I could "hear" and read. One thing if his parents are narcissists they kept him dependent on purpose and did not invest themselves in his future or getting him help. I think about how Queen Spider would get used cars or some help earlier on, but never a job for my husband when she had those connections. She never wanted us financially independent and set up things the best way possible for my future life to bring me poverty and economic desperation and always being in need. I found out my COPD could be related to the neglected asthma, when I pressed a doctor on this matter, asking why do I have COPD when I never smoked and it goes well beyond weight pressures, though that does not help because the breathing problems came when I was still relatively smaller.
DeleteSo narc parents often set their children and adult children up to be dependent. It happened to me. I am Aspie and have severe physical disabilities but can barely "adult" and live on the edge of life financially. It sounds like the same happened with you, sometimes some narc parents will offer housing, and I see that over on raised by narcissists, these adults living in apts owned by the always far too wealthy narc parents, who are at their bidding. I believe even my brother's rental house is in my mother's name, and that kept him on the tether. It's a way for control. Oh I had a huge fight with Queen Spider before no contact saying she bought people with money and controlled them. Of course she threw this in my face how I needed help years earlier, and martyred herself for every dime given. 6 figure jobs by the way are handed out like candy in my family but obviously I was not allowed to have one. Just a basic teaching job that would have allowed lower middle class life, would have been okay to me. If there is anything I consider a betrayal by God to me, I would have left the religion anyhow, even if I had still "believed" it is being kept a "worm" financially and desperate but I knew when I walked I had to take the streets over being her slave.
So I guess what I am saying, is rich narcs set up adult children to be dependent and then they love the rules of control like crazy ones your parents set up on you that no regular landlord would ever dare to do to a tenant. having spying neighbors and flying monkeys all too willing to do their bidding is part of this game as well as "enforcers" like your big brute of a "brother". He should be in prison. I realized with horror, that Queen Spider used my narcissist father like the "Sargent at Arms" to beat and frighten us kids into submission. Even on a calm day, those were rare, she whip him up into anger, and arms would start swinging to 'get those lazy kids in line'. She'd usually bitch about housework. he was her slave always wanting to make her "happy" at our expense though the golden child was never touched.
continuing
DeleteIn this case, since these parents were not for this guy now, he is free of any obligations, when they get old. So when they are decripit, and nursing home material, he owes them nothing. People who want us even to be homeless we owe them nothing. All I have to do is think back on the years of poverty. We are poor now though on a different level then the severe days. I am thinking he probably has siblings, need to check that since he is the "throw away" and they most likely are flying monkeys like yours.
We are set up for poverty. I even strongly suspect that jobs were destroyed in the background--my mother has those connections. Their refusal to help you will college also impacts. Mine took out a loan my mother mostly shopped with but she used it to turn my father against me for life. I know some can be free of parental involvement with FISA, but many don't know this. It's sick how poor adult kids are punished for having rich parents, that needs to end. Do the other siblings have contact with the violent one?
Oh one thing I forgot to mention, is the sleep deprivation is one of their tools in the tool box. I believe some of my health problems today are from massive sleep deprivation I had in my teens, I was keyed up from abuse and PTSD and had severe insomia as a child and teen.
Yeah rethink contact with those siblings. Poverty wise, I couldn't take the forever shame of being looked down on for being poor, that's a reason in itself to walk away from narcs. I can tell this 30 year old young adult is already shamed as the "family loser" Asshole narcs don't get mental health and physical problems dealt with when someone is young, they set one up for failure on multiple levels.