Monday, September 27, 2021

Chronic Emotional Invalidation

Life kind of sucks when you have to hide your true views or emotions to feel safe. I was thinking about invalidation. In my family, it was severe. No one had any respect for my feelings or personhood. In many ways I was completely invisible. There's definitely endless blog posts about their endless rejection on here. 

One thing I have noticed is the constant invalidation from the Covid cult. I'm more quiet now, but there was a period, I was trying to talk to a few people, only to get shut down. There's so few to talk to about this. The Covid cult since it is run by sociopaths follows the same trajectory of how my family treated me. Everyone that questions the leaders or the norms are called "crazy" or "mentally ill". Everyone that disagrees is vilified and lined up for "punishment" of a financial nature for refusing to obey.  No questions or examination are allowed.

People have spoken to me in ways that reminded me of how my family treated me.  This included being looked down on, being patronized, told to shut up and being threatened. There was one guy who when I told him my views on the vaxx, who told me they should throw you down and force it on you. There was only a handful of people I said anything to, but it was all disappointing. There was invalidation there. Don't take my word for things, but one thing common to too many people is they don't research or look into anything. I have been shamed and seen as a bad person for my views about Covid.  My convictions are strong and unbroken but I think about the focus on shame, and how they want to silence and now literally HURT those who are not conforming. 

We live in a society where everything is about status and hierarchy.  I either run the danger of being out right hated or I get the "project friend" pity ploys just from the severe obesity alone. Add in the autism, there's times I used to sit back and observe a group of people and used to think how they fit in so easily. They didn't have to fight to not be an outcast. They could be vulnerable and be "accepted".  I wasn't sure of the formula. I am not abused as much as I was pre-ACON recovery but in my case I became a more quiet and reserved person. That would include the fear of being vulnerable. I used to be a far more open person but not anymore. There is a price for it though, you do feel more disconnected. Measuring words like teaspoons to make sure no narcissists will screw you over for the information they have gathered, kind of blows. It keeps abuse away but it also keeps authenticity away too. 

This also ties to the fact that to deal with my autism, I had to learn to "cloak" long ago, and that involved the suppression of emotions. While neurotypicals can cry in public and have nurturance and no judgment, that's not going to happen for someone on the spectrum. You have to play that out different even for mere survival. The Aspie that lets the "melt-down" be seen by a certain age is going to face a heap of trouble.  I appear muted to people, maybe even "boring" because of this. Some facets of my autism include a very monotone voice and a face that shows little emotional expression. I have noticed whenever I show an emotion or any passion about something it seems to "surprise" people, so put a notch on the "regulation of emotions" issue. It's complicated massively by autism.

 One new friend has told me a few times, "you need new friends" because I tell her how I feel silenced around people in groups I am in.  I find this interesting she says this, and I am listening. Living in an affluent area made all this far harder. I dream of places where I could find "acceptance" and had brief glimpses of it in rare times in life, but I wonder about this. I still struggle with being around people I feel invalidated by.  I try to be a good listener, and hear them out but I've noticed because I don't conform or say the "right things", the [now Zoom] rooms go silent more often then not. They seem unsettled by me even by the most mild of statements. There is always this feeling of "You are too weird" emanating off them. There's always this feeling that I am "problematic"

There was this one lady I used to know at a Christian writer's group in my old small town, who told me a lot that I was a "challenging thinker". I used to take this as a compliment but there was a feeling of unease too, when she would say these things to me either in person or writing, as she repeated this more than once. I think now she was telling me, I "bothered" and "unsettled" her with out being that impolite or direct. She would say this often every time I opened up things a teeny tiny crack. And don't think I did this talking about conspiracy or weird esoteric things, it could happen even with the most minute conversations. It was a way to tell me, "you are thinking too outside the box".

Religion has gotten weird for me, I have so much cognitive dissonance now about it all.

The fundamentalists betrayed me, and obviously I have outlined how that happened in my endless deconversion articles, on this blog but now I feel betrayed by the liberal world. I faced spiritual abuse that was severe in the Christian world, and then I go rejoin the "rational", supposedly "scientific" world of liberalism, and it's betraying me. I feel like a sucker out there protesting Trump, and I still don't like Trump but that just feels like 1984 George Orwell brainwashing like when the crowd screamed Goldstein, as their government was complete evil. Some of the same problems I had in liberalism in my 20s are cropping up this many years later. 

 I'm still in the UU, but wondering if my new politically non-correct viewpoints will drum me out? I had a conversation with husband where I told him, I wish religion had worked out for me at times, maybe I would have still been a Christian if we never had left our old small town. Religion does take some community support to really have it work. There's expected conformity there too where like minded people are supposed to be gathered together.

 Obviously I didn't fit in well with the fundamentalists, I never should have been there. The pastors always got angry at my questions. At least in the UU, there's some mode of freedom of thought even if sometimes some of the political correctness gets oppressive.  How many UUs would be cool with someone wondering if some bible prophecies are true about mammon or the "beast" owning humanity from the inside? I could even refer to some warnings of the Victorian writer Ruskin, and I'd lose them. With religion, to be frank, I am tired of the expectation I must "get it all right" I don't want to be back in that fundamentalist cage and those religious pressures. I figure if there is a God, hopefully it is one of some compassion who can deal with me. It may even honor my rejection of the materialistic world system that wants to destroy our souls. Among the UUs, "different" has more chance of survival, but I can't deny watching them all line up for the Covid narrative hasn't been very painful. It has felt invalidating. People make their own choices but why do I have to be the lone wolf non-conformer. At most I suspect there could only be 2 others who haven't joined the parade and there very easily could be zero. 

I thought maybe I should be one of those people who let's it all hang out. Online, you all get far more of my thoughts then are shared in real life. In my case, this didn't work. I often think to myself lately what kind of person would I be now, if I had the emotional foundation of a loving family that listened and "saw" me? It's brought interesting questions up to me. I have thought too, that the trap of seeking validation through others, is also a path to nowhere. Therapists need to be clear on this especially with abuse victims. 

 It has occurred to me this is another layer of the onion where to be denied this core support at an early age led to a lifetime of emotional troubles and some problems in relationships with other people. While I have some close online and other friends and a loving husband, I don't have the social networks of most people. I'm in this weird place, how much of myself can I show? Why does it feel so unsafe? These thoughts remind me of this old popular book, I read in college, "Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?"

I've become more superficial, and removed in conversation with the majority of people I do deal with. This is where the fear of intimacy comes in. I figure the less they know the better off I am. I lost friends you know from what I wrote on this blog, about Covid and other things. One friend hasn't talked to me in months. To survive mentally now, I try to tell myself to be true to myself, and I got tired of trying to "get people to like me" and quit that game. It's better to be alone then in people pleasing hell.

There's a few online friends and two newer ones I can talk to about stuff, but it's scary how tied this early invalidation was to what I am dealing with now. This is a life where I have felt unheard and invisible in general. Some of us are punished for not conforming. That seems to be a theme of this life. How dare you don't conform! However hiding myself seems like a path to nowhere good. The fear that has been installed is not good. 

Even with this Covid crap, if I was a good little Covid disciple, maybe I wouldn't have lost the friends I did, but I had no interest in supporting these evils. One person told me elsewhere online, I'm one of those people others hate because I see through the matrix. I don't know about that, if you go down "prophet" highway that can put you in a place of insanity and disconnect from others. The family obviously hated me for being a truth teller. I am sure they have all lined up regarding Covid. It's good I am no contact, I am sure the pressure to take the jab would have never ended. 

I found this meme interesting and definitely sums up my life and what I deal with. This is some of the worse to be faced from narcissistic families, the invalidation, where they make you invisible, and deny you personhood and presence. We have to stand up for ourselves and face these fears. I have thoughts like "I am me for life" and "I better be on my own team." 



  1. When it comes to covid vaccines, you have fallen for misinformation and disinformation. The things you believe are not true. Sorry.

    Being an ACON myself, I feel for how you were treated by your family. However, the same dynamics is not always true of everything. It's alright if you yourself cannot be vaccinated for medical reasons. However, dissuading others who medically can get vaccinated is where you are actively causing damage.

    Try, if you can, thinking back to when you were a fundamentalist Christian, or more into conspiracies. Can you acknowledge that in the past you believed things that turned out to be wrong? Could it be possible that this is another such instance?

    I don't know how this will come across, but I am trying not to patronize you.

    1. Yes they are true. You assume I just hopped on NewsMax or NewswithViews or Infowars and called it a day. I KNOW people it did bad things too. I noticed in real life, people no longer had the same health. Remember I see people on Zoom and some have described their symptoms there. Look around have the vaxxes changed anything? They obviously aren't working. Why do the vaxxed fear the unvaxxed to the point that many are DENYING medical exemptions. Do you know how hard that is now, where doctor's are being censored and afraid of losing licenses?

      I haven't been denied, my own understand my choice. What about the people getting Covid anyway? What about the long line of boosters? With the vaxxes, even hard cold science tells me they are a bad idea. Also let's look at this too, what about the vaxx passes and the freedom destroying things connected to these vaxxes that aren't even offering protection from transmission or immunity?

      You know I believe one of us is going to be proven right. I don't write about everything here, to avoid freaking readers out, there are bonifide scientists not just Charley the conspiracy theorist behind 7-up warning about the neurodegenerative qualities of the spike proteins that are produced in one's body from these vaxxes. Go look at my twitter, skip the memes but look at WHO I FOLLOW, the SCIENTISTS and DOCTORS and read what they have to say.

      Also Do you really want your freedom taken away? Do you really want to be lined up for a booster every 6 months? Do you really want a world like this with no more freedom, no more going to the cafe, where people like me are treated like second class citizens. The health care system is going to end up collapsing because they are firing everyone who doesn't want it, and instead of asking these doctors and nurses what they have seen, the censorship machine shuts them up, threatens their licenses and fires them, and the hospitals no longer can offer care. Do you agree with that?

      In America people are being denied jobs and told to go starve? Right now with being a fundamentalist Christian, I am asking everyday why it seems Revelation 13 is coming true. [can't buy or sell unless you take the pharmakeia [I used to translate the bible into Greek or Hebrew when I used to study it] With conspiracy why do we seem to have the entire world operating as "one" where there isn't one country not joining the vaxx train though I am finding the difference between what Western people are getting and what China is getting very interesting.

      Even knowing just the science of how autoimmune diseases work, that point ALONE has me believing people are going to be screwed. I don't need religion or conspiracy to tell me how the autoimmune system works. I can explain more in depth but some of the scientists I am reading on twitter are talking about how the vaxxes are wiping innate immunity to other conditions [reset of immune system isn't a good idea after all] and advancing cancer.

      Look at the kind of life I've had, do you seriously expect me to believe that Fauci and pals has our best interests at heart? Where's the evidence of that? How on earth do you see our leaders as benign? If anything someone like me would be more open to recognizing cons, because I have been conned by a long list of sociopaths. You figure out how they operate. Even the constant gaslighting and contradictions is part of their games. I am curious, what do you believe is the origin of the virus?

      Here's some posts to see:


    2. Do you know about the CDC Director and Biden even overruling their own scientists when it came to the booster shots.

      Everyone's medical choices are their own, but what makes me sad, is people don't know the risks here. I believe they are being lied to, you don't. I don't believe they have full informed consent, and the children they plan to unload this stuff on who don't even have risk from Covid itself, certainly will not.

      Do you really think vaxxes are going to solve this.

      As I said in another article, WHY ARENT THEY FOCUSING ON TREATMENTS OR A CURE? Even if you think IVM doesn't work, they have the option to work on something. WHY AREN'T they? [no profit in it?] You know I have a hard time understanding how someone is a fellow ACON could trust so implicitly in the system. That one is hard for me. Most people who would have chosen the vaxx, have done so already, they got their two doses or J&J. Now those who refuse boosters will be put in my category.

  2. I have this memory as a kid, walking into the family room; and playing on the TV, was Bergman as Gold Meir, saying, "If I am not for me, who will be for me." I just saw this one statement. I always remembered it. I just wish I had seen the meaningfulness of it for my life a little bit sooner.
    It takes so long to heal from Narc families. Especially if your the scapegoat child.
    Be well - Sue

  3. I never went back to liberalism after my conversion/deconversion from Christianity. I had seen too much hypocrisy and really uncaring bad behavior from the liberals in my life.. I just stopped being political for a while. Now I consider myself an independent. Can't really go back to Christianity either. But prophecy is an interesting pull.
    I think I am more OK with being alone than you. Not sure that is a good thing. I do go through times of loneliness, but I am more shy as I get older, and I also ,like you, don't feel like I can be open with people. And I don't always want to self censure.
    I had this friend who told me he went to a seminar where you had to state something you believed in front of a huge room of people; then they would all go against you and you had to stand your ground. He said it was really hard but also really helpful practice for ,as my therapist says" staying in your own movie".
    Life is hard. It is really hard right now. Be yourself. Stand your ground. I know it's hard to not care what other people think; but sometimes you just have to say tough! Easier said then done , but keep moving forward . Your doing great!
    Thanks for the article!

    1. Yeah with liberalism, well some could argue we don't really have a left in America, there's no politicians on our side. I told Michael Moore today on twitter he is ableist and has sold out. He pushed the vaxxes too. It's getting disgusting. I also read somewhere today that Democracy Now has joined the propaganda against the unvaxxed. I always knew of gatekeepers, and know 6-7 corporations own all our news, but this tells me how deep the problem goes. None of these people have any integrity left.
      Yeah I have seen too much hypocrisy and cruelty too. The left in the USA always prided itself on caring for the least of these but we know it's an act when they want to make a large segment of the population "unpeople". They are just as much as bigots as any Charlotte parade types who voted for Trump. I see the class hatred too in words like deplorables or when they go on about "rednecks'. They don't care about the black people who are going to be banned from society too with the rest of us. So yeah I am an independent. I still have interest in Jesus's teachings, and warnings in prophecy that seem to be coming true now, but I have no interest in rejoining with the fundamentalists, there too conformity was constantly demanded, can't stand the authoritarianism, believe they added on things for control. So understand you not going back, we had reasons to leave in the first place.

      I spent most of my time with husband so spared alone loneliness, enjoy solitude on hobbies, but I guess I have these weird ideas about having community and close friends around me, maybe it has to do with those times when I had close friends at 12, not sure. It's weird I got those ideas being so autistic, may have picked them up from books, that stressed friendship and comaradrie so much but were too idealistic. It's too bad you deal with loneliness too, I wonder if a lot of people become more shy with age. Maybe by the time one is old, there's been losses and other broken trust so people become more cautious. I am not sure. I know losing people to death or outside circumstances, can chip away at a person too. Yeah we both face not feeling we can be open but then feeling forced to self censure to be safe. With this Covid stuff, we are entering totalitarian land, I've read enough dystopian novels and ones on Stasi, Nazis, Mao, to know when your country loses it's mind, that people have to be be careful where who they loosen up around.
      That's a good idea about standing your ground, sounds like a lesson a teacher should do, and in having people stand their ground.
      I think with my family I had practice on this one. I agree we should be ourselves and stand our ground. I want to be able to say I tried to stand up for what was right.Agree about saying tough, one has to make a stand even if you are the only one in the room. Thanks Sue.

    2. Nothing wrong with wanting community. Sounds like a good thing. It probably has to do with trust for me at least partly. Too many people have betrayed me in big ways. Also I have never quite recovered my energy after Lyme disease and that makes me too tired to socialize that much. Plus I don't drive. Have crazy panic attacks in the car that get worse as I get older. I even get too tired to read your blog to comment as much as I'd like to .Always want to come back and say more but don't always have the energy to read again and get my thought together.
      But I think there might still be a lot of hope for community for you. It just might not look the way you thought. I hope you get it.
      I also wish I was not as afraid of the covid too. I wasn't the first year or so; but the latest round has me a bit more worried. Plus my husband is more at risk than me so I have to think of him.

    3. I can only wear a mask for at most 15 to 20 minutes before I really panic. I suffer from claustrophobia and panic disorder. So it's hard to want to join anything where I would have to wear a mask for an hour or something. It doesn't make me want to socialize much.

    4. I think it's normal and natural for a person to want community too. Humans are social creatures, something ignored during all of this, the harm alone that can come from the cutting off of these ties. Yes Lyme can cause a lot of fatigue, I know my fatigue issues impacting my ability to socialize and not driving too definitely would be another factor.
      I am glad you are able to come and post on the blog but understand energy. I have to build up energy or even choose a day and time to post here.

      Yes not being afraid of Covid would be better to me. I worry about people who see it as "just the flu" being caught unawares, there's too many I know of who got sick or died at a young age.

      I hope your husband will be okay too.

      One thing that boggles my mind is how the vaxxes aren't even working and the vaxxed are having to be "afraid" as much as the unvaxxed of "catching it" and that hasn't been a wake up call too. Why are they accepting a low quality "vaxx" that isn't limiting transmission or giving any immunity? Think of those months where everyone was so eager to "get back to normal" I know that was the impetus for many to line up. People aren't lining up for the boosters in the same way. I only see the most propagandized and authority trusters running to get that third shot, there's many others saying "well it didn't change anything, I am still masked and locked down"
      Panic disorder and masks is a bad combination. I have anxiety disorders too including that one. I know the feeling of being smothered is there too. I've had times I have had to restrain myself from ripping the masks off, and there have been times where I got so short of breathe I had to race outside and rip the masks off to breathe. Yeah 15-20 minutes wouldn't even make grocery shopping very easy. I feel for you. I wonder why Covid disciples don't even acknowledge, that people like us have taken precautions, wear masks, are careful but I notice it's like a cult, if you don't succumb to every requirement, you are a "heretic". Some of the doubly vaxxed who are sick of boosters or even refuse the third shot, because the first and second permanently changed their health in negative ways, are going to be put in our very same position. Denied employment, denied public activities. Yeah I don't want to socialize as much. For me, I could go back to some groups wearing the masks, but it seems like misery, not being able to hear anyone, I have the transcribe phone but that works better on one on one situations, or with two people at most instead of a crowded room. It does limit communication and has other effects. Of course this is ignored by the propagandists.

  4. She is never going to hear you. You have to be willfully blind not to see what is going on at this point. I have people I love who are so mind controlled by the propaganda I worry for them. But I also think they are making the world a really bad place by their choice to be such lemmings. That they want to give this to children is just downright evil.

    1. Yeah I figure she isn't. Sometimes I will answer to put up new links etc but I have enough people in my real life who would never listen either. Hey I understand the fear, there's times where I have wondered if I caught it, even wearing a mask everywhere, I have to see people in stores etc. I can get diarrhea, fevers, and stuff that could be impending signs of Covid coming on all the time, from my UTCD and other disorders. There's always a feeling of that fear at those times. I have done things like pop vitamin C and zincs on purpose just in case, but the worse thing is to let others exploit your fear, to make bad decisions and ignore the endless facts. I always want to say to these people don't you get if we really thought it was safe, we would have no problem. No one had to tie me down to get a TB or tetanus vaccine. I think the lemming decisions are impacting our lives in very bad ways. Some vaxxed people are waking up and standing against the tyranny. I think us people on our side, do have to give a chance to those who finally "see" and know something bad is going on. We may worry for their future health but some are seeing the abuse and the wrongdoings. Yes to give it to children who have little risk from Covid, and where more would die of taking it, is utter evil on level with Nuremberg. When 5 years olds start dying are any of these people going to wake up? They didn't care about the teens with myocarditis.

    2. Actually, *he* will never hear you. Nenad is a Slavic male name.

    3. I didn't realize you were male. As for conspiratorial thinking....look at history, millions died under Stalin, and other leaders. I think you see the world as this "nice" safe place, I don't know if this comes out of privilege or what. You have at least 40-50 percent of America who don't trust these leaders now either. They know something is wrong. You can't peg me as some conspiratorial minded "weirdo" when there are scientists, doctors, and multitudes of others knowing something is wrong. It astounds me how some don't even see how core American ideas and freedoms are under attack. People know these vaxxes are not like others, the majority all took other vaccines including me. Some people believe in total trusting of authority but look at our society now on the edge of collapse, the fact you even think they deserve this trust, especially when so much has been exposed about the origins of this virus is astounding. As for proselytization, people are going to do whatever they want. It's your choice, problem is people on your side want to take the choice away from others and want to "force" people even to the extent of taking their jobs away and ability to live. Forgotten in this discussion too is that these shots are still experimental. Even on the hard science logic level, that's still a problem. Also who cares about my faults or not, some have psychological backgrounds or maybe privilege backgrounds for unquestioning obedience, one could question why you are so accepting. I ask why don't you question the profit and money angles here? We won't ever agree, that much is said. You can tell yourself that a huge chunk of the country who refuses to submit is psychologically disturbed. This was the technique of the Stasi and every other dictatorial government. Don't follow, it's you, you are "crazy". I notice in these discussions the endless proof, facts outside of religion or rhetoric but even just scientific facts are ignored and shoved under the carpet. Remember the D-dimer guy? I can give you 20 scientific links that spike proteins [from vaxx source or Covid source]create blood clots. Why is that ignored?

  5. It's not gone well for me either Peeps, being honest about not being "vaccinated". Never even made it beyond that initial fact, to the much bigger picture and how I feel about IT. At this juncture, no doubt, thankfully so.
    The last wierd "conversation" I had was about six weeks ago. A neighbor with dual citizenship was trying to apply for his U.S. SSI. He had been low on money (had none) a couple weeks before, so I leant him $80. because his electricity was about to be cut off. We are not overflowing with money either, but throughout the pandemic, if we can help someone in need, we do.
    Anyway, he wanted to use my cellphone to check on how his SSI request was going in the States, since he had only gone through the nearest U.S. Embassy so far. So, I went to his home after taking a long trip to a pharmacy, for some medication for my little dog. I had been wearing my mask all day, but in the moment, had inadvertantly left it hanging on the rearview mirror in the car. I asked him at the threshold of his door, if he wanted me to go back and get it. He said, no come on in. I checked things out for my own safety, saw that he had a door opposite this one open and very good cross ventilation. His ceilings were high, and sea breezes and nature all around. I sat down on one of his living chairs, and as I took my cellphone and phonecard out, I inadvertantly asked if he had been vaccinated? He said, yes, why, haven't you? I answered no. All of this sudden he became very agitated and aggressive, got in my face and said, "Trump is killing people." I couldn't conflate with what Trump killing people had to with me in the moment, but rose and asked if he would feel more confortable if I stepped outside? He retorted back aggressively, "Well, I guess it's too late for that now, isn't it?" and then the acknowledgement, " And I guess your risk is pretty low anyway." I gave him my phonecard and I left. It's safe to say I will not be endangering his health with my presence any further!
    So much more to add to what you have said here, but offer this as the first piece for now, from my perspective here.

    1. Lay low. I sometimes ask vague questions to find out if someone is an ally or not. Usually along the line "Do you question any of this Covid stuff?" So keep it vague and offer no set position if you want to find a hidden ally. A lot of people are afraid, and living in hiding now. I am taking risk, writing on this blog and twittering. I am too small potatoes to be messed with [well unless they drag me to the Fema camp anyway] but you got to know anyone stepping out now is being discredited, black balled, harrassed etc. It's already happened to the few celebrities who didn't obey....Sad that this friend treated you this way even as you wanted to help him out. Trump is like Goldstein in book 1984, the Trump hatred blinds them to the evil of Biden. I am sick of hearing about Trump, kind of just turn ears off now, like yesterdays news, still don't like them but why don't they see the evil in front of their face. Theyve used fear to shut everyone down. Hell they've worked on me, with my lung problems, so understand that guys fear but he didn't have to be a jerk about things and anyway even if you had been vaxxed what different did it make? The vaxxed people can spread it making their vaxx worthless. They all think it works like old traditional vaccines, drives me crazy, why don't these people read or study? He invited you in too, so that makes this even weirder. I had some carpet cleaners come in without masks, though when they were in here [husband had let them in without remembering] I asked them to put them on and they were nice, he had choice to do that or get a mask for you, and ask, instead of being mean. I wish I could just ditch masks and do full visiting with people but they got me "scared" too. I'm only meeting the few friends outside. Going to be hard when winter comes along. :/ The jerks have given us all PTSD. Two years of this they will grind us down to nothing but that guy is letting them brainwash him and treat friends not very nice. I have had people complain about the unvaccinated right in front of me. You have to remember I am in groups so liberal it is assumed, everyone lined up. I nod and smile and change the subject really fast. There's times I don't want a target on my back. I look like a Covid disciple wearing the KN95 due to my COPD. Probably confuse people like the farmer I got in conversation with saying I am sick of this, I felt them out as on the "conservative" side of things. Any in person discussions are rare. Probably maybe some groups could be figuring out I am a defector since the word tyranny and censorship has been sprinkled in my speech here and there but I'm trying to avoid confrontation. I figure if I have to go hide in the woods or elsewhere one day, the less people around who would turn me in, the better. I'm noticing who the safe people are already and already who cannot be trusted. it will not occur to them that with people even having this conversation, we have already lost important freedoms and democracy in this country.

    2. Hi Peeps,
      Went into the city yesturday, so was unable to get back. LL, yes, good advice, I'll take it! It seems I really baited my own trap there and then fell right in it! But honestly, I didn't expect such a reaction from him. We've had a couple of brief conversations (one on the ride back from him picking me up from the hospital after the scorpion sting) and given the stories he has told me, I know he is a fellow ACON and scapegoat. He has shown himself to be empathetic too. But this covid thing has everyone divided, and acting crazy. And of course I agree with you, that this is being hugely fomented now, by the interested parties that be. The old "Divide and Conquer," a tactic us ACONS are all too familiar with!
      I haven't read the book 1984, but think I need to, as I have heard it constantly referenced lately by many I respect. Also on my list would be PCR book, "How America was lost," although I think I have a pretty good handle on that. I've also been in the mood for watching that movie "shining through" again. I've been thinking about how they had to go to the fish monger who would put messages in the fish's mouth, kind of like Bitchute and Rumble and many others are for us today. It's a very surreal time we find ourselves in.
      Those two words have been uttered by me also, although entirely on comments on podcasts. Those things have not arrived here where I live yet in any visible form, but I scope the horizon out often. I agree totally on what's been lost thus far, given these very conversations we are having. I wonder how this will play out? I have naturally oscillated between fear and righteous indignation myself, as you and many others no doubt have, over the course of these past months.
      On a high note, I am hoping this (covid) will be mostly behind us as a pandemic come this March. Taking how long the Spanish Flu and other pandemics have lasted. Given reports by nursing staff and others, we might even be closer to that right now.

  6. Hi again Peeps,
    As for Nenad, I looked up the origin of that name about three weeks back. Means "unexpected surprise" in slovic. I was going to get into how he was much less mysterious and unexpected than he might think, but realised it was not worth my time. What I do sense in him is someone from a different region of the world who enjoys oppression. I think he's all for it, and is someone who is possibly "getting his cookies off" seeing what is happening to America today,in real time. If he were old enough, one might imagine him as a possible hasbeen spy of old (he certainly has the spy vibe going on) but he lacks the refinement and maturity that would naturally come with that. His petulance for easy and pat answers off the top of the gobbledygook narrative pile, demonstrates this and indicates a lack of research and healthy skeptisism of something that is "man-made" and so new. But you have already said this better than I and more. Just my two cents for now.

    1. This may sound crazy but sometimes I wonder if they send the astroturfers and bots even to little two-bit blogs. I used to get such weirdos on my conspiracy bible prophecy blog and some would try to befriend me. I've seen the extreme astroturfing on reddit boards, probably 40 percent of accounts on there are fake. That's kind of an ominious meaning. Some people believe we got Russian and Chinese bots working on USA websites but there's plenty enough of sell out jerks here too, I don't know. There are those who love the oppression, they want crack downs. They are so indoctrinated into picking a TEAM, and whatever the team captains say, no matter how diabolical, they follow unthinkingly. None of them ever think things out, like what's going to happen to a country where they want to make 40 percent of the population unemployed with no safety net, and try and force poison on their children for a disease they don't even get. I think some of the affluent new normal lovers can't wait until the great "unwashed" are "unvaxxed" masses are shoved out of their sight. Makes you really wonder about all those virtue signalers who don't care what happens to the marginalized of society. Also notice what they don't say. They just keep repeating safe and effective while gaslighting the hell out of us and telling us to deny right what is in front of our eyes. I've had that done to me before with the sociopaths. LOL about spy vibes. Agree. Some people are too afraid to look at the "other side" Hey I've read the literature of the pro-Covid disciples, but it only takes 10 minutes of looking outside the box to say somethings not right. Isn't it funny how things that were "conspiracy theories" like vaxx passports became reality? It's going to happen with other things people are warning about and refusing to face.

    2. The reason I chose "Nenad" as my pseudonym is that as an adult child of narcissists who went and stayed no contact with my family of origin, my life has gone in a direction I _hadn't expected_ before. It's not related to covid.

      What I enjoy is people being protected from deadly epidemics. Scientific evidence shows that vaccination, and in large enough numbers to achieve herd immunity, is one of the best ways to achieve that.

    3. Old vaccines worked, these are leaky and not working. It's beyond obvious, they don't even immunize, that's why no herd immunity is being achieved. I don't feel protected, does anyone else here feel protected? I sure don't. They've destroyed our lives and now want to destroy our innate immune systems. I wish you would start examining things, it's sad you don't and that you trust these monsters who are at this point overtly hurting us and our society and taking all freedom away. There's no way that non immunizing vaxxes will bring herd immunity, do you even hear yourself. Where is the logic?

  7. Absolutely no logic-- the vaxxes even wear off, no personal immunity, no stopping of transmission, no development of T-cells--like with people who survive the illness--one scientist is warning the vaxxes are destroying the T-cells in general, you spout these terms and you don't even know what they MEAN.

  8. Nenad,
    The "herd immunity" ship has sailed. I'm surprised you don't know that, if you have followed this subject as closely as you claim. And being that this is an ACON blog, why don't you share something about the unexpected direction your life has taken after going no contact? That might be something we could all relate to. You have already indicated that because of your education, you are better equipped to interpret things (about covid and the pandemic) than the rest of us reading here, so please, do tell. Share something personal about yourself, as many of us have, and Peeps has most of all.

  9. Nenad wrote this:

    "No vaccine gives perfect immunity to all people, not even the "traditional" ones." Nenad, this is complete and utter bull. Yeah we all had to run around worrying about polio and measles "breakthroughs" Are you from that Respectful Insolence board, is that where I saw you? I wonder if that guy is some kind of Pfizer lackey. Your full embracing of the 1984 Orwellian language [hey they did change the definition of vaccines] is a waste of my time. Sure flu shots worked differently, but the traditionals actually immunized. Anyow Covid is endemic, and we will see the mini clots and other spike proteins horrors doing their thing very soon. I feel bad for everyone even you for going along with all of this.

  10. You're about one step away from Heap-Big-Forbidden-Knowledge. It's not so much a set of facts as it is a way of thinking & perceiving. The facts are intriguing but of lesser value than the thoughts you'll start to have. I have no idea how it works; It just does. You ask for it, and it finds you.
    You've laid so much groundwork by actually buying into both "sides". It'll pay off in spades. Everything will become clear in a way that is unique to your perception and your experiences. You'll have thoughts that'll border on insanity. You're also going to realize the full importance of what you are and that you're preparing for something--and I have no idea what that is. We're not driving the bus. You'll no longer have a NAME.
    You will never find the companionship you seek amongst common men. It's not their fault; They just can't keep up with a Creator. Good luck. We need you.

    1. Hey I found this post interesting. I do think some move to seeing beyond the "matrix" that's the best way I can explain it.