Supersized Ostracization

Before I get started, I have friends, and am behind now on calling couple of them. One of my friends of 26 years duration hopefully will be visiting me for a weekend soon, and did so in May. It's not the number of friends you have but the quality. I value my friends, even all the ones who live far away from me, and love them dearly. With me, you won't see one of those small talk artists with a giant social circle, where they barely know each other, I and my friends personally share and truly know each other. That said, socially my life has not been an easy road to walk down.

This is topic many in size acceptance wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Some talk about the active size discrimination, they don't get a job, they get made fun of in the street, but who wants to admit in the Facebook Age where friends are collected like baseball cards, that they have any social difficulties whatsoever? Who wants to admit at the extreme extroverted world of fat parties with their belly dancing divas, that they'd rather be having intellectual conversations with people rather then boozing it up and flirting? Where in these places can one talk about some of these deep issues?

The ultra-supersized face this even in size acceptance, where to discuss the special challenges of life at super-sized weights is anathema among the "fat-positive" types. Even the censorship on some websites, is part of this silencing those of us, who want to talk about harsh realities, rather then wearing our plastered on forced smiley faces. To be frank, the fat admirers don't want to hear about it, and the many of the mid-sized do not relate to it and if they do, fear of being in your shoes, leads them to a place where they do not want to look.

One thing I want to talk though when it comes to being ultra-super sized is social ostracization. It does happen. Even if you dress well, have the confidence of a Hollywood millionaire celebrity, it's going to happen. Five hundred pound people do not fit the average American's view of "normal". The 600-700lb life brings the actual gaping stares and pointing fingers for the few who can still walk and make it outside free of or in a wheelchair. Over that, you're no longer leaving the house or nursing home. When one crosses into the huge weight arena, size discrimination just doesn't become a once in a while thing where you encounter an idiot or narcissist who has no manners, it becomes a way of life to where inside you wonder if you are a member of the human race.

Affluent more urban areas, more conformity of dress is expected and a thinner body among the corporate minions. A working class small rural town where there are more other fat people, more old fashioned ethos, and more laid back, there is easier acceptance and your weight ceases to matter among those who know you. You know you are in a place that feels like "home" when several church members get up on your behalf, and walk out to protest a visiting pastor who insults you for being fat without you being present. Those are things not to be taken for granted.

This doesn't mean anywhere is perfect, but today after the horribly regretted move, it's not fun to go to the library and see the staring eyes, the raised eyebrows, it's not fun to go to a group, in a town where even the locals admit it is a bit snobby, and when people choose groups within a group finding yourself sitting alone at a table. Before I escaped to the rural friendly town, life in the huge urban city was a nightmare, being poked and prodded on the bus, being attacked verbally just for being present, seeing all three ways of life, the rural small town, the big metro city, and the affluent mid-sized city, my goal is to make it back to another rural town, or the one I had to leave. There are other things I value, a more rural area fulfills.

Many people would say you are a nice person: what's the problem? The early 40s, is a bit old to be complaining about being a "misfit", it's not even all the fault of those around me, my body has forced me inside more and more especially as I have aged. Maybe not just "inside" on the housebound front, but maybe emotionally and mentally as well, since so few relate to the kind of life I've had to live.

The worse thing about fatness is the buffer it puts up. The judgement is immediate, and when you are in these huge ultra sizes, you do fit "freak show status" like it or not. You will get stares, sometimes raised eyebrows looks of shock at your over-corpulence. Places like Wal-mart, there may be couple others in your boat, but other places like art openings, and the rest, you are the "heavy" among the slim hipsters, who snack on chips and never gain an ounce. You notice some relatives, put up endless pictures of your family members all over the wall, but your mug is always left off or relegated to an out of the way spot. You think inside: "Oh don't be paranoid, don't misjudge", but you have faced too much and know that you are not viewed the same as other people [except by those who are close to you]

There is an invisibility that can go along with fatness. You can be talking to people and realize they don't even see "YOU", the person, they see your body instead, and its swelling limbs, huge body. Even entering an art show, you start asking "should I send a thin friend to enter my art work? Will it make my chances better?" You imagine the stories and almost hear the thoughts people have in their heads as they see you waddling by, "I wonder what she eats", "How did she let herself get that way!", "I'm glad that's not me!".

To be the greatest curse of being fat, has been having a body, that serves as an iron wall, over self expression as an artist, as a writer, and as a person. The Internet is almost the perfect world for me, in many places as I can roam body-less, where no one has to know except places like here where I admit how much I weigh.

Every super sized fat woman [or even ultra-fat person in general], I have known has talked about this deep hurt, in being ostracized by society. I know some ladies who have been totally abandoned by families, left to scrape for the lowest crumbs of society; it goes beyond just fat discrimination and losing a job, it affects being able to express yourself as a person.

I stand up for myself when I can, that is my only answer to this, my second answer but the most important one is letting God determining your worth as a human being. But some of this stuff is not easy, and I don't mind being honest about it.

Medical Furniture Woes

Every fat person has talked about going to the doctor's office, and in a sea of narrow chairs in the waiting room always with arms, realize they either have to remain standing or have to endure the embarrassment of going up to the counter, and asking the office ladies to come up with a spare desk or roller chair.

This happened in two doctor offices I went to for years. Some of the more enlightened ones sprinkle a couch or two in the waiting room to help you out, but too many others, seem to almost adhere to a plot to buy the most narrow chairs with arms possible. While fat people today can find good chairs in restaurants, and other places [the marketplace had to accommodate more Americans as they grew bigger], this has not gotten into many doctor offices. Russell Williams in the size acceptance world would campaign for more access for fat people concentrating on chairs, while I didn't agree with him on many things, I definitely did with that.


But this isn't the only thing Ive noticed about the medical world.


Who but the most spry 12 year old can even CLIMB on top of these things?

Don't forget most people going to the doctor, are the elderly, sick and many overweight people. Even when I weighed in the 200s, I could barely hike myself up onto the typical medical examining table. There was one time, I did so, and put feet on a foot rest getting down and almost tipped the entire thing over. I know most people in their 70s and 80s are not either.

I know they want the doctor to be able to preserve his back, and make things easier for them, but when they keep making furniture most patients find formidable to even get on, then that is a problem.

Then there is your typical hospital bed. They are nightmares for the fat too. In one hospital just sitting on the edge of their hospital bed, I almost flipped the whole thing over. My old small town hospital, used to put me on the "bone bed" the one with the metal rack to hook broken limbs too, because it was the only bed that had the weight to it to remain stable with me in it. I don't think I barely slept, I begged the doctor, let me go home. He relented after 10 days to release me. That is one thing too, in the ER you'll see more of those impossible to get onto examining tables and nightmare beds, so even though you are shivering to death, you are hunched over in the one chair you could find without arms.

Hospital beds are UNCOMFORTABLE. Comfort affects illness and health problems. They are far too narrow--even people of more average size attest to that, and even if they prop you up, more then often you end up sliding into the hole. Don't think that hospitals have a vast array of bariactric beds either, maybe they will special ship one in if you are Walter Hudson but don't count on it. One nursing home bound friend, has relayed to me about how her own bed is a nightmare, and she knows she is not getting needed rest because of it.

I actually have considering writing medical furniture makers, to tell them they need to step it up and think a bit of the patient's comfort and limitations.

Something is being lost in the translation here.

Far More Then A Fat Woman

One thing that bothers me about being super-fat is at times in some circles, it seems to serve as a buffer, where people do not see the human being inside: you are judged by your appearances, and your intelligence, and other interests in life, are all ignored for what you look like. One thing that used to happen to me is years ago, I would have people usually in the work-place tell me: "Oh you are so smart!" as if they were in shock a corpulent person could have an IQ over 80.

I know that when you get to know people looks only matter so much, the body we are in really only is something we carry the our "real selves" around in. One's heart and soul are not determined by what they weigh.

The one thing that is the worse to me about this culture, is the growing emphasis on the superficial, where looks matter the most, you see young girls and women in general more concerned about the size of their bodies, and their looks rather then anything more deeper. They have young girls clamoring over their waist sizes and looks and this is breeding people who care all about whatever one else thinks to define themselves, rather then people who have developed their characters and souls. If anyone wants to know things are worsening in society or why there are more unhappy people, that is one of the causes.


Everything is about looks: the perfect weight. By the way, is anyone else when they examine the celebrity world getting sick of people that all look alike? I barely can tell the difference between any of them anymore. They all wear the same clothes, the same hairstyles, and have the same opinions. Celebrity names mean nothing to me, I don't know the difference between a J-Lo from a Lindsey Lohan. Who is Trista? I have no idea, but she looks like 300 other Hollywood figures out there, this time with a baby as an accessory to her "glorious body".

I'm more on the conservative side of the spectrum, but remember the days when the feminists gave some notice and message of telling women, they had more worth then their looks, whatever happened to that? Oh, they all went "sex positive" or something and now some circles seem to be specializing in naked protest and crazier stuff. I guess when the BODY becomes EVERYTHING, then it becomes a twisted focus.

In a world where they want your BODY to define everything about you, I think things have gotten tougher on fat people. Before one's character and who you were counted as far more. In my personal life, I manage to avoid those who only deal with life on this skimming brainwashed level, pursue my art, and other concerns but it is a growing trend in society that seems it is getting worse. What is becoming acceptance is growing more narrow too to the point that what is thrust in our face, as the BEST BODIES, have become cookie-cutters of each other. I don't think they look that good anymore, in fact I'm bored by the whole lot of them. To be fair, though they probably do have more inside to offer, but have adopted the whole premise that women today are to be valued for their looks alone. But really what does that mean when the ideas of beauty become so limited, they actually become boring.

As a fat woman, I never thought I was ugly even if the weight caused me pain and misery, but what should it matter anyway? Priorities in this culture are skewed and when people only care about their bodies [there is a certain level of care and concern for health that is needed] and ignore character, and goodness and other facets of life, that is a problem. I dare say, on the assembly line of Hollywood indoctrination, the best thing for a fat woman or any other for that matter to do is to kick it all to the curb and look for what is most important in life.

The Locked Down World of Size Acceptance

SOne thing that is bugging me lately, trying to get this blog out there, the fat acceptance blogs and websites are locked down tighter then a drum. I have never seen so many censored websites in my life, where every blog demands automatic moderation before any posts appear or where membership must be approved on every message board. Freedom of speech doesn't seem to be a very loved concept in size acceptance.

When one has a blog, you do want readers and you have to get your link out there to get them. So far its been very tough, I've never seen anything like this. Some just general obesity websites have been okay, the politically correct police haven't barred the door from my entrance but all the size acceptance/fat positive etc, websites, its been near impossible.

There is one big fat blog where I applied for membership and at least to enter into discussion with the folks there, and got no response. Well I left the size acceptance movement to begin with, because they did everything they could to silence my voice, and my experience. Because I talk about realities of being super-obese, they do not want the "fat positive" bubble popped by anyone. I doubt that once pink haired size activist ever took my advice, when I told her to go visit a bariatric nursing home to see what obesity could do to people. There is no intregrity in trying to control people or silence the voices of the ultra-super sized.

Sometimes I feel like the Size Acceptance world works like a closed down gulag, of ideologues, who can't stand to ever examine anything. I'm against fat people being treated like garbage, and have managed to grab on to many of the good things life has to offer even being so severely obese but that doesn't matter. Unless you think exactly like them, they do not even want to listen. The Super-sized are already rendered invisible in a lot of places in society, it stinks, when the people who are portending to represent fat people's needs, lock you out as well.

The World's Fattest Bride?

Years ago, I wondered if I had broken the world's record for being the fattest bride in the world but reading books on history of the circus there were many large circus fat ladies who had gotten married including Dolly Dimples. The world's fattest man who had lost weight down to the 700s got married as well.



How many people can say they got married, at such incredible weights? We surely must be a rare breed, but everyone in the world has the same emotions and desires, that everyone else has. Ultra-fat people fall in love too. I was at the peak of my weight gain on my wedding day and had to be near 700lbs with hips at around 103 inches in measurement. The me of today, is even far smaller then I was on my wedding day. So if a woman has been reading too many Cathy comics, and thinks her pudge is going to keep her from walking down the wedding aisle, if I managed it, so can she.

In my case I met my husband, just after the first 50lbs, I was just hitting the low 300s, and even then knew I was sick but was still working and semi-functioning. He knew I was sick, during the early years of our relationship I was battling with doctors already. When we married, it was different then most couples, we did not know how much longer I would be around, it was looking pretty short term, and to put a cap on all that, my wedding night was spent in the hospital with a cellulitis infection caused by all the exertion of planning and bringing together a small wedding [we had 24 guests]. By some miracle I could still hobble around at that weight and was not bed bound.

Looking back years later, I told my husband, maybe it wasn't fair to marry you being so ill but my husband wasn't to be dissuaded. We have been together now around 16 years total, 12 married. Many ultra-super sized people never date, nor marry. I guess I bucked that trend.

Connection to Common Cold and Obesity?

Connection Between Common Cold and Obesity?

Well this is an interesting study, years ago I remember reading about another study that said obesity could be a result of a virus. Professor Nikhil Dhurandhar has studied the effects of human adenovirus AD-36 on obesity. They did use to blame stomach ulcers on "stress" but then found out that was a virus. It will be interesting to see where this research goes.

A Discussion of Fat and Health.

A Discussion of Fat and Health

Some of the article, I agree with, health shouldn't be some kind of a litmus test for worthiness but obesity in many cases beyond a certain point IS a symptom of illness.