More Health Problems: Hypercalciuria

 

This is the latest medical problem. They have reduced my Lasix to see if that is causing it? Has anyone else managed TWO different kinds of kidney stones at ONCE? There could be calcium kidney stones now, hypercalciuria is too much calcium in the urine.

I just got the uric acid ones under control again. I passed a small stone last night. It gets wearing. The kidney doctor does seem to be good, he dug up some old files and brought up my adrenal problems from 20 years ago when they did an adrenal scan and I was diagnosed with hyperadolsteronism. I was told then, I had seven times the adrenal hormones as a normal person. This was the time there was high cortisols. That doctor put me on the androgen blocker that took me down in weight from 700lbs to 450. I was forced off that drug 6 years ago. This doctor does seem to acknowledge things with me are very complex.

With the weight, I'm scared, I'm eating less but it's only stayed "stable", the same 520. I'm glad I have been stable but it's far too high. My appetite has felt reduced too, where most food seems "gross" to me, and that still didn't take any off.  My A1C came down. I think my weight is even confusing the doctors. Advanced kidney urine tests by the way tell them everything you are eating. They know if you are pigging out on hamburgers or like me lowering the protein.

Even vegetarianism hasn't taken things off. I had a salad for dinner and a little soup two days ago, 1 chicken sausage and some rice with celery and green pepper last night. It occurred to me outside of a small Duo protein bar, I haven't eaten anything sweet in two years and still the weight remains insane. I'm living the Steven King book, "Thinner" but title it "Fatter" this time. Oddly the weight thing shocked me too because I have looked thinner in the face and arms but it didn't show in the numbers. Maybe the water weight is part of it. 

 I know no one should be maintaining this weight based on what I eat. Lipedema stage 4 does very bad things to weight but it seems beyond this. This doctor did refer me to an endocrinologist. Remember I was going to see one again, I needed a referral. Too much is going wrong. I need to know where the testosterone is even and have to shave my face on occasion. 

My fatigue has been extreme and there's muscle problems too lately. One autoimmune problem the Dermatomyositis may be moving from skin involvement to muscle involvement.  My legs have felt "weak" at times. I may be asking to be put into the hospital if it gets much worse even with the Covid dangers. I really have needed to be in a hospital or rehab for years. I used to beg to be put in to have 100 taken off, but none of them would do it. I know functioning would be far higher at 420 then 520. I was 460 in 2013 but that is too long ago.

 Sometimes I go and lay in my bed for an entire day just getting up for necessities, and then that seems to improve the pain where I can walk around better and manage.  So that's how I have done it. Some I am sure would say "Go get more exercise". I try. I can still walk through stores the same and do some gardening at least. My life does need some activities.  People don't know this about me, but even though I had severe disabilities, I liked living life and doing things as much as I could.

I don't feel "too bad" today, but some days, it's really bad. There were days if not for Covid, I would have checked into the hospital. Every morning I look around at my apartment and feel overwhelmed, this is not good for mental health. It could be worse without my husband doing the laundry, trash, and he cleans up things I'm not up to lately. One troubling CFS problem is I literally could sleep all day if I let myself. 

With the endocrinologist, I'm really going to press for genetic tests, there's too much wrong, so many illnesses I can barely keep track. None of this makes sense for one person to have so many things wrong. The ringing in my ears and going deaf has been difficult too. I'm hoping the doctors get some answers. I'm glad the kidney doctor went into my old records. 

Something is wrong they have not discovered yet, I am sure of it. The body never worked right and so much is wrong. I believe I have a genetic or other disorder, I even find myself wondering if I have some parathyroid condition or other complex condition. I need to tell the endocrinologist in the 1990s, a doctor mentioned me having polyendocrine autoimmune disorder.  Hopefully I can get more answers. 

One thing it is known fact in the Lipedema world now that severe autoimmune diseases often go with Lipedema especially in high stages. I did meet others with extreme autoimmune diseases with stage 4 Lipedema. This is being talked about on advanced medical boards for Lipedema. 

Is it Okay to Get Covid Over and Over Again?

Watching all these people live their lives feels like torture. When I used to have a life and activities that were local, I could deal with all these people around me going on their constant trips, having parties, visitors and more but now that I have no life outside of my marriage and visiting very few friends, my resentment seems to be growing. "Don't envy others", yes I know all spiritual paths insist on this. I just wish there was more people who related around me. I keep my mouth shut, I would just look like a bitch to snark on their fun lives and a few friends have taken well deserved trips and activities to see relatives they haven't seen in years, but sometimes I ask "Why me?".

Its good I get to see a few friends or I would lose my mind, even if I have been wearing masks around them. 

Why aren't Fauci, Baric and the rest of them in jail yet? If we had real rule of law in this nation, all these men would already be in jail.

It's occurred to me that I am talking to past community connections, acquaintances and activity friends, like a person that moved away two years ago. They are responding to me like a person who moved away from them and they have moved on.  That's sad to me.

Even with sending cards and Zoom contact, the relationships and connections have ebbed away.  One art friend, I need to go her art show, Covid or no Covid. I always fear hurting people's feelings over this stuff. After no contact, I had spent years establishing all these networks and they've been messed up. I've missed zine conferences, stamp auction and club, UU events from dinners to committees, the gym, art classes, art shows, art meetings, two book clubs, and more. 

Has this happened to anyone else?

It feels like all I see is the back end of people in this life. The powers that be have worked on seperating people a lot. Most know leaving my old rural town of 15 years ago, affected me badly, and the same thing seems to be happening not but this time I didn't move.

We did almost return to activities but then someone gets sick. Mr. Peep doesn't want to join any groups now in person. From his angle, he wants to protect me. If not for him, I would maybe take more chances. I worry about talking him into doing more or going to groups and then he catches it and gets sick.  All the ties have been loosened. 

What's Covid been for most of the people around here? They trust in the system, they think it's okay to get Covid over and over, some are on their third or fourth bout. They believe Covid's just a cold. As a disabled person who is "immuno-compromised" this feels like not so subtle ableism on steroids. There is the pressure that I am a hypochondriac now, I feel it in the air. One told me, "You can't go on like this forever". 

 Unless Covid is a hoax and they are just getting colds and false positive PCRS, I don't know how they won't be screwed. I read scary Pubmed stuff on Covid causing long term problems including neurological and autoimmune even if you had a mild case. It's not like getting a cold over and over. Maybe this is a place where I am too smart for my own good, I think it's a really really bad idea to get Covid multiple times a year. 

More than 50 Long-term effects of COVID-19: a systematic review and meta-analysis - PubMed (nih.gov)

This one haunts the hell out of me:

SARS-CoV-2 causes brain inflammation and induces Lewy body formation in macaques | bioRxiv

COVID-19 Reinfections and Serious Health Problems (healthline.com)

No one cares around here. No one wears masks. I feel like everyone is in on a secret....maybe it's a HOAX, but I haven't gotten the news. I feel like a crazy woman sometimes skulking around in my N95 while everyone else has moved on. I am TOO isolated to know how sick people are getting or not. I live in a more stiff upper lip section of the country, maybe some old and fellow disabled people share aches and pains but the culture here is to suck it up and deal with it yourself.  Maybe nothing's happening and I am a fool to have let my social life fall apart and to live like this. There's a lot of things that can kill me and I here I am hiding out over one. 

 Maybe it's a pot of piss and all these people getting "Covid" really just have colds. None of them died. One 85 year old man got "Covid" pneumonia but he's old enough that could have happened during normal times. Sometimes I think they released real SARS on us in the early stages so some did get really sick and even wonder if the pandemic has been over for a while so they can drag things out. They'll shout VARIANTS, but honestly I don't see much difference in between cases. Maybe the vaxxed with diminished immune systems are getting constant colds. I don't know. 

 I still don't know anyone who has died of Covid yet. Some friends of mine do believe it is all a hoax, which gives me a weird feeling what if my social and community life has been destroyed on a complete lie? If I blow three years like this how will I feel if I ever find this out. My husband believes it is real and is sure about it, even though I told him my theory about early SARs. 

 I am so twisted in knots, trying to figure things out and have been unable to. It's driving me crazy.  I told one friend, I think it's real and a bioengineered weapon but then I thought why would the elite put themselves at risk? Normal people don't seem afraid at all, and here, I feel invalidated with more emotions I feel I have to shut down and suppress to be "normal". It is so tiring. There's no one to talk to. All it does is confuse me. Maybe this is autism, we think about "the details" too much.

One thing disturbing me, is it doesn't seem to be ending at all. Like there will never be an end to this. I wonder if something is different about me and most people, they just chose to go with whatever serves them without a care in the world. It's probably easier to live that way, maybe I wish I was like that. People don't seem to have feelings anymore at least where I live about any of this. They shrugged their shoulders and ignore Covid. Some may think I am obsessed and just need to throw the masks away and live my life and "stop being paranoid". As far as I know, knock on wood, I haven't caught it yet. Just about everyone I know has had it, if the tests are to believed. Oh I'm glad I never took the shots, I can tell inklings of their bad effects is now trickling out to the mainstream. 

Most working class and poor people probably had to say screw it, we can't afford to hide in our apartments anyway. Did Ralph Baric destroy the world? Maybe. Will this be the rest of our lives. By the way conspiracy people say it's "scheduled" to end in 2025.  I've seen this chart on multiple conspiracy websites. Three more years? We won't have any minds left. 

At this point if we are going to have apocalypse, just let it all crash, then I won't have to worry about these bills anymore and can just accept the inevitable. The slow grind is worse. Even when I do go out, the virus is there hovering over my head, "What if I get it?" What if this trip to the thrift store or library was a "mistake"? There's a feeling of living on "borrowed time" anyhow. I've seen other disabled people talking about these feelings elsewhere, these are some of the folks who relate to how I feel.

There's times lately I've felt weepy watching old shows, it's happened several times, watching Barney Miller, and Laverne and Shirley, what's bringing those feelings out?  There felt like there was some hope and connection in those times. Life had some joy to it. You could have a meal out or go to a party or be at peace without endless worries. I made a joke, that even doing WWII if the place wasn't being bombed, you could go out to the dance hall. 

.I said to husband, "Either it's a complete fake, or we are talking extinction". Ponder for yourself something that just keeps spinning off variants and never ends. This is why I get confused. Are the partying elite with no masks worried about extinction? There's so much that doesn't add up

Why are there so many cases? Are all the tests false positives? Maybe they sprinkled some real SARs but most of the tests are bogus. If someone can prove to me the tests they give for Covid are legitimate, I'll read.  I did find out they isolated it in Brazil but it's hard to know what to believe anymore.

I even had thought okay there's diseases like MRSA out there, and other bad ones, I just lived life of in spite of them, but every time I turned around and wanted to pull the plug on all the isolation, someone would claim they had Covid. A few months ago, I thought no one's getting it anymore and then that changed and I almost went back into the world.....then 7 people I knew 'got it'. I'm on enough Zooms to find out when people get Covid, some talk about those in household with it, or themselves.

 I seriously don't know what is going on. Out in the world, everyone has decided there's no Covid around here and no one wears masks anymore. It's over as far as they are concerned. A great majority have accepted just catching it over and over. It's so muddled up.

Maybe I'm an idiot for still hiding in my apt. Maybe they are deceived in thinking there's nothing wrong with having had Covid multiple times and Covid will all rot their brains soon. The vaxxes seemed to have taken emotions and fear out of them even though they keep catching it. 

None of our public health people have a plan except doubling down on failure. "Vaxx me Harder Daddy" so there can be more blood clots and autoimmune disorders. I just don't see how any of this is going to end. I never in a million years thought they would come up with a virus where human beings can't form any immunity against it. I never thought there would be a "forever" pandemic. I have a few friends who have feelings and emotions about this all but watching the majority of the people around me, they scare me because THEY DON'T! Maybe some simply gave up. They figure I got a life to live it's time to live it. Am I being smart or cowardly? Am I deceived? 

If Covid is real, I think the people getting it over and over are taking a big chance. The vaxxes don't protect one from long term effects. Spike proteins from all sources are poison. If Covid is fake, then maybe I'm a fool but then I worried from the start when Trump said Covfefe, he worked to have it spread as far possible. The apocalypse is too slow. It's grinding us down.

They Want to Put That mRNA Garbage in Everything!

 The vaxxes are a miserable failure. There's no evidence they saved anyone from "worse disease" even before they existed, there was a small minority who got Covid bad enough to be hospitalized or died of it. If they worked the pandemic would be over. Instead they seem to be extending it. mRNA is a failure. Did you know they want to put it in other medicines? That scares the hell out of me. Is the same failure rate, going to apply? "Oh your bronchitis and pneumonia could be worse, yes we know it's the third month but your mRNA antibiotic is keeping you alive!"

Work on the Zine Continues

 

I'm working on the "Fat Pat Fights The World" zine. It's now around 200 pages. It includes art work and writing. I switched things to fiction, I think many of you would enjoy this book. When it's done, it will be time to announce it here. I read parts to my local writing group on Zoom, they seemed to enjoy it a lot. 

Bodily Autonomy

 Some of these people really should attempt some consistency.

I saw on a reddit board someone pointing out that the overruling of Roe v. Wade is more about canceling out the right to privacy, what better way to force clot shots on everyone?

Roe vs. Wade and American Babies

Here's the latest:

Supreme Court Overrules Roe vs. Wade 

I wrote this a few years ago.

The March of the Republic of Gilead: Abortion and Birth Control.

I never liked abortion but always considered government interference in it, to create nothing but problems. It should be kept a private matter and there's health and other things, the state isn't going to care about. I had my own "special circumstances" where I was told pregnancy would kill me. I was mostly infertile but I could have popped a random egg even with severe PCOS, so I took precautions. I've never had sex without birth control, maybe I'm one of those cautious type people. My infertility probably kept me from ever becoming pregnant. Years and years, statistics would have said, the birth control would have failed at least once even with my extreme caution. There's a lot of women who are careful and who get pregnant anyway. Right wing pro-life types never had much mercy for women in difficult positions. 

No one really gives a damn about the babies, because once they are here, everything they need for happy healthy lives gets cut off.  The left used to at least pretend to care about the "little people" that's over, as we are crushed under extreme inflation. They are now pushing the clot shot on the babies, with few studies and really no benefit--negative efficacy, and that makes me sick and like I should be screaming in the streets to save them from future autoimmune illnesses, blood clots, and possible infertility. So as all these people claim to "care about the babies", I don't think they do. So Roe vs Wade is now gone, but now we are dealing with the already born babies being put on the chopping block. Some of the kids already got myocarditis, guess they don't care about dead babies now. Guess they don't care about the orphans either as the adverse effects from the shots pile up, and Covid never ends and no treatments are pursued.

I never had children and watching people give their babies experimental shots that really have already failed and serve no purpose for them makes me want to puke. It was bad enough with the kids but watching it happen to babies is even worse. Too many kids have dumb parents. I can have sympathy for the fear and angst produced in millions, but aren't any of these people looking around? The shots have failed us. Adults have noped out realizing the side effects and more. So why push it on babies? What possible benefit can you see it having?

Back to abortion. The right sucks too when it comes to abortion, ignoring the economic factors that drive it. Outside of medical issues, the majority of women I know who got abortions all did so for ECONOMIC reasons. They couldn't take care of themselves or the baby, or keep their job. They were too young and in school still. They had no place to live. Deadbeat men who made them pregnant in the first place all disappeared. Some had no families or wealthier families who refused to help.   Their options were very few. Some have told me they regretted it and feel resentment over the economic duress they were under. Notice in all these abortion battles, THAT is never talked about. 

This country put money above human life long ago and the right wing is guilty of that. So why they cry about the abortions and now make them illegal, they offered no real changes to make abortions less in number. They do nothing to give women more options. Many of them are insane enough to want to do away with birth control too. They ARE going after the contraception. If this place was sane, then the need or desire for abortion would become so rare it would become a moot issue. 

The left sucks too, because they support an experimental shot with extreme side effects being given to the babies. They sacrificed the working class on the altar of neo-liberalism, they allow Bill Gates and others to destroy our lives and health. Through their medical fascism they have enabled this.

Some have theorized abortion is being made illegal now because the fertility rates from the clot shots are going to plummet, and if the abortion clinics see their business fall off, it's going to be obvious. I don't know but it's an interesting theory. If you get time, research a bit what has happened to women's fertility and periods and babies in relation to the vaxxes. Naomi Wolf has written quite a bit about this.

Anyone here wonder about the timing of all this? The country is a tinderbox. And they seem intent on lighting a match. I still think there's going to be an extreme right wing resurgence.  It's been my theory. I'm disaffected from the left but don't support the other side either. There's people like me out there, who are beyond disgusted. I'm disgusted watching this too. No one cares about babies or human lives. They seem to do everything they can to make things worse. 

New Life Rule: Never Give Anyone Advice or Be More Careful About It

Seriously I need to quit it.

One needs to ask first if someone wants your advice.

I don't have money, power or resources to help anybody anyhow. I can't even help myself. I'm barely staying out of the nursing home now, with mobility and other problems. 

I don't mind advice, some people's advice has gotten me out of a jam. One has to make it clear of course, whatever they decide is their decision at the final point. Some good friends gave me advice yesterday I liked. It may help solve a problem. Advice can help. We got car handles fixed on a car asking for help. We have been able to find solutions to problems ourselves.

Part of me wants to do good in the world, I guess whether that's based on faults or not. I even have tried to help homeless people from years ago. Being low on money but good on research, I'd help people search for resources. There were a few times, it helped. One young online acquaintance was able to find disabled housing and be freed of an abusive household. I helped one friend learn about PACE and find help during severe illness.

Other times things went worse for the person. They didn't always use my advice in this case or maybe just some of it.  Everyone's life is their own choices, but then you can be on the stick for giving bad advice if things went badly for your friend or acquaintance and they incorporated any of it. That can be a danger zone.  Then you're the person at fault. I once advised this one online friend on how to apply for disability and when she got turned down, she got really angry at me.

Some take the autistic analytical nature to try and get to the bottom of something or even help someone very wrong. I need to realize giving some neurotypical people advice pisses them off. I see myself as helping but some just get angry.  Some assume I am looking down at them. Well in our dog eat dog world where everything runs by status, maybe some probably have been looked down on before. They don't know me enough especially in online situations to know that is not how I operate.

One thing that's different between autistic and neurotypical culture, us Aspies do openly talk about our problems, even if they are bad among ourselves. There's less pressure to save face. We will give each other advice. Take it or leave it. We don't get pissed off at each other for it. In those circles, I can be more open. Some of my friends with autism, they have been burned so much in neurotypical land, they stay away except for necessary interactions like for business and commerce. 

I like a lot of neurotypicals, and want better communication with them, and have friends who are, but have to be more mindful of the advice thing. Of course people with autism can get bad advice too, and or be told they are "not enough" over and over. I've been told basically "Stop being autistic". Some may read this article and even say "Oh this is an excuse for your crappy advice and arrogant nature!"

One thing my husband has warned me, he thinks I am getting into too many fixes with people and that too many are using me as a sounding board or free counselor especially online. He has told me he wants me to be more careful with online interactions. While I've gotten good friends online, it can be complicated.  Sharing problems does not a friendship make there has to be some mutual interests and affection. Maybe I've erred and told people too many of my problems online too so did the same thing from my end. 

If people move on to better things or even life worsens and they haven't found solutions, then they "move on". I of course notice they are pulling away, and sometimes foolishly ask why and get anger in response. I don't realize in some cases there probably never was a friendship to begin with.  

 No one wants to be a project friend, I hated that too of course. When it's all about giving advice and "fixing you". In this case, I wasn't trying to make them a project friend or anything. I was thinking of solutions. I never was forceful about it like you have to do this but it was a bad idea over all. They took it all wrong.

I also have to make sure to avoid falling into this trap again, after ACON recovery, I did walk from some involuntary counselor positions like with the Army friend. On my end, I also had to learn not to tell people my problems too or at least save it for very close and mutual friends. Remember when I wrote this article:

Why You Never Tell People Your Problems

Which kind of sucks that things are this complicated but sadly they are. Here's an interesting Quora conversation "What is your opinion about telling or not telling people your problems?

There may be a codependency problem in wanting to "help" people so much. Maybe that's another onion layer, where my narcissistic family made me feel like I had to be "of use" to be considered worthy to anyone. It's putting me in a trap with people and bringing me to a place of hurt way too often.

Here I don't want to shut down all the "help", someone told me this week they saw me as being the "mother" of one group I am in so surely saw some positives in what I had to share. Here is a place where I have to seek some balance.