Are They Ruining the Internet?: Life Outside of the Internet

 I'm leaving X. Outside of a few people, it felt like I was talking to an empty wall there. I probably will still 'read" and write a few messages to the few friends but will spend less time there. They took away my account that had 700 followers, even though the password was never lost. "Arbitrary termination" [see their new list of rules] has already kicked in. I have a second account that stayed at around 80 followers. After a period of time observing X, I felt like most on there were "owned" or "agenda" accounts or blatantly fake accounts. 

I searched for my own name, and noticed they started a number of fake accounts under the fivehundredpoundpeep name. One insulting one claimed to love Only Fans. I hate Only Fans. This irritated me.

No one was reading my posts anymore and there was no way to recover my old account. Here's the new rules that kick in on January, they are awful. 

It's just not worth it. Some of these places are addictive, I have to be cautious myself of internet addiction and dopamine hits. I am working to withdraw more from the internet. I will still post here, and still do messages to friends and emails. I watch a lot of Youtube too, since it's part of my TV, I'm not sure how much of that I can lower. Being deaf, it is far easier for me to communicate via text than the phone and I need to transcribe speech to communicate with people so I can't leave the internet completely. My husband still will be doing some work on it. 

There have been some nasty changes to the internet where they seem to want to make the "dead internet" theory come to life. All the bots are ruining it. Many are noticing the level of manipulation too. Long ago, I noticed a lot of people online didn't seem real, there was too many bots and astroturfers. Free speech barely exists anywhere, everything seemed to have an "agenda". This is one reason I greatly reduced my involvement with Reddit, even on obscure boards like one dealing with bible conspiracy, There were fake people all over. Too many had the same opinions and the round-about dishonest way of writing. This reminded me of my banning from the raised by narcissists board even after years on there for having one line that questioned Covid vaxxes in 2024. Some of the stuff got silly. 

 On X, I have noticed anyone who is spontaneous and "real" is left with a small account, there were even a few excellent researchers and commentators, who were being left with very little audience. Some talked about shadow-banning, that may explain some of it. As you can see from the new rules below, my losing my first account probably was early arbitrary termination. Elon Musk is not trustworthy. How will our information be used by a trillionaire "tech brother?"  Some of these characters remind me of the villains on James Bond movies. X was a good source of information about certain topics like Covid, though sadly most of the medical freedom movement appeared to sell out to Trump.

They are trying to build data centers. They are popping up like mushrooms in my state, every small town area is getting one, even my own. They already are making the electric bills skyrocket, and they use tons of water. Some say the system is being collapsed, but who knows. Why are they building so many data centers? I joined groups online against them and if a real world local one starts, I plan to go. 

I do not support AI, I hate it, it has brought us endless bad art, fake pictures and poorly written books, and it's full of errors too. I am not AI pure being online at all, but I refuse to use ChatGPT, or any AI knowingly where one goes and looks for a AI tool to use. Some people find my anti-AI stances weird. One guy told me this is progress and it will improve humanity. I don't agree.

AI seems to be making people dumber and even more shut down. Protect your paper books, it seems they are making paper magazines and books obsolete, there isn't a magazine stand for hundreds of miles now within my apartment. The lack of a soul in AI deadens everything it touches, and sadly most disconnected humans don't even see it. I have noticed there are a lot of artists and religious people who hate AI, and we hate it for a reason.

How come so few are asking why we need a data center every 50 miles? You think those digital IDs have something to do with it? I do. It would shock you if I told you how many of these places they want to build and they are going into rural remote areas. They can't even get a working job system or money system as Americans are falling into homelessness or keep a steady source of power without constant war.  Some believe and I've mentioned this theory too, that they are shutting down industrial society and the Covid vaxxes are working their depopulation "magic" though far slower than predicted. Maybe the data centers are a boondoggle. I have read articles and posted them here and there about how AI is a hoax. What does it actually DO for us? A whole lot of nothing. Garbage in, Garbage out. Why is AI almost always a woke liberal too and always loves vaxxes?

If I find most of the newest internet developments dissatisfying except for this blog, and some forced shopping online and speaking with online and IRL friends because I am deaf, wouldn't that apply to others? I've been ordering old books from inter library loan for real education like reading "History of Great American Fortunes", from 1936. This book will tell you what is happening now is almost an exact repeat of the Gilded Age. I've read to page 177 but plan to finish it. I suppose the internet is still useful for somethings since I found an archive of it but I want to order a paper copy as soon as I can afford it. I loved the internet for years, like a magic library but everything that is good about it, the tech brothers and other soul-less idiots running this society seem to be wanting to take out of it. However that said, many of us do feel the electronic cage being built around us.

Some points about the internet:

1. Have you noticed how blogging has died? I am one of the die-hards. I can't even find a new ACON blog out there.  Most shut theirs down. I'm glad one blog I have co-written with, survives. Maybe I will run out of things to talk about one day.  Blogging seems to have disappeared. Only the sponsored and corporate still seem at it. I save copies of this blog since I fear even this platform being taken down one day. I do want to get paper copies of the best articles but money has stood in my way there.

2. Have you noticed how those with independent opinions are ostracized and banned?  I can find some real independent outposts of the internet but that got harder and harder. I really wish I could find independent message boards, if anybody knows of any share them with me here. I haven't been able to find those. I think of how Twitter banned me years ago for questioning the vaxxes, I got back on under Elon Musk's sojourn, but I've been "banned" just more via the backdoor. I talked about politics, conspiracy and religion too much for their liking. How come every message board has a control freak moderator that seems to reject all independent posts? You don't have to insult anyone or do anything wrong but if you don't go with their agenda, out you go. I've noticed this on boards for a variety of subjects.

 Free speech isn't in vogue anymore in the USA. The left is worse with this, but the right wing can be just as bad. I am tired of being told by rich friends on Facebook, except a few who are conspiracy aware, that the economy is doing great. A lot of opinions out there are programmed out there. The internet is erasing individuality and testing things by the real world. Control of information definitely is an internet agenda.

                                 I'm keeping my hobbies and paper books!

3. How come there hasn't been a back to real life movement, where people disengage off the internet. Maybe it's happening and it's overdue. It's not like they will announce it online!  I had discussions with my husband where I have said, "we should return to regular life!" I dream of "going off the grid" so to speak but practicalities have made this impossible. I do force 24 hour periods on myself where I am not allowed to go online except for necessary speech transcription.

 I could be forced off the grid one day because I will not take a digital ID, due to religious and other beliefs. One day there could be those who have been ousted from the system. You always saw this theme in many dystopian novels. I refuse transhumanism and other things they seem to be cooking up. If they plan for deindustrialization and returning the peasants to the land, there probably would still be some digital control mechanisms that could be left in place. Remember what I said about that Arch Druid guy who warned of deindustrialization as early as 2012, the job lay-offs and shutting down of companies may be happening for a reason. 

4. How come everyone ignores how much WORSE everything has become?  The whole Covid thing broke social ties and connections we once enjoyed. Life is harder and more overwhelming. Everyone is scattered. I still feel nervous in crowds from all of the crap and feel the deadening of the vaxxed. They just don't talk as much. People have far less emotions, for the new tech dystopia, they certainly don't want emotions muddying up everything. Do any of you pine nostalgic for the conversations of the 2010s, when people still seemed to have critical thinking skills? I meet fellow awake people, friends with a few, like floating islands of relief in a sea of the braindead. One thing I notice when I talk about the damages from tech and AI, is the majority defend it. Why?  Some eagerly await all this nonsense, but the few changes I've seen have been for the negative and for more control and economic ruin.

I found this interesting, I SAW it YEARS ago myself around 2013, and it seems to have happened. This was a post from 4chan,

That said, I started feeling detached from the real world myself. It's a problem. Because I am housebound and in bed often from illness--I'm removing water from myself now in bed, I became addicted to the internet. Disability makes contact with the real world harder.

My worries have been about how much of the real world am I getting to experience? I do have a few friends, I go to an art club, I'm supposed to take a scholarship art class soon. A friend promised to help me get there in late winter weather, the place is near my apartment.  How much of life is being lived anymore? Lack of money blocks me from everywhere. Americans didn't notice but they basically charge for everything, there's no free third spaces anymore. Church costs money. One evangelical friend told me I have a hang up about money and finding a church. She owns a home and is able to appear far more together, she didn't experience what I did in churches. The ability to give some money is expected. If you don't have money to support yourself even, it doesn't work. 

Many Americans live in a fantasy too. I notice how few notice the growing numbers of homeless and "ruins" everywhere and closed businesses, because they can turn on the internet and be told "Everything is great!" Sure there's a few outliner voices on Youtube talking about the economy, but the mainstreams are maintaining the false reality via the internet. This is 1984/Brave New World crap. I worry "Oh maybe I am too isolated, I need to see more of the real world", but I can't ignore memories and what I see in front of my own face. 

5. The internet changed people. It made us too performative. This applies to me. We all want a voice. Maybe this became a way for us to try and gain one. Millions all yelling "Look at me!", the influencers really running with the drive for attention. Maybe I am guilty too. In times past, most lived and only knew people around them, now we are on here, because our social worlds got so compressed except for a few lucky ones of us with friends and mates. We want to be noticed and remembered.  We all treated ourselves like brands. I made jokes about how I had this identity online, as the Peep for years, a more outgoing personality. I find myself wanting freedom from the pressure to "perform" and "impress" or show enough intellect to have people take an interest. This blog did get some interest, it hit over 3 million views long ago, and I know it's not just me reading my own stuff but now it is getting kind of old. I've been at it on here since 2010. That will soon be 16 years. I did change a lot of stuff and stayed alive which this blog was started to find out what was wrong with me with my severe obesity. Even last year gave more answers with the celiac diagnosis. I am now in the 460s so at least weight is stable, and going down a little bit.

Even in real life on social media, I had the thought maybe I "show" off too much art, like I am trying to sell myself as an "artist" online. Artists do want to show their stuff, and get satisfaction selling it but I had funny thoughts about this. I do admit some bad stuff on my social media, people there know I am "poor", but I thought about this kind of thing. I don't relate to a lot of people even on economic lines, their lives seem so busy and full, but then you wonder how much do you really know all those friends on social media? Some I am close to, we talk like real friends enough to KNOW each other so some are obviously REAL friends. However I have names I don't even recognize anymore on my social media, when did I befriend them? It's kind of weird.

 Most of my high school ended up more financially secure than I did with closer knit families, I could see the root of their non-abused lives. Most never left the town I went to high school in and are surrounded by family, they didn't become a weird economic nomad with no family.

The internet changed a lot of stuff socially. One thing I am contending with, due to the autism and deafness, I am far better in text than I am in person. One close person even told me they noticed this difference. I am not operating at full speed in person, even keeping my balance takes some of the brain power away. The deafness is getting harder too, the transcribe phones can miss things especially if one is in a room with more than 2 people. What does it mean for a person to be a different person in person than online? Some would say the internet was a help for you then. I do worry about coming across as "slow" and "boring" in the real world, there's like thoughts I don't get out, it's hard to explain. One wants to be a good listener too, once the number of people goes over 2, it's like my brain shuts down. 

6. Has anyone noticed all these tech advances are not improving our economic lives whatsoever but making them worse? Reading about the monied in the 1936 book, I noticed everything is the same. The ultra rich rip off the poor and suppress the working class. All the wins of the 40s-80s have disappeared with gig employment, lack of jobs, disappearance of unions, and other "worker rights". Do you see AI improving the lot of the ordinary person? It's not and this is never commented on except on anti-AI or conspiracy boards. Few too even analyze the level of control all the technological advances will bring. 

I miss the internet of the 1990s, then it was fun, spontaneous, creative, I remember how fun chat rooms were before the advent of power mad moderators. I felt like I was talking to real people on message boards. Remember those self designed web pages with cartoons and personal photographs? Not all of it has been bad. I definitely have enjoyed blogging and the internet allowed me to find out about narcissism and offered the ACON community.  The internet allowed me to stay alive and find out about Lipedema, and find out the existence of functional doctors.

There's changes now that are not good. I feel like they are stripping the internet of everything that gave it meaning. It's become so MONOPOLIZED with everything run by giant companies. I don't like talking to machines instead of people and even when you get a person you wonder if it is a real human. Tell me what you think. I do wish I got more action in the comments on here, it is kind of weird I get numbers of tens of thousands of page views per month but so few comments. What do you think of the internet, AI and how it's changed life. Are you against data centers?

Churches and Me

  

It often felt this way but we can miss the people and community we left behind. 

Leaving the UU was hard, I had spent 7 years there and had some good memories. I did join a social media board for ex-Unitarian Universalists. Some of their concerns were the same as mine. Many have expressed the same heartbreak. I met one lady who left a church she was in for 25 years.

I have a lot good memories from there, and miss a lot about the church, that's the sad part of things but I guess one can remember the good people and times one had. It was an intellectually rewarding place for many years. It helped me a lot as an artist. Several members are supportive of me as an artist.  I sometimes feel bad I took my husband out of there, he still considers himself a member though an "inactive" one now. He jokes about reeling me back in but I don't give him a hard time. We did have some good years there.

They still believe in the Covid stuff and some still support the Covid vaxxes. I changed too, I held more traditionalist beliefs, and didn't support trans and/or climate change and other "woke" issues the UU did, as I wrote about on this article.. Many of the people are very nice people, I miss them, so facing facts we were walking in different directions was never easy. When I do run into them in the community, they treat me well. I still see several in other arenas like the art world.

Some may have expected me to go find another church. I talked about it. I mulled returning to the evangelical world but it got complicated. I stepped away from being a moderator on an ex-evangelical message board because of my religious confusion. Some others remained Christians after deconstruction but I wasn't sure what direction I was going to take.

While I have good memories of my first IFB church we moved away from, the second IFB church was AWFUL, we were ostracized. That place was extremely pro-Trump, pro-Zionism, and lacked community and care of many other churches. Community was far stronger in my first IFB and the UU church.  

I haven't stepped foot in a church or church service outside a Catholic Chapel to look at artwork in years. I have been back to my old UU for a few community events for an annual sale they hold. Somethings held me back from trying another church. I put years into the UU, and ENJOYED things there, so I think part of me is why get dedicated to another church only to have it all fall apart? I had the same thing happen in the inverse in two different churches. Conservative church land, I felt uncomfortable being poor and disabled, and wrote about that in the article "The Poor and Disabled in Churches. The UUs while I had huge socioeconomic differences with them, treated us far better, and they were wonderful on disability issues. The right-wing world is not that kind to the disabled. You are always seen as at "fault" and having offended God somehow to even be disabled. How would they respond to the transcribe phone? My hearing issues are a bit of a barrier.

The second IFB church loved war, and praised Trump every chance they got. The place was kind of weird, and very staid, men all wore suits to services and they never held any bible studies and/or church events like dinners unless a member of this Quiverful family had a wedding. That family dominated the church. The beliefs troubled me more and more, I didn't agree with their conservative politics and outlooks, and that's one reason I left. 

Being on X is sometimes hard, I get tired of right wingers always putting down the poor and wanting to remove all the Social Security and welfare. The same stuff I wrote about is happening all over again but worse with Trump's second term. When I left the UU over liberal political beliefs and other issues, it was like the inverse happening. The cultural wars are still destroying society. They have affected the churches. If you don't fit right or left, where do you go? Right now a person gets to choose between "woke" land, or "Maga" land, there's not much in between. I would please some liberals telling them I think Trump is a psychopath and an actor [he's already betrayed his base on wars overseas, Covid shots and many issues] and I would anger liberals telling them I do not support the trans movement, climate change efforts and more. There's got to be some people out there like me.

Maybe I am unable to conform enough for ANY church. I believe in Jesus Christ but believe the churches have skewed and changed a lot of what He taught. So I am kind of an outliner. I do see most churches as being part of the power structure of this world. Why are so many churches united for the power-brokers, even the UU lost it's hold on "freedom of conscience" to please the globalists. There were many UUs upset over the changes as I wrote about on the UU article. There are bigger agendas that guide things. The IFB and other evangelical churches always had the right wing pundits leading them by the nose in a certain direction. That Sword of the Lord newspaper was a bit of a Christian Nationalist rag. I do believe the trans movement is related to bringing forth transhumanism. The religious political right steered evangelical churches from helping the poor and defending a corrupt system. As the elite decimate what's left of the social safety net, they've gotten most of the religious right to cheer it on. We are in a spiritual battle. 

 Some churches definitely have done good in the world, but both conservative and liberal churches are used for social engineering. They are too easily steered by the elite. I told my husband the other day I wanted to buy an Ethiopian Bible to read the books of the Bible that got taken out by the Nicene Council and others. I can't afford much lately so that purchase has been delayed, but he laughed and said, "You talk and think about things I don't think most people do". 

 I studied the bible and had my bible prophecy and conspiracy blog for years. Some of the stuff I warned about on that blog has come to pass. I am not a prophet, I just combined the bible and conspiracy studies together, but obviously when I wrote about global digital ID passes in 2013, that's happening today. Picture of one of my old posts:

My worldview is different. Most people remain ignorant of the drawing dystopian net and growing totalitarianism that goes beyond the surface complaints about Trump. The left wing is participating too while pushing other agendas. I have read books on Gnosticism and alternative religious themes like Marcionitism. I'm studying the Orthodox church lately and finding it fascinating. As I wrote years ago religion is a special interest of mine. 

I've been so many religions, that I have the conclusion some got some parts wrong and others right. There's aspects of Catholicism I miss, I went to go visit this church chapel to look at artwork, and it was beautiful. The fundamentalists take the anti-art or "graven images" thing way too far. Some would be angry at me for hanging up icons in my apartment. I like nuns, monasticism and happily read Merton last year. Obviously, I take some issues with the Pope and other teachings. There's Catholics who think the Vatican went off the rails long ago. I am too Sola Scripture for that, but I think back to spiritual moments when I was young and in churches and retreats. A retreat in a monastery or convent sounds enriching. I'm reading about the Orthodox, my father grew up in an Orthodox church and converted to Roman Catholicism when he married my mother. He didn't tell us anything about it, and I was only in the church of his childhood once, I do remember there being a lot of more pictures on the wall but being a child of around 9 or 10, I just thought it was a fancier looking Catholic church. 

Culturally, the fundamentalist world was always hard. I didn't fit the life norm for the churches, and have no family history there or the lifestyle expected of a fundamentalist woman. Being childless while married marked me as a semi-fallen woman. I was married to someone who was into punk rock and who was not a fundamentalist.  Fundamentalist churches got weird about the "unequally yoked" thing. I married him before I was a Christian so technically, I was not blamed. It could get negative sometimes and they saw you as failing to "win" your husband over. The UU world had socioeconomic class issues. They were more educated which I liked though obviously I am not a "trust the experts" sort and question liberal academics and bougiecrats. They supported the arts, art and music.

 I do think fundamentalism had a negative effect on me as an artist. You always had to worry about your artwork being "godly".  I was in some severe churches, that even preached that reading fiction instead of the Bible was a sin so that was complicated. I could love literature and the arts around the UUs a bit easier. 

A Jesuit priest once on a message board during my first IFB days called me a diletante. Maybe he was right. Some have been more positive and have called me a "seeker". I said to my husband if religion is like marriage, maybe I am a commitment-phobe which is odd given I have been with him for 30 years plus. I didn't completely jibe with all the church cultures, I never was a complete "fit". My brain was always questioning and analyzing everything.  Maybe my time as a "watchwoman" put me in some strange place. Sometimes I have said to him, moving away from that first IFB was a mistake, I wouldn't have had all these religious troubles. I had a church family there. I still have contact with some 17 years later on social media but haven't gotten into detail of how severe my faith troubles got. 

              sadly these antics aren't that rare, a lot of modern evangelical churches has pastors focused on entertaining. 

When I considered looking for a church again, it was complicated. The same problems I left over are still there waiting for me.  I still struggle with what a lot of the churches believe and promote. I don't like Dominionism and Christian Nationalism. I am not pro-Christian Zionism. The Rapture is absurd to me and a false teaching. Too many use religion for control. I don't like how many mainstream Christians trash the poor or the related attitudes. Hell still troubles me but it did when I am honest with myself even in my fundamentalist days.

 When I watched videos of local services pondering choosing another church, I just got triggered over and over. One church had a Steven Furtick look alike, their minister looked like a doppelganger of that guy. The pastors in the mainstream evangelical churches all dressed alike.  They promoted a lack of individuality in their church members. Many seemed like they were narcissists and too focused on being overly charismatic. Some churches had more programs than others.

 I saw this weird sermon by a preacher claiming that God wants everyone to be rich like there wasn't one poor person in the room. More than several were emphasizing tithes. It takes a lot of money to keep and maintain those bright, and new building churches with coffee shops and meeting rooms. Things looked more polished, commercial and awful then when I used to visit more than 10-15 years ago. My old second IFB, that pastor is super old, but still at it in his mid to late 80s. His adoration cult doesn't seem to have ended. He's like my mother except he just doesn't have the worshipping family, he has a church that includes many of his family members included.  That guy's had an easy ride on this planet.  The constant manipulation and crazy backdrop of politics was still there. One church was into flag waving and weird hugging sessions and people raising their arms. Maybe they are happy there, I don't want to begrudge people but it wouldn't be for me. Another church that was a rare Covid vaxx rejecting church, sadly preached faith healing.

 One lady gave me really bad Delores Umbridge vibes and seemed to be an amalgamation of every mean church lady I had dealt with. She had a tight blue jacket on and was lecturing church members on not finishing enough tasks. There was an annoying sameness to many of the services especially among the rock music evangelical set. To my horror, most of the time I was BORED. I didn't see much to motivate me to get out of bed on Sunday morning. So I never went anywhere else and watched stuff online. I joked to my husband, "I already have visited all the churches in this town, even for religious conferences that went okay, there's nothing drawing me in". 

I realized, to go to church, I would have to hide who I was. One could let a little more of the "weirdo" flag fly in the UU. One member who later left like me, said, the UU was the home for misfits, and I agreed. We ended up there because we thought about things other people didn't. Sadly the UU changed, but there was that freedom aspect to it. I thought to myself, if I returned to an evangelical church, how honest could I be? Would I be playing a part? If they found out some of my religious explorations alone, that could be easily judged. I wasn't interested in that, being put back in that box to please others. 

Also having been in too many churches, I think "I've kind of messed this religion thing up and I should have picked one and stuck with it!" While I consider myself a "Christian", I don't know what church to go to. I am in "undecided" mode. I worried about writing this article because I know some people would ask, "How can you be undecided?" They may tell me in a condemning evangelical way that I am a waverer.  Some may throw James 1:8 at me, and tell me I am unstable. I have been told already that since I deconstructed I am already hell-bound.  I worry about this in the back of my mind. One fellow ex-evangelical told me, "You can't go back".

Some may say the guilt of fundamentalism and other stressors have impacted me. I think for now taking things slowly, praying and reading the bible and other spiritual books on my own, is the best for now. I went through enough spiritual abuse and other crazy stuff, I don't want more. Freedom is important to me, and not being back in a place where I am "controlled" or told what to think about. Maybe being an artist conflicts with fundamentalism, and religion. If your connection to God is based on honesty, who wants locked back in a spiritual prison going through motions. 

Yes I did pray to God to bring me a place or show me a place where to go. One friend, says he thinks I have gone over to Christian "mystic" land, I don't know what to think.  Things may be more complex than I can even explain here. I was reading a lot of Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky last year. 

 There is part of me that is burned out, while I had a couple good pastors, I have a negative view of others. My last UU pastor was a sincere man, but we disagreed on far too much, especially about Covid, it is weird how Covid almost drew these strange religious lines. I think Covid probably led to a far more church departures than many people even suspect. It upended my world views. For me it did bring forth the very fact there is truly a battle between good and evil and that this world truly is ruled by psychopaths up to no good. Sadly many pastors I encountered seemed disingenuous, like oily used car salesmen. I struggled with negative views of pastors and often had uncharitable thoughts about narcissists. I know people have to make a living but maybe the religious grift and pressures take over. You always are on show and have to remain interesting and kind of non-offensive all at the same time to get enough butts in seats. It doesn't take some personalities to a good place.

 I also fear being "corrected" again like a child by more well-heeled church women or told to live in "shame" or going back to that place that is mixed in with narcissistic abuse of being told I am "never enough". You reach an age where you get tired of new Mommies and Daddies, lecturing you about living right and making false promises about life.  I just didn't want it. I know Christians who have been rebuked by pastors or put under church discipline. The last set of UUs may have spoiled me a bit with their interactive services, where lay people had a giant role to play in sharing their ideas. I used to think why don't other churches do this? That's one thing they did WELL. Listening to one guy pontificate for hours, just sounded well, boring, and useless. I worried about being too arrogant, but there was a few times I thought of many evangelical pastors, "What does some guy who can't even discern the evils of Covid or who never questions the system have to teach me?"  Also why should he hold authority over me? I question the very concept of pastors which would take a whole other religious based post.

A lot of services just seemed dumbed down with the same recycled repeated bible stories and no in-depth teachings. I watch some religious videos online of some system questioning pastors, I may not agree with everything but at least it is interesting. I thought of finding a church to focus on serving others, one with a high penchant for the poor, but given my health problems, that didn't pan out either. When we thought we were going to move, I had my eye on this one church for the poor but we didn't move there. 

Some months ago, I decided to watch local services, many churches have them, and see if there is any place that stands out. It was very hard, I felt triggered. I thought "What kind of Christian are you who refuses to go to church?" I knew solitude and lack of a church family didn't affect the faith in the first place in any positive ways and played a role in my deconversion. You can see all my old deconversion articles on this blog. One evangelical friend told me I was "sinning" to be outside of a church. What was ironic is her church seemed semi-decent, her pastor rejected both political parties, and they were open and welcoming to the poor but her church is just too far from where I live. I have watched some of those services. I didn't know how to tell her, I've already visited most of the churches in this town or been in them" I said, "There's just nowhere to go to church around here!"

 There's issues I still think about [see that Theramin trees channel] as to why I struggled in the evangelical world.  His warnings about abuse, manipulation and other techniques people use to get power over others, still hold truth. I still don't want a "mean" God.  There's a lot of people who say they speak for God but I don't think they do.  There's thousands of Elmer Gantry's out there. I think reading Russian literature oddly saved the vestiges of faith there were and the whole Covid thing told me, we really are in a battle between good and evil in this world. 

Here is my list of churches and religions I have been in. "I've tried every religion but Mormonism, and Jehovah Witness."

Three-four Catholic churches as a child, 

I moved a lot as a kid as you all know. We also visited a Latin Mass church that was in a downtown metro city. I was in endless retreats, basilicas, convents etc. as a kid. My upbringing was more religious than most. The church I was in while school aged, had a giant impact on my life. Remember I was educated by nuns in full habit. This was the church we lived across the street from that had a rectory and convent full of my full-habit teachers. I have positive memories of that church though a few scary ones with some strict teachers. 

First Unitarian Universalist church. 

I joined this church while in college. We had a "rebel" pastor, I still like that guy, he even questioned 9-11 later and warned about the bad path the UU church was on going into woke/globalist/neoliberal philosophies. I had good memories of this church though my work hours often interfered with my participation.

I was in a UU fellowship for a very short time while living at home with my parents, they were attempting to form a UU fellowship in a town I worked in, but it didn't work out. I'm not going to count it as it was only a very short time. 

Second Unitarian Universalist church

This was my church after a move to Chicago. This is the one I was married in and I took a lot of classes there and participated in a lot of activities. I had fond memories of the two ministers [it was a co-ministership]. One married us. I used to visit another Unitarian Universalist church on occasion that was in another part of the city. 

Back in the Catholic Church

We moved to the very rural town, it was hundreds of miles from any UU church, the UU simply didn't exist there. I would go to a local Catholic church for around 2 years and even took RCIA to return to Catholicism but didn't complete it. The people in this church were nice, I was friends with two ladies that were strong volunteers for the church. I did an ecumenical bible study there, that had people of multiple denominations in the group and taught art with a support person since I was disabled to some adults and kids for a short time as a volunteer gig [a couple hours a week]

My First Evangelical/Christian Fundamentalist church.

 I was "born again", "witnessed" to by some other evangelical Christians in the Catholic Bible study. I found my First IFB church. My life in this church was very positive, there were a few things I did not agree with such as when my pastor supported Bush and they rebuked me for war protesting with "non-believers", but overall this church treated us very well. I was in there for some years. 

 I still have contact on social media with this church. They were a working class church, and we had preppers and others. They had an in church food pantry and helped homeless people. My husband was treated well though he never converted in.. This church was a fundamentalist church, and many would see it as strict. It was an independent fundamentalist baptist church. Yes I know, my being on the extreme ends of the religious spectrum IFB vs UU is pretty unusual. Churches were seen as self regulating, no authoritarian church bodies, I liked that part. My church did preach against women wearing pants, many church members did not own TVs, I did due to husband. We had women's bible studies, made quilts for missionaries, had a lot of missions services, dinners, craft classes, and cooking classes. It was a small church of around 70-100 but close knit. I worked on many church things while there as my health allowed.  I visited the pastor and his wife's house for years. 

 My pastor back then while he voted Republican in earlier days, warned that economic collapse and other things were coming to America. These things have happened.  I had friends in the church who had the same world view regarding conspiracy and other things. They really had a church family.

My time in this church was so positive, they gave us a "goodbye" party when we left. My pastor there was sincere, had integrity and stood up for me at least on two occasions. I missed this church, and regretted our move that took us away. There were times in later years, I would beg husband to move back so I could be part of this church again.

One fact about this church is they closed just a couple years after I and my husband left. The town we were in had major economic problems and it affected this church. The church did re-form under the same name in a neighboring town a few years later, in a new building, the pastor had moved on. There are still a few members in that old church. 

After I moved, I struggled to find a church. Nowhere seemed a good fit. I never could replace what I had. I also changed as a person with age. 

Calvary Chapel, I found this church after I moved. It was very small though. I remember the services were kind of dull, but they fed us lunch and the conversations I had there were more interesting than the services. We were in there for a few years. The church was down to very few members, it really was a failed church plant. It would close very soon after we left. Some people in this church were Quiverful which I did not agree with. Think just like the Duggars. One guy ran a homeschool magazine and had 12 kids. Another family I befriended the daughters were part of the Stay at Home movement, I do think they later left home anyhow just from practicalities. Those girls were very nice and oddly very beautiful. One became a wedding dress model. 

Homechurching it and visiting multiple churches/religious activities/focus on a self-help group

I had some years where I did not go to church, talked to home churching people on line, and had my time with the false deliverance minister I wrote about before. The deliverance minister did not go to church except one Christian coffee shop. I did go to conferences at mainstream evangelical churches, spent a lot of time at my self-help group [it later went defunct but that was a big activity for years]. I also started going to the book club at the conservative Lutheran church. I visited several churches in the community during this time, including a few Baptist churches. At least three churches were too handicapped inaccessible for me even to get into the places. That was a big issue around here when it came to churches. One church you had to go up two flights of stairs to an upper floor sanctuary. Some churches were on the edge of dying, one church had only 6 members.

Southern Baptist 

 I attended this Southern Baptist church, that was close to my apartment, for about a year and half. I never really got that close there to anyone, though we would go to some dinners and meetings. The pastor was one of those charismatic types and the whole church revolved around him. He's still there. He always made jokes about women that bugged me, and went to Jamaica every year for a "missions trip". The politics got too heavy. Remember my husband is a Democrat.

Second IFB [independent fundamentalist baptist] church.

I've written about this place several times on here. This is the place I walked out of when they praised war with Iran. They were very Christian Zionist even as much as Calvary Chapel and preached other things I did not agree with. It was not like my good IFB church. They didn't do any outreach to the community and while we asked for help once, the response was so negative. I wrote in the Poor and disabled article in the churches in detail how this church treated us.

The congregation was far wealthier. They lived far away as mentioned above, so there was a lack of community. The whole church revolved around the pastor, I would call it a cult. One odd thing about this place is they never had meals, and you couldn't even get a cup of coffee. It felt very stingy. There was one dinner celebrating paying off the church mortgage and a church dinner for the wealthy Quiverful family with 14 kids that dominated the church. One thing that was very strange is no independent bible studies or classes were allowed, all meetings just let the pastor speak. There was no conversation or ability to meet or get to know anyone because you just listened to the pastor even at the "bible studies" and he allowed no cross-talk or questions. This place was a very negative on my Christian faith and while I am responsible for my own religious choices, I see it as big influence in leading me to deconstruct. 

Fundamentalism is wrong about a lot of stuff. That would take a whole other post on a religious board.

I would spend some more years out of church but then it was Deconstruction/Deconversion time. I was involved in the ex-evangelical world.

The Third Unitarian Universalist church. I have good memories from this place and liked many of the members. I wrote two other articles about my decision to leave. Some other UUs have talked to me about being conflicted over leaving, so I know this is a complex matter. When I left my UU, I was not the only member who left, there were a few others who were troubled by the changes too. I was on my own with Covid but others were concerned about the changing politics, promotion of trans and other concerns I discussed in these articles.

The Unitarian Universalist Church Controversy: When Your Church Goes So Woke You Can't Bear It.

Leaving Another Church: My Departure from the Unitarian Universalist Church

Now you can see why religion and church got complicated for me. There were many positives in life from my involvements. I volunteered with churches, served on some committees. One thing to remember is the backdrop of my health problems. My level of activity was always affected by that and there were times it was less. I have been housebound in certain weather since my 30s so that affected my church attendance. Some churches and this includes the last UU were very understanding and giving about my health concerns. Other churches were not. I have said this before, but I know I messed religion up, and autistics may do this, I was on this quest always to know what was true, maybe I should have focused on community first. Of course some places I had to move away from and others closed. 

 My need for a "family" and "community" was a backdrop for a lot of my church activities, and I felt I achieved that a few times while some places it was impossible. I had community in the UU for years while Covid was a cleaver that sliced and diced that, and also the first IFB. The good Catholic church, protected me to a degree during my school aged years too. 

Churches do seem to be changing. They are getting too hooked into the world system, instead of being independent congregations following every trend and national media offering. Why did so many churches follow the Covid lies so willingly and it wasn't just the UUs, but most of the others? I figured out it was even rare among Christian ones for the pastors to question Covid or the Covid vaxxes. Sometimes I think pastors get so used to 'selling' their churches, they forget about integrity and thinking things out. That remains an issue for me now, that I want a church and pastor that is discerning enough to at least question some of it. I know there are Catholics, Orthodox and members of other denominations who questioned Covid and Covid vaxxes and that something was wrong.

Too many churches became businesses first. This definitely happened in the megachurch world. There are some saying that Joel Osteen and other megachurches are going out of business. I am not surprised. I do not think the prosperity gospel is going to sell too well in the second Great Depression. My last UU church was small and not run that way, they did try to help the poor/soup kitchen. However the churches I was in before them, we were basically keeping middle class and above pastors in higher life styles than many church members. I had thoughts, "We are so poor, why are these rich pastors asking for 10 percent of our money, we never could afford it". I do think the fact the second IFB did nothing for the poor was not a good fruit. 

 I consider myself too poor for church now. It's not affordable. The UUs were nice to us even regarding our economic circumstances with the class differences so don't apply that to them, but for most of the evangelical churches around here, I find myself thinking I don't want the economic pressures or judgments that are unloaded on the poor now. I wrote about these issues before but I am of the belief most poor people are leaving churches. What other choice do they have? There does seem to be a certain required class status to be in some churches. Also the pastors who are trying to keep themselves paid and the church light bill paid, aren't so thrilled when some person with no money shows up at the door. They will say different, but I've seen how that goes. I think as Americans go into worse poverty a lot of churches not just the big megachurches from above will be going out of business. Social disconnection has affected churches too. One thing troubling many Americans is how too many churches seem to be letting poor people down. Our reality is not discussed. That's a problem. As poverty increases, I don't know if this will change. Will churches step up to do soup kitchens and programs like they did during the first Great Depression?

Sadly the churches as a whole are influenced and steered by the ruling class. We know the right wing churches have lambasted the poor for years. Even if they offer some charity, one is always told it is their failures and their fault the system has grown so oppressive. Very few pastors question the system, the ruling class, or the billionaires and trillionaires. They don't address why wealth inequality is out of control, there are bible verses that address these things too.  One thing I noticed being a poor person, is no one was honest in most churches about the hardships of life. The UU actually was more honest about this but being a very affluent church there was that distance. The Christian ones, all seemed to have a degree of prosperity gospel in most places. Too many teach that good fortune will come in this world if you do everything right. This is not true, and there are bible verses that preach contrary to this. [John 16:33] I have yet to see one pastor even address the economic collapse in the USA except the online pastor with Revelations of Jesus Christ Ministry and my first IFB pastor who spoke of it to come. 

I question a lot about the church system now. One thing I do question is why aren't there churches for the poor where the poor can share resources and help each other out? Where they go to church with each other? Jesus Christ talked about the poor and helping them all the time. Some have abandoned many core teachings.

Last month I noticed on X, all these right wing Christians trashing everyone on EBT, they talked about how they were forced to pay for other people's food. People pay far more for tech brother bail-outs and the military than the average 36 dollars a year going to welfare. Then you see the Christians who believe all government help should be done away with and everything done by churches and charities. How is that going to work when one medicine is thousands of dollars? This one Christian Nationalist guy told me, all welfare should be done away with and turned over to the churches and private charities. I said to him, "If the Christian nationalists want us dependent on charity instead of the govt, then they need to change the entire system, job placement, housing, intentional communities like the Hutterites do it, otherwise they need to shut up and face reality for what things cost". Hmm maybe Gilead does plan to do this, but let's be real as the way the system stands, everything costs way too much, and that would never work. 

I do believe the Hutterites got this the most right on economic matters. You have to remember I am in and around a lot of different churches even in my repeating needs for food pantries and other charities. We had some years we didn't need any charity but these last few have been rough. I've thought about this, most of the poor are coming in as outsiders. The government is providing the food. Some churches will add some meat, eggs and cheese but when you are on the food pantry rounds you see the same brands of food in the boxes.

The Hutterites at least share resources, employment and food. Should a church have people who are multi-millionaires in it, while others go starve? Should it have a pastor who can afford international vacations while one family can't even afford a box of macaroni and cheese for dinner? Some may say "You sound like a communist", but I don't care. The capitalism we have now is made of monopolies, it is not the small business capitalism of the past that could keep people and communities more secure. We are being ravaged by megacorporations with no loyalty to communities or even America. Is anyone noticing this? 

Did any of you read or hear about that experiment where this lady called up churches pretending to have a starving baby, and only a couple Catholic churches, a mosque and a rural church in Appalachia helped her? One thing about the Catholic church, they did treat the poor a bit better than many evangelical churches. I agree with more of their outlook on the poor. Dorothy Day is an example of a Catholic who helped the poor. A rural church with working class poor members would have more empathy. 

While I've been helped by churches, I remember being desperate and calling churches and being turned down years ago. It actually happened in Chicago. There was no one to help. Some people think there is more help out there than there is. They say things like there are churches and charities to help the poor, why don't those poor turn to them? I wrote about how there is far less help than you think there is in the Social Services world. Since I wrote this article, the disabled friend who applied for help got turned down. She was turned down and told she was not disabled enough for any help. I felt sad about this. People ask for help and always seemed turned down nowadays. 

 One thing to remember now as this country goes more economically desperate, a lot of places are closing up shop. I expect to see starving and more homeless people in the streets of America soon. Where are the churches? How many are admitting it's even happening? Sadly for most of the evangelical ones, they've been shoveled so much crap by the likes of Dave Ramsey, Trump and the religious politically right, they were more busy shouting down poor people on the internet. They believe the algorithms and shills online that claim EBT people haul in thousands of dollars of food per month. They think most of the poor are drug addicts and at fault. They support encampments for homeless people instead of real shelter.  They do not listen to Jesus Christ.

Luke 12:33: "Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail."

I have noticed a scapegoating of the poor that got extreme on the right wing side of things, see how the billionaires and elite, always profit? You still see the rude ones shout "Get a job!" even as there is now millions of job lay offs. Sadly with so much of our media owned and I saw these trends expand on X, the voices of regular people have been drowned out. I definitely have been shadow banned on X, I stay there to get readers for this blog now but the place is so "controlled".  I've come to the conclusion most are shills and bots and meant to persuade people on a multitude of issues. The ones who speak freely, their accounts never grow. The ones who preach for the billionaires, get numbers in the thousands. Sadly the left wing is just as influenced, denying the extreme problems out there with the economy. The churches don't seem to be talking about it at all. I think most poor people are leaving churches. When you can't afford groceries, even 10 dollars in the church basket is a lot. 

Here's another recent shocking church moment. This one angered me. 

This homeless lady in Kalamazoo Michigan, was parking her car to sleep in a church parking lot. These people came out and told her she had to leave, I guess she came in to ask if she could stay and they were completely rude to her and would not help her. This church looked like it was in a suburban area. The mean looking female pastor videotaping her without a word and lady at the desk couldn't be colder and more rejecting. What is scary is the homeless woman is disabled and lives on SSI, and lives in her car because rent is too high, and they still wouldn't help her. They stared at her with dead eyes with no empathy. I found myself wondering why did they treat her this way?  She was seen more as a "danger" than a human being! Later the church apologized.  These things are very concerning.

Well I have shared my church experiences, some were good and some were bad. I do think churches are changing and I'm not sure its for the good. I do think when I was younger there was more of an idea of churches calling certain segments of society to account. They weren't so owned and steered by the ruling class. Politics didn't seem so important as they are now. Teachings like "love thy neighbor" were important and I learned many of these things in the Catholic church growing up. Things seemed "nicer". Things seemed more free, while churches always had the grifters and problems, you get worried when there's growing coldness and where church as a business seems to have grown.

 Why didn't more of them question what happened during Covid? That bugs me. Are they more owned and ruled by the ruling class or is that just a factor that grew with technology? Things were different in the days when church was part of the community and people spent their lives in a close knit community church they attended for their entire life. I don't know there has been a lot of changes in religion during my life time, I saw it in the Catholic, evangelical and UU church. Maybe some of us don't fit into church culture because there is a certain cohesion expected, that is sometimes hard for the exploring/seeker types to adhere to? I'm not sure. Well, here are my thoughts today about church and my experiences in them. Share your own experiences here. 

A Scary Weight Moment

 

                                      from Lymph info trust.

The other day I was at an art opening, it was FUN, I took pictures, and there were pictures taken of me. I looked good that day in a dress a friend had bought me, unlike most of my clothes that are too big for me on top, this new dress was smaller on top and bigger on the bottom. Someone was looking out for the pear-shaped people on the day they designed that dress.  My face looked good. I posted these pictures on Social Media, all these friends said I looked "great", no one said "weight loss" but the implication was there: "You are looking good!" I thought hmm maybe I am finally losing SOME weight,  I went down to the 470s last time I was weighed, but it's so slow, you know. I am scared lately at how little food we have even from economics, and seeing no affect on my weight from that. Gluten free removed so many foods, I think a normal person would have lost 100 pounds by now. The A1C did drop half a point at least and has remained lower.

I had a busy week for me, eye appointment, a kidney medical test, 2 art related activities, and I visited the small rural town I like to go to. It was a little scary going 25 miles knowing I didn't have money to get the car towed back but the activity was fun and the car behaved as my husband drove. I was "busy", but as time went on I was having more trouble walking.  My rheum conditions also decide to act up and when this happened, some more skin rashes and mouth sores broke out. My ankle joint kept trying to go out. These were not heavy events, at one event, I was just sitting up two hours except for the time I went to the bathroom or got supplies.

I had a black compression stocking on one leg and my other leg was wrapped. My face got extremely bloated and scared me. I was taking pictures of others but had pictures taken of me too. I and my husband went home, and the next day I could barely walk into the bathroom. I started crying because I want to "have a life" and thought "Why do I feel like I am going to die after I do anything?" I'm not going to stop. These are the FUN events of life. My body also is constantly in the way of so much but I digress. 

Something seemed wrong, like I felt like I gained 100lbs within one week from the Saturday of the art opening to the Saturday of a few days ago. My face had become a huge balloon, and weirdly my facial features even seem to grow as seen in the video. My head always looks giant to me and my facial features seem huge compared to other people.  All dreams of weight loss seemed in the toilet then, I felt like I weighed 570. Water pills to the rescue, along with laying down for hours and hours. Told exercise be active, get thin but then to stay alive, I have to be a lazy slog in bed for hours and hours. I don't tell people this out in the world, but I am more than partially bed bound because of all the fluid problems, and having to take fluids off.  Today I have to shower, did dishes, I did make eggs with mushrooms to eat, and have to clean and do all this stuff, the clock always spins like a dial on me. 

I had my husband take a video when I bloated up, I said to him, "The doctors have to see this crap, and I will show the good pictures from last week in comparison". He filmed me getting out of the car on my transcribe phone, and walking on my walker into our apartment building. I looked really bad. My head looked like it had grown to be double the size. My stomach and butt were far larger than last week. My walking was messed up. 

One doctor totally changed towards me, like night and day in attitude recently when he got another patient with advanced Lipedema, and realized how bad my problems really were. I have to get them to understand how bad this suffering is, and it is affecting my mental well-being. Imagine looking somewhat decent and within a week, your face is giant and your body is bloated like crazy. I didn't realize how I looked on video, one leg truly is double the size of the other, and that one is swollen to hell too! My looks are extreme. It is better to live in a small town where people get used to your looks.

Some of the swelling is so extreme, that when I "take water" off and elevate and take a water pill, I literally can pee every 20 minutes for hours and hours.  My leg machine will take water off too, and I use it for two hours a day. I go into my leg machine in the morning for an hour and at night for an hour. I spent Sunday peeing, yes that was the majority of the day's activities. 

I probably would be 800lbs and already dead from no treatment. This was happening two days ago. I sat up to do a water color of leaves and felt restless yesterday so I got half way bloated again. I need a water pill now, I wish I could stay in bed all day but I have too much to do. 

Lately I have been wondering about something, why was my father put in the hospital where he got 150lbs removed within a few days with Lasix IVs and no one puts me in the hospital? His Lipedema was not diagnosed though, and this was for CHF.  Maybe my heart failure is worsening, I am scared about that too. I do have CHF but don't have the shortness of breathe I had when young when I was in full cardiomyopathy and heart failure. I say to doctors, can you put me in the hospital all the time? The bloating has been so bad on some days, I thought "If I could afford it, I would just go in and have them deal with it".  One wants to have a life beyond their bed, the pain however is so ungodly I can't even explain it to you all. 

Any advice here is welcome. I usually ignore looks based stuff, but the change was so rapid, imagine how you would feel. It's really affecting my life badly.  My case of Lipedema/Lipo-lymphedema I think could be one of the worse in the world. At least the machine and more has kept those horrible leg infections away I battled for over 25-30 years. 

The Fluid Nature of Edema in Lipedema. 

Lipo-Lymphedema Story

Art Success

Fat Pat has her brushes at the ready.

 I am having some small successes in art lately and have been entering art in member shows.  I've been part of several art shows in the last few years. There have been many fun times too with close art-loving friends I have as well. So I wanted to post on some positives in life. I do have art goals, and hope to accomplish more of them. One watercolor sold last week. I can't show my art anymore on here as I am showing it a lot locally and I have been in a local newspaper a few times for art related events.

This is one very positive part of life. I want my health and financial situation to improve so I can even achieve some art goals. The other day I did a drawing related to a poem and may be painting a Russian themed painting for another poem. I have shown watercolors and other paintings. I have a lot of art projects in mine including painting a giant black crow. I sold a crow themed painting overseas acouple years ago. 

Art is what keeps me going. I joke to people, "I go to the church of art."

I do keep my Fat Pat life separate from real life art, I'm still working on the Fat Pat Covid comic and am planning an Economic themed comic. 

Americans Can't Afford Groceries Anymore

 It's getting bad out there and the food is getting so expensive. How are people feeding their kids? 
I am surprised there hasn't been more looting and food riots yet. Those are probably coming at this rate, remember they only delayed the EBT shut-off by a couple months. We have too many greedy monopolized food corporations taking advantage of the situation. Those rich no kings people aren't going to be picketing the grocery stores. 

 I have no money for groceries this week, we have been scrounging day by day with him doing surveys for dinners. Remember they cut all the welfare, we can't get EBT. I go to this food box sometimes for food, and have gotten expired pesto from 2024 and other strange items. They do put green beans in here and some useful stuff.

Life feels so dangerous in this horrible country. I am worn out. I have told my husband we need to start skipping meals but he fears me getting sick from diabetes and doesn't like me saying just skip the food, I am too tired to cook anyway. Food is a constant strain around here, and stressful. I find myself wanting to revert to the behaviors of my 20s, simply going without, but my state of health is worse now. I had a weird conversation with my husband about how much I had to starve and go without food in my 20s and during times of poverty, before I was with him, I remember going 14-16 hours without food. I laugh when people talk about fasting works because it didn't for me. This is one reason CICO is an absolute joke to me, I have a weight story to tell you that scared the hell out of me, I will write about after this.

 I said I was always hungry. Even when I lived with my parents after college for that year and half, they griped about so much food, I couldn't eat at home much and was always scrounging and trying to get food from work. I said, "My metabolism was probably damaged to hell from all that crap!".

My memories were shared with my husband too about my mother and grandmother's refrigerators, "They were always full, while mine was empty!" My mother guarded her refrigerator like a hound dog, there was no just going into the fridge to get something to eat ever. I couldn't even grab a strawberry out of thing as a 35 year old without giant repercussions. One didn't dare touch her food or fridge even as a kid you had to beg for every morsel unless the parents weren't home.

Sometimes looking back I am astonished two people had such huge amounts of food, and her fridge was jam-packed with every condiment. The foods were not old or hoarded, they were new and fresh. The same went for my grandmother, who tried to starve me and feed me only toast once a day when I visited her, the woman actually had two refrigerators in her kitchen, one had a bigger freezer part, and they were completely full at all times. She didn't have as much money as my mother but this kind of boggles my mind looking back, how did she afford so many groceries?

 My PTSD gets fired up when there's not enough money to eat. I have good friends who help now but I wonder about the weird dichotomy of extreme obesity accompanying extreme food insecurity. I like to eat cottage cheese and haven't even had any in 4 weeks, because it's an "extra". 

This week for Thanksgiving, a kind friend has his church bringing me Thanksgiving food, and we have another community luncheon to go to as well. I am very glad for this help. They are great friends.

They are trying to threaten my state with another "freak weather event" [having thoughts of HAARP here] I hope it doesn't ruin Thanksgiving and take the electricity out with high winds. I get tired of their weather threats and intimidation and am noticing they seem to happen on holidays a bit too much. We just had our power go out from a freak snowstorm two weeks ago that came extremely early. I used my power pack to sleep one night but fortunately they got the power back on quickly.  

If you have the means to stock up or garden like the lady says in the video, do so. I told my husband we need to gear up that probably hunger days are coming. I am too fat with a bad metabolism to have famine kill me, though I fear gaining weight from lack of food. 

Food insecurity and obesity are tied together.

The War on the Homeless and the Poor

 

This video is from about a month ago. Here's another video with this newscaster stating that the worse should happen to homeless people.  This newscaster didn't lose his job. Maybe this was an announcement of some kind that they were going to come after the poor. It really makes me wonder. The Hunger Games is here today with the ugly Met Gala outfits and sneering rich people saying "Let them eat cake!"

I have used the term "throwaway" people and that is what millions of people are in America. It is sick what Brian Kilmeade said about the homeless. He never was fired. Many people are angry. Think about this horrible economy, rent now is costing 3,000 dollars or more a month and everything costs too much. This is what these elitists think should happen to you!  Of course the streets are filling up with homeless people, they can't pay that much! Their jobs don't pay enough! 

They made homelessness illegal for a reason. Are you seeing any new homeless shelters being built in your area or rehab facilities?  I haven't in my area.

I really wonder about that. Some Youtube videos are stating that the homeless are disappearing. Do a search for "homeless are disappear" on there. I'm not sure if this is true or not, but I have seen a few of them.

 Some people told me I was nuts for saying economic collapse for America was on the menu. I don't tell all normies my conspiracy interests only close friends om real life but even an ordinary student of history knows first comes plague, then economic collapse and then war. It's a way history repeats itself over and over. The bible spoke of the Corona in the first seal but the second seal is war, and the third is famine.

Revelation 6:5-6

King James Version

5 And when he had opened the third seal, I heard the third beast say, Come and see. And I beheld, and lo a black horse; and he that sat on him had a pair of balances in his hand.

6 And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts say, A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny; and see thou hurt not the oil and the wine.

 Food is always how totalitarianism controlled human beings. Mao starved millions with his policies when he wanted all sparrows killed, and other governments gone rogue have done the same thing. Hungry, desperate people are kept fighting each other. 

As you know with the government shut-downs they have announced there will be no November EBT benefits and others.

Already on X, I can see the rich, or dare I say "useful idiots" already recycling every 1980s era welfare mother propaganda. Welfare and EBT put people on limits back in the 1990s, more babies didn't bring more money and everyone but the disabled were put on a short number of years to be on EBT or welfare for life. Some states this number was 4 or under. Some refused any able-bodied people any EBT or welfare. The last time we were on EBT we got 16 dollars a month.

 The videos with people getting thousands and thousands of dollars unless they are succeeding in some grand hustle, are wrong. No one gets that much.  It's part of the propaganda machine. Get the employed Americans who can't keep their bills paid, pissed off at the poors instead of the billionaires and others ripping them off for their endless wars, banker bail-outs and money being sent overseas.

X, Tik-Tok, and Youtube are now full of endless videos of [mostly African American] people claiming they have gotten thousands and thousands of dollars of food stamps and showing them filling carts up with snack foods, steaks, and lobster. There's also the people doing videos about how they are going to rob grocery stores if they are denied EBT, and loot and rip the place apart. They haven't helped at all, and get the more well-off employed ones to think all poor people are bad news and "entitled". These folks have made this situation worse with their threats of criminal behavior.

I don't agree with Fat & Opinionated's above view of poor people on EBT. His views about that life being like candy-land in the grocery store are absurd, but that's the false views I see everywhere. This tells me the man probably has never been poor. He must believe those lies that people get thousands of dollars in food stamps. It's nuts. I posted a comment on his other channel Cinema Shogun that people did not get that much money on EBT and that those videos were lies, but he ignored me. Why doesn't he question why the groceries are so expensive and why normal hardworking people can't afford them anymore? Something is missing there. I agree with him concerning his outrage towards crimes and threats, and about the possible impending chaos to come and the insanity of these people announcing their crimes ahead of time. The conspiracy part of me feels like some of this stuff is getting set up to bring in civil unrest and he seems to kind of hint at this later in his video. 

One side is crazy claiming that welfare people can buy whatever they want, and claim they never work which is a flat out lie. Remember I have lived in the inner city. Most people had some kind of job unless they were taking care of infants or elderly people. The jobs just didn't pay much. Remember the free rides of the would be welfare mother at home ended in the 1990s. All welfare programs if you were not disabled long ago, required that you were working or looking for work.

 Then you have the other set of people threatening crime. Some of the outrage against the never-ending economic crushing makes sense, but their wickedness in wanting to break the law, create mayhem and have innocents suffer is wrong. This has stirred up more hatred against the poor in general and calls on social media to cancel all welfare and EBT. 

 The posts against poor people on X got annoying. I get tired of those who shout "get a job" as the economy falls apart. They ignore the fact that most people except for the old and disabled are working while they are on welfare, the jobs just pay way too little.

There's also the racism where they are claiming that everyone on EBT and welfare are black when the reality is the majority of people are white.

There is the whole "useless eater" crap they always spill out. Being disabled in this society is scary by the way. This is the worse timeline to be a broke disabled person. Maybe some people wonder if they were born into hell. 

Most of them already have jobs. Of course in the "anti-EBT" posts there's a lot of racism and insults against fat people. I told a few off on there saying they were buying into propaganda, but decided not to waste time throwing "pearls before swine". Why bother? I've seen this game for years where if you are poor you are blamed for it. There's people posting rants saying "Your kids are not my problem!" and others posting that the poor should eat only rice and beans. One guy even wrote that the poor should be fed Nutriloaves like prisons once served. 

And yes they always write that the poor made "poor decisions" and that's why they are poor. There's millions of job layoffs that have been happening, but all these people will ignore that of course. Sometimes I wonder how much of this is astroturfing but society is full of enough self-satisfied narcissists, they could be real too. The corporation masterminds have managed to get Americans to blame the poor instead of the ones making record profits off expensive groceries.

Oh yeah supposedly it's the poor people making everything cost too much instead of the greedy billionaires and trillionaires at the top of the pyramid!

Poor people in America are fatter by the numbers, that's what poor nutrition, bad food, and toxic stress does to one's body. My functional doctor has told me point blank, that my CPTSD and abuse led to many of my health problems. I always needed to be able to relax. So I have seen a ton of posts about all the "fat" poor people on EBT and how they shouldn't be allowed to buy any food. 

These people are classist jerks. If any of them claim to be Christians, they are double talkers because they are going against all the teachings of Jesus Christ when it comes to the poor. It is a known fact that the wealthier are far more slender. I've written about this multiple times on this blog, how being impoverished limits leisure and activity money, how the food is nutritionally lower quality.  Not all poor people have hours and hours with their multiple jobs to cook endless foods from scratch. All the "healthy" stuff is expensive. 

A couple of weeks ago I made stuffed cabbage that lasted for 4-5 meals. That took two hours to make and an hour and half to cook in the oven. I wrapped them sitting on my walker. The other day I was near an ethnic grocery store in a town 15 miles away and stopped there to get rice noodles, they give you far more in the packages. I only had 30 dollars to feed us for 5 days and made us chicken and rice noodles with various left-over veggies including this cabbage I got a couple weeks ago. That's how I have to cook to survive.

Hey none of these people will ask where all the money is going or why there are 42 million people in this country in need of SNAP/EBT. That's one-sixth of the population. There's many people now who don't qualify, all the cut-offs are at 2019 levels before inflation kicked in. They also have reduced the cut-offs in recent months as well. Maybe the numbers were even higher before. 

The billionaires sure are experts at making sure people blame the poor instead of looking at the ones scooping up all the money with shovels, and giving it to themselves. They got the rest of the population fighting over the scraps.  How many tech bros are getting billions from the government for basically doing nothing for society while they build rocket ships? Since the corporations own the government and vice versa, you think they care either?

Isn't over 25 percent of Walmart sales, SNAP funded? They want us all poor and desperate. They are building a neo-feudal slave world. They have the majority stuck in the red vs blue theatre show, as they rip us all off, destroy our lives and poison people. Think of all this plentiful food this country now has and now no one can afford it. The middle class can't afford groceries, and now the poor are told no food for you. This country has lost its mind and it's all about greed.

The anger among the struggling middle class who are employed but buried in bills is not being turned against the 1 percent but against poor people that many people see as "lazy" and "deserving" of their fate. See how this works? The powerful always get their scapegoats. One thing Americans need to figure out, our politicians don't give a damn about me or you, either party, they don't care. They probably are still sending billions to the stupid Ukraine and to Israel while Americans can't even afford food. Just the fact there are 40 million people who need SNAP/EBT makes it clear this is a failed country and economic system. 

Right now they seem to be either setting us all up for a money failure where they introduce digital money and the Digital ID, or WWIII or some other event. As I wrote in the Digital ID article, there's a reason Trump is putting endless troops in every big city and immigration and crime are just the cover stories. They have ordered "quick reaction forces". Obviously the powerful expect civil unrest and have set us up for it. Will it be Civil War? Will it be WWIII with Russia? Will it be collapse of the money system? Will it be riots from all the angry EBT people who have been cut off from their food benefits? I don't know. There's something bad coming though. 

Let me just say this plain, the American economy is collapsing. They aren't telling you the reality. Get prepared as much as you can with whatever resources you have.

                                 notice how everyone is living in their cars....hmmm like today....

Anyone remember that old movie called Americathon from 1979 where they try to raise money to rescue America during one of those old fashioned telethons? Maybe that movie was some major predictive programming. The USA one day would run out of money and the dollar would collapse to be worthless especially with the rise of BRICS. Maye that's where we are at. Too many people are brainwashed with the like that America is the richest country in the world. Not any more! And if most of the populace don't see the money what use is it in a sea of failing infrastructure? The right wing too still thinks the 1980s never ended as they shout at all the EBT people get a job when most of them unless they are disabled are already working at some low paid job or jobs. The left wing was more interested in identity politics than our economic fate. 

Sadly like usual the poor and homeless are being made into scapegoats, and blamed for a failed economic system instead of the ones who destroyed it from the top.