Losing Friends Over Trump and Religion

  Three to four years after my deconversion, I am still losing friends. Some people talk of Civil War coming to America, the divides happening are reminiscent of that time.My realization that deconversion is influencing my life heavy where long lasting friendships are ending, has not been easy.  Some authors have written and talked about how politics is dividing the country, entire families, and life long relationships. This is true.

 I realize the people I was around outside of my UU community and those in the arts locally as they clung so strongly to Republicanism, Christianity and Trump were toxic for me. Some can say  "Can't you be civil, can't you agree to disagree?" 

How do you compromise with people who don't support basic humans rights, and defend police violence?  How do you compromise with people who support a wannabe dictator that is openly destroying the United States? How do you compromise with people who support evil authoritarianism? How about the racism when they defend police who have murdered people or tell you it's okay for Trump to round up protesters without a trial or constitutional legal rights?

I know everyone has learning curves, I had my own. The fundamentalists impacted me to believe some very wrong things, however in my case, those beliefs were examined with time and growth and were changed.  I hate that I was a part of fundamentalism at all. My regrets are huge. I still protested war and kept some liberal values, but one of the main reasons to leave was the evil.  I could not abide by a religion that had no compassion for others.

What is scary is they support things like the destruction of Social Security, which impact my life and survival.  I still remember that one old friend who told me to go off social security and shouted, "Social Security is a slave system!" Most likely she is a Trump supporter. After I went no contact I realized how abusive this was.

How can a friendship survive if your friend supports evil? Some are people I care about but how do you abide by that?  I mentioned the friend holding parties during Covid19 even during more severe lock-down times, but she's ghosted me over my Facebook posts. Some friendships I left, others left me. With several I tried to have discussions, I don't require that my friends match my religion or politics, but there's a point where things break down. They think I don't respect their beliefs and are hurt on their end, but I can't. How could I lie? Some casual friendships and acquaintances can survive hard lines like this but ones where you thought there was a meeting of the minds won't. Conservative Christianity destroys friendships because there is the requirement you stay a Christian else the friendship ends for many.

These friends also knew I was not a blind supporter of the DNC. I wrote about my reluctant vote for Biden on here. Even with that history trying to reach out to them was like a brick-wall. Maybe I am too outspoken. Maybe this is the price of being too politically active? This has been somewhat lessened due to health but I protested Trump for years and was vocal on many venues.

Maybe I am too autistic to understand neurotypical minds and this is why I failed to make any headway. There's times I have regretting being so outspoken as friends drop by the wayside but it is who I am. Some neurotypicals never break the rule of discussing religion and politics. Maybe I made too many mistakes. In my heart of hearts, I have a lot of pain about not being able to be "me" with a lot of people as it is. I have my husband and other close friends online but most of the social world feels like a minefield. My thoughts about how autism made me vulnerable to abuse grew intense. I worried about being too weak but at the same time, realized how people were reacting to a person in such an extreme body with a monotone voice.

With a few of these friendships, I didn't even openly discuss my deconversion for some time dreading the outcome. I suppose it showed around the edges. I think I alerted one, when I started talking about climate change not realizing she didn't believe in it. Aspies probably are too blunt for our own good so mistakes were made. Maybe friendships will end naturally with time and change. I know I changed with the no contact, I stopped being the same person. Maybe it was no one's fault that things went the way they did.

I wonder if this is how people in Germany of the 1930s felt when they realized Adolf Hitler was a bad guy and realizing their family and friends were going for him. Trump is following the Hitler game plan using conservative and authoritarian churches and religions to carry things out. My Uber-Republican family went full Trumpster outside of the gay cousin's family and his brother.  Since my contact lasted longer with those cousins though it is now ended, I saw that on Facebook too.

I am not a coward and stand up for what I believe, but it does cost you when it comes to relationships. Maybe this is a price that grows difficult at times.  There are people in my life who share my values, my husband, my UU church members and others, I do think about more ways to change and better my life in seeking out people who hold my values and one of those values, obviously is EMPATHY. If someone's politics are such, they believe I should go to the gutter, since I am disabled, what does this say? If pandemic is not enough to get someone out of a stupor, what will?

I had more layers unpeeled lately, realizing how conservative and right wing of a town I was moved to in high school, so much so that 90% of my classmates are Trumpsters and evangelical.  I am friends with some on Facebook. I don't fight with them and haven't separated from them over these matters unless they post directly racist memes, but that's only because these are more casual Facebook relationships.  The extremity of the religious posts and others, has only increased. My high school was so extreme, they had Republican rallies, seems illegal, but it happened. One high school teacher had the classroom walls plastered with Reagan and Bush campaign posters.

What is there to say the divide is happening. America seems to have gone crazy and Trump is a cult leader that's stolen too many friends.


Update 2021: I have my regrets now about losing friends over religion and politics. Some I definitely would have stayed friends with on my end but they left me. I feel like the left now has betrayed America too, for fascism so where does that put me now. I still don't like the Republican party but as the Democratic party shoves "the new normal" down our throat and possibly vaccine passports, I ask myself sometimes "What did I protest for?" One thing I do know the powers that be benefit off all the division, divide and conquer!

Turning the Other Cheek and Abuse

As I wrote in this article, my deconversion walked with my going no contact. I became with all abusers and enablers of abuse. With some time out, I realized how much Christianity set me up to be abused, defending the powerful and the status quo and telling me on endless levels how I deserved it. I hope others can be free too.

This meme walks hand in hand with the coerced forgiveness and enabling of evil in some Christian circles, and even the whole sociopath battle, I've had with others in multiple blog posts, about how their preaching "forgive and love sociopaths who are incapable of remorse" is messed up.

The biggest hole in conservative theology is God/Jesus supposedly teaches "Love your enemies" and then sends his to forever burn in hell. How does that make any sense? Is this a case of "Do what I say, not what I do?" Hell too also is the foundation for a religion that advances cruelty and abuse. If your God has no problem with toasting his enemies on a spit forever where's your mercy and compassion going to come in? So as people die on ventilators and can't breathe or are weakened for months, the evangelicals say things like "It's just a flu", or it's fake.

 How many get tired of being a Doormat for Jesus? Jesus himself, while he could have been a human with decent messages that got skewed via the later church empire, himself is shown taking on death and abuse to please his rampaging father. He is one of the world's most known scapegoat figures. Conservative Christianity especially pushed scapegoating overall, worshipping "might makes right", and compliance.

How many conservative Christians are taught to accept abuse and make excuses and a place for abusers, or the cruel [Trump a case in point] because of teachings like this? The bullies of the world get encouraged and this teaches that standing up against the evil is wrong, and that's messed up.

Lily Pads

Here is a recent painting I finished. I am considering an art sale soon including this painting but will post when I get this up on ebay with some other art work. Covid19 isolation did allow me to get some art finished. I am hoping the art center reopens this fall, but not sure yet if it will.

For the People Who Put Down "Victims"

I had someone some time back sneer against me as being a "victim of narcissists". As their narcissists were welcomed back to their life, my no contact has continued.

 I would add to my red flag list of predators, that ANYONE who complains about "victims" is showing signs of lack of empathy. I know they wanted to turn tables against me as I questioned their defense of the system. The added sneers about "fighting injustice" also took the cake.  These are the type of people who see protesters as the threat instead of the murderers or sociopaths that sparked the chaos to begin with.  One thing that helped me in my recovery was to reject the endless shaming techniques. I thought this quote was a great one.

That's one important thing to make it out of the thicket of trauma, voices like this will only do you harm. We were told to silence our truth, literally in my case for 4 decades. That everything we said was "wrong". I am not in a contest like narcissists to prove my "perfect life" or use my recovery to slap others, I see as less further along the recovery road. I've been out for years so much so while I still write about these issues, time has made the people who caused me so much trouble fade in the distance.

There is a silencing here which is the main point, they want people to shut up. I've maintained my no contact, and I made the decision long ago to continue writing about narcissism issues, because they do impact our world.

I don't want others to suffer like I have.  When people push this "rugged individualism" it is often based in privilege. They really believe people can control their reality. They don't care if you have life long disabilities from medical neglect. They are the types often who see a pandemic too as "not their problem", as I talked about in a recent article.

 If you fail to "control your reality" in America, often you are blamed.  People who buy into this system of oppression foist it's ideas on others. It is harmful as hell, if anything it will stop an ex-scapegoat's recovery in it's tracks. It is more of the BE AND DO WHAT WE WANT TO BE WORTHY. Trust me there can be many others lined up behind narcissistic parents who will still shove these ideas down your throat.

 I still think of the days when I was in people's like this horrible mental prison, where I sat head down, being told "You are not good enough"--TALK about what WE THINK YOU SHOULD TALK ABOUT.  Added to this was the idea, that I was supposed to BE WHAT THEY WANTED.  They want people always in that position of feeling like they have something to prove. According to these types, if you are an ACON, you better have money and a success or you are a forever victim! I get the feeling I have more fun in life then the drudgery succeed at all cost types, who foist this stuff on others.

I had legions of narcissists that had to be tossed out of my life, who saw me as a improvement project, or someone they wanted to control even to the point of what I talked about. One thing I notice with all of them, is they think they are perfect.

I got the clue some wanted me silent, because they found what I had to say challenging or threatening to their worldview, or their own feelings of superiority over me. "Protestant wishcraft" is a good term too, here is where religion clashes with psychological realities. Extremely religious people who believe prayer always brings results, and that life "turns out" for the good, and doesn't for the bad, can be toxic in their own way too. Too many Conservatives want authoritarianism and compliance and that means shutting up people who question the system. Just like they turn money and status into a contest, they turn healing and recovery into one too. Avoid these people for your own mental health. Life is more pleasurable and enjoyable without them. 

Please Vote for Biden: Trump's a Psycho!

The main reason I am voting for Biden is so something is changed with Covid-19. It is a selfish--I want to stay alive vote. Covid will only worsen if Trump gets in.  The Covid debacle alone should have every American forcing Trump out via votes. My state because of a Dem governor has more of a handle on things, but much of the country does not. To help us all stay alive, please vote for Biden.

 I am very disappointed that Bernie did not win. We can worry nothing is going to change with such an entrenched system. Maybe I am part of the problem voting for the "lesser evil" but Trump is a psycho. Do you see America surviving 4 more years of Trump? I don't. Biden is a sold out oligarch and I fear would continue Plan for a New American century wars, as America collapses, but I see this election as "buying time" to stay alive. There's times in life where one has to make a hard decision.  That said, I do think America is headed down, it is a collapsing empire. Chris Hedges is right.

Biden is not my first choice of a candidate. I can't jump up and down with joy with fellow liberals over Biden. Life under Obama was a lot more peaceful and he had far more class, but I never forgot that Obama signed the NDAA too. Biden set up today's police state and prison pipelines, yes that's a problem. It sucks to be in this position between a douche and turd sandwich as South Park would say but the orange turd sandwich is out of control and is going to poison us all.

The liberal friends who told me "Do it for the Supreme Court Justices", "Do it for the decent Democrats that will accompany Biden"--Trump's henchmen are all incompetent cowardly pieces of garbage, did convince me. I could vote for Howie [green party] and have voted for Green Party people before in local and other offices, but what would this do now but help Trump. Still under the sway of the fundies in 2016, I feel regret, that I didn't vote for president, though I voted in other races. Someone cussed me out over not voting for Hillary on my blog....yeah now I do see that as a mistake. I was wrong, I was reading all that fundamentalist "spirit cooking" and conspiracy crap and it's taken years to clean out my brain since my deconversion.  It is a mistake I do not want to repeat.

Biden has poor boundaries but at least unlike Trump, I haven't seen pictures of him hanging out with Epstein. With Kamala, I went on my Facebook wall, and asked people to tell me "positive" things. I worried about the prosecutor stuff, but some did present evidence to me that she supported some liberal things too. I can see the pressures on a young prosecutor to be hard-nosed.  Among Trump's list of nutcases like DeVos to Barr, Kamala is far better, even though I still have my concerns about her.

To have Democrats in power, could also divert the march to theocracy. That's another reason to vote for Biden despite his massive faults, do you want the Christian nationalists in charge? I sure as hell don't. They have done a national blitz to roll back reproductive rights, LBTGQ rights, and to enforce their extreme religion on us all. When I was still a Christian I wrote against Dominionism elsewhere. Yes I was a strange Christian. However this means I know the real goals of groups like the Council for National Policy and where the Christian nationalists want to take us. They have massively advanced under Trump. Gilead is a real danger. Stopping Trump from this alone, even if we have suck it up and vote for someone we "don't like", is necessary.

 Also as the predominantly conservative boomers die off, hopefully millennials and others, could push some of the agendas Bernie supported. AOC is waiting in the wings as well as other truly progressive politicians to step forward in the future.  Bernie while some are angry calling him a sheepdog, and sell-out, I think has good intentions. I know some don't like him working "within" the system. I was shocked and hurt when he told us to vote for Biden. It wasn't easy for any Bernie supporter to hear this and I was a gung ho one. He knows how the system works.

 I feel affinity for those who say the system must be 'changed' but right now what other choices are there? I took the ideological purity route in 2016 and got Trump. I would have voted for Jill Stein but saw those pictures of her at the table with Trump's campaign manager and Putin on conspiracy message boards.

Ted Rall and Chris Hedges probably would say, you are supporting the system, but psychologically I am burnt out, I don't want 4 more years of Trump, and want to stay alive. Some may say, "Bring on the revolution and burn it all down" but I have read enough history books to know how much immediate loss of life that can bring. We could be facing things like this anyway if the election is close, or if Trump refuses to step down. One sees open talk of civil war on message boards. I fear for my own state with all the Covid-loving religious nutcases and "Proud Boys" bringing on insurrection in our cities and threats against my own Democratic governor.  I support my Democratic governor to the utmost because I live in one of the few states succeeding against the pandemic.

Also let me put in this way too, a neoliberal with their faults, is a hell of a lot less of a threat then a would be Gilead supporting fascist, who allowed a pandemic to go on unheeded to hurt "blue states". Trump has committed so many criminal treasonous acts against the American people, do you expect this to get any better? I sure don't. He wanted to call out the American military against American people! Only our generals who had some sense stopped this madness. Why people still want to support this monster is beyond my understanding. Do you want a full blown dictator?

Yes, Biden should be in a nursing home or an assisted living playing bingo, reading books and relaxing but then there is the Orange Sociopath destroying our country, literally killing people and committing genocide against Americans who is unhinged with the football in near access.

Am I upset the choices aren't better? Yes. I think we should have had Bernie. We need change. Conservative boomers and too many brainwashed conservative and religious Generation Xers have their hands literally around America's throat. We need progress and vision right now not reactionary lies and nonsense that glorifies a past that never existed. We need science back. Oh that's one reason to vote for Biden, Biden would actually listen to doctors and scientists. Leave the delusional thinkers to run around without a mask during a pandemic. If Covid19 had broken out during Obama's administration, we would not be in the fix we are in at all!

Biden and Kamala also support Social Security, and other social safety nets, that Trump is hellbent on tearing down. That's another reason to vote for Biden.

I fear Trump winning again.  I am worried Biden was chosen as a weaker candidate so Trump would get back in. I am worrying the 2016 formula is being enacted again. Orange Hitler got in last time because a lot of people didn't like Hillary. The oligarchs have made a lot of money from Trump, sadly their greed is a damn bottom-less pit. I don't want to be responsible for Trump winning and destroying America for refusing to vote for Biden. Am I happy completely about Biden as a candidate, no I am not, but I believe Trump is so much worse. Trump is such a psychopath, he's already bragged about cheating or throwing the election.

 Vote for Biden even to hold back Covid-19 too. At this point even saving the post office by voting for Biden would be worth it too. I hope this November, we do not have the nightmare of seeing Trump become president for 4 more years. There won't be an America left then, count on it.

Update: I was wrong, Biden is even more of a fascist than Trump! They both suck!

Nice People and Nazis

Prehistoric Road Show

The other week, I did a lecture at my UU that talked about the epochs of time and diversity of plant and animal life in the billions of years of life on earth. I joked and said, "You are seeing the results of my pandemic PBS TV-watching." The show Prehistoric Road Show was one of those new shows. It is excellent. I have had a new interest in science that is growing.