Thursday, February 13, 2020
The Dangers of Grey Rocking for Scapegoats
Does the Grey Rock Method Work for Scapegoats?
Seriously save the grey rock stuff for the office while you look for a new job. I warn of the dangers of low contact. Shutting down your personality, and your emotions to get along peacefully with malignant narcissists is the path to repression and losing yourself. As one fellow blogger said, "It's basically invalidating yourself". That is very true.
I grey rocked for YEARS. I was low contact for a long time. I put the smiles on, and had visions of myself sitting on a bed patting down a blanket as monsters roared underneath it. My entire mode when I visited my family was to shut down all emotions, from sadness to anger. Everything was repressed. I had tired of emotions being used against me and just wanted the day to go by without any trouble. In my youth, I had fought back some, only to have it turned against me. With the Christian doormat training, my decision to keep a perpetual smile on my face and calm in the false of endless abuse was not a good one.
The damage it can do over the long haul can be immense where you stop talking openly to people or show any negative emotions. You become used to hiding yourself or thinking anything about you will be JUDGED. In some ways you become an invisible person.
In many ways this empowers narcissists in our society. Their victims are told to assent, or stay quiet. Grey Rocking is used as answer even for long term situations, and that's wrong. I and my husband still have conversations that pop up on occasion. I tell him everyday I wake up with relief I don't have to deal with those people anymore. No more vomiting in a bathroom or putting a mask on to mute myself. And that was what greyrocking was... MUTING MYSELF TO KEEP ASSHOLES HAPPY.
If you are trapped like in a bad job, or living with a malignant narc because the only other option is the street, grey rocking can serve a purpose but don't make it the long term plan. This is where No Contact is the best option.