Did anyone see this Dr. Phil from last week? It was awful.
Kristen, the focus of the show, did have some problems and showed
too many emotions to narcissists which is the soonest way to get burned. I could see those narcissists sitting there and laughing with their
exaggerated lies. It was gang-up time. Their cold dead eyes and smirks spoke for themselves.
Dr Phil sent her off to get treatment for PTSD, but I wish there was
some real education about narcissism on Dr. Phil. Some say he is one himself, so maybe that's why we never see narcissists called out for their evil behavior on his show. There seems to be no other explanation. This family had definitely ganged up on this woman as the "identified patient" and gone to town, and he had nothing to say about it like usual. Has Dr. Phil ever mentioned malignant narcissism or sociopathy?
Dr Phil always seems to ally with the narcissists or be very silent in the face of their behavior. Here, he
diagnosed Kristen with PTSD but pussyfooted around the real cause of the
PTSD and that sucked. That denied millions of viewers information about these narcissistic families and what they can do to people. Narcs will never out narcs, and always defend them.
"Aunt Susie" definitely has stolen this woman's daughter and put herself in the place of where her mother should be. The daughter to me, acted like every other flying monkey and narcissist enabler I have ever seen, where they defend the family members and treat the scapegoat like a throwaway. Sadly Kristen let her emotions lead which dug her hole deeper.
Narcissists will use everything said in the heat of anger or upset and twist it and turn it against a scapegoat. The only solution here is to go no contact with the daughter as well as the rest of the family. The daughter has already chosen the narcissistic family. It's a horrific loss to lose an adult child this way, but this daughter will bring her down along with the rest.
I noticed they had no empathy for her mental health issues, and denied and mocked her PTSD diagnosis. She was sexually abused too. That's how narcissists operate, there's no mercy for ANY health problems. I have lived that. If you suffer from anxiety, or depression or other issues, THEY DON'T CARE. While you are considered defective, the irony is at the same time, in that "defectiveness", any mental health issues are denied, and a scapegoat is blamed and devalued.
She stood alone, facing down all those flying monkeys and her daughter. Many of us ACONs have been in that position. We know what's its like. No one ever took my side. I was used to being alone pretty early on. I talked about how I went no contact with the whole family after a time of trying to reason with the others and presenting my side of things. There was two choices, be abused, and listen to excuses and put-downs the rest of my life or walk. Kristen is at that crossroads too. I hope someone tells her to walk and about no contact.
There's no talking things out or reasoning with narcissists or a narcissistic family system. Many probably go on these talk shows thinking they will find justice or someone to go to bat for them, but they just get thrown under the bus yet again. This is disappointing to watch. I had thoughts years of ago taking Queen Spider on a talk show, and fantasies about "outing" her on national TV. We probably all have those fleeting thoughts, that Dr. Phil, Oprah, and the rest would bring us justice. It is a pipe dream. There's something negative in the human psyche too where they believe narcissists. The majority on Dr. Phil's Facebook page rooted for the family and chided Kristen.
Dr. Phil never challenged the narcissists, he had them leave at one point, but that was it. He did not address their behavior or anything. He let the family get off scott-free while they remained in cruel dismissal of Kristen. With some groups, we have been maligned and there is no changing it. I hope Kristen is not told by false psychologists and others to "behave" for her family, whatever she does nothing will be good enough. She will always be the scapegoat. Dr Phil never told us how she got PTSD from abusers, the sexual abuse was named in passing, she was never gave much empathy or support and he gave her no true defense. He believed everything the narcissists said, and told her that her behavior was "outrageous" and "overshadowed" the behavior of "others" without mentioning that bad behavior of the others. So she got called on the carpet and their bad behavior was never addressed.
Dr Phil did excuse
the gang-up and I noticed he focused on the mother's behavior but never
questioned the daughter. Yeah that poor woman got really no support.
I
actually think they victimized her right in front of anyone. Some of the
stuff that they reported she said sounded like exaggerated bullshit to
me.
At one point that horrified me, she was trying
to tell Dr. Phil they manufactured some of the "crazy texts" and this
was ignored. I could tell she was telling the truth.The smirks were
giant then. They took pleasure in her pain, and knew they "had her". They reveled in her humiliation.
Yeah this show fed off the
suffering of a scapegoat. If that PNP centers tells her to "forgive and forget" abusive family members or tells her she has to "reconcile" and keep these people in her life, they will be wasting her time, and taking her to a worse place. For her PTSD to be healed, she needs to be away from these abusers and go no contact.
Yesterday I watched this show on Dr. Phil, the second video has it, in it's entirety. The show includes a past guest, Andrue who seems to be a very strong young man now in recovery who got taken out of his house for shooting himself in the chest. I saw the first show some time ago and he relayed how he wanted to escape the abuse and misery he was in. He was taken out of the home and reunited with his real father who treats him far better. This is a second show where his parents Minnie and Lon [his stepfather] were allowed to come back and make a plea for their children to be returned to their home.
His siblings were taken out of the abusive home as Andrue relayed to CPS, what abuses were happening from his baby sister being left in a car seat locked behind a closet door, the substance abuse, and beatings.
To be frank, these parents were obvious malignant narcissists, both could even be sociopaths especially the stepfather, whose cold eyes glared at Dr. Phil and asserted his authority time and time again. He was evil and cruel. He didn't even pretend to be nice for national TV but one could fathom behind closed doors, he is far worse.
The mother was an obvious malignant narcissist, they could have put her photo in the dictionary above the disorder. In her case, there were definitely some histrionic leanings too but her cold eyes, lack of love and endless excuses and inability to face her sins, all showed the real deal.
Now in Dr. Phil's defense, he called her out on lies about her substance abuse, displayed her drunk arrogant and self promoting Twitters, and one video where she showed her dead eyes in even fuller force where every picture of her was of modeling poses for too many minutes. He also challenged the other one and put up evidence that what Andrue had described was true, as the mother, Minnie, was divorcing Lon, the stepfather and father of the younger children put claims of violence and abuse in her divorce papers.
One sickening and self revelatory moment is when Lon claimed he had burned all of Andrue's photos. Minnie's fake tears are disgusting. The show proceeded in a very bad direction. Andrue comes out on stage and his mother Minnie kept up with her excuses and sickening denials of her evil..."I did the best I could!" Dr, Phil and a CPS leader said, they needed to comply with what CPS wanted to get their children back. Andrue said, they should never be moved and were happier where they were at. At one point he seems to be the only one with any sanity stating, "Quit playing the victim!" to his mother.
Dr. Phil and the CPS worker talked about reunification with these rotten parents, and I was livid. What these parents have wrong will never be fixable. They have no hearts and soul and no consciences or love. I kept thinking, "Oh great, now these narcs will get a can of get smart, and do an acting job to fool all the social workers!" It seemed like Dr. Phil was giving them advice to play the system. Andrue looked devastated near the end, he is free due to his age but you could see the fear he had for his siblings in his face as they blathered on about reunification.
I found myself thinking, doesn't Dr. Phil know these parents are malignant narcissists? I am not a Dr. Phil supporter and wonder about some of the influences of this show, but their personality disorders were so OBVIOUS!
Maybe legally there are reasons he can't come out and say, "You are malignant narcissists!" Maybe he put on this show to display their bad behaviors to the world in defense of Andrue, I don't know. Something seemed weird. Andrue's heart seemed to be breaking as he said, why do they get all the second chances or something along those lines. He isn't perfect either, I can tell he was impacted by all the abuse, but there is too much outside evidence that he was telling the truth about his abusive parents. I hope that his siblings are protected.
Dr. Phil was wrong to even couch reunification with narcissistic parents as a possibility. He betrayed Andrue with this talk. He let the mother insult and berate Andrue with nary a word especially when she said to him, "I've apologized to you over and over!" I hope and pray Andrue goes "No contact" with both. In his case, he is fortunate to have a loving bio father.
There needs to be some standing up and direct exposure. There needs to be more truth out there about how these kind of people operate. A malignant narcissist and sociopath can never be a decent parent. Leave the children in foster homes where they are thriving. Child protective services should be having seminars on sociopathy and narcissistic personality disorder to educate their workers. Children need protected from them.
Why focus on the parents getting the children back? This sickened me. Sadly Minnie announced she was pregnant by Lon.Maybe she was lying but I thought, "Poor baby!". I hope Andrue can go have a good life and was glad he was brave enough to stand up after he was taken out of the home on behalf of his siblings.
Many agreed with me on the Dr. Phil message boards. To even discuss possible reunification was a betrayal of these children.
I don't want to label everyone a narcissist which can be a danger for those in recovery, but I watched this show today and thought this was a classic narcissistic family. The father seemed more quiet and was more on the sidelines but it was disturbing to watch this show. The mother gaslighted and kept calling her a liar even as Marissa admitted her wicked deeds as a teen and that she was in prostitution.
The sisters gave me the willies to the point, while watching, I thought that they had the same negative "energy" as my sister with the same obtuse faces, and the looks of disdain. I am clean living, never drank, or drugged but mine gave me the same exact look. I was told I was an "embarrassment" as well. They looked to me like the two sisters from Cinderella. Their helmet hairdos triggered me back to the last time I saw my sister. Their dark eyes was reliving moments in my life with her.
Sadly some scapegoats like Marissa can rebel, and end up in a life of drugs, prostitution and worse. Some run to the drugs and drink to kill the pain, while the rest of us turn things more inward. I tend to think because this young girl was adopted into her aunt's family because her mother was incarcerated, that they laid those things on her heavy, otherwise why did a girl who grew up in a middle class or upper middle class and was a straight A student go directly into prostitution?
My Aunt Scapegoat went the "rebel" route and the same dynamics played here that I saw in my family, the outraged narcissists all saying "How dare she!" and using her to play off of. One aspect of narcissists is they are secretly happy when someone has gone down perdition highway because then they can use the alcoholic, drug addict, prostitute, street person relatives to make themselves look superior and to play martyr off of. Here within lies extensive nuggets of narcissistic supply. Those false looks of disgust and head shaking I am so familiar with. One would think both sisters saw themselves as Prim Hester or the Church Lady from Saturday Night Live in comparison to their wayward sister [actually cousin].
Being Aspie, I didn't rebel or go into the party lifestyle or sex industry, so my family had to make up sins for me. However in Marissa's case I felt like they were all ready to brand a "W" into her forehead and be done with her for good. The tears in my opinion on the part of the mother and one sister were fake. This was a family that cared most about appearances.
One of my friends who I have complained to Dr. Phil about says he is missing the narcissism because he is a narcissist himself. I am not sure, but I have to admit watching Dr. Phil tell this young woman that her "mom" [actually biological aunt] loved her when she said she did not triggered me back to those times too, I was told by various relatives and others that my mother loved me when I was being abused. Someone needs to do a seminar on narcissism with some of these psychologists. I think that is one of worse things he could have said. I believe in the crucible of that narcissistic family she was told she was "lesser", would end up like her mother in jail, could have faced some racial discrimination and definitely there is a reason she ended up having severe problems with her self esteem.
By the way throwing a 17 year old into the streets without any support is almost a guaranteed way to have them end up in the sex industry. Even if she was sexually active, or smoked pot or did other things that were bad teen behavior, they seemed ready to toss her into the streets and did not care if she starved or died. I know so many know crow on about tough love, but I think tough love makes things worse, maybe that is a subject for another post. By the way if a young woman is poor enough, the sexual predators and traffickers will find them. Being overweight doesn't protect you either. That is how this world works.
Dr. Phil acted like this family could be a foundation for her healing and I was thinking she needs to get far far away. He did offer her a restart in her life which is I think the main reason she went on the show and willingly got put through it. Marissa needs to stay away from the people who brought her down and have no mercy for her even if they call themselves her family.
No wonder poor Marissa feels like she belongs nowhere. The woman who raised her(And in no way is that woman her "mother") doesn't seem to think Marissa is worth a darn. She says Marissa is a liar who BELIEVES her own lies? Excuse me, as human beings we KNOW when we lie and when we don't, so to accuse Marissa of being "nuts" (my word) in front of the millions who are watching had to be incredibly painful for the young woman. And I'm willing to bet that Marissa's many issues started about the time her female caretaker blew her off when she spoke of being raped.
People treat children who aren't their biological children differently than they do blood. This pretend "mother" says she gave Marissa "everything"-but where is the unconditional love Marissa should have received? THAT means more than all of the material things she could have ever received. I think Marissa was a mere "duty" to the woman. She only got attention if she was the PERFECT child, & very few children are perfect. There's not a kind word out of that woman's mouth. This entire family has rejected poor Marissa, despite protestations of the IMAGINARY "love" they have for her.
Some people AND families are just plain toxic & the only thing a person can do to remain sane is to separate herself from them. Marissa needs to let her dreams of a loving helpful family go cos THESE people don't fit the bill. That woman makes me cringe every time she opens her mouth to say she "loves" Marissa and then goes on to talk about her like she's trash to be dumped.
Dr Phil needed to stand UP for this young woman instead of allowing her female caretaker to put her down so mercilessly. And to separate Marissa from the black half of her blood cos the CARETAKER didn't want to subject herself to "those people"-well, now I see why Marissa feels so lost and alone. It starts in the home.
I have to admit, I tried to watch this show, but got too disgusted dealing with some of my own issues and health problems, didn't feel like listening to Dr. Phil castigate fat people for "committing slow suicide" which he kept repeating over and over. The thing that is so sad about this, is this lady who has participated in this circus side show, will help perpetuate stereotypes about the overweight that we all overeat, and that we have chosen our fate, through her would be feederism participation. Here we see the false notion that most people choose to be ultra-obese advanced.Also I saw the part where she showed utter delusion about her obesity as if she was "healthy", I thought to myself here is more of the Obesity Hegelian Dialectic! I think even having the sister claim she eats healthy, was to help to add to the confusion and to help silence us fat people who are trying to get help beyond the EAT LESS mantras.
I tried to write on the Dr. Phil message boards, a response and sticking up for people in my position but they censored it and would not post it. Guess I am not surprised.
It kind of freaked me out finding out this lady is the world record holder for heaviest living lady. I was very near her weight and sometimes wonder if I was the Guinesss record holder back in the late-90s even for the world's fattest bride. I do think they need to look around a bit more, I think there are many hidden fat people in America especially, even in my last small town, I was not the fattest, and knew of a wheelchair man that outweighed me by 100lbs who I met a few times at the store, and also was told about a man that weighed nearly 900lbs that was trapped inside his house.
Pauline weighs nearly 700 pounds and is the Guinness World Record holder for heaviest living woman. She says she dreams of a better life for herself and her son, but is she ready to take back control? Plus, Style Network's Ruby, who has lost 400 pounds, shares her journey and offers support. For more visit http://drphil.com
I don't know about Ruby being an example for this lady. Ruby is free of lymphedema and is one of the most healthiest people of her size I have ever seen, no congestive heart failure or swelling and a very strong ability to exercise. Ruby also had a TV show, a team of trainers and a gym. I think this lady's biggest problem is the lymphedema. Most people do not understand that lymphedema makes you swell, with FLUIDS but often people think it is fat. It is water that is trapped in your tissues. My doctor's estimate even in me the water is at least at the 100-150lb mark. I can see it in her stomach and in her legs which are severe. Those legs are not puffy with fat but with fluids and that is where a lot of the weight comes from. I can lose and gain 30lbs within the day, due to lymphedema, and can see my stomach bloat and deflate.
I hated seeing the words "Take Back Control" on the Dr. Phil website as if people have full blown control over their weight and health issues. I noticed some issues about her possibly gaining weight on purpose to get fame, that would really bother me, and would denote a streak of self-destruction as I have remarked on the other "I want to be the fattest lady" in the world women. They are neglecting people with lower metabolisms. That is my life long problem. This lady may have eating issues, those people do exist too though she mentioned having a "low thyroid", hypothyroid.
I wonder if Dr. Phil is going to help provide her with the same resources that Ruby has, with the gym, trainers, counseling. He did offer her pre-packaged diet food. Course I have seen this type diet food, [not the brand he offered her] with it's freezed dried patties and weird "canned" plastic meal containers and it is the grossest stuff on the face of this earth. I'd rather not eat at all, and can't eat processed things. I think she should get treatment for her lymphedema to remove water weight, they denied me that treatment telling me my heart was not in good enough shape, on my swollen leg, which is true, there are a few times about 7 years ago, when I would wrap the leg, too much fluid would get pushed up and I would get heart troubles if I wasn't careful. I know weight loss can knock down some of the swelling but may not solve the entire problem. How does one lose weight if they cannot exercise? She needs intense medical intervention. I also think the son should not be the primary caregiver and needs to start his own adult life, if at all possible.
I was near her weight and feared the wheelchair and what she is facing. The starve yourself and go exercise stuff isn't going to work, she needs more advanced care then some packaged meals. There are so many people now in America reaching these huge weights, they need more help rather then shame or blame.
My basic summation of this, no young man becomes 800lbs without serious physiological and underlying physical issues. Dr. Phil of course ignores that very fact. I wrote on the Dr. Phil board in my comment that was censored to the Susanne Eman show, that the super-fat were the canaries in the coal mine, and that ignoring the real causes was a detriment to everyone.
I feel so sorry for this young man, because of what I have been through. I hope he is able to get at least some help in moderating what he is facing. It is tough out there.
My husband joked with me and said, "What do you want the world to be run like the Brave New World? Remember Mao and other's experimented with removing the biological family." I admitted he had a point.
One now ex-friend [the Army person from the multimillionaire family] who is due to inherit millions from her parents in their late 80s, used to tell me that human beings were like chickens, and they would "peck to death" the weakest ones. She used to bother me saying this. It was kind of a strange obtuse thing to say to a disabled woman. Sadly there seemed to be a taint of truth to it at least for the least empathetic human beings on this planet. I guess she was one of the strong chickens but I digress.
I saw this old Dr Phil, it's from 2012. In it, a young woman in her 20s who lived at home with her parents and her own son, accused her mother of favoritism for her jock brother. The walls of their house were covered in his framed Jersey's and other sports awards. She was right. He could do no wrong, he was the golden child and had the arrogant attitude to go along with it. Dr. Phil sadly failed here too to address the realities of narcissism though he told the mother, she needed to show some love to her daughter and positive reinforcement. Obviously we had a girl here, who had trouble in school and got pregnant out of wedlock. She was considered the "family loser". Sadly as I watched this, I kept thinking her only way to have a happy life, probably would be to escape all those people. They were already destroying her self esteem. The show made me want to cry. She was stuck in that mud of pleasing people who never would accept her and used her as a scapegoat.
They always say family should be a soft place to land. Dr. Phil referred to family being a soft place to land and I found myself sneering at the TV and saying "Yeah right.". I suppose real families should be ones that do love and support each other, and there's probably ones out there like that. However in America, in this dog eat dog country, so focused on competition, now competition doesn't simply exist at the office and the sports field, it exists at home too. In other words people never get a break from it. What is this doing to our young people? I believe the suicide rates are jacked up to the hilt in America for a reason. Now average people are told they are not "good enough" to make a decent living, you have to be a "superstar" [with plenty of narcissistic and sociopathic traits, and lots of friends] to make it.
How many young people's lives are being destroyed by their own families? Millennials are coming out to a dead job market, all the logistics of the normal life script are harder and harder won. Many attest to cold attitudes from their parents especially if they failed to become winning trophies. I think about how I was relegated into being a throw-away and have had negative thoughts about people who breed so much, they have extra children they can ditch into the trashcan. If one is an ACON, the doubling up of facing financial failure or other life problems and dealing with no "soft place" to land can be a double whammy. I remember how I was told everything that happened to me was my fault, and how I had nothing to show for my life. I get the feeling lots of young people today are going through what I did. So wonder they are depressed, and these shallow parents, actually are ensuring "more failure".
My family had it's own jock too, Uncle Narc and his baseball star son who got a full ride baseball scholarship. The generation that came up after me was odd, they were kids I didn't understand, they were all centered on success and conforming to their parents. The narcissists got their Eagle Scout, first chair orchestra placements, and baseball star, Unlike my upbringing, Uncle Narc invested in his children and spent hours driving them to baseball practices and dance practice. I was expected to be a success with no such investment, so I'll give the guy that, he put some effort into his kids "making it" but I often had the thought what if one didn't make it? The fall out probably would be a lot worse.
I find myself wondering though about families and who "makes it", is there any love in such competitive system, where to matter as a human being to parents, you have to make it career wise? I realize my family screwed me up here, telling me, that I had to be this certain person to be worth anything and then doing everything they could to sabotage it. With narcissists too, I think of the parents who didn't come to any of my graduations, and even when I had a DIY art show in 2006, that was written about in two local newspapers, she didn't show up there then either. There was no investment.
The more malignant Narcissists more often sabotage their kids to "fail", perhaps Uncle Narcissist while he is on the narcissistic spectrum is lower on it, because he invested in the kid's success but sadly if any of them fail in the future, they may be asking for it. In narcissistic families, perhaps even the golden children and successes know deep inside they are not loved the same way.
A lot of people from foreign countries, say something is wrong with America. They say it is all competition, and no cooperation. They say Americans live to work instead of working to live and have lost a lot of the joy in life. I would say this is true. These are things I have questioned about this society. I have even focused on the sickness of putting people in the "loser" vs "winner" categories. Some years ago even here, I wrote about the conservative people I met who were all focused on achievement. They wore me out. Everything was a competition. Are people like this ever happy? Ask yourself here, do all the successes in your own narcissistic family know it's game over if they ever slide down to the bottom? I know with all the successful teens right now, if any of them graduate and can't get a job right away, I can tell some of the golden children are already being hired by Dad's company, they will be facing the music.
One thing struck me thinking more about that topic, I had my own values, I didn't agree with those people. Their drives for success bored me. Same with the family, after I was deep into no contact, I had thoughts about life and thought I never wanted the dull suburban life, I never wanted to be them. I couldn't count body bags for war for the government to make bank or send legions of young men to their deaths in the Middle East like the ex-Army friend. I couldn't be any of them. So if your family calls you a loser, look at their lives? What are they doing for all that money? What have they accepted for it?
In my case, though I chose an alternative career when young, I was focused on success too. I wanted to make it. I and my husband had an odd conversation the other day, I don't remember what it was that started it. We turned to each other and said, "We really did try". I said well you made it with your books, he's publishing a book he co-authored this year. I discussed my hang-ups from the family with my husband. He has said, "They judge everything by monetary success". I said, "That's true". We talk about battling time and never giving up.
My family called me a "loser" so much, I know it was part of the abuse. Every black sheep goes through this. I would suggest to everyone if you are around people who are busy calling you a "loser" or if you have a family like that where they have already labeled you the "throw-away" that is "not good enough" or "has nothing to show for their life", get as far away from them all. They will only bring you down. Don't make the mistake of thinking into your 20s and 30s, that once you make it, they will then love you, because that won't happen either.
My husband was very supportive of me and once wrote me a list to show things I accomplished in life, to circumvent the trash my family told me. I think both of our self esteems have gotten better being away. I still have to work on mine. While I've been pretty sick, I have noticed life is blossoming more for me, I'm doing lectures at my UU fellowship on the transcendental movement, teaching myself sewing and getting more ideas. Being freed from the expectations of narcissists can help people "succeed" far more.
My husband wrote me this:
"Here's the list you asked for:
But don't take my word for it. Here's a list of the things I've seen you accomplish:
1. Staying married -- and in a relationship -- for 23 years with Mr. Peep. In this society, no small achievement.
2. Becoming an art teacher. Yes, I know it didn't become a lifetime career, because your health short-circuited it. And you didn't make a lot of money doing it. But for the time you were in it, you enriched your students' lives in ways that would never have happened, had you never set in foot in their classrooms. That creates a longer, deeper legacy than all the billionaires who spend all their time shuffling money around.
3. Surviving those terribly debilitating earlier illnesses of your life, including your big weight gain. If you were someone who was content to play the odds, you wouldn't be here with me today.
4. Growing and flourishing as an artist, to the point of one-off shows that made money, -- hell, I don't know anyone else who's come near you in those departments!
5. Growing as a writer, including your blog-- including one with 68 followers (!) -- something that leaves me awestruck, knowing how many are quickly abandoned, or never get off the ground.
6. Creating your own comic, which will hopefully be the first of many more to come -- again, the effort and care you've invested in that project has put you leagues ahead of those who rabbit on forever about doing one, but never actually follow through. Believe me, I've seen that, too.
7. The effort and time that you've spent helping out friends when they hit a rough patch in their lives. Not all your efforts panned out, but when I see you sending a box of food to someone that needs it -- that tells me you care about others. A small ripple in a vast ocean, as the saying goes, but a big one in a society that preaches rugged individualism on such a comic, exaggerated level -- even the Lone Ranger wouldn't recognize it.
8. Your dedication to the weekly pickets, when time and circumstances commit. It means you're not waiting for a better community, and/or world, no matter how remote that possibility seems right now.
9. Your co-organizing, hosting and promoting of our monthly readings that we did at the Library for about three years -- again, you didn't wait for somebody else to do something, which turned out to be a classic DIY activity for both of us. Three years in Clubland (quote-unquote) is a lifetime!
10. Your commitment to those amateur publications in the late '90s, which lasted a good two or three years, and laid the foundation for you to become a better writer (whereas before, you probably thought of yourself mainly as a visual artist).
11. The handful of songs we've co-written, based on your lyrics -- such as ************ -- which have turned out well, and something that I'd definitely like to pursue more closely in the future.
12. Your turn to provide one -- but I think I've give you a nice head start. So, while sickness sucks, it hasn't been all about that. To me, at least.
I leave you with that nugget from the Fleshtones ("I Want The Answers") that I read you yesterday, for a further bit of perspective: I wanna know why money doesn't just fall down from the trees
I wanna know why fame doesn't just blow in with the breeze
Why do the bad things feel so good
When the good things find another neighborhood?
Why does the upside always bring me down
while the downside finds me lifting off the ground?
I wanna know why if I'm so good I didn't die young
I wanna know why, maybe then I'd have a Number One
Why does everybody wanna steal my act?
And then I waste all those years, I'll never get 'em back
Why does everybody always wanna bow at my feet
When I can't earn enough just to make ends meet?
Gimme, c'mon, and gimme the proof
Gimme, c'mon and gimme the truth
I want the answers,
Just give me the answers,
I want 'em right now!"
I saw a Dr. Phil yesterday where the man was totally controlled by his wife. He was dying of cancer but one could tell a foundation had been set where he was afraid and totally controlled by her to the point he had let all the relationships with his children be in danger. I had to admit I thought the man was very weak. His wimpiness was beyond cloying. Maybe he was afraid of her turning him into a toad, she looks like something that crawled out from the bottom of the house in the "Wizard of Oz."
One runs into these men who are the milquetoasts of the world going "Yes Dear", to the meanest wenches in the world. Often the children and adult children suffer as Dad becomes a weak enabler to all the evil the narcissistic mother wants to conduct. The man's blindness to his wife's manipulations and even outright theft from his adult children is disgusting but even my father called me a liar when I told him my mother had stolen my identity.
I don't get how men can act this way. How can the man on Dr. Phil diss several of his grown children for his cold and evil wife? He is a slave to her defending her in thrall just like the broken down husband who does everything his wife says in "People of the Lie". Hell awaits for him in his weakness and turning his wife into his "goddess".
I have met men who have been afraid to meet with friends or even take phone calls because their girlfriend or wife may "get mad". Some of these men act like their wives or girlfriend are going to give them a big spanking when they get home and are shivering in their boots. Ever go out to dinner with a friend and have the one in the crowd who has his girlfriend or wife call every 10-20 minutes? It can get crazy. Some of these women want total control but sadly men give it. [This of course can go the other way too with women manipulated by controlling narcs]
In some situations the woman wears the total pants in the family, she is the one with the money and good job, while the man may be unemployed or underemployed and beaten down. Of course there are the "users" out there but some are men allowing narcissistic women to play a "mother role" to them. They want mommy to take care of them and they let mommy "punish" them. It weirds me out to be frank. Some men escape when they realize their wife is a narc, they are strong enough to get out and even keep a relationship with their children but then there are the other kind.
My father was fellow narc, he would yell and scream, but when push came to shove, he allowed my mother to run the show. He never disagreed with her on anything important and while I remember stupid quibbling arguments, most of the time he was her mind slave. He made most of the money but let her spend all his money like water on her endless shopping. She controlled the money and put HIM on an allowance.
One never defended us from the other. He would always tell me, "Your mother is right". It bothers me more and more when I think about it. A strong man would have defended his daughter and said, "You are not going to abuse her anymore!" or later when I got sick, he would have told her to help me. It didn't happen. He always did everything she said, and she actually laid out his clothes and helped him to dress every morning like she was actually his mother instead of his wife.
My mother's present husband who she married about 8 years ago is totally in control by her. She yells at him and he does everything she says. His whole position is to please her at all costs while she makes endless demands. Honestly seeing a middle-class man give up his entire house, and every possession except some of his tools, clothes, walking stick and gun collection to move in with and marry my mother was odd. I was not invited to the wedding, my mother picked the coldest day of the year in January to make sure I would not be there. He even gave up his church and religion to join hers. She didn't have to give an inch except she gave him a room in the basement. The last visit I was at her house, she was shouting at him to unpack something and look for something that was lost. I found myself asking "Why does this guy who has a close knit family, grown children in town and who had good jobs put up with this stuff?"
Sometimes when young, it seemed to be the "meaner" girls getting boyfriends and married faster. It was like "nice girls" finish last. I suppose often the narcissist women go after men more aggressively, they are not shy or holding back.
Maybe these men are marrying or living with a replacement for their narcissistic mothers. They let the more vulnerable around them be destroyed. They help the narcissists and sociopaths gain more power over others. I believe men should be loyal protectors. These weak men either knowingly or unknowingly are enablers and helpmeets for the wicked. Some definitely were abused themselves, men are just as vulnerable to the outcomes of abusive childhoods and the manipulations of sociopaths, but I hope they wake up, and realize the harm they can bring to others being in thrall to a narcissistic wife or girlfriend.
Did any of you watch Dr. Phil's interview with Jon Benet's brother Burke? I watched it. There's a second half tomorrow. Something isn't normal with that young man. He kept smiling even while Dr. Phil was discussing the death of his sister, right after the funeral and more. I was creeped out and thinking, "Stop smiling!" I am not sure if that is nerves or some other psychological condition from the pressures of what he went through. It bothers me no one addressed this with him too if this is some kind of social awkwardness. He definitely didn't have a regular upbringing with his mother's focus on appearances with his sister's beauty contests and what happened later. I wonder if he was trained to always keep a smile on his face by dysfunctional parents.
His constant smiling while talking about such serious murder is disturbing. He showed absolutely no upset at his sister dying or being murdered. While he was just a young boy the lack of effect is bothersome. He looks like he knows something or is in on "the secret". His demeanor creeped me out, I could barely watch the interview.
If you want to see possible NPD/sociopathy in full swing, take a look at the recent My 600lb life show with Steven Assanti and his brother Justin. They never have put up such a dysfunctional family on that show. I wonder about them going to the bottle of the barrel to find the worse fat people to make all super-fat people look bad. The show has gone from "inspiration" which I never bought into the wonders of WLS solving all problems to "side show horrors". Could there be an agenda with showing severely fat people who are like this? In Steven's case, why did they choose such a mentally ill/dark soul? This guy is like a one man advertisement for societal rejection and cutting off of the severely obese. He acts like one of those crazy "mind control" people that conspiracy websites are always warning about.
I even saw a petition for Steven Assanti to have all medical care shut off, due to his abuse of nurses and refusal to take any responsibility for his health. This is a show that definitely will INCREASE the hatred of fat people especially supersized people. In many ways I wish I didn't watch it. It was triggering and now I am watching it like a train-wreck kind of like Whitney Thore, to warn about it to others on this blog. I am NOT a supporter. As they fatten us up, and people become more severely obese, poster children for hatred of the obese are now becoming common on our media.
Steven Assanti makes sick. Spiritually, he looks completely seared. Considering my condition I am usually empathetic towards those who share conditions like my own but this guy made me want to puke. Some in the crucible of severe childhood abuse, do become like their abusers or choose evil. The show seems to show some evidence for drug abuse too. I know this show is destroying reputations of superfat people and how people will blame us all for our condition. To be frank,Steven Assanti with his high pitched voice, and other signs made me wonder if he has a chromosomal condition such as Klinefelter's or something. That condition doesn't explain or justify the severe malignant narcissism, everyone saw displayed before us on our TV sets.
I'm not the type to think people should be shut away from society but I kept wondering of him, why isn't he in a mental institution of some type or a group home getting some HELP or at least protecting the rest of society? The father is part of the problem too. I made the mistake of looking up his name online and his mental condition and his inability for empathy and immaturity are EXTREME.
I don't want to give this guy anymore attention but if you search for "fatboygetdown" on Youtube, you can see his old videos. It's a link I do not want any track backs from. He is seriously ill and [evil], beyond the weight. When I was watching the show on My 600lb life, I immediately thought narcissistic sociopath though a more blatant less cunning one that doesn't do a very good job of covering up to fool people. He was put in the news for being thrown out of the hospital for ordering pizzas and was on the "Dr Phil's" house years and years ago, where he didn't get along with anyone.
Justin the brother, needs to go no contact with his family to have any hope. I think he could have a chance to gain a better life in learning some social skills and seeing possibilities beyond his upbringing. I saw his youtube channel too. He posted a news story about his brother. Hopefully he can get his own weight under control as well.
Smakintosh showed the horrible attitudes of narcissists well in this video. Many of our world leaders and politicians like both Bush's and Clinton on both sides of the aisle are indeed narcissists and sociopaths. Dr. Phil defended and identified with so many abusers on his show, it made me wonder what he was! One scary thing about mental health organizations is many narcissists are attracted into those areas. Why? Power. Psychotherapy tells us to reconcile often with our abusers. The one with the will says it all. What else do you think makes siblings [the spiritual prostitutes] fall before narcissistic mother and fathers on their knees and simper while throwing others away? The ones who appear nice and kind are the scary ones too, a false picture, as they seem to be loving and giving. Yes our politicians gaslight us, as they start more wars and send the jobs overseas. The homes as museums must be rife among narcissists who want to look perfect!
By age 5, I knew something was wrong. I know something was very wrong with the people I was around. I remember sitting on the front stoop crying my eyes out because I felt so alone. Already they were telling me I was wrong about everything. Remember my mother's friend who told me my mother never would accept me for being fat? She told me something else in 2001 too. She told me that my parents were upset because I "knew too much". Mouth of babes and narcs can be an explosive mixture perhaps. What did she mean by that? That I was seeing through some of the lies before any fog came in even as a little child? They hated me already seeing an inner light, the thing in me that would one day rebel against them perhaps. Maybe their inner demons poked pitchforks at them saying, this one will be written in the "Book of Life" one day. I know I explored the dark spiritual insides of my sister in an article called Sister Light, Sister Dark, but definitely the spiritual insides of my mother are just as dark if not far worse.
He is right about the narcissist parents lacking the inner light and love and how they focus on only the external reality. They do live in fantasy world. Yes they hated seeing someone seeking after truth who was a real person, even their own child. Smakintosh mentions the entire family systems turning on people [this includes him and myself of course]. He is wise to warn about therapists, one has to be very careful and find a therapist that understands this abuse. This can be difficult. I don't want to post about Dr. Phil again, but I just watched a show, where he told a beaten down victim of a narcissist to reconcile with one yet again. I fear sometimes that show is being used to excuse narcissism. This case was complicated as the victim had gotten into drugs and there were children involved with the narc mother taking over custody of them, but it was upsetting to see blatant narcissism yet again excused and covered up. I watch that show like a train wreck not for recommendation.
Wow on this sentence! "I think this is the most dramatic part of the abuse, this abandonment, this quote family who creates this illusion of love and care towards you--doesn't give a damn about you." It's weird, I was talking to a close friend this morning on the phone and I told her this was something I had to face, I had to admit I was strangers to them and when push came to shove, I know they didn't give a damn about me either. When I got sick in 2013, well I know I have been pretty sick off and on, I was afraid I was dying. None of them cared. They still wouldn't stop by even when driving within a mile of my apartment. This was a litmus test if there ever was one. Some ACONs in recovery may give in to that thought thinking their family will suddenly repent and show care if they were ever on their deathbeds, but it's simply not true. Take it from one who knows it first hand, they do not give a damn, and even if you are hanging on to this world by your fingernails and constant prayers to God, they could care less.
I'm at that point right now, facing that horrific realization. I am even concerned that some of my emotional-healing-no contact work right now is affecting my health with diabetes and my history of PTSD playing a few dance steps together. Recovered memories and just thinking about how my life went a certain way and the love I deserved but missed out on, has been difficult. I had to go mellow out at the nature center, visit a kind good friend and get a cool breeze on my face, and thankfully we were able to pay our bills this month and get some decent food, for a short time, otherwise I think I could have ended up in the hospital. I may tell my doctor of some of my emotional struggles, they know a few basic outlines and that I am estranged from my family and they can't trust the family medical information anymore and in me I do have to be careful not to let the emotional make me very ill.
This is facing that sense of loneliness and abandonment he mentions. Remember I have just gone no contact with the rest of them just three months ago, outside the few young ones, like the niece who emails on rare occasion. With her I have no expectations, I expect the others will influence her to have nothing to do with me as well soon. I am going to hit the two year mark with the main narcs in June. With the remaining family members, I left the Facebook accounts alone for now, but have hidden all posts not wanting one to call me over and over but have not talked to one family member outside the niece in emails since January. [No one tried calling me back not even my brother or to ask me why I have disappeared over the last 3 months]. I think my brother knows I am done with him ever since the present and house full of furniture brag-a-thon.
I had no one to talk to on a heart to heart basis in the family too. Smakintosh is right to ask about those wondering how can one have encouragement when your whole family kicked you to the curb? I believe the way out too is to embrace love in yourself and realizing you still possess yourself too. He is right about the family members still being caught spellbound and in the illusions of the abusive parents. We did love truth in coming out. I know my whole no contact has been bound up in my Christian faith and seeking after truth no more accepting their lies, or wickedness about this world. No more bowing down to the wicked.
I know my family is a cult, they don't own their own souls. My family is so controlled, I know I have shocked them even daring to cross the Queen. They are living a lie and following a lie. For some of us who it has cost us so much, even our health, it can be scary. This is not an easy world to be disabled with no family in. This is painful stuff. I often have prayed to God asking "Why me?" One can feel that pain deep in of having no family watching a world that seems to become more family oriented by the minute. It is better I have escaped and followed my own conscience and God, I see people having lost their very souls to these narc abusers and Thank God I was not one of them no matter the price.
