Monday, May 11, 2015

You are Entitled to Your Feelings

Narcs shame others over having feelings because they have none. We all are entitled to our feelings. Of course what we do with them is what is important but most of us ACONs spent lifetimes being told that what we "felt was wrong".  Within my wicked family to even have feelings of nostalgia, missing anyone, or any other emotion that someone with a conscience was against their rules.

When this is replicated online by those who say they are representing ACONs or  tell us they are one themselves that makes no sense. Someone cannot represent the ACON community in any positive fashion and condemn people for natural emotions that are going to arise out of severe abuse. One thing I'd like to say to those who condemn ACONs for "not getting over it", is for most of us, our abuse did not end the day we turned 18 but expanded long into adulthood until the day we shut the door firm in the face of our abusers and walked away in no contact.

Some of us have lost our health and even livelihoods because of what narcs did to us. I have learned that anyone who tells me what to feel or condemns me for my emotions is not a positive person to be around. In fact when therapists deal with clients one of the first things they teach you when you are new to therapy is that your feelings are valid, and YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO FEEL THEM.

I dare say that there are personality disorders where the feelings have been so sublimated, is that they are no longer felt and they demand this of other people.  They want everyone else to shove the prodding conscience and feelings in the closet too until they are dead. The narcissists definitely don't want any messy emotions cluttering up their space as they connive and scheme. Narcissists have shut off a whole spectrum of them and demand it of everyone else.  Everyone who was a crying child around a narc parent knows what it was like to be smacked and told, "I'll give you something to cry about!". That happened to me hundreds of times. They failed to form me into the conforming and manipulated stoic they desired.  If my parents couldn't break me, well as I told friends, that Stasi would fail to. What is rat in a cage in the face, [thinking of Orwell here]when your body has done so many worse things to you?

We live in a narcissistic world that is growing colder and colder and part of that is telling people "emotions are wrong". I see this even with the positive ones, where one is supposed to freeze too heavy feelings of love or joy. One thing I took a look at myself was I was afraid to feel happy because it got ripped away whenever I did smile or laugh by my parents. Now I am better to express those feelings but it gave me a bigger picture. Others tell you that everything is supposed to be reacted to with Hunger Games stoicism. One rule among narcs I have noticed is never show any emotion, anger or otherwise.

 Take a look at books from the Victorian past even and notice how friends and others express love for one another and how even in mourning, they openly expressed their grief. Today everyone is supposed to be a dead-eyed drone and mindless consumer for the corporations and the powers that be. Smile serfs! They already tell us what to think in the media and now they tell us what to feel. The "change agents" and disciples of the "chosen" intelligentsia are busy doing just that. Some may consider me too conspiracy minded but there is a reason certain people with the smell of brimstone around them who got elected as the "popular" spokespeople for narcissism. There is a difference between being DIRECTED and having honest discourse among blogs. I have noticed elsewhere the "change agents" of narcissism, directing more dead emotions in the face of evil. They seek to shame ACONs instead of trying to understand that negative emotions in most human beings don't come out of a vacuum. 

One lie told out in the world is that it is WRONG to ever be angry. Anger itself is not always a sin. Anger can instigate sin, but it is not always itself wrong.

Ephesians 4:26 - Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

Anger has a God-given reason to exist from defending the innocent, to defending our boundaries and for standing up against evil. Milquetoast panty waist preachers will preach "Never be angry" and "Never judge" but this is one reason evil is allowed to run rampant in this world, because the "good people" with working consciences have been told to quell any protest or speaking out. Excuses are made for the wicked. I do not trust people who say "Never be angry!". In my experience most have been stood against justice and have sought to silence whistle-blowers in this world. They want you feeling guilty for your emotions, so you shut down and shut up. I believe God mandates certain behavior on my part, in not seeking revenge, and in trying to live a decent life, but is anger itself a sin? Anger in cases of severe abuse can keep you alive. It can keep you from being broken. The "Never be Angry" crowd, just don't get it. They would tell a rape victim, shut up and stop trying to punch your rapist in the face. I am not a pacifist. 

One thing I am kind of a different Christian, maybe like an "outsider artist", an "outsider Christian", the white picket-fence people who look and act so proper while some are decent people who had good lives, others are just with the appearance of righteousness.  Sugar-candy Christians are the ones who tell people "Don't rock the boat, "Ignore the fact Rev Perv is hanging out all hours with a 16 year old!" and "Hug the Vampire!" [a la Smakintosh's video I mentioned in another article]

I don't go with the "be nice"-"sugar-coaters" who barely believe Satan exists anymore. One reason sex abuse, and spiritual abuse is so rife in so many of the churches, is because the "good" people are told to forgive the "refusing to repent" reprobates and shut down all feelings of outrage. I left the Catholic church in 2002, when I was born again. I would have left alone finding out what a pedophile factory that place became and how the orders from the top were to protect the child-abusers. Of course sex abuse and other abuses are in every religion and denomination, but I have thought about for years why do so many stand silently by when so much evil is afoot? Most are shamed and told they are "too angry," "too bitter". This has been said to every activist in every cause in the world and that includes those who stand against fat discrimination. The message are "Get with the status quo!", "You are too angry!", "You can't forgive!", "You are bitter".

I remember telling one woman, in the Catholic church I left, "I am so disgusted!" She got upset and told me sex abusers need love too and the pedophile protecting bishops knew best.  Here is a place where people don't even understand how evil works and how bending down before and offering pearls before swine allows you be rend and how they want people to shut down emotions in their service.

If you are an ACON remember one thing about your family? How you were UTTERLY IGNORED unless they were busy beating you or cuffing you on the ear or doing a put down session? Your feelings didn't matter during the times they weren't telling you to shut up.

 I was thinking about something the other day, how mine simply did not care how I felt and told me I had no right to my emotions and today I say I do. The me of today will feel what I feel and own it. No one else has the right to tell me what to feel. No one else can read my mind or know what I have been through or not. Raise your hand if you have several chronic disease that have almost ended your life several times via medical neglect and abuse. No? Who are you to judge me then?

I have my good days where I am focusing on the myriads of life--comics, nature and time with husband and friends, but then bad moments still can come. I cried the other day, thinking my mother still gets to spend time with siblings who love her, while mine do not. Mother's Day obviously puts us all on edge. I spent years being told I was not allowed to have feelings, and to be frank if someone feels anger or bitterness, I hope they can deal with it in the proper fashion but for someone to tell someone who has been severely abused they don't have the right to their own emotions is completely and utterly wrong. They are not coming from a place of love or compassion but one of false judgment and "emotion control".  They are joining the chorus of narcissists and abusers who told us to hide our tears and squelch our anger and take the abuse.

Well forget that.......


  1. People seem to think we've been speaking our truth since we were born and that we should just put a lid on it. They don't seem to realize that for most of us the awareness of our abuse is pretty fresh and we are, for the first time in our lives, giving ourselves a voice to speak our truth. Being silenced for 40 years or more will make a person damn eager to be heard.

  2. I agree. I was silenced most of my life, so when they tell us to put a lid on it after 40 years of being shut up, it's pretty intense. Some ACONs just figured out they were abused. I just went NC with the entire family a month ago. Two for the main narcs, it is pretty fresh for most of us. I don't trust anyone who is about silencing people and telling them what to feel.

  3. My mother used to say, "I'll give you something to cry about too." And any emotions were dealt with harshly. Funny, that I can't quite piece together yet, how mother loved my humiliation, but not crying allowed. Oh well, that's for another day.

    Not too many people want or know how to deal with emotions anymore. What's wrong with just putting on the kettle and settling in to some good old girl talk, even in my remote and old town location, its hard to find that. Or someone will do that but pass judgement and tell you how you should feel.

    It does feel good to talk about emotions we weren't allowed to feel for a very long time.

    1. Sorry you dealt with that Joan. I know it was tough for me too. I think they loved the humilitation too. It seems to me people are shutting down more and more. Some of it is trauma from a society spinning too fast and getting more complicated but many are being hurt by narcissists who see emotions as a "weakness" and go for the jugular. It is like society is a cult where "keeping sweet" is required on the job and off. I have close friends to do girl talk with but I do think for most people that is growing rarer and rarer. Even coming out of the fog we need time to admit our emotions and deal with them.

  4. Satan exists. I can show you where he is buried. Not dead, just buried.

  5. I'm glad you wrote this article, as I am tired of dealing with covert, elaborate smear campaign against me and other ACON by narcs in our lives. People who are lucky enough to be born to or adopted by normal people do not understand elaborate smear campaign and why narcs want us victims to move on, forgive and forget, make peace, be nice, and stay quiet. They don't want people to do some Occupy Narcs movement on them, thus, somebody like Unlucky Otter has been smearing against you and your blogging friends for the past ten days.

    Well, some sociopath narcs murdered their victims (soul murder) with their smear campaign at the time when 90% of the world population do not understand us victims of narcissistic. My adopted narc mother was a soul murderer who killed my adopted brother’s soul. I found out from looking at background checks websites online that one of his address was an inpatient mental hospital, meaning he was in an involuntary commitment mental hospital program. Because of what happened to him and several of my adopted siblings, I will not see my adopted narc mother again.

    I agree that we are entitled to and have rights to feel the ways we do, and that our feelings and reactions to abuses are our normal responses. Anybody who would tell us otherwise do not understand the basic psychology of how people react to aversive stimuli, physical, emotional, psychologist, gaslighting abuse, loss of friends and love from our relative are examples of aversive stimuli. They don’t understand or are ignorant of how our brain react to aversive stimuli and abuse. I am showing you an example of what our brain scan looks like when somebody rejects us. I remember crying when I saw that picture when I took the Sciences of Psychology course several years ago (


    1. Thanks Anon, I hope it will help you deal with your smear campaigns. I've had smear campaigns hurt me badly. Since we are on a screen here, I walk around with disabilities that show, and the weight alone, makes it harder for me. One of Otter's commenters even used weight, which did not surprise me. They wanted me to feel for narcs, using the weight angle. I would say narcissism is far more of a CHOICE then weight even for normal non-Lippy or endocrine cases, because we have seen how much all the dieting fails. We dont see mal. narcs attempted to get a conscience and most aren't darkening the doors of the therapist office like many overweight people are running to nutritionists and diet centers. It can hurt when people say bad things about you, but online it is something one has to get used to. I've had so many fat haters and bashers here, this is nothing compared to it. It is sad, to be told "you are bitter, and hateful" for being upset at narc sympathizing. I stand where I stand and the other person does too, two divergent paths. Maybe she feels called to "help the narcs" but that isn't a wall I'd like to bang my head on, I tried enough on the personal level.

      I agree people born into normal families do not understand the depths of this and what is done to people's lives. Many have their health destroyed, some their minds and many die--suicides etc. They are soul murdered or have attempted soul murder done on them. I almost didn't make it out. I almost died of my health problems in my 20s even. I don't need judgmental people telling me I have no right to feel upset when I just lost an ENTIRE family to the controls and machinations of a narc. I would like to ask people like this did your whole family just go down in an airliner? Because this is what it feels like. .

      Most of world will always defend the narcs. I do not know why? Love of evil? Seduction of evil? Kind and good people are boring and the mean evil ones got money to toss around? Even the admiration of celebrities and others who make their sociopathy known is scary in this society. It is something that has worsened every year I've gotten older. Even fashion models in ads, doing the whole "dead eye" "Im above it all" look bother me.

      Yes your brother sounds like he was one of the casualties, how horrible! When you see multiple people becoming mentally or physically ill, that is a narc vampire on the loose, hurting and destroying people. So glad you went NC.

      I think we have the right to our feelings too. I have an unusual life full of tons of chronic physical pain but I know for any ACON the mental and other pain for us is very much the same. Anyone who tells us otherwise YES does not understand basic psychology. Aversive stimuli of a lifetime of abuse, rejection and for most of us these things lasted into adulthood. Oh that is very sad with the link, the physical picture of rejection :'(

  6. In addition, people who invalidated our feeling and brush us off are showing us that they are either narcs, narc enablers or normal people who have been exposed to a culture that tell us to shove our feelings aside and to "forgive and forget, move on, grow up, be a man or woman, that's life, everything happens for a reason," and so on.Nobody has rights to tell us how to feel, what to say, or how we should react toward narcissistic abuse. Years before I went NC, some narc classmates, so-called friends, or those who I thought would be my friends told me that I was wrong or not a good Christian for being mad at my adopted narc mother or people who mistreated me. I also dealt with condescending people before I went NC. Then after I went NC and finished consulting with a therapist, I had to cut off many people who invalidated my feelings by telling me how to feel about my abuses and claiming that God was behind people who abused me.

    There were some so-called Christians in my college’s Intervarsity Christian group who told me that God set me up with a narc woman to adopt me because it was the only way I would become a Christian. I was very angry with God for years. Now, I know it was one of lies that narcs told me about God. Sadly, there are narcs working for Intervarsity organization nationwide, just so you know. Please do not attack me, Peeps, and other victims of spiritual abuses for telling you this. Yes, there are narcs working for Intervarsity and Athletes in Action! So they abused me and other normal people or ACONs. They also wanted me and other victims to enable evil people and abusers and reunited with my adopted narc mother. When they knew I refused to submit to abuse and reunite with a woman who still abused my adopted siblings, they excommunicated me from their organization and smeared against me to those who befriended me. Today, they are not nice to me in Facebook and one person who was my good friend in Intervarsity visited my city without calling me to see him or her for a coffee or to see him or her for an hour.

    I remember a good-living so-called "Christian friend" telling me that I was foolish or a bad Christian because I was angry with her for "correcting" or "rebuking" me when in reality she gaslit me. She sent me to a retreat one weekend and referred me to a narc pastor who worked for Athletes in Action. He was a national director of the program and he was a narc. I had a bad weekend because a narc pastor made absolute statements about God and I was upset with the idea that I had to give up on the idea of marriage and having children rather than being a bride of Jesus Christ.

  7. He made a statement to the effect of saying, “God wants you to forget about everything else and focus on him 100% as you focus on your athletic career. He wants 100% commitment from you as you made 100% commitment to your success in your athletic career.” I thought it sounds like a dictatorship and told him that. When I talked about marriage and family and a normal life after college, he told me that God wants 100% commitment from me, not partial commitment and walked away. He ignored me for the rest of the day. Somebody said that God wanted me to be totally committed to him that I will be a bride of Jesus Christ rather than an “earthly husband.

    It did not sound like a normal family God planned in the bible and I asked the narc pastor and so-called friends questions. They walked away and ignored me. I walked to them asking them question, I tapped on their shoulders, walked and waved my hands. They walked away and ignored me! I never had this experience. My so-called friend did not defend me or talked to me. She walked away, ignored me, and the pastor was emotionally abusive telling her to ignore me. I told them I wanted to go home and I wanted her to give me a ride home!

    Athletes in Action was and is worse than Intervarsity, as I will explain later. I found out years later that these two "Christian groups" are false Christian groups who opened doors for narcs to get into ministry, to get into a job that pays them well and to take jobs away from normal people who could have been more compassionate and empathetic to people who did not like false platitudes or unloving lifestyles. If you had bad experiences with these groups or other types of organizations, it was an example of narcs working there and you had been upset with people who invalidated your feelings, thoughts and concerns. It is not only Christian group that turned people away, narcs also work in social services organizations, hospitals, human resources offices, colleges and universities, and law enforcement offices as well as in psychiatric wards.

    1. I think these people were spiritually abusive to you anon, especially the one telling you to give all to athletics when a more healthy path is allowing sports to be part of your life not ALL OF IT, or 100 percent as they shouted. Sadly spiritual abuse is real and religion will be used to shame people and when narcs get their hands on it, it can be devestating. They will act as if they are speaking for God and telling you, that you must obey [actually them] or you will go to hell. When it comes to reprobates, the Christian churches--most of them and other organizations are failing. Smakintosh did a video on one church telling people to "hug vampires" [evil people] when the bible says to FLEE from them not just once but in several places. Often it's not just therapists telling people to RECONCILE, but churches and pastors telling people to embrace wicked people and that everything is their fault in not keeping the seared people happy. This article was a reminder where I could escape that false thinking.

      I have faced narcs wearing the masks of Christians within churches in my past, who told me that I was out of faith to be so sick, and with poverty problems. Many would tell me because my life had gone so badly, this means I was a "bad Christian". Here too they believed falsehoods of the prosperity gospel to lower the boom. There are many religious places too where one must always be smiling and together and it is like everyone wants a perfect facade. If you ever go into a church where all the women looked like they stepped out of Stepford Village, be very careful. God wants real people and they are out there, but I have seen the spiritually abusive places too and ones where narcs ruled.

    2. Thinking of the perfect facades that some are so invested in, they will expect you to conform in looks, emotions, and words. If you don't they want you out of there. Cults automatically require all of that.

      Timothy 3:5-7King James Version (KJV)

      5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

      Narcs are very much into appearances.

  8. These groups I mentioned above are examples of groups who turned people away from God, mainly because narcs are working for these organizations and narcs made us feel worse about ourselves and hate God for making our lives harder. I just realized that last year! When I told my therapist about my experiences with Athletes in Action retreat in our next appointment, he told me that a woman who sent me to that retreat, that pastor, and other people who ignored me were cold-hearted people who were not true Christians. He thought I should cut that woman off. Oh, by the way, that therapist has been a Christian for years!

    I think Lucky Otter and most narc enablers wants us to feel sorry for narcs who claimed they could not "get a cure" for their NPD, when they made a choice as adults. Instead of listening to us victims, they demonized us and blew us off like most of our relatives and so-called friends. Some are narcs themselves who just got connected with like-minded fellow narcs who dealt with similar reactions from us ACONs or their victims who were angry when they ruined our lives. Their childhood narcissism and experiences with abuse did not make them narcs, and there are many victims of child abuse and narc teenagers who became normal adults. My friends from my high school and early college days were good examples. There was an aspie man who became popular in Facebook and in reunions, since his formerly narc classmates who used to make fun of him are no longer narcs.

    For example, there had been news about high school and college students choosing to plagiarize and cheat on exams or their projects in order to get ahead while there are students who chose not to cheat and work hard for their grades. When these students got caught for cheating and their university disciplined them, some students made a choice to blame their professors or TAs while some took responsibility for their choice to cheat. Another choice is that people made on how they approach to their faith in


    1. I think they want us to feel sorry for narcs too. Its strange, what are our tears but something for narcs to drink and then laugh? Havent most ACONs already gone down narc appeasement highway, after years of trying to make mothers and fathers and siblings and others love us who were incapable of the emotion?

      People either reject their conscience or embrace wrongdoing, like those students. It is scary less and less feel guilt over cheating. Why go to school then if these students don't want to really learn anything and it's all about the As on the test for appearance? I remember being told "you have to cheat to get ahead".

  9. Many people choose narcissism and being mean over letting God transforming them into becoming caring people, which is far different from enabling or feeling sorry for narcs “who could not heal” or “find a therapist to help them.” People who gone through counseling or letting God helping them rather than becoming narcissistic "Christians", for example, tend to have different attitudes or outlook than those who are racist, fat haters, women haters, rapists, pregnancy entrappers, gold diggers, legal abusers, child molesters, mean-spirited, smear campaigners, gossipers, backstabbers, liars, jerks, trolls, narcs enablers, lovers of sociopaths, lovers of narc women or men, men or women who marry a narc, etc.

    People could make a choice on whether he would accept Jesus Christ and let God help him with their problem with NPD, sociopathy, psychopathy, or BPD, or they could make a choice on consulting with a therapist on their issues with their relationships with others or how to reach their goals without hurting others, such as not backstabbing against their
    coworkers in order to get a job promotion or "get ahead in life." Narcs and sociopaths know what is right and wrong, but they don't care. They made a choice to go out for whatever benefit them the most and disregard what others said about their actions and behavior. They want to screw people over and get their goals reached. In order to get cooperation from others, they found narc enablers to help them and target those who are not willing to help them to reach their selfish goals. It is their choice and it is not based on their being adult victims of child abuse or having screwed up brain or biochemistry in their bodies.

    When they ruined our lives, we get angry and frustrated. Some of us went to counseling in order to find out why we were treated differently than our equally capable peers who similar personality and interests as ours. I went to a counseling because I had trouble finding a husband and I was treated differently than women who had similar personality and perspectives as I did. I found out from counseling that my adoptive narc mother was abusive and it was not my fault. I told my therapist about religious platitudes such as "everything happens for a reason," "God has plans for your life," "You
    sow what you reap," "You don't get something for nothing," "God set you up with this woman because he knew it would make you a Christian," or "God is testing you." My therapist told me that these baby Christians have cold hearts and that some were
    not true Christians at all.

    Years later when I learned about NPD and met Christian ACONs, I realized that these soc-called Christians were narcs or narc enablers who re-victimized me after they heard me complaining about their obvious like-minded "Christian woman," which was my adopted narc mother. I remember being angry with God because of what these so-
    called "Christian" narcs told me. Now, I realized that these people examples of false Christians who turned me against God. ‘They invalidated my feelings because they were narcs. We have rights to feel the ways we do. Please remember that article I posted. I still cry when I see that picture of a brain scan of a person who was rejected.

  10. Another article of a study discussing the brain scan of a rejected person:

  11. The decision for God and for right and conscience is opposed to the decision of evil and choosing narcissism, to become one or to become an enabler. One way people end up in evil and Scott Peck referred to this was by becoming in thrall to someone else who was evil. The Bible warns bad company corrupts good morals,-hope I am not switching that around but basically who you keep company with and see as your role models will include you for good or evil.

    Some people choose to become caring and associate themselves with the "underdogs" of society, the poor, disabled, minorities, suffering and others who have faced problems or who are outside the system. They do not seek status or the things of this world. They seek to live for God or even for conscience.

    Sadly with the messages of this world, people are influenced to worship the powerful, the narcissists, the sociopathic controllers, the sold out shallow celebrities. They want to identify with the powerful. There is a reason in human society while the most wicked always take the reigns of power. Sadly this has to do with departure from God and conscience.

    Narcs and sociopaths do at a certain point become that way and CHOOSE the searing of their conscience. Why would anyone sympathize with people who have chosen the darkness instead of the light? And what use is that sympathy among the narcs? It means nothing to them. They don't care if someone loves them or hates them even as long as they are getting their narcissistic supply met. People are objects to them and if one "toaster" is smiling and another "toaster" has a frown they could care less as long as they do what they tell them.

    I am glad you had a good therapist who got through the false messages you were given and told you the abuse was not your fault. She was wise to warn you of false Christians with cold hearts.

    I feel sadness when someone throws their chips in with the narcs. I saw this happen in my family time and time again. Don't you think I'd want one cousin here by my side, enjoying some time with me, but no they had to keep those narcs pleased.

    You are right it is narc enablers, who show no warmth and blame a person for problems with no mercy.Sadly they give out messages that are not at all from God or even His Word but from false narc preachers and organizations, where people give out deceit to keep in power.

    I felt like crying too seeing the person being rejected and it makes sense that rejection shows even in the brain. It hurts.

    1. correction, include should be "influence you for evil"

  12. Anon, you sound pretty normal to me. What got old with my mother was that if you were expecting to build up a bank of goodwill with her you were sadly mistaken. I waited on my mother hand and foot for decades but the first time I defied her she cut me like she was slicing bacon. No loyalty, no recognition I am her son. Just off with his head like she was French royalty and I was living in her alley and tapping into her electricity with a make shift extension cord.

    1. That's how I was treated too Q, like an interloper draining off her electricity. The whole family treated me like I was some homeless stranger that wandered into their house. I hate to say it but the "we wanna to love the narcs" people are going to feel the disappointment one day. As I wrote the narcs don't care about their love or hate, they just want your service and attention. Once they don't need you, a person is disposable.

  13. I want to write this, anger does not turn anyone into a narc. I can have steam coming out of ears night and day for 2 years, and I still won't be a narc. :P